you know i love you, yes, i do, but i'm savin' all my lovin' just for you" (name that tune - @ is disqualified!)
-> things have changed in the past near-14 yrs (14 yrs this sat, someone reminded me!), but my brain too often still is not my friend!! in the secret society, they say HALT – don’t let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. it’s one of them cornball things i grab hold of like a life preserver, cornpone wisdom that pacifies the enemy between my ears. at 75% right now, on tail-end of life-changing new orleans trip, tho am not hungry (just walked/wilted along the paseo de las luces el paso, in scorching heat, bustling w/mexican folks doing their shopping, walked right up to mexico’s border, eating a rompope paleta [bakersfield’s la rosas are better]). now am on train here placating self w/ music & again must reaffirm that what remedies this selfish, recurring, self-centered loneliness/weirdness, aside from surrender or helping someone else, is not deep talk or analysis, but music, & i mean the fun & pumping stuff, nothing serious (& good god, please not SELF-serious), that kinda stuff that don’t save souls (tho am listening to TX surf right now). my revelation has been that i’m in love w/so much, so many, & the latest is w/a city. but more later.
-> train is chugging along just west of el paso now & it’s beautiful, but man, i want off this train!!! what a trip this has been. wow. to imitate pretentious cinema (but mostly due to bad memory), shall recall events in reverse order:
-> today: san antonio bullis house was overrun by bed bugs this eve. arrghh!! was up all night smashing blood-gorged mites (gorged on MY blood! little bast*rds!!) into the bed sheets & scrubbing self in shower, then trying to sleep even a hair while docs re farrah & the gloved one ran & reran on the tv. what a nightmare!: tho i know worse’ve been to have no bed at all, no shelter; there’s always so much worse than what i’m in, gotta always remember that. cabbed over & boarded train, 5 am. train train train train train all day (& night, upcoming). seems endless, but i know it’s not… walked to mexico (see above) & spoke on phone w/bako friend whom i construed to be hobnobbing w/the rich & that’s never any good for me, brings on weird envy & alienation. on the topic of wealth, remember what lemmy said!!
-> but yesterday… my cousin tushi & i took her kids to the beach in her town of granbury tx & it was so pleasing to sit w/her on man-made sandy shore under palm-covered cabana-bench & watch my little cousins laugh & frolic in the splash. then i hit the road & just sailed: the green farm rds soared on by. in burnet, tried to find stacy’s grave for quite some time, but no luck, so said a prayer for peace to her & all of us who still miss her so. in san antonio, took bags to bullis house & was hit by lonesome waves, so kept moving, returned car (btw, you can’t get into the SA airport except from the fwy!!!), took buses to riverwalk, came in on the N portion where the landscaping & water is exquisite, but then when you walk south, it all gets disneylandish & crowded: yech. then i traipsed thru the “alamo shrine” (proof i’m no texan; didn’t get it), next up n. alamo & under the 37, about 3 ½ miles, grateful i had water because it was deathly hot, & spotted a cool retro diner, so stopped in for a black cow & this awesome puffy taco as read the local news-weekly. suddenly a guy crabwalked in, shaking, unable to speak, aided by a cook, & the ambulance guys rushed in, & i thought the poor fellow was having a seizure, but they said his core temp was 105 & rushed him out on stretcher! to stave guilt (i had water, he obviously had not), i kept moving & heard zydeco playing across a giant field full of broken concrete, so ran after it – it was a band called the doolins at sam’s burger joint! listened for a few songs, which quickly turned alt-country, then left & walked the dilapidated, interesting ft sam houston 'hood back to bullis house. then the damn bugs started in.
-> the day before, hung out in granbury, ran on their city soccer field track, went to an awesome drunk mtg, had some babe’s catfish & biscuits w/molasses. then we took the kids to see UP & spent about $400 on concessions.
-> the day before that i woke up at the austin motel again in that cute little cowboy rm & had awesome ginger-banana & pecan-buttermilk cakes at the magnolia café then waited a bit to see if i could lunch w/friendly sxsw luann, but she had too many mtgs, so got some great books at the texas thrift store & then sailed N up the 35 to granbury & was so grateful to see my fiercely loving, funny, foul-mouthed cousin, who adores her loud, beautiful, wild little ragamuffins. at dusk, the kids took me out to pet & feed the horses, donkeys, dogs, etc., but we couldn’t get near the skittish barbado goats. the warm evening sang w/cicadas & crickets & it was one of those grateful to be alive times.
-> before that i spent the day in my favorite place, austin tx, jogging about 3.5 miles around lake travis on the city’s awesome path, but it already was brutally hot. so then just drove around & saw the sites & in a miracle, finally found another copy of the 5th royales’ monkey hips & rice at antone’s, an out-of-print CD stolen from the old house yrs ago. last time i saw it, aron’s (rip) wanted $50; this one was 16!! then went to barton springs & dunked a spell in the freezing water & laid there under trees having to keep my head turned until the darkness left every time beautiful haughty bikini girls everyplace, drunk on their seductive powers, came near… & why are females generally so much more blatantly sexy, anyway? (i mean, aside from exist-for-the-male-gaze-slave-to-patriarchy-thing.) is it fair at all for us women who’d like to have a comparable amount of male eye candy, or at least would like to see guys try a bit to look good for us??? dratted unfair societal “norms”… had dinner at magnola café, then dessert at hut hamburgers. went to an ok meeting that seemed more personalities than principles, but oh well: a meeting’s better than no meeting.
-> left the winnie tx rm & horrible prior day for uneventful drive to austin. stopped off in a small texas town can’t even recall the name of to glom the town square a bit & landed in a just-about-to-close diner where had chicken fried steak, meatloaf, black eyed peas, creamed spinach, biscuit, mashed taters & gravy, wow! what welcome, hearty, delicious home cooking! checked into austin motel, where i’ve long-wanted to stay; the rm was adorable & cool, w/a cute vanity w/big ole mirror & that hank wms repro concert poster i’ve seen many places, but never in a hotel rm. went to st vincent de paul’s & uncommon things; window-shopped so congress. was gonna go see earl poole ball at continental club (right across the frigging st, for pete’s sake!!) but was attacked by heavy doldrums/distraction/indolence/you name it. oh yeah; got a great salad at whole foods & bought harry crews book on book people’s sale table (but for vacation reading, smilla’s sense of snow is besting all!!).
-> the longest day of the year was horrible, horrible, awful. maybe wasn’t supposed to leave new orleans, is what i half-facetiously think! maybe that marie laveau shrine in the vieux carre did an evil no on me, tho i thought i’d resisted it! didn’t feel well from the get-go, really really needed a mtg but didn’t get to one, then got stuck in two long long traffic jams, 5 hrs total. missed cousin’s suggested route, which would’ve bypassed houston’s heaviest traffic. barely made it to winnie, tx & stayed in rm w/jacuzzi tub. called sponsor & thank heavens, she answered. total disaster again was averted.
-> new orleans is everything i’ve ever conjured: intoxicating, inimitable, indomitable. people there are warm & welcoming, & they deeply, deservedly love their battered beautiful sultry mysterious town. everyone calls you “baby,” be you (or they) male or female: “you gots it, baby,” smiles the basso-voiced blue-black burly camellia’s café cook as he slings a cherry-chocolate freeze, using about a full bag of ice. “sho thang, baby,” lilts the mulleted cajun woman at dollar general, & she’s so so beautiful cause of that singing southern voice & hospitality... dialects & friendly confidence abound: french, cajun, coon-ass, southern black. races & classes & ages mix, all besotted by & yoked by this magical place, magic ubiquitous, permeating the air as heavily as the humidity, like passion & love & fun; everyone seems to have that 2nd-line, laissez les bons temps rouler groove. locals dance & laugh & sling stories as easily as breath & don’t worry a bit about looking silly or being “cool”; it feels great to be part of such infectious warmth & sincerity!
-> went to rock & bowl & hulahooped for a long while, watching an old black guy, who in bakersfield would be homeless, based on his attire, dance w/blonde teens in party dresses & heels, all grinning & bopping their selves away. went to tipitina’s for big chief monk boudreaux, who made quite a dang entrance, in brilliant plumed purple “indian” garb headdress to toe, encrusted w/giant ruby rhinestones! they did “mardi gras in new orleans” before i had to retreat early due to intoxicating smoke-stuff (want to maintain sobriety date). went to brave long lines for preservation hall jazz band… but found out they’ll be in fresno in early july, so didn’t go in! ate awesome breakfast at betsy’s pancake house & all kinds of delicious cajun & creole grub like crawfish etoufee, red beans & dirty rice, greens… & file gumbo, just like the song! someone told me about nutrias, the city’s rodent bane, & not 5 mins later, i saw one, big as a squirrel, streaking thru a store! was admiring some lovely treble-clef earrings in this same store, & after i left, this handsome guy handed me a bag & it was the earrings!!! wow!!
-> visited that famous cemetery you always see in movies, community coffee, the voodoo shops; felt that i w/stood marie laveau’s evil-feeling shrine, but i think she won (read above about the horrid day). drove the glittering alleys & streets to incredible nighttime soundtrack of station WWOV; just wanted to drive & wander & park & soak up the nighttime & never sleep & not miss a thing & revel in the palpable & powerful life-death continuum... everything about nola oozes, seduces, bathes you in seedy sultry glamour, dripping from every ornate wrought-iron balcony & bead-festooned, lacy tree limb.
-> ok – enough frigging gushing!! the 1st eve, walking the french quarter, realized why horns exist: to be blasted outdoors in a new orleans alley! a group of about 12 young men blatted loud, exultant, exuberant song, strutting, singing, sweating, rejoicing. man! what a wondrous intro to nola! went to café du monde & practiced spanish w/a barcelonan couple over beignets & joe. found fats domino’s old house in the 9th ward. walked & walked & walked. stayed in bed late every single day, in some languid torpor, a beautiful spell that laughed, “lounge. you got no place to be. enjoy. this is vacation, & you in nawlins, baby! slow down!!” got lee allen cd, professor longhair shirt at the awesome LA music factory. took free ferry twice to algiers & walked (mardi gras world was closed, tho), 1st time to remember uncle henry, who passed away on thurs. june 18 (it was a day of death & birth, in the end). lit him a candle at st. louis cathedral. (was told all the saints are depicted so whitely bc they are french.) watched simpsons on hulu each night in tiny flophouse cheery orange-walled india house hostel rm. swam in their pool & took a chance to dream of a possible future of freedom, love, art, music. new orleans inspires a soul to dream, even a bargainer & equivocator like me! the city survives, abides, thrives. i was so blessed to have seen it at all, & if you haven’t, you must! one thing i missed was the streetcar named “desire” – it’s real! next time. :)
-> left hotel late & took the southern rt from lafayette thru acadania & started seeing bayous as soon as hit louisiana border. drove in & stopped off at mcilhenney island. was gonna take tabasco sauce tour, but attention span was too short, yet got to run into some terrific & generous old characters, like one big-bellied old man who spoke in warm patois, & got to rock in a rocking chair while listening to piped cajun waltzes. this all felt pretty right, like happy home. next drove into new orleans, india house hostel right off the canal street car line, & then whoom! the adventure was full-tilt ON.
-> took city bus to pick up rental car & drove from san antonio thru lake charles & got lost in lafayette. way too hungry & tired, had fancy dinner at ruth’s chris, which have long been curious about. cajun waiter talked about being “blown out by katrina” & relocating to lafayette & being in “the business” – that is, the restaurant biz, which i was told a person can make a lifetime career of in this area.
-> left bakersfield w/goodbyes from family to embark on life-changing adventure. had lunch at phillipe’s french dip, then at olvera street picked up a copy of UP & watched it on train. saw the sunset both evenings on the train & felt the possibility of this new life stretching out big as the horizon, a bit more amazing & less scary w/each mile bakersfield receded. felt like a footstool trying to sleep on the train; got off to stretch legs & nearly got left behind at each train stop, particularly tucson, where ended up full-out running like heck for the train. a close one!! took cab to san antonio’s bullis house, a formidable antebellum mansion w/super huge rms w/super-high ceilings & super king beds w/really nice sheets & fuzzy blankets. the 1st bullis stay was memorably great (tho the 2nd one sucked!!).
-> & on the train ride back, on the last night of this life-changing trip, experienced the best sunset of all in new mexico, w/the biggest, most dramatic painted sky yet, & now in calmly bustling moorish union station i realize the enemy between my ears has mellowed, as it always does when i give it time, & guess am ready to be back home, w/loved ones, friends, bandmates. now can try to form a new sense of "home" & “real life" & being responsible... hope see my dear doggies soon, too, somehow.
-> this has been my life-changing trip. may you have one, too, if you have not already. lastly, thank you to all friends who recommended places to go/see. laissez les bons temps rouler, baby.
Labels: adventure, amtrak, austin, bakersfield, blablabla, fats domino, friendship, gratitude, gushing, louisiana, love, music, NOLA, road trip, sobriety, texas, the enemy brain, tipitina's
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