outside in & inside out, you're my meat... you're fat & forty, but lordy, you're my meat

heck, what they got away w/lyrically in the pre-no-holds-barred musical era!... for me, clever & humorous euphemism & metaphor's so much more fun than let-it-all-hang-out lyrics. to express salacious affection this way, w/a smile & a poke, is much more thrilling, i think, since comprehension's embedded w/delight & surprise. :)
the other night, nuts from the incessant, battering wind up here, i jumped in the truck & headed down for music in the southland (if my new dress fit, i would go; if it did not, i'd stay home & watch larry sanders to drown out the teeth-grinding wind), then tagged along to norm's for eggs & jam-slathered toast w/some bakersfield gals & friends, then checked in at a swell little motel off the long beach circle, a place i love but will keep to my greedy self cause it's cheap & vintagey & humble, but you can email me & i'll tell you about it... w/o the distraction of my ipod (which ran away last wk), i hit the bed by 4 am, which enabled me to next day hit the swap meet!! i found great treasures, best of which was a piano-shaped jewelry box, as well as an i-hope-appropriate gig dress & some juicy red & orange bell peppers & a girl scout shirt & some millet for my birds!! i drove around long beach for quite some time (cause i was lost) & found envy prickling me, as it does not when i go to other beach towns, but LB seems to have that desirable combo (for me) of funky & fun & pretty & rough... i just started to get an attitude, so sought comfort at one dollar bookstore in an old barnes & noble @ LB's pike shopping center, an overwhelming assembly, tons upon tons of tomes! my biggest score was a learn-japanese-using-manga title for my niece; there was a whole lotta junk, but for every $1 you spend, the bookstore donates a book to the local school district, which is a terrific idea! too bad more communities don't have this kind of place (one dollar bookstore locations)... obsessed w/locating a restaurant i'd read about, i drove & drove in long, long ovals & angles for an hr before resorting to old-time navigation: the thomas guide, which took me happily to a gigantic booth at king's hawaiian on w sepulveda near the 91/107, a wonderful place!! languid, swooning hawaiian tunes played as i gazed upon a giant aquarium & ate sweet rolls, rice, kim-chee, potato salad, & various juicy-sweet bbq... delicious! the place also has a lovely bakery w/cakes fecund w/fruits & creams, but i was about to bust, so headed for home, a fat smile on my face. http://www.kingshawaiianrestaurants.com/
then i hit the gaseous parking lot known as the 405.
the only good thing about the "drive," if you could call the interminable inching progress i made that, is it took so dang long, i hit my area in time to view the frazier mountain sunset filled w/sighing clouds out of maxfield parrish...
now the wind's still blowing... wonder what escape will present itself next?
a good day to you. may the wind not blow your skirt up.
unless you wish it to do so.

el vente malo

it's whipping & crashing & swirling outside, crazy & violent & scary... there are songs about wind, but the ones that most sound like THIS wind would have to be smashing, thundering messes like the birthday party/nick cave: "release the bats" or "tupelo"... yes, shakespeare's witch pricked her thumb & meant macbeth when she said it, but when the whistling, moaning wind storms down the mountainside & bashes into my house, i think of haunting & madness, the headless horseman coming for ichabod crane, devils, things that knock at the walls, monsters trying to get in, & i shiver: "something wicked this way comes." the wind blows here w/pure fury, w/such greater violence than i recall in bakersfield, as if it's meting out punishment. this can't be mere weather, my magic magnifying mind tells me: this just can't be good; so i hide in bed w/covers wrapped over my head, like when i was a kid & suffocated myself under blankets so dracula wouldn't kill me while i slept.
the wind brought poe mourning, "killing & chilling" his annabelle lee (actually, that line referred to tb or consumption, i think)... but this wind, blasting & shaking & sighing & screaming, even, doesn't make me sad; it just scares the crap out of me.
i know soon, tho not as soon as i'd like, morning will come, the sun will rise, the birds will leave hiding & frolic & chirp & flutter at my window in their lovely way, & blessed day will bring reprieve, relief, return to sanity for both the skies & for me.
stupid wind. i hate you!!! soon you'll be gone, & i'll be happy.

tweedly-deedly-dee, dee-dee-dee-dee...

(rest in peace, don cornelius of soul train. may your suffering have ended w/the pulling of that trigger & may your family have peace sooner than later. depression is a horrid monster. what a way to go.) :(
love the drum part on the song ref'd at top (rockin robin). used to clear out the cal state pub playing that, sea cruise, maybelline. anyone who didn't want to hear those songs should've left, anyhow, & fallen in a deep mudhole... the other day at practice w/karling, cesareo & i switched instrus on a run-thru of jackson; i was terrible, but it was fun. i love the punishing pain of trying to keep the kick drum going, or playing thru as muscles scream at a show; the way we play, esp in dusk devils, is kinda like going for a long jog.
well, the birds have been all over outside today, which is por quoi the original reference. crap - that reminds me i'm sposed to be studying french. going there in april w/becky & fabi to play music & tourist around; amazing! becky even sez i can open the tv show we're gonna do w/fats domino's "blue monday" since she says the studio has that same name...
mind seems to be hopping around a bit. am watching a show on the secrets of the pyramids. reading wonder woman as well as 100 volunteer vacations & 101 foods that will save your life & also rumi & jim thompson. applied to volunteer this summer at the gesundheit institute in WV, that clown hospital run by the great humanitarian doctor who "prostituted" himself to be subject of that maudlin robin wms movie to draw attn to his good cause... wonder if they'll accept me? wonder what tomorrow will bring? wonder wonder wonder wonder won: who wrote the book of love?
had a visitor yesterday & today. we drove in circles & ate at denny's (2-4-6-8 menu is cheaper than cooking, hate to say). i love having visitors. i love being home. i love being gone.
what's up with dusk devils? we've been sick, so will get some percussion personnel soon... gigs are upcoming w/karling & the atomics (KA & her "bakersfield band -- aren't they cute?" she said at last show & inside i winced cause i felt so uncute, but outside i grinned like a chipmunk) & w/becky (cattie ness & revenge) & w/dusk devils, even tho we are flying bassless for the moment... at big's the other night, we opened for big sandy, as i had w/becky the wk before in fresno; the set went well, wild & rowdy, as had the set the wk before w/revenge; KA & atomics practiced beforehand in the dining rm at big's & i almost wiped out the whole table of drinks hitting a volleyball that was for some reason in the rm; then i had a panic attack over my fat arms & karling so kindly cooed, "show me your arm," then, when i'd removed my sweater to show her the ham hock, "why, that's a perfectly nice arm; that's a fine arm," as if she were consoling a child, & in a moment of clarity i realized, stop being so gd self-centered!! this is her show!!! then karling added, "besides, you look like a crazy cat lady, wearing your sweater," but i'd already decided i'd ditch it... during the set, bsp got to sing "jackson" w/karling & i did some don rich on her buck owens songs, in keys so high, i felt i might flip inside out... afterward, cesareo told me about astrology & what'll work or not in my love life (drat!) & bsp & i watched big sandy for a while before hitting the road & then it was 5 am, then 5 pm & i was heading from bako to home in that post-show funk, so took the long way back along southern country roads & came upon a desolate long-abandoned oil company & explored & picked it as the sun set, accidentally disturbing a roosting white-faced owl & roadrunner in two separate bldgs (there were 8 buildings to explore!) & 3 cottontails, too, then i had to bail cause darkness fell, so i walked around the truck stops near the grapevine & by the time i got home, i felt really swell (... long phone call...) well, my friend & i just yakked for a long while, speculating about ancient technology & lamenting the burning of the alexandrian library & he told me about a book he read about joan of arc, sounds interesting, written in 1st person, even, & now i'm out of gas, hoping to catch the bus tomorrow morn cause i'm so sick of driving, so now it's time to watch more roku or read a bit more or hey, here's a novel idea: go to bed. :)
hope you're well, if you've read this far. :) xoxoxoxo

blablablablablablabla

here's a pic art fein took at the elvis show of me w/the amazing ruby friedman... ruby told me she comes from a show biz family & that her mom was on broadway. what a different upbringing than what i had!... it was a good, friendly, solid night, as i described below... lately's been a blur: bakersfield, fresno, LA, back home, repeat. thurs was practice w/karling & crew; i marvel at how lovely she always looks & acts, no matter how many "duh'ee mah-tee'nies" she's had: i would be a puking, blacked-out wreck, which is in pt why, today, i don't go there... had a fine drive up to fresno, a date shake from bravo farms in traver, got a little rm off the 99 bc i'd been feeling so poorly from the bad, bad valley air & didn't know how well i'd be able to hang w/the friendly cattie party crew; also was just a bit too puny to change into show clothes at a travel center, which had been my original plan hitting the road. our show opening for big sandy & the fly rite trio was a solid, blasting kind of contribution. i popped two energy gums right before downbeat & was bouncing off the walls, but felt i hit all my parts pretty solidly, which always is gratifying. "yeah, we gotta little psychobilly thing going on," becky said when i told her how loud my side of the stage had been... was sposed to hit the trout's blues jam w/bsp & craig garrison that next day, but my head was really killing me from the smog, which rain & wind just seemed to kick up, so that was a no-go. (home, my headache's now gone. stupid valley, so beautiful on my drive home yesterday, that south edge of the valley before the grapevine, all expansive gentle farmland & heartbreaking sky, yes, the valley's like a bad relationship you just can't be rid of, love in a sick way, yet can't stand.) later hit a truly-$1-type flick in which young up-&-comers in moscow battled aliens who turns out were mining earth & its people for food... so cool to see humans-vs-evil ufos blast it out in red square, in the GUM dept store (which that next day i read about in an architecture book from the library). i've always been intrigued by russian culture (& its handsome men), so i definitely got my dollar's worth. tho i know it's a "sign of the times," am grateful bakersfield's got TWO discount movie theatres: the starplex on california avenue & regency at east hills (my friend & i love going to the latter, a dilapidated, empty, bombed-out mall, feeling like denizens from an end-of-the-world or george romero flick, enjoying the nickel arcade & occasional slice of pizza)... well, this is enough for now. today's brought lots of rain & some slushy snow up here at my house. the dogs have given up trying to burrow thru my floors to capture the varmints living under the house & are snoozing loudly. it's a good day, will be a good wk, & this wkend will be show w/karling opening for big sandy down in OC, next wk more practices & auditioning of young rockabilly doghouse bassist as well as powwow w/becky & the girls to further plan our april-in-paris music tour & visit... hope you who read this have a swell week. this has been my blablabla for today.

papa alpha india november sierra uncle charlie kilo sierra....ppphhhhhtttthhh!!!

awesome evening last summer -- 1st time brian p had seen james & his blasting band... i didn't know i was gonna film this til the song started & i realized w/a start what a gas we all were in for. this is one of james's own compositions; like me, but even more so, he is a train nut, so to combine that theme w/blues seems natch for him.
well, how are you? my guts are killing me; this must be what labor feels like. i've accomplished next-to-nothing in the past few days: some household chores, larry sanders marathon, surfing net, catching up on old new yorker mags, each moment out of bed being so much toil... oh, this cursed pain. arrghhh. i realized 30 mins ago two of my friends are suffering horrible stomach pain, far worse than mine; is it the stars? coincidence? worry about friends? psychosomatic? "that bug that's been going around?" pain's the body's alert system: we are out of homeostasis! do something before the ship explodes!! sometimes i know, tho, recovering from illness just takes time. the "do something" means lie low, stupid, & rest. owwwwww...
bill cosby's joke (paraphrased): "my wife told me, 'would you like to know what labor is like?' 'yes,' i said, 'i would,' so she tells me, 'well, take hold of your bottom lip,' 'uh-uh, ok, i'm doin it, honey, what's next...' 'now pull it over your head...'"
we used to listen to bill cosby records all the time when we were kids, especially the routines "go carts," "chickenheart," and "tonsils." i'm comforted remembering all this. nearly anything can be made funny -- hence kenneth mars' character in "the producers," or singers like james who take the real blues of living & transform it into something wild & astonishing, or a thousand other examples of tears of pain becoming tears of laughter & joy via the alchemy of comedy... some might argue, in fact, that humor derives from pain, but that don't wash w/me as an absolute. whatever your take on it, i do believe that blessed is he who laughs, but even more blessed is he(she) who makes another laugh... time to go lie down. and watch something funny. if i'm lucky, on a whoopee cushion. :)

Experiment

blogging from iPod. Slow. Cumbersome. Dificil. But want to write so I may remember some pts of my life plus maybe tell others of fun experiences shared or to try... And am too full & lazy to get off this heater-side rocker & walk over to the computer sitting in the cold dining rm... This wkend at last sec was sposed to be spiritual retreat, but got up too late at hostel, so instead spent day in sta monica. Ate lotsa tasty food: hamburger night at the hostel, norm's, izzy's (matzo ball soup, latkes w sour cream & applesauce, rye bread that went wow in your mouth), rode beach cruisers from sm to marina del rey, plus thru the big crowded colorful mess of Venice beach. Never have ridden a beach cruiser bike: it is effortlessly comfortable, feeling like sailing; smoothly gliding thru cool marine air was lovely & dreamy. Another experience that was amazing was boogie-boarding; I was so pleased to find myself able to plunge right into the cold surf (helped by the cold showers I now take; read about them in bk "secrets of ppl who never get sick") & wade way out, freezing but exhilarated, & feel so strong, happy, clean, free, & like flying, riding the wave... I guess surfers don't think much of boogie-boarders in general, but what do I care? Can't believe how much I love it. I mean, I'm a lion(ess): we like sun and earth; I am normally water-averse. But this sport, if you can call it that, is instantly doable, like running or playing piano or singing: no fancy equipment, no reeds, no rules, no embouchure needed: just find a wave, catch it & sail sail sail... Also this wkend, started watching the tv show treme, set in the Nola neighborhood right after Katrina. It's terrific: John goodman, Melissa leo, a bunch of actor-musicians as well as real musicians like Kermit ruffins and Alan toussaint... It's the only show I've seen where most all of the characters are musicians! That alone is interesting... Only downfall is Steve zant, who plays a very ugly whiny know-it-all of a type I've known & find particularly odious... Today, cattie ness & the revenge showed up here on the mountain & we ate pizza, cookies, salami cheese French bread, drank soda & coffee, & played played played music til the sun went down in prep for show next fri opening for big sandy in Fresno. After they all hit the road, I played piano for quite a while longer, & looks like now it's getting time to wind down on this cold but cozy evening & once again give thanks for a head perhaps in the clouds, but feet on ground, w/the remembrance to not borrow trouble, but instead be grateful for breath, shelter, food, rest, & those other essentials: prayer/meditation, music, love -- personified in earth's humanity as well as its flora & fauna... I'd insert here a quote from Thich nhat hanh, but am still too full to get up & find the poem a friend read to me, so instead will sign off to pick up the roku clicker & watch the munsters, I think... To reference rumi, may we all treat every guest to the house of our soul as welcomed, bringing gifts & lessons, always remembering that each guest is only temporary...

blablablablablablablabla

the blablabla never ends! how bout for you?
fat sparrows in tree! so cute! just got off phone w/a few ppl & while we spoke, i watched a black cat in the arroyo loll in the sun & survey the bushes as if he were king of the jungle. animals: heartening, fun, mysterious, & w/o the many problems that emanate from the "higher mind" of their homo sapiens brothers!
gotta get this place cleaned up & pack to head down the hill. the kern transit here runs to-from FP-bksfld, only $3.50 one way - a lot cheaper than driving! i'll walk about 1 mile down to the stop & board for this little adventure, which i've not taken for some months... yes, it's easy to glide into happy sloth, being semi-retired like i am these days... i try not to feel guilty, but instead be grateful. in this society, i believe these days i get to live a rather unusual existence: not working, living off savings, playing music, enjoying my life! i know, tho, i'm in this life-place because i've always been able to save my dough, thru gainful employment, long marriage to wealthy, hard-working husband which allowed me to further save my own monies, thrift taught us by our father, & lack of my own children... i so love kids, & at times have pangs of wishing my life were different, but then i remember how silly it is to "borrow trouble," as donna would tell me, suffering over what isn't, so i think i'll just enjoy this while it lasts & leave the guilt to someone who deserves to feel thusly, like the violent or liar or hater or greedy...
anyways, the elvis show was really fun, tho lower-key for me than usual because NO BLASTERS were there this yr! phil alvin's been recuperating (i hope). bill bateman showed up, tho, vulpine, grinning, grayed, just to hang out. when i looked at the lineup (over 40 acts!), to my slight dismay i saw the only folks who didn't show up were my friends james & manuel... i was looking fwd to seeing them both! oh well... introduced by art as "one of the best secrets in rock n roll" (!!!), we did a very "up" set as dusk devils, w/rockabilly-punk cutie (women swoon over him, tho he is happily married!... all i know is, sure doesn't hurt to have attractive ppl in a band!) AJ on doghouse bass & smiling stevo, looking like a baby fidel castro in hat & cigar, on drums... then we played a short set w/cutie-pie karling, in lovely black dress, & i REALLY enjoyed backing her. in fact, that's pt of the reason i felt less nervous this year, i think: playing w/more than just my act for some reason calmed me, & how nice it was to get such compliments afterward from people like skip edwards, russell scott, dave stuckey, ronnie mack... however, i was BLOWN AWAY that my "biggest fan" that eve was the amazing & gorgeous ruby friedman!, who ran up to me & announced herself to be that. ruby adores jerry lee lewis, so that might've been the appeal. she also told me, "you do your eyes like mine" (tho her eye makeup is more theda bara & glamorous than my smeared egyptian eyes), complimented my bangs repeatedly, & told me she'd been drinking (as are most ppl in that setting), so maybe she was being especially kind under the sweet sway of drink, but in any case, she was happy, droll, intelligent, & fun to gab with!... heck, beautiful ruby, amazing chanteuse of powerful pipes & passionate performance (she blew away "fever" & "hound dog" -- w/big mama lyrics, of course!), told me she wants to get together to play music, even!! art's eyes glimmered when i told him that & he smiled. "that's what i do," he said, yoking his hands. "i put ppl together." excellent, art, & thank you so much, if you're putting me together w/ppl like wonderful ruby! her passion onstage is nearly unbeatable, & her voice & star presence are unlike any female i can think of... i know many amazing frontwomen (candye, karling, becky), but ruby puts her whole body into the show; her soul blazes, palpable when she's onstage; she's like a "force of nature," i'd say, a whirlwind, a hurricane.
prone to hyperbole, i can write such a thing & know what i mean... :)
yes, to continue to gush, i'd say her voice is one of the best i've ever heard, & her compositions, tho they tend to make me plunge bc i'm overly-sensitive & that's why i stick to performing happy music, are complex & deep & very real... the eccentric talented supernovas i get to rub elbows w/ -- ruby & james, primarily -- remind me of a great quote from oscar wilde: "be yourself. everyone else is taken." ...
here's a pic bsp took before we post-show hit the road for bako. the ride over & back w/the paxtons & stevo was low-key, friendly, & fun -- what a thing for which to give thanks! :) the music is swirling, exciting, barnstorming drama enough; in the rest of life i'd prefer (tho i know it can't always happen) to have friendliness, gentleness, kindness, love, even tenderness... good day to you who may read this. :)

elvis show today!

read below for info + to view flyer... meanwhile, here's a pic of karling abbeygate & i from last week's show. karling likes monsters, too. this is a nice thing. :) my outfit for tonight is half elvis, half can-can girl. plus ripped-up hose. i hope that'll look more punk than bag lady... but in the end, who cares!! we'll put on the best show we can for the crowd. :) i wish i knew what times some of my friends will be on, esp since we'll miss pt of the show practicing... it'll be fun to ride w/the band & to play w/wild aj & friendly stevo (as well as bsp)... hope any who read this have a lovely sunday elvis-birthday-day...

my first love

this looks very much like the one that sits in my folks' house, which i grew up playing & will have in my home again someday whenever i settle down "for good"... it's never let me down! i let myself down when interacting w/it, like during the 11 yrs i didn't really play & would try when tanked & loaded up & just humiliate myself & embarrass ppl around me, or when i don't sit & play it enough these days... our folks, dr spock-era parents, never made us do anything we didn't want to. but mama made me practice piano. "you could pick out melodies when you were 5 years old," she told me. "we could tell you had a talent for it & it seemed wrong to let that go to waste." before i fell into bad habits, i got pretty good cause once i got past the whining, frustrating stage, something went click & i could hardly satisfy my desire to play. hours each day. hours!! i love my famly, who never went crazy as i, ocd-like, played some pieces five, ten, fifteen, 100 times -- ad nauseum! (this may've in part driven my sister out of the house, tho, into the arms of her punk-rock crew of happy teenaged misfits). :)
i couldn't play a note w/o music until after about age 35, but once i got brave & tried, the ear i had as a kindergartner started coming back poco a poco & now i get to be at the joyous place where i so love picking songs out & riding those black & white rails sans manuscript... the process feels like god sometimes, i say: it feels like love & joy & excitement & lust & peace & catharsis (what soul in love w/music has not laughed or cried while playing??) & so much good...
my friend, my dear, dear friend, altho you'll never know it, i love you so & am so thankful to our folks for forcing me to practice when i hated it, cause from that has come companionship & connection w/magic.

train train, coming down the line... well it's bringin my baby cause (s)he's mine, all mine...

just was sent this sort of punkish flyer... the elvis show will be sunday & is bound to be swell.

cursed serotonin-deficient brain strikes again...

unfortunately, my thoughts are turning in this direction, so i'm writing about it cause i can feel it in me like a cold coming on & maybe if i write, i'll be able to better ward it off, like taking mega vitamin c would help a cold. if i were the hulk, i'd blast out huge & green & raging & wreaking havoc, then be ok... better to be the hulk than mister hyde, but nothing so dramatic as that happens; the world just goes blank, i go blank, an astronaut shot into space w/o a safety cord, like a dog i once saw get hit by a car, bounding & jumping & then bam, suddenly lifeless, spinning stiff as a board, helpless, a pet turned dead thing, what a horrible sight that was, & in this place, horrible pictures come right to the edge of thought & i hope they stay there & don't decide to manifest. one weird thing that happens is reality gets covered w/a darkening sheen, not like glass, but more like a soft dimness, a dirty plastic, maybe. for instance, i can tell that it's warm & golden & blue-skied out the window, but everything seems gray tho i clearly can see it is not, like maybe the colors are about to burn out. the birds are in the tree & still beautiful, but i can't feel them. the dogs are here, & i love them, but also i don't care.
a doctor would say certain neurochemicals are lacking or low. the program would say it's self-will run riot. a person i have known perhaps would say it's a case of my "untreated alcoholism." i don't wanna control things outside myself -- i know that's futile & aggravation & heartache... just seem rather cyclically to lose the will or ability to control my attitudes & responsibility for my own well-being. so i guess i'd vote that in my case, when bad brain combines w/fear-based ego, i start slipping toward the abyss. for me, it's nature and nurture both, i really believe.
what i know is, i've felt this so often in the past, since childhood!, & am still kicking, so as i sit here right now i know it'll pass.
gonna read what i wrote below about my new year.
this'll pass. for me & for you, if you ever get this way.

this sunday!!

art fein's elvis birthday bash at the echo, sunday jan 8, http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif4 pm

haaaaaaaaaapppy new year!!! and blablablablabla

- don't wanna write, so i will. 1st of all, here's a wonderful, wonderful song i found thru fb monster grottu orloff as well as pic of me from lisa paxton.
- now the enchilada: spent a few days between gigs down in north san diego county w/the mcgraws, generous, friendly, well-adjusted program friends whom i love so much... 1st pt of the visit was w/handsome bill as freddy worked. he created a breakfast item he dubbed "oatmeal jenny." delicious! 2nd half of visit i spent w/freddy @ swell women's mtg... after i'd left, they sent a characteristic msg: "the girls [their dear little dogs] want to know where that bettie page gal went." what a sweet visit i got to have, & how lucky i am to know so many good ppl these days!
- met tim maag @ wed's show w/cattie ness & revenge at big's, fullerton. tim was bassist for cramps, D.I., social distortion, alice bag band. punk royalty! he was running sound & said after that i have "chops" & wants me to record some "60s-style" organ pts w/a band i can't remember name of... i was really flattered. becky & all looked fantastic! adam played so loudly, however, all i heard was cacaphony... the audience seemed to enjoy, tho, & that's all that's important. after, i got to crash in becky & john's rm when adam took off w/his bro; becky woke up @ dawn's crack, as she always does, turning on lights & talking away as she always does. it's so annoying, it's kinda cute -- she's like the innocent, oblivious little girl waking up early on sat morn to watch cartoons, & everybody needs to wake up RIGHT NOW to watch them, too! :)
- tim maag was again @ new year's show @ big's -- this time i played w/karling abbeygate, as did bsp & aj & donnie... drummer was john "bermuda" schwartz, who's weird al's drummer & a real gentleman. we had a rocking, smoking set, having warmed up earlier @ aj's sis's house. that family has the nicest, cutest kids; homeschooled by mom, they interact politely & intelligently w/adults. unusual! it was a continuing delight to look over & see those little ones dancing & smiling, then coming over to ask questions about the piano, or just ask if i needed anything (wow!).... aj's family in general impress me as highly attractive young ppl who also are decent & nice. i continually these days meet young ppl (heck, each day, more & more ppl are young, compared to me!) who seem to have it together as decent humans & remind me fleetingly of what a mess i was... nice to know these days i get to evolve, thru not drinking but mostly thru not dying, into a decent sort w/friends. but still... how do these young ppl do it? how do people just seem to KNOW how to be attractive, generous, kind, hard-working? it's a lovely thing to meet these types. it warms my cockles. :)
- yes, i like being a sideman, & i like that karling wants me to look "edgier." for sat's show, for instance, she said i should wear my "zombie makeup," so i was delighted to be able to lay it on thick. (the paxtons let me crash their fancy hotel rm to gussy up -- thank you!!) in face paint & short dress, i DID feel a lot more comfy than when i'm trying to look like a more traditional female... que lastima. i was so wrecked in childhood, wanting to be dad... or was i? karling, who masks a sharp & incisive mind behind a coy, heart-faced pinup image, says no, i'm just artistic. another friend says, "you gotta be you." wanda jackson told me, "you gotta make it your own, honey." remember the oracle at delphi. remember what happened to all those bands that tried to become what the record companies wanted them to be... i mean, quien sabe? just know i feel more comfortable being part-monster. a nice monster, like hermann munster, that is. or, in less-nice moments, maybe wednesday addams...
- being a sideman's exciting cause i'm able to concentrate more on just the piano, tho art fein's disappointed i'm not singing w/either becky's or karling's line-ups. (when i told him bsp & i're subbing in w/karling's band, he generously commented, "wow! that must be a powerhouse line-up!") singing w/these ladies might come, might not: for now, i like becky & karling, respectively, having the limelight. as a sideman, i hang back & put in the best, most stylistically appropriate music pts i can rather than try to steal the spotlight, detracting from the star's thing. my job's to make her look good by playing well & chirping the occasional i-hope-funny off-mike aside (tho becky warned me right before downbeat, "don't act weird," which left me so confused, i couldn't say anything!! i don't know how weird i am, but i know ppl tend to laugh when i speak, which feels good & must be good for the show... right? plus genius james says we're both weirdos & he "gets me," which i find flattering cause he is an amazingly gifted, authentic performer!). my hope is, if i don't hog the stage in a band that's not mine, i can leave the audience wanting more instead of wanting to toss me off the stage for trying to take over... they didn't come to see ME, after all, tho i spose eventually, if i do it right, they might come in part to see me. :)
- phil alvin showed up unexpectedly @ the ny show... i coulda died!!!! james intveldt's his student & also ex-blasters, & ji (along w/rosie flores) headlined... but phil's been really ill & looked like he'd just gotten out of the hospital, which he has, maybe even released too early... later i hung w/the musicians, including the world's most bawdy & beloved tough-guy bluesman: ppl on the street see him & run over to hug & kiss him, which he does back to males & female alike, & i so love the unabashed affection for humanity & life w/which he swells & overflows... late nite new year's turned into a bukowski novel: music, car rides to noplace, a dark bar of instant friends, the tattooed & sweet-natured bartender, coffee & oj for me, endless drinks for the regulars, clinking glasses, constant conversation, then the bluesman, who bounces & bodyguards when not playing music, was called in off the steamy early-morning street by the yells of the bartender: "he won't get up! he's not breathing!" -- to save the life of a kid od'd in the bathroom. "you should wear a cape," i told him admiringly afterward, once he'd slapped, shook, & soaked the kid back to life, but rattled, he just blinked soberly & said, "now i'm having flashbacks," lit a cigarette, & turned just as a large man walking up the street spied him, laughed joyously, & ran up w/"oh man, oh man, you're still alive! i love this guy!!" they bear-hugged & kissed & began reminiscing, the ugliness of the last few minutes forgotten.
- i'm not used to pulling all-nighters, so it's soon back to the couch for me... it is a new year, & so i resolve this year to love more & suffer less, & when ugly memories or experiences come up, which they do & will, to learn from them, put them in perspective, then put them behind me & look forward to the next adventure, as do my most admired & beloved friends. as the little sign on my wall reads, "breathe deeply... love freely, laugh often, live generously, pray earnestly, & be kind."
- happy new year to all. :)

happy holidays, happy holidays, the merry bells are ringing, happy holidays to you!

tho mind's running faster than fingers, will try to write a bit... how are you? how are your holidays? mine have been wunderbar, wunderbar... dad had his 1st book published & it's now listed on amazon; angie's now going steady w/her guy; good news all-around for the family... (ok -- now what?) ummmm... uhhh.... went for a wonderful christmas run yesterday morn up here in NE bako. the winter low-sun was warm on my back & the sky a blue-enough to suffuse the morn w/happy hue. as i jogged along the hilly streets, people came in & out of houses & cars bearing armloads of gifts, & what a nice thing it was to call christmas greetings to strangers & smile & share holiday cheer... then back at our folks' house, we had a feast of enchilada-, corn-, & chile relleno casseroles, rice & beans, tamales & flan... the rest of the day was a blur as i passed out from caloric overload... this morning brings pix from the christmas show the other night w/karling abbeygate. it was the most satisfying musical experience i've EVER had, playing a dusk devils set that went so, so bright & happy-well, then getting back up to do a set w/karling's LA band (& me!). we'd "practiced" a few hrs earlier, karling w/no mike, the bar full of patrons & horrid piped music, trying to hear what we were doing but not too able to do so, but then when we did the actual set, my fingers seemed to know where to go, for the most pt, & it was my 1st time doing a basically unprepared set & having success! karling kept throwing me solos & bob the guitarist would nod w/approval... i felt i belonged! then we took a break & karling's bakersfield band went up -- brian p, cesareo, AJ & i (&, of course, donnie, karling's partner). we SLAMMED that set. we rocked! people cheered & hooted & yelled! karling whooped & laughed & her eyes shone. she liked what i & we did! :) all eve, i got so many compliments on my playing. after i told dad, he commented, "you discovered competence you didn't know you had." i think that was it! grateful, i realized it was a real merry christmas present to me, to be pt of the music thru-out the night, playing well, & discovering i could go beyond what i've done & maybe can be a musician, not just an entertainer. what a happy experience. thank you!
can't wait to play again, next wk w/becky, then again w/karling, & soon after w/dusk devils, now w/super-nice drummer stevo, w/back-ups ready to go... from karling, i realize i don't have to have ONE line-up; from becky, i realized i MUST, however, play w/people who are not just well-adjusted enough to get along w/others, but enjoy the music. i know fabulous musicians who play this stuff w/ardor & gusto; there's no room for those who claim to be bored by it. they must go, & from now on, they will, immediately. now i know there are plenty who will take their places! life's too short to play music w/people who don't get this...
that's enough for now. :) happy holidays to all!

showshowshowshowshowshowshows

man, i've had some serious writer's block! life has been busy, busy, busy! i am an official itinerant now, by my definition, tho not a vagabond or migrant. too much to elaborate upon! birds, mountains, road trips, gas stops, yard art, "new" brat from oregon, hotels, restaurants, meetings, hot springs, candye, james, karling, becky, brian paxton, new music, new drummers, friendly dd lineup, family, fans (!), musicians musicians musicians!, fellowship on the mountain & in the valley, yoga, coffee, wonderful christmas "gig" yesterday at st vincent de paul (where my family & i volunteer)... the following shows have beautiful flyers, but i can't get my act together enough to post them! if you're at all interested, please google or facebook them... xoxo to all!
Come see Jenny Angel playing on the following dates:
with The Dusk Devils (Brian Paxton, Scott Deaton, Stevo) and Karling Abbeygate, Fri. Dec. 23 at B. Ryder's Bakersfield, 8 pm, $5
- with Cattie Ness and the Revenge (Rebecca Caraveo, John Bruce, Johnny Rage Wedrall, Fabi Dean, Adam Lee) Wed. Dec. 28 at Big's, Fullerton
- with Karling Abbeygate, Sat. Dec. 31 at Big's, Fullerton
- with the Dusk Devils and Karling Abbeygate at Art Fein's Elvis Birthday Bash, Sun. Jan. 8 at The Echo, Los Angeles, 4pm-midnight
that's the best i can do for now. maybe the muse will return; for now, the wheels are spinning... feliz navidad y prospero ano!

wisdom of the ages...

I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different. -- Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)
schhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifoolhouse rock - youtube... somehow am now at the pt where am too busy to blog. as well as lazy. heeding vonnegut, i feel totally ok with it! :) :) logorrhea will return, no doubt -- for now, farting around (& getting over this interminable cold) prevails!

this weekend's proposed route...

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- the desire to write might come back soon... just been so dang all-over-the-place, when i get wherever i am to rest, i just wanna crash!! a quote from horace: "in life's clear dregless wine immerse / your heart, throw spun out hopes away / don't trust tomorrow: CLUTCH TODAY!"
- hope all've had/are having happy holidays season... :) :) :)

happy thanksgiving to all. :)

"[he's] old enough to know the score, but [he's] young enough to want more more more"

my friend the big lug just sent me an email quoting the above; i think he feels he resembles that remark, to paraphrase groucho... i think the line i most relate to in that song is "try to make a living during the day, deep in the night i throw it all away," even tho i'm now, as my folks say, alternately "retired," "independently wealthy," or "a working musician"... none of those are true, but it's kinda cool my folks are depicting me that way to others. it's better than them saying, "our elder daughter's a bum right now." :)
saturday's show's gonna be a scream... unfortunately, i still don't know the cover, & neither does james... wa-la!

"the girls at trout's"...

- that was donnie's caption to accompany this image; i like the bangs: L to R, short, medium, long... the other eve i got to practice very briefly w/karling, donnie, cesareo, & AJ at AJ's home, teeming w/food, joyful young family, & cool mexicano-rockabilly motif; then it was off to rick's for DD practice & i've said this before in past yrs w/past lineups, & maybe it just happens when there's a happy union of ability, talent, friendliness, high energy, & dedication, but we REALLY SOUNDED GREAT!!! bsp claims nearly each wk he's not been practicing, but (between you, me, & the net) i think he might be fudging a bit bc ea wk his playing rocks harder & more genre-appropriately... too, happily for me, he & i, who maddeningly used to fight like cats & dogs, now seem to be getting along just fine, & there's nothing that can aid musicianship for me than shared friendly feelings...
- i'm especially now looking fwd to our show sat w/james & the blues express (flyer below) cause i think we'll have a real chance to wow all & ourselves w/what we know we really can do... at our 1st oasis show w/them, i forgot my piano stand & had to play on a barrel that rocked & rolled on its own, making playing a bit tough! at another (maybe the same one?), our old bassist showed up late, so we did the 1st 6 songs bassless, which isn't horrible, but feels bottomless compared to the usual! at the last one, our former guitar player was a little shook up that night, i now know, cause he'd just gotten reamed by james for telling him he was leaving the band... so this'll be our time to shine @ the oasis (not having expectations, just hopes!)... at any rate, i know i'll have my fun, & i suspect the others will, too! :)
- after our awesome DD practice, it was out to trout's, where i saw a ghost from the past & our interaction, i'm thankful, was happy; got to catch up w/the kidwells, lisa p, lynda fette, & russ davidson, asking the last to deliver mark powell a happy bd from me; met craig garrison for the 1st time & later learned we both love alice the goon; & bsp & i got to play a few songs as pt of karling's "bakersfield band" (lineup listed at top)... all this activity acknowledged, am starting to realize the most exciting news of late is i just found out this morn i'm going to france w/becky & fabi, & we're gonna play the good rockin' tonight festival!! will be in la belle france long enough to learn some french, find jogging paths, enjoy local cuisine & soak up culture as i follow becky around (she knows the ropes), maybe even take a side trip (visit gene taylor? how far's antwerp from where we'll be, i wonder?)... fabi also really piqued my curiosity re travel to mexico city, from which she hails... life life life! love love love! carpe diem, friends, carpe diem! :) :) :)

rock-rock, rock-a-billy boogie...

(<- :="" a="" br="" good="" hey="" i="" it="" m="" on="" pic="" putting="" s="" top="">- life is good! how is you? had another fun wkend w/the revenge & cattie, this time in fresno, opening for deke dickerson... his poor bandmate, rockabilly gorilla "cialis" (a killer bassist of inventive, melodious lines & full, fat tone, who shall remain anonymous) got horribly sick during their 1st set & fabi jumped right up onstage @ banged out 2 super-rockin tunes on the doghouse bass w/deke & "sugarballs." back at chez brad, where the band stays, becky & john had whipped up quite a feast of sausages, tri-tip, & lasagna... yum yum.
- to back up a bit, in quite fortuitous timing, i got my super-cool frankenstein-sized snow boots from the post office on the very day we had our 1st snow up here! -- of course that meant i just had to don them & tromp down to the mtg, where en route i was interviewed by the channel 9 LA news van! then fabi & johnny arrived to pick me up for the gig, & when they saw the snow, laughed & jumped around like little tykes, even having a snowball fight! we made their requisite stops to aero dog (for 99 cent bomber dogs) & bravo farms (for gourmet cheeses); i enjoy riding w/these young musicians more than a person rightfully should when you've got 3 bodies squished in a truck cab.... :) yes, it was a fine time, tho i was so, so happy to get home & in my own cozy bed looking out on "my" mountain while sipping hot beverage & enjoying dexter on the laptop...
- today i volunteered at our lovely frazier park, working w/two gals on WRP raking leaves & clearing the pond & freezing my butt off!! must wear more layers en la futura... what a wonderful time it was to work hard in the beautiful outdoors, making new friends... the boss gave me a whole bag of balls for roscoe! icing on the cake! :) this eve brought conversation w/dear young woman i met in sta fe in january... so nice to catch up w/her... then my dear cousin decided she was no longer mad @ me & my heart is warmed & grateful for this...
- wed should be hopping: practice w/dds to prep for show w/james & blues express (yay! flyer below), then "jam" w/visiting OC rockabilly royalty at a local honky-tonk. we'll be practicing for a december show... maybe some christmas tunes? sure hope so! :)
- heard this quote twice recently, so here it is for you: "we cannot control the wind, but we can adjust the direction of our sails..." with that, here are some pix from the fresno show @ audie's; the 1st one i find particularly amusing since becky looks as sexy as i do dippy ... may you be warm, fed, & happy... :)

yaaaaaaaaawwwwwwnnnn!!!!

that's not a reflection on this image! just lately's been fun, but not manic... which means i'm nearly asleep a lot of the time! anyways, after 9 days of crazy high energy & creativity, the rollercoaster peaked & gentled out... we had a lovely bd party for my ex-husband, then i went out w/bsp & met up w/eddie e & wes c for a bit, then played a fun quincenera down in santa ana for fabi dean's little sister, who had the coolest gown! she looked like a little punk rock princess! we got to eat chicken mole they'd brought from mexico city! it was, need i say, mouth-on-fire scrumptious! we (cattie ness & the revenge, in this case) came on after the mariachi & pounded the joint! it was a fun set... then i was gonna go see james @ his eldorado halloween show, but the revenge was tuckered out & i wasn't gonna go by myself dressed as a zombie french maid, for heaven's sake! that's just dumb!! not that i'm a supermodel or anything near it... just wanted some company, going in a fairly skimpy getup like that... anyhow, we caravanned home & becky talked my head off & we got lost & it was super tiring but also fun, then halloween came & i only had my costume on for about 10 mins, not long enough for a pic, so i'll just have to make sure it fits for next year! or i'm thinking i might modify it to be a pilgrim @ the above show... no! what am i saying?? i can't be a frigging plymouth-style PILGRIM!!
anyways, back to halloween: went to crazy duck chinese restaurant up here on the mountain w/my friend, then watched a scary demon movie & scared the crap out of ourselves, then later went to the beautiful new library & checked out books & hiked up to this dilapidated, cool old house i'd like to buy, a (an) historical monument w/rough-hewn, dramatic stonework & killer view, but the whole house is brittle! it's a tear-down & start-over, unfortunately, cause tho existing house is rustic-cute, it's dangerous to inhabit! it's also abandoned for now, as you might guess, so we grabbed a bunch of apples off the tree... apples grow well here, little sweet crunchy ones... i just realized i need an apple tree...
- the wind's blowing here to beat the band! stupid wind! no yardwork today - glad i did it yesterday... well, i have no creativity, so this humdrum writing will have to do for now... :) heading to smoggy bakersfield to be w/dusk devils & family... hope snow doesn't come, like's predicted. i'm bringing my hiking boots, just in case i have to somehow crosscountry-it back up to my house (i'm about 500 ft higher than town proper, & i'll get snow when "downtown" frazier has none!) to get my dress for saturday's show w/cattie ness & deke dickerson in fresno. that should be a blast! go to www.cattieness.com for details... ok, bye all! :)

"hellllp meeee..... i'm mellllltttttiinnnnggggg!!!!"

->did you know it's a 2 & a HALF hour drive to ridgecrest from frazier park? neither did i, til i got online that a.m. to get directions to the gig. crap! i hurriedly packed some bags & squealed off in my truck... it was a road race to the show, on dry desert & along the stunning formations of red rock canyon, & in a first, i got there ahead of everyone else! randy, mike, mark, everyone we met was really nice, but sound check was confusing. then it was time for... hurry up & wait. wait... wait... in ridgecrest!! temperatures soared & soared... bakersfield's temperate, by comparison! we planted ourselves in the shade & watched the other bands a little; rick & patty met a straw-hatted, suspendered, & bow-tied old fellow who'd been a dj in the '40s; i had a rootbeer snowcone; the paxtons kept urging me to eat "real food"... finally it was time to prep, & while using blowdryer & elmer's to plaster back bsp's hard rock mane (he claims he's gonna get a cut), we blew the circuits in the green room... as well as to the chinese food vendor's booth next door! oops!! "johnny cash" came in from his set, a bit traumatized by the sun-blazed stage, sweat-soaked in his black tailorcoat & ruffled shirt... stage manager randy later said, "i thought johnny cash was gonna die out there in that heat. i'm glad we didn't kill johnny cash!" we didn't feel the full punishment til we got out there ourselves. brutal! couldn't someone have built a stage overhang? oh well; it happens... upon starting our first song, i hit the keys & realized brian & scott were a half-step off me... they'd just tuned! their boiling strings went south that quickly!! the monitor mix was all keyboard... i couldn't hear rick at all - he'd set up far back... in the shade, the turkey! occasionally i'd look over at bsp in his black pants & gabardine cowboy shirt & hope he wasn't gonna croak onstage, himself. i bore down w/grim determination; everyone was wilting! the show must go on! anyways, we got some dancers, the audience, sitting out there w/no shade, responded happily enough for people melting like candlewax in an oven, & in the end, it was another show under our belts.
-> afterward, we rested & drank water & ate pizza & watched cadillac angels from the green room window. by the time they hit stage, the sun had set, the evening seeping into coolness... lucky angels!! they sounded \solid, w/mickey rae's steady & pumping doghouse bass & tony's link wray-style shreddings. "he sounds like phil alvin," commented lisa, & sure enough, i realized, tony's voice had a similar warm, keening quality, tho not PA's eccentric energy... phil alvin, laid back, in the body of a tall, relaxed, gentlemanly drink of water... here are a few pix from the day. you can see in one how tired & sweaty we were afterward! tho the dime-store child's dress i bought looked nice in some pix, from the stage, i looked ridiculous! - so if you want to see those pix, you'll have to look elsewhere. :)
-> all in all, good job, dusk devils! & thank you again to desert empire fair people for being so nice to us. :
-> well, everyone, what's up for halloween?? next wkend for me is show w/cattie ness & revenge down south, then i hope to hop over to halloween show w/whiteboy james & the blues express. still, it'd be nice to find some friday night deal in bako, since we'll be celebrating my ex-hubby b's "special" birthday that night! i'll keep my eyes open for local fun, & you do, too! :)
-> friends... gooooood.......... :) :)

"that reminds me - i haven't seen my son all day..."

one of my favorite scenes from my favorite marx bros movie -- actually, it's a tie between this & "a night at the opera," for me... :)

and if you get scared on the rollercoaster, hold my hand & move a little closer, doin' some huggin' & lovin' at the county fair

- dusk devils!!! we play sunday!!! don't miss the desert empire fair, ridgecrest, ca. we'll play a nice long set, 330-5 pm. before us is a johnny cash tribute band called walk the line & afterward will be roots rocker stalwarts cadillac angels (wanda jackson's backing band, among other accolades, as you might know!) & there might be other bands, too, cause this is "rockabilly day" at the fair... address is 520 s. richmond, ridgecrest, ca. the fair'll open at noon... the fair! the fair! the fair! whoopee!!!
- this wkend, too, is the opening of the new library in frazier park, saturday, 10 am... you should see the place -- it's huge & gorgeous! amazing to think such an edifice could be constructed & maintained in these times so dire for arts & education... i'm so looking fwd to seeing this new library! if you drive into frazier park, there's no way you can miss it: left at the post office off the main highway (the only light in town), then a right at park drive. just follow the signs!
- off to st vincent de paul now to do some art & make more friends & try to be of some use, for heaven's sake... my cousin the cop (i mean sheriff's dept chief public information officer) is having me design a patch for his motorcycle club, so i'll have something to draw myself today, not just stand around like the teacher... life is wonderful. how lucky can a person be? hope you feel the same today... & maybe to see some of you out at the desert fair! here's the website (don't look for us; i forgot to send in a picture): desert empire fair

how many legs does ynnej have?

how you? i fine. writing many songs. exercising a lot! got to do a 12-step call of sorts via phone last night. it helped me as much as the caller, i think! we hung up both resolved not to drink or use. my dear friend donna commented, "you may have saved a life tonight." wow! who could not be grateful? went to wonderful retreat last weekend. that is from whence came this "very special people" shot. how many legs do you count on my body? i like it! :)
gigs coming up, lots more travel, friends & family, meetings, music, life life life... so happy lately. all is well! love to you who read... due to my statcounter, i know for the most part who you are... so i mean love to you ALL.
as dear penni would say, "oh.... YAAAAAAHH..." :) :) :)

"hello!" and "i'm sorry!"

...here's the "hello!!" :) :)
margie evans "29 ways" .. thank you, gene taylor, for the link! :)
...here's the "i'm sorry!!" this is a picture from one of my porches, looking toward bakersfield last evening... check out the brown yuck!! so sad to think of all the friends & loved ones -- people, period!! -- living in that garbage!!

seester!!!!! i love you, seester!!!! :) :) :)

happy birthday!!!!! :) angie is such a devoted teacher and friend, as well as kind, bright, sunny, helpful, talented person... i so love my little seester!!! :) :) :) she actually is at via arte, an annual chalk art festival at bakersfield's marketplace, today with her students... she does it every year. she is so committed to art & to her students! i'm so proud of my sister! she makes good choices today. she is a really good woman! she loves, & is loved. :)
road trip!! today will be trip to blues jam in bako w/brian paxton, then fresno to hang out w/cattie ness & co... tomorrow, we record! only four songs, but should be super-fun, tho usually i DESPISE multi-track recording. i hope we do it live!! hope hope hope!! but if not, i know my friends & i will have a nice time. :)
out of the low spot of yesterday, i got a new song... & it's a good one! people who write songs know (i guess unless you're leiber & stoller, or chopin, or some fantastic, god-kissed composer) the ratio is 75% crap songs to 25% keepers. or maybe 90-10. the important thing is, when the fire's lit, nurse that thing! add to it! make it roar! after all, who knows when a dud will turn into a nugget of gold? :) in songwriting, just like all other writing, initially there can be no critic -- the flow is what's key. scrutiny comes later. anyways, i've written two keepers this past week!! one's a slinky rockabilly dance number, the other's a "goodbye" broken-heart kinda tune i hope will turn out like a blasters-like thingy. i do wish j the best. i hope he reads this & knows that.
- last night i dreamed i went to a party at phil alvin's house w/my friend the blues musician, & another musician -- who resembles a rail-thin charlie sheen -- was showing off & dominating the conversation. he then called me a filthy name & my friend, who used to be a boxer, turned, &, still smoking his cigarette, punched the other guy's lights out. i woke smiling a bit, realizing i feel safe these days, not just in the universe's flow (which doesn't guarantee good will happen to me, but which has purpose & beauty i can find reassurance in), but with my friends...
that's all for now. gotta get ready to hit the road. xo & happy weekend to all!

sick

- must stop drinking out of glasses after others. and shaking hands. and hugging! and kissing! and gallivanting! must stop driving 800 miles in 5 days, hanging out with friends who've been sick as well as sleep-deprived party animals, eating junk food, exercising on little sleep, staying up over 24 hours at a time.
- no - wait; that all was fun fun fun. but i need a 2nd body to withstand the pounding!!!
- dizzy when stand. fever. throat killing me. entire body freezing cold, all stoved up all day. then the weather changed. it's 40 degrees all of a sudden!! that does not tend to help this human barometer's health...
- only the leftover butt of a kool, discovered under a pile of papers, helped, many hrs ago. know this is some sign of dying, that a smoke would help the pain & sickness. i mean, i'm not even a smoker, by trade!!!
- what happened to this house? cigarette butts in the sink. towels and rugs everyplace. dirty dishes and clothes. the fridge left open. remnants of fried meals. empty booze bottles. in MY trash!! (no, i didn't drink them... also, i haven't emptied the recycling in weeks, & there've been lots of musicians visiting.) electric piano left on for 11 hours. well, at least the instruments got played a bit!
- just got "in a relationship" with my sister's stunning friend kristin. long have wanted to be "in a relationship" w/someone on facebook. facebook would not allow me to be "in a relationship" with the ghost of boris karloff, new orleans louisiana, doug, the cute little dog from the animated movie "up," or even grottu orloff, the cyber monster. apparently, a person's got to be "in a relationship" with a real human being on facebook. i mean, how discriminatory is that?
- kristin has "bride of frankenstein" all over her house. she can really cook up a mean bellywarmer of a meal. and she is gorgeous. maybe it'll go someplace. problem is, i like men and so does kristin. we're both rather super-hetero, in fact. so i guess how especially nice of her to fill my facebook need. this monster must find her mate. or at least have some bs one acknowledged... i think kristin felt the same way. :)
- fb flirting indiscriminately with others male & female. seeing boundaries not just eroding, but a gullywasher of inappropriateness imminent. danger, danger! pried self off facebook, but not after embarrassing exchange w/kristin about eating tuna.
- raining like heck outside all day. i think i forgot to close my truck. my keyboard's in there as well as left-over gear the inebriated musicians decided to keep with me. this tho i won't even see them maybe for weeks or months. there's also fog. rain all up and down california. people have called asking if there's snow. fishing for a visit. come on up! i'll be the pile laying in the corner, listening to 5 royales radio on pandora. apparently pandora is stupid. they have 5 royales listed as "5 royals." just in case you want to add that station.
- so... cold... ohhhhhhh... goodbye...

i had one drink, two drinks, maybe 3 or 4, when i was through, it wouldn't let me go

- that is a ronnie dawson song i just really relate to... was sitting @ the doll hut in anaheim yesterday post-afternoon set w/cattie ness & revenge w/an enormous, friendly boy-man named goat, best pal of johnny rage. sweetly inebriated, he touched my triangle ring & mouthed the name of my secret society of non-drinkers (i couldn't hear him cause of the slamming psychobilly trio onstage)... i nodded yes & he suddenly looked a little... i don't know... comforted? recalcitrant? respectful? sometimes when i've met fellows & then they find out i don't drink, & even more, my affiliation & its implications (rode hard, hung up wet, still living, maybe wiser), the dynamic changes & suddenly i'm the teacher or someone to be protected from king alcohol, which i wouldn't touch if it were handed to me, anyway... but i always feel relieved when that change occurs, which it often does in my experience of bars w/men, who tend to offer drinks as icebreakers to conversation, especially if a gal's in "the band." i'd rather be the teacher -- someone from a world of safety & sobriety, not necessarily someone who can impart knowledge, but just that reliable figure that casts a guy's memory back to childhood innocence -- than a piece of meat. plus i always hold the hope for someone, cause there sure are a lot of folks in the music world who are suffering due to the bottle, the smoke, & the line... not to mention the needle, but then, i have no experience w/that. not yet, anyhow. (i have so many "yets".)
- what a wonderful trip i had to visit donna & family... ruben, her ex, my long-time friend, too, showed up & we all went to guitar center & donna the amazing somehow got 3 guitar cases for $1 each & a danelectro for 50 bucks! she is, after all, queen of scores... we went to the fair, our yearly tradition, & had the most lovely time, agreeing that the evening, the weather, the lights, the dramatic skies, the laughing crowds, the exhibits, the aromas, were magical (also, we saw beautiful farm animals & whimsical artwork! i held a scorpion! donna enthused near- orgasmically about her 1st elote w/parmesan cheese & lemon!)... then donna had a family reunion &, so happy for her, i too was honored to be the only non-family member there as we sat in the backyard @ her sis's house someplace off the 10 & ate beef stew w/carrots & potatoes, beans & cornbread & smelled, alternately, the pungent aromas of guava tree or marijuana bush, depending on how the wind changed. :)
- next day was lunch w/stepson cody &, over eggs & toast, i was delighted to learn he is in love. :) then i headed to gig at doll hut, stuffed into rockabilly jeans i've not worn for 7-8 yrs. becky fixed my hair in a swinging ponytail (as in, "i got my hair fixed in a ponytail, so when we dance, it can really sail") & we got onstage & had a rollicking fun set! it was super-loud & fast, which i love! afterward, we all hung out w/the goat & fabi's friends & adam kept joking about the smoke i had saved in my cleavage (i actually had some -- cleavage, that is -- for this show, wearing the dia de los muertos shirt walter -- who didn't show up -- had given me). becky rode w/me & delighted me w/ribald & frank stories as we caravanned back to flying j & then she hopped back in to ride home w/hubby john & adam, but while still @ the hut, i waited a bit for my friend to show up... he did not bc he'd gotten lost after playing a central cali show: wanting to get away from fans & demands + too much hair of the dog caused him to miss his ride, so now looks like i'll chauffeur him & another musician, who also got lost, home. i should get gas money from it, maybe a meal, some smokes (i don't smoke really, but will if they're greens!), some laughs, some cool music... and dusk devils, i hope, will get a gig or two out of it all. not to mention that i always hold the hope for ppl i know, whether i dislike, like or love them, that they will, if needed, put down the bottle, smoke, or line & pick up the proffered keys to the kingdom. you never know who'll find this thing, tho it certainly is only for those who realize THEY need it. it's not for me to decide for them, most definitely... i hope the trip will be an adventure!
- another upshot is, since i'll be in the southland, i can go to the barndance tonight, mebbe! perhaps manuel will show up if i call him... hope you who read this have a good & safe week. it's beautiful up here on the mountain, & i hope it is there, too, wherever you may be... :)

doll hut rockabilly invasion

good picture of becky (cattie ness), don't you think? :) cattie ness & the revenge, w/whom i'll play, are on at 3 pm sunday at the doll hut in anaheim... last wkend, they all visited for a "band sleepover," as becky called it, & we practiced for 2 days, til i was so exhausted, i was playing w/my head on the yamaha electric piano... we stopped for a sec while johnny rage gave me an energy drink w/the incredible name of "monster rehab," & by the next song, i was playing while not just standing, but jumping up & down! i could hear & see the notes before i hit them! it was a bit like my old days w/stimulants, when, to paraphrase friends of bill, i'd get so up, my eyeballs would enter the room before i did... adam laughed, "you kicked your stool like jerry lee lewis!" apparently, monster rehabs do the job... it wasn't long, tho, before i felt like i might die, & shortly thereafter, our 2-day rehearsal & recording (johnny runs sound at a few LA clubs, so brought his recording gear) adjourned & all headed home to points north & south... to begin @ the beginning, when the band arrived, cars pulled in & stuff started flying into my house: johnny unloaded 100s of lbs of gear & fabi, adam, & john brought in suitcases & backpacks & sleeping bags & becky platters & platters of food (all contributed, but she was the guiding force behind our awesome dinner & breakfast). this place has never been so filled w/bodies, music gear, & things to eat! in the morn, becky made double espressos for all -- yes, cattie ness comes off like a tough, glamorous chick, but really, when it gets down to it, she's a mother hen. :) my culinary contribution was pancakes, which i dished out dollar-size (becky insisted, & i wasn't gonna argue). i made adam a mickey mouse cake @ his request, but drew the line when one of the male band wags requested a phallus. i have standards!!!!
hope dusk devils will come for a mountain retreat weekend, too, but dusk devils fan #1, john k, was probably correct when he wrote, "i don't think the dusk devils are a real sleep-over kind of band"... actually, it's funny to ponder rick, scotty, & brian p sitting around in their pjs w/stuffed animals... :) i leave this here for their rebuttal. :)

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm playing a set w/cattie ness & the revenge this sunday at 3 pm as part of a rockabilly fest... arrrrrgggghhh!!!! blogger won't upload the flyer! you can easily find it on facebook, i know -- will try later. :) dusk devils will play sun oct 23 3 pm at the desert empire fair during their rockabilly day (tho we're not really rockabilly... ssssshhhh!!) -- hope to get a flyer for that one soon, but i wouldn't be able to upload if i had it, anyhow! ok, headed for bakersfield now, then back for breakfast w/art fein, whom i haven't seen forever, & after that, i hope, the LA fair, which is sorta en route to the doll hut, which is in anaheim...

back on the rollercoaster again?

- "no, you're just having feelings, being human." that's what my wise sponsor said kindly when i called her, blubbering & choking & feeling traumatized. after the last many days of high times & extreme fun & affection & laughs w/musician friends, i went to the yard to calm down, pull budding tumbleweeds, smell the fresh air, unwind. i went to throw away a box on my side of the arroyo, a box i'd noticed last wk & kept meaning to throw in the trash, & found... my kitty. she has been dead for over a month, killed by a coyote. i saw it happen. she was a gorgeous cat... she now is far from that. i can only guess someone hiking found her & recognized her as my kitty & brought her back to me... dear sister angie, known by her daughter as the "cat jesus," comforted me via phone; then her kind friend doug said a prayer for me that i have peace. his prayer actually helped me wash the horrible image of what remains of poor skittles from my mind.
- i'm grateful to my friend jp, former boxer, who, when i was in my last depression, reminded me to always roll w/the punches, that the ups & downs are just life & i absolutely MUST not let it get to me cause it'll all pass. i don't have to feel lost, pathological, abandoned, on the road to ruin, or guilty, as if i'm being punished for having had good times of late, simply for feeling sad & even shocked, revolted, scared by the cat's dessicated corpse...
- i will get help burying her remains properly tomorrow, along w/her kitty toys. w/all the good lately, i have to expect some bad here & there. that's life, & into each life, some rain must fall, & ad nauseum; to quote thoreau: "the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it" - swift, "may you live all the days of your life" - and finally, "all men die. but not all men really live." (william wallace)
- may we all live fully today. may you be safe, comforted, & suffused with life.

distracting self from needing to vacuum up dog hair!

oh boy oh boy oh boy! spun, won, fecund, done, sun, & myriad happy rhymes! i was reminded recently that the man of 1001 faces is not lon chaney! we all killed arcade zombies to jukebox howlin wolf, smoked green cigarettes & watched tom & jerry, rolled & rocked, tho no socks came off... god of heaven & earth & all in-between, you expand my circle of friends & goodness all the time, & tho life continues to contain speed bumps, if i pay attention, i am rewarded more than ever can i repay...
it's autumn now, but life's in the air & the billowing painted sky last night cracked & flashed & boomed & rained rhythmic fragrant tears & as the storm sailed across desert & valley & headed out to coast, its earthy aroma delighted all i heard from. following the storm's progress by way of phone & facebook -- i liked it! :)
life life life: going deep, keeping it light... how you? my mind-state's fractured-by-happiness & fun... a light rain falls... must go clean... must go clean... so easy to procrastinate, play music... will post gigs soon; hope you enjoy this video. if not, go to another site, for pete's sake!
"we're so stupid. you're a dumb girl. you smell," said my friend, but it was funny, not mean. i know many monsters, often being one myself, & prefer the happy ones, as would any sane person, which i happen to be right now. so i hung out w/this monster & his friends the other night; like all the coolest monsters, he's misunderstood, but still the most comforting presence in the room; weird & rough & profane, but also kind & fun & attentive, w/ultimately -- i think -- a nobility that comes from being busted-up yet surviving, coming out stronger, mended by the strong glue of love & experience bringing wisdom... gotta go clean now for cattie ness & the revenge's arrival: it's a band slumber party! dusk devils, you are next! pack your bags!! :) "friend(s)... good..." have a nice one, friends. :)

got that fully alive, fully alive feeling...

zing! now you got it, too!
we alive!
carpe diem!

life! life! life!

still near-dead from the NM-CA drive, i was wakened by a knock on the door yesterday, beginning a day of seven visitors!! food, laughs, bawdiness, smoking, griping, loving, camaraderie... the eve ended w/a movie marathon: "jesus christ superstar" followed by "orgazmo." i was grateful this morning when i woke & realize the house hadn't been struck by lightning. :) at NM we hiked to a mtn top w/a woman who turned out to be a healer possessing much historical knowledge & alternative medicine wisdom -- she led us to a gigantic medicine wheel made entirely of quartz!, perched atop a sheer, red cliff! my travel bud kim, a strong & potty-mouthed & kind southern beauty, took me on many steep & treacherous hikes on said trip, for the higher we went, the more exotic rocks we could find -- so i came home w/a number of gorgeous pieces.
this morn beneath a lovely, breezy, cool sky & to the melody of birds, wind, & chimes, i worked on my shrine, adding bits of treasure i'd found in a few abandoned areas along old rt 66: broken cookery & tile, an old coke bottle, a vintage tail light, even some carnival glass & an old toy horse! then i used my quartz specimens to fashion a mini medicine wheel on the stump of an old oak the former resident of this place inexplicably had torn out... stood back to examine my work (it sparkles! like my labyrinth, it radiates ancientness, calm, if pondered...), looked over, & saw a tiny lizard -- but what a lizard! just one inch long, it looked like a fat mini-dinosaur! i never catch the little guys, but this i did, & after taking a few shots of what looked to be a liliputian triceratops & posting it on facebook, adam from cattie ness shot back that it was a horny toad! looking it up further, i discovered it was the california variety (natch); they're endangered in many places; they're loners & so are best left to survive on their own; can be a federal crime to take, even! (ex-hubby b commented, "good thing you didn't pick it up in the oilfield! they'd fine ya a million dollars!"); & eat red ants!... i knew just where to release him -- the beautiful exotic baby went right to a rock in the backyard, near the steps, on which is a red ant highway. i sat for a few minutes &, w/some satisfaction, watched him feast. now it's time to prepare to go practice w/becky & her band, then get the dog boys & visit loved ones.
"love attracts love," wrote st therese, the little flower, as well as, "i would like to fly as the eagle does, but i can only flutter my wings" -- i am, you are, we are the horny toad, the ant, the lonely climber, the red rock: let me be complete in the tininess & weakness of my ephemeral living form, be more compassionate & patient w/earth's creatures -- we are all so delicately small! -- & find comfort in the vastness, amazing beauty, & temporality of this. pay attention! do not take for granted one single thing!
yes, life! life! life! what a blessing! what a constant surprise! what a fragile gift! may you feel blessed & happy today...
ps - here's one more pic, just cause i love it so...