DUSK DEVILS' Upcoming shows listed at www.myspace.com/theduskdevils (not!)... CONTACT: rule 62 jen at yahoo dot com or the dusk devils at yahoo dot com; www.myspace.com/THEduskdevils (music); www.youtube.com (search "Dusk Devils"); a page exists on facebook, as well...

Sunday, April 26, 2015

bwahahahahahaha!!! coughsputterchoke rettttccchhhh!!!

bro mike & darling darlene visited from smellay, a warm & nice but too-short visit. little darlene, a pretty, very sharp, eccentric 7 year old who reads aloud much better than many middle-schoolers, snapped this pic of us. the funniest comment, from fb pal james w: "great. now I have captain & tennille songs running thru my head."
ah, hellish wag, ah scurrilous wit! bye for now...

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


we've been getting a lot done around the mountain house, fixing, rearranging, & building stuff. james says i'm from "the little rascals school" when it comes to assembling things. he, too, enjoys fixing & making things out of what we have sitting around the property. it looks great around here at our "winchester mystery house," better than ever! have had many lovely drives to-from bakoland since we discovered a way that goes thru farmlands & fields instead of along the interstate: country skies, sprawling crops, ranch houses & barns, james loves that stuff, too. :). peewee houdini has been getting out lately, one time out of his new "catio," but he doesn't go far. "didn't you ever get lost when you were a kid?" said james. "you're having fun, yayy! an adventure!, then go, uh oh: where am i??? you get scared!!!"... so i'm working on getting us to atlanta for the 80th international convention of the noble assn of drunks (not its name). i've gotten to go to all the others since sobering up, & dang it, we're going to go to this one!!! problem is, i kinda didn't think about how far away atlanta is. dang! but we're going! an extra lure is the georgia guidestones as well as family in kentucky... it's gonna be swell, even if i have to work for weeks to pull it off!
dad, doug & james all have pulled, injured backs right now, so at least our family main men are able to commiserate, tho they hobble in pain right now... my stupid leg muscle's still pulled, so still can't run. thought it was healed, then pulled it again while clambering up the steep slope out front doing yard work. argh! aging! drat!
well, that's it for now except i must stop procrastinating re preparing for upcoming classes i'm gonna teach... meanwhile, every time i volunteer at the thrift store, 15-20 "new" books jump in the car somehow. megalomania, pyromania, dypsomania: gimme bibliomania instead!!!! (sing doctor demento song.) hoho, heehee!!

Monday, April 06, 2015

so burrr blablabla

i had to stop drinking in 1995, & when i first started going to meetings, all i heard about was "the international" in san diego. every 5 yrs, the worldwide association of 12 stepping drunks has an international convention someplace in north america. i had missed "the international" by just two weeks!! i'd been on some of my last drunks while 100s of thousands of happy sober people were at "the international"!! it drove me nuts & thought i, i'm going to the next one or die trying!! of course, that meant i had to keep the plug in the jug...
back then, several hard-a**es & program doomsayers took one look at my young, selfish, immature newcomer butt & got my number, telling me i'd "never make it."
"oh YEAH???" i sputtered. "i'll show THEM!!" know-it-all jerks!! i would make it!!
then i got cast as glinda the good witch in a 12 step adaptation of the wizard of oz; my main lines were "the promises," which, if you don't know, are that part of "the big book" that tells you all the positive, mature, rewarding things you'll be able to do once you sober up & start to grow up. i'd drive around downtown bakersfield at night practicing my lines, steering & muttering those promises to myself, & realized i WANTED those things in my life!!
all the nice people i met, along w/the promises, the doomsayers, my immediate identification w/the big book, & the lure of upcoming international conventions helped ensure that i stayed off the sauce day by day.
i was in like flynn in bakersfield sober circles for many yrs. i loved helping others, feeling useful & purposeful, like a good person, "part of," yet outside the gossip. i had a strong role model in my 1st husband, a close-mouthed man who, like my dad, just didn't believe in telling tales. i felt good, even great, more uncrazy than ever at many times during those years... we went w/friends to the 2000 international in minneapolis as well as the 2005 in toronto. my dear friend jani & i walked around a colorful international market; we all went to the ginormous mall of the americas; i fell off the rails emotionally & missed seeing ronnie dawson at a local club; we ate thai food & delicious fish; we visited meetings in many languages & walked amongst thousands, thousands of happy sober people. in 2010 i'd just gone through a very sad divorce & went to the convention in san antonio. i saw my ex-husband there as well as throngs of bakersfield friends who'd traveled to the tx gathering in a big cheerful herd. i was in a really bad spot in life emotionally & spiritually then, but the convention was all-wonderful.
the next one's in atlanta. i'll have 20 years. did i mention the conventions always fall on my sober birthday weekend? my selfish part is pleased by this: every 5 yrs, i celebrate my bd not just with the u.s.a., but w/the sober world. i've started really getting excited about this convention, going to atlanta w james, continuing on to kentucky to again visit his loving, wonderful family there, traveling, being sober, having a chance to keep growing, getting healthier, connecting to others, helping & being helped, not just existing but feeling fully awake & alive.
can't wait!!!
to conclude, here's a section from the most important book i've ever read, pp 152-153. when 1st i heard it, at the little church meeting that was my thursday night home for 14 years, my chest swelled & i nearly cried. i grew up loving superheroes. i never wanted to become what i did, a confused, desperate, unhappy, sick in all ways girl-woman who broke her mother's heart, hurt all who loved her, in the vice of a fatal disease. these promises, not the ones i had to learn for the play, are ones that kept me coming back, & still do. there's hope for a new life to anyone who wants it. this isn't the only way, but it's the way that has worked for me.  if you, too, are inspired by what you read below, here's the link:
[Here you will] find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of [the program]. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!

Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships... may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.

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Monday, March 30, 2015

it's alive!!!!

Just cleaned house for folks while James & Peewee sleep. When the surgeon cut James open, he said he exclaimed, "What the hell is THAT?" He called in his associate, then another. I know gruff life-saving Dr Heillbron Sr (nicknamed "Papa" by some at the hospital) is written to have 45 yrs' experience, his associate 42, so w all 3, over a century saving lives combined isn't out of the ballpark. They'd never seen a perforated ulcer of James's variety. He'd have died if it'd been a "normal" bleed out, & would've anyway had he not gotten to St Mary's when he did  (((shudder)))...
Below's a pic of us from last eve as we relaxed on the patio w family in the beautiful eve fragrant w jasmine... James lost 25 lbs over the course of what he calls his "event," all muscle, I think, since he's never had a roll of fat. He's started eating more like Dad, little meals about every hour, & his biceps still pop up like bowling balls, so he'll be back in fighting trim soon enough, I believe...
This a.m. Mama & I put together a "little library" to take out to the Friendship House. This is a VERY worthwhile endeavor, & m&d are doing their pt to make sure the books go where they're needed... read about how to start &/or find a little free library ... my finger is stiffening from phone-typing. We can't wait to be back on the mountain. We
are so happy for the gift of life life life.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

goodbye & thanks for all the fish...

- haven't been on a "real" computer since march 5. the fateful day! the terrifying day! the day now cautiously but decisively, neatly tucked away in our pasts, not to be forgotten ever, but now put in its proper compartment, no longer our overwhelming reality!
- it's a different life now for us both & all. miracles have abounded, or fortuity, or positive coincidence; whatever it's been, i'm very very very very very very (zenith) thankful! thankful for the good universe, god, order, chance, change, st mary's medical center, beloved family & dearest friends, the indomitable james page, as well as the (we estimate) 20-or-so-thousand people who prayed for him!
- almost ready to write more on what happened... not now, tho. still makes my heart jump & respiration run raggedy!
- many know my husband almost left this earth on march 5. his band wasn't in a car wreck, he didn't get shot or shanked or any of the other rumors. his insides exploded & he was very, very, very ill, but he is an amazingly strong specimen of humanity in heart & body & so now he heals...
- ahh!! arrhythmia!! anxiety!! no more for now!
- i have missed reading aloud (nearly my favorite thing about having been a teacher) & sometimes james lets me read aloud to him & at the long beach hospital that was our home for over 2 weeks, i started hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with him, one of his & sister angie's favorite (they & the book being weird, smart, nerdy, & silly), & now i can say with understanding: DON'T PANIC and remember... a towel can be a massively useful thing.
- please read w/amusement these quotes from HGTTG
- smiling kindly, wan, wearing one of dad's heavy robes, tender belly filled w/mama's cooking, james just walked in to say hi.
te deum laudamus........................................... fo sho.

Monday, March 02, 2015

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

sitting here at my favorite picture window in the office area of our dining room... it's my favorite window in the world cause it looks out on the arroyo & mountains, always a beautiful view. the snow's been falling off & on for 3 days now, all types of it: big & sloshy; icy pellets; soft & gentle; plump flakes; dancing, steady, cascading, plummeting, frolicking, disappearing into the ground, sugaring the trees & earth, forming icy packs; & more. right now, it's falling like movie snow, blanketing the sky & land with quiet white calm. :) except for blizzards (only been thru one since moving here: yecch!! i had cabin fever after four hours!!!), i love the pretty
i am very, very, very, very, very lucky.
snow, & who wouldn't, if not besieged by it, as is happening in the eastern u.s. these days? snow brings cleansing, comfort, contemplation & beauty.
the wide & parched san joaquin valley's been getting rain as part of this weather pattern, & it needs it badly. so happy my dried-out, too-often dirty home area is being washed & quenched by the rains!
back where i lived from 2012-2014, they had a freak snowfall on the beach this a.m., but upon closer reading, turns out it was hail. i'm just glad i'm here now, that we're here, that life is unfolding as it is!!
the universe has been very good to us.
and how are you? i'm just swell, blabbing on a bit in the warm house looking out on the lovely snow cause i'm a little trapped today. couldn't hike in it today cause it never let up enough, but i did a few other times in the past week, always such an experience for which my heart fills w/gratitude & happiness: steps crunching, muscles warm & straining, lungs & heart pumping, breath pluming, inhaling the fragrance of wet pine & sage, enjoying the cool sting on my face, stooping to hydrate w/handfuls of the clean cold white stuff, just standing there, elevation-dizzy & dazed by the gorgeousness all around. wow! on the penultimate hike of the past week, i found a big chunk of deer skeleton for james, a bone collector, the biggest specimen i've brought home to him yet! the poor creature, no doubt coyote-killed, was reduced to meaty ribcase & spine as well as hip to hoof still encased in delicate, nubby fur: macabre, fascinating. james was delighted!
on another front, the other night we recorded 17 songs in 6 hours w/young producer nick, who got everything down w/adept speed & skill! after i laid down all my vocals, i visited my dear friend donna, just around the corner from nick's little studio, for a bit & we had one of our big, gigantic laughs & ate some delicious food she'd made for her daughter's party (& sent home for us -- yumyum!) & we watched a show about the dead sea scrolls before i returned to pick up dear james & we hit the late-late-night road for home... we goofed here & there on instruments, as would happen when going live at such a pace, but the only thing that needs work is the guitar sound:  james is confident he & nick'll get it beefed up just fine. yes, we went live, instruments 1st, then vocals; nick captured the very best piano sound i've ever gotten in a studio setting, really pumping & mighty & rich, as well as terrific vocals from james, who happens to be one of the greatest vocalists on this planet!!... we can't use all songs for a demo or to sell at shows, but we will have more than plenty once the mixing is done!
that reminds me: james's shows start back up march 14 w/a birthday show at LB's shenanigan's & i need to make a poster; he & i start up weekly in taft at the bank this thursday. music music music: we're jumping back in the mighty stream!
donna & i having one of our big snorting gasping guffaws
ooh, it's falling harder & starting to blanket the hills... what another lovely day, i pronounce unironically. i will put up posters for shows as well as more on our recordings as all shapes together... the snow's really falling now as night approaches, but the quail are bobbing & pecking around on the 2nd driveway so cutely, joined now by two new babies!, none of them deterred at all by the cold... meanwhile, peewee the genius cat jumps adorably, trying to catch snowflakes thru the picture window... wish everyone could see it, or something equally heartwarming.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

hahahahahahaha... Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

We recently turned Dad on to Ken Nordine. You must look him up, if you don't know his work. Dad, ever dignified in countenance, is now even more demented, thanks to listening to k.n. :.D
Our trip was just wonderful. Now I type rudimentarily on small device for novelty, prepping to hoof in mountain night to drunk mtg. Am stalling so don't have to finish unpacking from 3 wks of travel, scrub refrigerator of horrors, or create units for upcoming classes. I just feel good. It sure feels good to feel good.
Pic from Honeymoon 2 ... I stopped dying my hair 6 plus months ago... want to see if it will stop at luxurious salt & pepper, like Mama's, or go snowy white, like Dad's. James says he loves my gray hairs. I  love his receded hairline. So it works out getting old together!