DUSK DEVILS' Upcoming shows listed at www.myspace.com/theduskdevils (not!)... CONTACT: rule 62 jen at yahoo dot com or the dusk devils at yahoo dot com; www.myspace.com/THEduskdevils (music); www.youtube.com (search "Dusk Devils"); a page exists on facebook, as well...

Monday, November 16, 2015


last night, in an amazing deal for the place, i got 3 pizzas for 11 bucks at the local market. winter bringing rain, high winds, icy snow has blown in & locals look different now, all of us hollow-eyed & hunkered-down in coats to combat the cold, lumbering & scurrying to get our supplies before securing ourselves tightly away for the night in (i hope) warm homes... the snow is beautiful & forbidding, but also light & playful: we've only this year so far seen it be the former, but i have learned living up here the weather's got so many faces, temperaments, colors, moods... it is a living entity, the greatest one of all! (see article below about nature.)
there's a local stir right now about a corporate dollar store coming to town: most objection is coming from local biz owners ("natch"), chiefly the guy whose family has a monopoly on local markets. he even was spotted removing local newspapers from stands so locals couldn't read the story wherein he threatened to fire employees who didn't sign his petition protesting the incoming dollar store! (his attempted subterfuge only resulted in yet another newspaper story, which only made him look more like a weenie...) man, that's rough: i feel sorry for the folks working for these markets. will they always have to watch their backs when they want to pop into the dollar store for a cheap item or two?
we're on a budget in this life-chapter (which is fine; self-restraint aligns nicely w/my OCDish tendencies), but i'd never buy everything from dollar stores. such food generally is limited, low-quality & un-nutritious, falling into the category of fake food, for the most part, & the products are plastic, cheaply-made, quickly-broken. but i hope this dollar store goes through cause it'll be nice to have more shopping options. we won't have to go off the mountain as much!
one argument from local biz owners is that the dollar store will create traffic congestion in our little tiny liliputian itsy-bitsy downtown.
oh, please!!!
competition is good, people around here are loyal to one another's persons & endeavors, & our locally-run stores generally are high quality & run, i think, with love & care. (example: the feed store; the library [not a biz, at least not yet]; the pizza joint; the video store; the vegetarian restaurant; the burger joint; the junk store; the toy store; the hardware store; the car wash!) go, dollar store, go!
next i will pray mightily for a movie theatre to be installed down at the outlet mall. come on, movie theatre!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

mama mia, papa pia, potato chip

just saw this dazzling pic that kaykay posted of james, to which i commented he was the handsomest man i've ever seen, then joked in postcript, "except for johnny weissmuller." so then i had to look up weissmuller on google &... good gravy!!!!
the weissmuller shots (below) are such obvious beefcake, but some people like me are obvious in what twists their twinkie, as cousin tushi would say (another of her exclamations comprises the title of this post). dad & mom are the same way: he, always so gentlemanly, has only ever commented (politely) on women's physical appearance when they are as beautifully, intoxicatingly shapely as, say, dark-eyed sophia loren; mama's favorite has long-been big manly sean connery... me & james have had talks about the 1st time we felt "funny" seeing a celeb. i've known men who were most thrilled physically by women who looked more like teenagers or even were childlike (yeccch), or feminine caricatures, like bette davis, who really were more like drag queens or had masculine characteristics, but my husband & i have always been attracted, really attracted, by strapping uber-men (me) & -women (him), hunky (me) & healthily curvaceous (him) endomorphs, their visages maybe displaying high testosterone & estrogen levels. he recalls his first realization that there was something special about the female specie the first time he viewed raquel welch, in 10, 000 BC. good heavens! that must be one of the top-10 ultra-toned beautiful-bombshell images ever recorded! for me, it was walking into the tejon theatre in bakersfield & being stopped in my tracks by the sight of john amos (yes, good times 70s tv-dad john amos) shirtless in the world's greatest athlete: the strong chin, wide forehead, handsome, masculine face, & broad broad chest clicked something on in my 7-year old being.
- there's nothing wrong with androgyny or any other legal physical attraction (we're not fatty-haters, & if you are, go suck an egg). why write about this? well, it's my damn blablablog.
anyways, this is what i think about on this wintry day, the 1st snow having nestled the mountain these early morning hours. the house is quiet & calm & we had coffee, pyrenee's rolls from bakersfield, provolone & meats from generous mama, lingonberry jam, & now he's retired to rest & i'm on to reading in a few... he said this early morn he was out watching the sunrise & falling snow & cavorting wildlife & laughed happily, "this is my HOME!" i feel that way so often... no high-paying career would take the place of the simple & pretty life of today. to repeat thoreau for the 100th time, "that man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."
anyways, back to my mundane, everyday, but fun-to-consider-for-the-moment topic, the pics here  give me that john amos feeling (tho the one of james additionally stirs my heart with many other kinds of love, which is what happens in marriage, as love deepens & broadens), & also remind me of the 1st time i saw my husband sans-shirt. that image will never be posted here or anyplace else, but i'll say, just to be polite, oh my, hubba hubba, mama mia, papa pia, potato chip.

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Sunday, November 08, 2015

sleepy mind, beautiful life force

my mind feels soft & warm like a blanket... slow & quiet like late afternoon light... the low clear clean light is breathtaking & makes my brain & heart shush & draw in, comforted by the certain coming of winter.
just read a really neat, well-written article that i used to wipe my hands on as i ate & read (unfortunate habit of mine), before i realized i would have otherwise saved it, so i'll just quote it here, since i must now throw away the pb&j-smeared pages. "just as there are receptors in the brain for drugs, i like to think we have receptors for nature as well. we may believe we are run by our thoughts and anxieties, our urges and our choices, but come to a place like montana [or a place where nature is in charge, like here on the mountain] and you wil be reminded that the moon is running you. the sun is running you. the light or lack of light is running you. you are the full moon. you are the rushing river. you are the animal, moving and being moved" (amanda fortini, from good magazine)
oh, cool! here's a link to the article itself! i was initially not-much interested, but the piece builds into something quite different than its initial description of mundane activities... surrender by amanda fortini (of course, she's not just a great writer, but beautiful)
the link contains photos quite stunning! like the one below of james and me... his smile makes me swoon (as dad said, james has no bad angles, & as i say, his immense heart & soul shine through his eyes), and i know i'm not alone, but that is ok with me... :)

Tuesday, November 03, 2015

all hallow's eve

winter's coming! finally can feel it in the air... we watched most of soylent green the other night after the above crazy-successful show at long beach's  shenanigan's, but i can't ever watch past when edward g. robinson goes to the euthanasia factory to "go home" cause i start blubbering... am happy to feel winter in the air because tho charlton heston's hammy-yet-wooden macho brawn & corniness make soylent green laughable, its "dystopic vision" isn't cause it in ways seems too plausible -- the ideas that the future always will be hot, squalid, over-populated, evil-government ruled, with sexism & exploitation of the human even more culturally-imbedded... but now turns the weather to winter, yesterday & today with billowing storm skies bringing fresh cold rain & shining nighttime of brilliant, chilled stars... welcome, winter. :)
(btw, the peanuts movie comes out next week, just in time for the holidays.) :)

Friday, October 30, 2015

oh my, oh heck, oh crud, oh rats

have been sick in soul & also body all week. so much confusion, loss, blah.
looking at the dishes & no magic fairies are gonna do them. waiting for repair person to call back to look at the gas wall heater, which is emitting a not-intolerable tho steadily-annoying high c#. i would trouble-shoot it, but been too sick to stand much, never mind do heating repairs. once i lived in a 1910s walk-up in downtown backwardsland that had a lovely hissing steam radiator, the steady shush of which, on cold eves, was calming, but this sound ain't that. hard to get help on the mtn at the last sec like this. halloweeny tomorrow. mebbe all the repair persons are getting their ghosty & zombie & witchy & hobo & superhero & other costumes ready.
so much sad, sad news this week. god rains on the just & unjust alike; the birds outside don't care; life goes on; the low-angled lulling golden sunlight on the dusky green mountains, the wisping burr of pine, don't care. am grateful to be ill here in the soft & quiet mountains rather than in the loud & dirty city, which is good for a dip but not for a life. i'd be even more depressed if there...
remembered to turn to stoicism, its readings imparting advice not unlike that in 12 step programs or christianity or buddhism of various patterns, to my synchretizing mind... so much is out of my control; my duty is to find meaning, keep composure, when it's lost, relocate it.
here are a few worthwhile links. dishes next, dang it.
this is great: adam smith, "loved and lovely"
failing is part of the deal

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Thursday, October 29, 2015

"you better be right, sinner, you better be right..."

have been feeling crappy about many things these past two days, so decided to make a halloween video. a creative attempt usually works to cut thru the sludge & pain & confusion in my brain.
the original song was recorded in the '50s by freddie & the hitchhikers & rediscovered by the cramps. i recorded the audio when we lived in the apartment in oc, ca, back in 2013. it's one of the cuts from our 2013 halloween mini cd, called something like happy f&*$ing spooky halloween (you get the idea). if you wanna hear more, just email me or james or see us on facebook.
that is all for now...

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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Life goes on for us. We're still alive. We're still here!!!!!

found myself in oildale, ca today saying that to a young guy i used to see at meetings who obviously sitting on the sidewalk dirty & ashamed wasn't in that sober place anymore, & he dipped his head & said beautiful & even wiped a tear. "brian visited me a few times when i was in jail," he said, referring to my 1st husband, & in that moment, i realized today was brian's bd, so i gave the young guy his number cause that'd be quite a nice bd present for brian, to do some 12 step work. then in another huge God shot, i turned around & another member of the fellowship was walking up, someone w lots of good time, & took the guy to his truck & gave him a shirt so he would be able to go into a place & get some food. "tell james hi," he called as i walked back to my vehicle, feeling so effin grateful & useful & happy, & then when i got in the car i learned life took away james's dear friend max. max! the greatest drummer i've ever heard, a smart talented wiry wily wisp of a guy, a trickster & a mensch. he chain smoked most of his life, got an aggressive lung cancer, immediately started a vigorous anti-smoking campaign, fought & fought to hold on! so scrappy, so vital was he, he last much longer than thought possible! but this p.m. he left this life & now the  rollercoaster has gone off the tracks into unbridled cyclone. why why why? there's no satisfying answer & after the happy beautiful trip of last week, i now feel clawed at & gnawed at by old dark inclinations, sad & mad in so many ways i can't even explain cause that box must stay nailed shut... i know after these dark skies, after this storm, the sun is gonna rise & hope when it does, i will be able to feel it. that we can feel it... we... can... good lord, max is gone & thousands mourn! unfettered souls swing from sweet, loving & kind to  suicidal, selfish, dishonest, damaged! i'd quote the big book, but what's the use? sometimes life is just pure sh*t & that's all there is to it.


recently i was in a group of four or five women & it came up that every one of us has had eating disorders at one time or other. cheese & crackers! what kinda crap is that? to quote repo man, "i blame society..."
thought of this just now as i chomped down my (not gonna lie here) fifth piece of rugelach (had to look up the spelling), so tasty nutty-crunchy yet starchy-doughy, like so many foods i binge upon (shuddering while doing so since it's near-impossible to trace these tasties back to their originating farms or critters... or laboratories?) (btw, this is an eye-opening exercise to undertake when considering one's grub intake) (where was i?)  mom & dad got the rugelach & challah bread & other yummies from a jewish food festival that took place here in backwardsfield the other day... so i'm here to say hi to los padres magnificos & tomorrow have two dr appts before going back up the mtn to work... we had swell heart-warming small-town kinda events on the mountain the other day, a haunted library shindig my boss marie put on in spades w/the whole beautiful place decked out in morbid scary silly fun, then right across the street at the park, a community dinner put on by a local church, so i got spelled from patrol at work counting people in attendance to grab a bowl of delicious soup & bread AND see four of my warm happy friends from the drunk club! anyways, whatta life. i am really enjoying my turn lately, i tell you.
however, am frustrated trying to upload pix from james's & my trip; mama's little computador won't read the files, so i'm forced to be sensible & give up til am back home & can do it all in one swoop, rather than being a nut as is my tendency & spending hours here obsessively sending 80 photos one by one (the only way my phone will do it) to email, then creating a folder, dumping photos in one by one, then uploading each to facebook (see, i got it all figured out, like we nuts will do before embarking on some insane task completely counterproductive & time-wasting).
we had a really great great great great trip to the desert to celebrate three years' marriage, enjoying superb food & kind hospitality & very comfortable beds with nice soft sheets of higher thread count than my limbs & toes usually slide upon & wonderful gargantuan skies & lonely highways & neon lights & i could go on & on & on cause i can even binge on words.
instead i'll just post a pic or three or 9 of some highlights & more later, more later... maybe, who knows, who cares! just remember to watch (unless you're a homophobe) the french movie stranger by the lake (the eros & thanatos impulses! such scary twins! so spooky! so sexy! so doomed! been there, but ain't done THAT!) & read john waters' carsick (unless you're a homophobe... or have no sense of humor). chow!
james killed at sammy's original! god-like!

next we vegged at a wonderful spot in DHS

look at that face... can only write OMG!!
great guy commemorated in palm springs

the white shadow & the whiteboy in photogenic amboy
hanging w/shady & kim in bullhead city/laughlin

"help us, obi-wan!" awesome gift from shady guarded by magic glove

nearly the coolest place in vegas: james w/sci-fi center's william

after the trip: makeupless me w/kind, talented marie at haunted library