hello. i'm jenny page. once upon a time, i had a band in bakersfield cali called the dusk devils. you still can find dd music online. now i live in the mtns & am married to the most awesome frontman alive, whiteboy james. i know him as james or husband. we are as happy as two nuts can be. life is an adventure, a chore, a beauty, a choice, a turn. life is goooood. :)

Saturday, October 15, 2016


this morn when i got up & opened the doors, the air was fragrant w/earth & rain, a musky vibrant scent: scintillating! then we had coffee & listened to "welcome to night vale" for a bit & then i got back in bed (because it's saturday & i CAN!!!!) with dumbbell the kitty (2 yrs young last night!) & i started bouncing on the decades. in 1976 i was a heavy, precocious, backwards kid already a misanthrope, just waiting for a drink, i think. in 86 i was one yr out of high school & working & kind of going to jr college & really starting to mess up my life w/male & substances. by 96, i was one yr sober, already w/the fellow who'd become my 1st husband. in 06, i was immersed in self, playing music, gallivanting all over the country, messing around, of some worth to the human race finally, yet still pretty much a moral ass.
this year is best of all decades, even w/the plummets in the roller coaster. i love this life right now!!
all i know is, 10 yrs from now i have no clue where life will be!
hello, bunnies, hello, quail, hello, birds, hello, mountains, hello, camarados!
All seems beautiful to me, 
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you, 
I will recruit for myself and you as I go, 
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go, 
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them, 
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me, 
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me. 
... too much good stuff in that one to just quote one stanza! here you go: song of the open road (whitman)
look at the light in his eyes! no makeup for me... i'm not scared!

in this pic, he looks just like his 2nd grade pic. such an expressive face!

the bangs have never cooperated & never will!

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Saturday, October 08, 2016

angela marie

today is my sister's birthday. :) there only are two of us, & i'm the elder. she is a good egg, always has been, so talented & hard-working, a helper of humanity. like james, she's always had tons of friends, a trait i admire but don't have.  she always had clusters of kids around her when we were growing up, all the oddball kids, everyone happy, jabbering away like a chicken coop, sprawling all over our house... her daughter's become the same way, except maddy's always The Leader. angie is very religious now & frets too much, i think, & unlike me, she's always been a chameleon. dad even called her "zelig" at one point. she is the only one in our family who doesn't have a cartoonishly large head; she also is, i think, the most well-adjusted. :) when i look at her, i still see the tiny, slight, lovable & kind child i remember. angie is a good soul, funny, interested in so much, a wonderful human being. :)
we will celebrate for her this weekend. i know she won't read this, so i'll tell you what i got her: a beautiful pair of brown frye boots for near-nothing (if they'd fit me, i woulda kept them -- yes, i know that sounds selfish) & pajamas with octopi on them bc for some strange reason (i think it has to do with lovecraft) she loves them varmints. (james says he hate them bc of their tentacles, but i think it's one of his faux-fears, like how he claims so incorrectly to hate midgets!)
phone's ringing, gonna go.
happy bd, seeeesturd!!!

Friday, October 07, 2016

making chicken salad out of chicken sh*t

aunty rita always has said that's not possible, but i just realized she's not right. i just took a sad, crappy situation & a song immediately jumped from it.
certainly that overturns my favorite aunty's dictum.
i realized this week that i love my job, really love it. it's the first time in my life i truly can say that. i hope i can get these kids to read & do math with greater skill. i am doing whatever i can. i am finally being a good teacher. i am finally being more like mama. the feeling is clean; i like feeling clean. :)
this weekend is sister angie's birthday. i hope all will go well. after all, life is an ecstasy, to quote emerson. the next line reads, "life is as sweet as nitrous oxide." since that sounds like emerson mighta been on some of the good stuff, i'll cop that, like narcotics, sometimes life is bliss & sometimes it's hell, but it always is life. oh brother; that didn't make sense. i'm still kinda down...
ok, i think that's it. time to go find a good serial killer documentary. they weirdly make me feel better when i am blue. but nothing cures my blues like having a song spontaneously pop from its depths: then i know there really is a god, even if the song's not a good one.
thank you, universe, for creation. thank you for the clean feeling. thank you for life.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

oh well, let's see what comes out:

(it's been such a nice wkend, after kick-butt fun show at sue's just one mile from home, i think i'll repost this post from last week, which i'd gotten in a crappy mood & deleted. happy sunday to all!)
just had a cool shower (sometimes the hot water is unwilling) after a nice slow hike up to the water tower (golden evening w/its low shadows was far too lullingly beautiful to stay inside) followed by nice bowl of lukewarm spaghetti consumed while reading a moderately-interesting article from NY times mag, which was in the pile of mags mama gave me yesterday... am seized w/desire to write a bit. the crickets are whirring so fast these eves, in these early autumn eves, they sound like an army of south american whistles or a whispering sea of wind-up instruments... they will be dormant soon as nights get colder... it's a nostalgic sound, a latent memory sound, a lovely churring song...
have had an extremely low-key but pleasant day cleaning house, rescuing a beetle, washing up dishes, playing w/fatso the cat, reading, napping, trying to stretch out & strengthen my rotator cuff, which fear i've injured, continuing to edit a book about mama's championship 1965 european choir, watching all kinda top-10-this & 25-most-that videos on youtube on the tv while james snored gently away... it's been 5 yrs this wkend since he first came over here... what a difference a half-decade's made!
ok, i'm interrupted & he is calling me, but what a rush of thoughts, what a jumble, what a chorus! today's been mostly me & my mind, which sometimes magically magnifies in ways quite enjoyable, stirring, frightening, resolving, rewarding. i got fixated for a while on all the loved ones, then all the  millions, billions of humans that have perished on this earth over time & our lot in life, to perish, & was pondering that one for a while til thought of sister angie's prescient wish from years ago (for now they actually do this!): to have one's corpse buried with a sapling so that we all who choose may become trees, but now all the other mental goofing & meandering's gone except this short story i read today by doris lessing, about snails. i enjoyed it.  you should look it up.
tomorrow is school again, & life has been nice, then a chore, then a trial, then a puzzler, but now it's good again, & that's how it seems to go around here, maybe for all us hairless apes, tho to varying degrees.
may you be happy.


Friday, September 23, 2016

sometimes life

doesn't go the way i want
but still
i can hear the quail blooping & peeping & cawing out the window
and ultimately,
all is well

Sunday, September 18, 2016

obsessing on obsessions & the obsessed!

- i was an obsessed child. were you? i was obsessed with drawing pictures, comic books, typing stories & musings on my olivetti, mad magazine, &, once i got past the plateau, playing the piano. then i was an obsessed teen, but such a weirdo: i was obsessed with middle-aged actors, first humphrey bogart, then james garner & hal linden, & at my most obsessed, feverish peak, gene hackman. ha! why was i so strange?! i even had a plastic blue file box filled with folders about all of hackman's movies, movie stills, details of dialogue, casts, reviews lovingly typed & assembled.
- i remember the moment i became obsessed, watching bonnie & clyde, when brawny, burly hackman leaped effortlessly, limberly over the bank teller window. then watching him, all 6-foot-plus & 200 lbs, sprint athletically after a street punk, pulling a punch to threaten with meaty pink fist in the french connection. such bulky uber-male demonstrations drove me nuts!
- i know now it was just the flip side of the more usual teenaged-girl safe attraction to the androgynous little slips of boy whose polished smiles still beautify the covers of teen mags. although it's a step toward real relationships, attraction to perfect-pretty boy idols & hulky man-hunks are so far-removed from the real boys at school!
- we were raised in the church til aged 10, then given a choice if we wanted to keep going. my sister & i screamed NO!!! (at least that's what i remember...) my theory is, the less god or sense of the spiritual i have had in my life, the more obsessed i would get.  oh my lord, the obsessions have been many in the many years, even after i got sober & had periods of hugely unspiritual living! now being up here in the beautiful mountains, in a, yes, often-trying but loving, rewarding, emotionally edifying marriage, with fulfilling & immersing work, my obsessions are at bay... tho they still crop up!
- for instance, james & i've gotten obsessed in the past six months with columbo, tho me more than him, of course, cause, well, i think i'm just more neurotic. next weekend we're gonna stay at an old motel toward the mojave desert for one night, & i found out it has served often as a movie-tv locale, & then i kept looking (obsessing) & found out -- sh*t! -- they used it in an episode of columbo!! -- tho unfortunately not in one of the patrick mcgoohan episodes, cause that would've been a trifecta of obsession, to be w/james at a motel where a columbo was filmed starring my current-favorite deceased actor!!!  (mcgoohan, coolly, stoically handsome, did not drink or kiss onscreen because he was married & felt otherwise would disrespect his wife. he turned down the role of 007!)*
- there was a picture of the episode, so i clicked the link & found a site & realized: i am garden-variety obsessed. the person who made this website is full-boat, jenny-at-aged-16, maybe-whackadoodle obsessed! click here and see what i mean. http://columboscreenshots.blogspot.com
- columbo is such a terrific show! peter falk was a genius! so at least the man who assembled the site  has directed his obsession toward something worthy. just imagine if he put his effort & mind toward solving a world problem: he could change the planet, maybe!
(ps, here's a picture of patrick mcgoohan, just so you can see what i was enthusing about above...) :D
(tho of course james is far more handsome!!!)

* (from http://stuffnobodycaresabout.com/2015/04/20/batman-as-007-twelve-actors-who-turned-down-the-role-of-james-bond/:) A little more about Patrick McGoohan who had he accepted the role may have been the best actor to ever play the part. But it was not only the womanizing McGoohan objected to; he truly despised the character, calling Bond “contemptible and simplistic.”... McGoohan, a man of very strong ethics said in a 1960’s interview about the Dr. No script which he turned down, “I thought there was too much emphasis on sex and violence. It has an insidious and powerful influence on children. Would you like your son to grow up like James Bond? Since I hold these views strongly as an individual and parent I didn’t see how I could contribute to the very things to which I objected.”

Friday, September 16, 2016

pages about the pages...

- last week, i stopped by the 50th anniversary soiree for our wee local weekly, the mountain enterprise, to congratulate the publisher & editor for their good work: they put out an award-winning little paper that i enjoy reading each week! patric heglund, editor, asked me to write a  bit about my school involvement. it came out yesterday, and wow! she fixed it so i sounded much more wholesome & circumspect than in the original i'd sent her, where i groused about my former school district. i think this is the first time i've worked w/the press & been much happier after they revised a piece i'd written! the article in her hands turned into a civic piece, a proud little showcase for my school's elective & after school program, the arts, the frazier park library, my boss, & my former boss, kindly & talented marie smith, who unnecessarily has been going thru it at her job bc of a certain person of whom i'll not say much except that he needs to go.
- the pic of james is funny: don't know if you can tell thru the blur, but it reads, "welcome your new neighbor," which, coupled w/these humorously aggressive & eccentric images of him, made me laugh! this was the sue's tavern show he & the whole band missed due to accident on I-5 blocking traffic, the one that was to have been my last w/the blues express.
... but he just asked if i would do the shows up here on the mtn & in bakersfield, so of course i said yes. :) whee! school takes top priority, but music? heck, yeah! tomorrow he plays a fundraiser in so-cal, but i won't be there. should be a kick in the pants. you can look it up at www.mswalkride.org