Thursday, June 17, 2010


arrrrrrgggghhhh!!! my fingers!!!!!!!!
i think i reherniated myself. i look like my sister, lover of mosh pits & martial arts: bruised bow to stern. how did i ever amass so many gd LPs, CDs, music equipment, movies, &, most of all, books??? (&, reminds randy, big shoes.) i should have been collecting granite all these yrs. it'd've be less agonizing to move. however, despite my pain & fatigue, & the possible pain/fatigue of all the loved ones who helped me, the home in the mountains is shaping up cozily (tho the outside still resembles a haunted house). waking up to a window full of national forest & robin's egg-blue sky, with cool clean breezes wafting thru the curtains, fills me with an even happier feeling than i ever imagined... ahhh; to be able to breathe is a wonderful thing.
i hope grandma mary's spirit doesn't take this as blasphemy: peace be with you.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

iiiii'm so vain...

oh boy, am so bushed... been moving, moving, moving. my old house, in which i now sit, is a lonely ghost containing scarcely more than this computer & i, while the new one, packed w/boxes, awaits me in another town & hops w/promise. i miss it! and i'm scared... i'm moving. but mountain retreat it will be, will be! &, of course, the only constant is change. shiver.
body's tahrd tahrd tahrd. want to make a pallet on the floor & crash, but there's nothing w/which to pallet. so i play bejeweled like a zombie & you know how one's mind wanders when fatigued & i realize there are 3 songs out there about me. not ones i THINK are about me, but really, truly about jenny. but it's irritating because 2 of the songs are sort of dirge-ish & self-pitying & really about the guy, not about me, this projection of what they think i be, when i'd prefer something sort of wildly fun, like "crazy baby," or weird & cool like "for the love of ivy," or soulfully anthemic, like "mona," or romantic, deep, & devoted like "(life's little) ups & downs," or at least about the me i think i am (but how could they know? i never tell them & they don't ask)... however, the 3rd of the songs is a really cool surfy-mysterious instrumental & i feel honored that it's about me, composed by a talented, towering texan w/these really cool hands that look biblical or sculpted by michelangelo...
yes, i'm feeling rather special until i realize that except for "the big g," i've written about 25,000,000 songs about guys. i don't know where this is going, so i'm going to make a pallet.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

screeds, songs, & poems: there was a little house on a hill w/a pretty white porch, little pink curtains, & a white picket fence.

and then it blew up.
-the above paraphrases a poem i plagiarized & had published in a literary magazine, i think at the JC level... amazing!... here's the other one:
-little birdy on the tree with lovely breast of red
-i brought the window slowly down & crushed its little head.
- certainly i stole that one, too, & now the sentiment horrifies me. the other day in a conversation about mad, my favorite rag when i was a child, this jerk i know sputtered, "i hate that magazine! i was this innocent little kid & it turned me into a smarmy smart-a** cynic!" ... the comment perturbed & disturbed me. did mad hip me to society's absurdity or turn me into a snickering lout?? yes, probably both. such Qs only are pondered by people like me: middle-class, spare-timing, fleet-fingered, monkey-minded. no one cares in kansas or kathmandu, nor anyplace else. as they should not.
-my friend candye, the big-hearted, beloved superstar, was dumped recently by a prickly romeo w/pretensions of intellect. she will heal & grow. if rather than move on to his next victim he also should grow, all will be bettered, for no one should live life as an a**hole. it disrespects not just others, but oneself & in the end can lead only to despair. to quote my friend, "i... have spoken." la vie continue.
- evidence of this is i started moving today, to the mountaintop dump-cum-abode. many friends helped! i couldn't stop smiling... how wonderful it is to be supported by others, making me want to do so in return. thanks to mighty philip, mighty randy, the amazon carly, strong patty, smiling mo, mom & dad, & the two young bucks who unloaded the truck on the FP end, nimbly tossing furniture into the house like footballs, or beers, or things much lighter than furniture. all saved me hrs & hrs of work & many bruises, sprained fingers, & sundry hurts. it was move, sweat, & food drink food all day, & i'm grateful to've had the scratch to make it happen. great fun it was to man the big u-haul w/patty & mo shotgun & happy conversation singing thru the cab, singing like my heart.
- tomorrow will be another load, then it's blow this popstand for cleaner air &, i hope, a new life of good health & happiness, w/frequent jogs to bakerspatch & &swellay as well as consistent visits from friends & family.
- lastly, our show tonight was cancelled last second!! i was solemnly prepared to move all day, then grimly (tho w/big dippy grin on my face) soldier thru 4-hours of gig w/my similarly dog-tired pals, entertaining the crowd thru our exhaustion, humble showpeople that we are... so now instead i sit in my near-naked pad, typing this nonsense.
- all club/bar/saloon owners who promise to pay a flesh-and-blood, practiced, entertaining, fun loving, hard-working band & then last-second pick DJs over musicians should be pantsed & trash-canned!!!!! ... to the devil w/said booze slinger. to da devil!!!
- well, time to sign off. HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL!! to quote alfred e, from the extraordinary & exalted flexi-disc 45, "it's a GAS!!!"!