Sunday, August 13, 2017


nice dinner at the golden spur (tho the sand dabs were quite weird)

- some happy news, after the sad posts of late. what is the happy news? i think it's that i started work friday.
yes! that's it!
- i would rather rest on my laurels, sleep late, eat bonbons (oh wait; i don't do that); watch tv instead of read (yes, i succumb, too often), but i know resting on laurels in my case leads to indolence, insolence, incontinence (emotional, that is), tho not impotence, no, we don't have that... in my case, idle hands definitely are (complete hoary warning)... both james & i do better when, like border collies, we have jobs.
- other good news for me is there's a cool app  i've been playing to beef up my scrabble/words with friends skills. we've deduced that a few ppl on fb w/whom we play are cheating. i don't want to cheat! i want to know how to play the game really well... such fun to manipulate words. so absorbing. mental gymnastics, too. might stave off dementia; who knows.
-what was i talking about?
-(shouldn't joke on that topic...)
-last week we took an overnighter to the inland empire of socal, the final hurrah before i started work. we had a fun trip start to finish. james & i did stuff together, like normal ppl (or as close as we'll ever figure normal ppl do). went to donut man, folk music center, rhino records, walked the dog, had a nice dinner, walked the dog in the morn to get bagels. next day he hung with his friends, me w/my dear donna. we shopped til we dropped at our favorite kinda places (discount), had "froyo" (i can't believe my eccentric friend used that popular name!), & ate tasty fish tacos at an outside stand. i sipped horchata & gazed at the san gabriels as a breeze blew; it seemed so wonderfully southern california. :)
- my friend showed me her immaculate & beautiful garden of which she is so rightfully enamored,  telling me proudly about all of her plants. this eve i took penny on a long hike, then came back & watered my little plants i had put in the pots earlier today. i never went into the 50th bd half marathon ordeal. see, i didn't finish: midway, after two bathroom stops, rumbling guts, sand in my shoes, & a boring, boring path, i JUST STOPPED. then i ran like hell back the hotel so i could get my breakfast, so i did complete a decent distance, but it was because i was going to have my hotel breakfast, dammit, or i was going to be really depressed!. also, the run to the hotel was fun because i was going someplace. a person i used to know called it "destination running." yes, i love that kind of run! the half marathon? it just depressed me, for some reason., so i didn't finish, & that was meaningful. the world isn't all or nothing. i can do small things & still be ok. i can even fail & still be ok.
not every day is a parade.
not every day is fireworks.
"do small things with great love" - mother teresa (mom & dad's license plate frame -- they should know; they do)
so i can water my little plants, jog because i want to, not to prove anything, & take life a little gentler in its second fifty years. (being optimistic & a little unrealistic, i realize.) also, i had the revelation this eve that i can honor my dear parents from here on by trying to learn to do what they each do so well. i've been learning to cook (james has been very happy & complimentary! and mama is the best cook!), & i need to teach myself to plant (dad is a lifelong gardener). they each do each of these things with such skill & with great love. also, each is a gentle & creative outlet that makes oneself & others happy. each task creates beauty & happiness.
-and so i will try.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

sick, disgusted, sad

 am sick over the news i just read of cowardly ignorant racists' violent & horrifying actions today. murderers; stupid, putrid villains; human scum: they should be wiped off the earth. this eve i talked to a wise person who also has progressive views, but yes, we agreed: some people should just not be here (james is of the same mind, as well).
the 1st song i thought of was "nazi punks f*** off," by the dead kennedys, bc angie used to play it all the time & it's therefore burned in my brain, but looking up the lyrics & listening to it again after many decades, i realized that except for its title the fast, furious song is angry but not at all sad... i then flashed to the saddest, toughest, angriest song i know. its topic is war, but this shreddingly powerful proto-punk beauty despairs & slams so hard, it better reflects the shock & sorrow i'm feeling right now...
i didn't used to think of "search & destroy" as a sad song. in the 1980s, my drughead friends & i, all young & full of it, would listen to this & rave about its toughness, its coolness, but now? such futility, despair, &  nihilism. recently, listening to it with james, who'd never heard it, i exploded in tears. he merely listened, nodded, shook his head, his face grim.
the ones who fight, the cannon fodder, they truly are "forgotten boy[s]" (and now girls, too). war today is unfairly (wo)manned overwhelmingly by the children of the poor; war itself generally is forgotten in favor of social media, junk food, lives of materialistic indebtedness, & game of thrones; peaceful protest is squashed; more & more & more cowardly, sick, disenfranchised morons act upon their violent impulses; not to mention the nightmare & travesty of "the apprentice" in the oval office.... the world seems such a horrible place today.
but i know we can't give up. we must all try, all the time, to make the world a better place, ESPECIALLY when the news seems futile. birth of a nation (the original disgusting, fetid film, that is) & idiocracy must not become reality! now read this for a mordant laugh. and have a good day.

Saturday, August 05, 2017

one year ago today, the world lost big manny

shocking to see my dear friend the gentle giant's pic on social media today. it has been one year since he left this mortal plane. i still think of him all the time, as i know so many, many others do. he was beautiful through & through, funny & sweet & irreverent & kind, could sing soaringly, like an angel,  or suggestively, so mischievously, so rockin', & he played guitar like chuck berry meets mount olympus. i hope manuel's family is doing better one year later, though that place where loved ones were is never, never the same... :(
yesterday, r.i.p to felix. he always was nice to me, a tall lean gray soul wearing thick glasses & a wise,  tight-lipped smile, looking bemused, relaxed, tough & resigned to this ridiculous life. he and james had A Shared Past, being real irish tough guys, knowing each other that way as well as through music for many decades. "f**k! listen to felix play the sh*t out of that harmonica!" james would exclaim. "f*ck!!"
felix had been very, very ill but continued to post angrily & righteously about cop abuse, his voice as  vital as ever, so it was shocking yesterday to learn of his death: he passed during surgery. we flashed back to 2015, when james had his near-death time, the day he finally went into surgery bc w/o it, he definitely wasn't going to make it. the doc sat me down & told me, "i'm gonna be straight with you. he might not survive this surgery. it's real risky." my head reeling, i levitated to the chapel, dumb w/shock, knelt down, shaking, stunned, & started rambling to whomever or whatever is Good in the ether. what else could i do? after a few minutes, in one of the most comforting yet creepy moments of my life, a kindly male voice in my head suddenly said, "don't worry. he's going to be ok. dry your eyes & go back upstairs." that's only happened one other time, when the voice told me "go to aa" when i was in a big bag of sh*t on the night of my last drink back in 1995...
felix lived to near-70, a long life for a working musician. i hope his long life was pleasing to him, that busting heads, blowing harp, kicking against the jams, & all that he did brought him a good life. requiescat in pace, tommy felix flanagan.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

happy birthday to me

i am 50 years old today.
good grief.
going to try not to contemplate Existence too much today.
run five miles slowly (didn't finish yesterday due to injury). try to remember each life-decade with each mile.
then watch movie. eat ice cream. go to bed. wake up tomorrow & have another day.
love, jenny

Thursday, July 27, 2017

choke sputter bleghghh!!

taking a break from putting a faux-stained glass sheet on the bathroom winder... don't guess it was the smartest to heat the toxic sheet w/blow dryer in closed quarters (was trying to get it to adhere better to the glass)... good thing the body is homeostatic, least til it's overtoxified & takes one final crap... the cat, curled up in the sink (it's cooler there, i think), didn't die of poisoning, so i think my lungs will survive.
last night was shenanigan's, a thin but enthusiastic crowd... my new amp took a dump AGAIN, so james will go w/me to guitar center this time so i can get another rig all together. i met an intelligent young woman w/a beautiful smile whom i'd taken last wk to be a glamour girl but turns out she also is a professional in helping profession, so that was neat! every time i meet a woman who is literate & w/something to say, i'm so, so gratified!! in a few cases, these women are too lovely inside & out. wow! that impresses me since i was cute when young, but a total a**hole... crooksie & richard were at shenanigan's, looking last night like double cheshire cats, as well as a very friendly couple (and others).... here are some nice pix i saw on fb that were taken by krystal k at don the beachcomber last week. anthony contreras is not just a fiery melodious master of jumping, swinging vernacular guitar, he is adorable, as you can see, just as sweet & boyish a person as he looks in this pic. thank you for the pix, krystal!... right now we're prepping the house for the gias' visit tomorrow. they will penny-the-dog & peewee-the-cat sit while we head south so i can do the 1/2 marathon. am excited, not just about the run, but for me & james to take a tiny trip together not requiring loading/unloading hundreds of pounds of music gear, & excited that mom & dad will likely enjoy staying here where the air is fresh & cooler & the views are lulling & lovely... ok, back to work for me...
peeps the outside kitty is calling for food, so better get going...

Sunday, July 23, 2017

is this thing on?

i've seen a few videos from allie bluz (thank you!) from last night at don the beachcomber. here are a few screen shots of me bc i am so proud that i have lost nine pounds due to running & needing to walk penny each day. i've needed to drop some avordupois. i'm not a big person & diabetes was lurking... i'm happy, too, bc this means, eating the way i do, i'm supposed to be more this size, even w/slowed metabolism due to age & worse food choices from bad influence of my siphon-spouse! (he can eat anything, w/little negative effect on his weight)... the show was fun & packed, tho blake's & my side of the stage boomed & thundered w/wall-of-bass sound. (i tried to lay off the left side, but every time i succumbed, a fat, intoxicating rumble ensued, which i love, but which i know drives blake nuts bc it's in his range!!! there's a button i can push, i read this morn in the manual of my new amp, that might help decrease my bass output...) james said the room's problematic, & it was so true i couldn't hear much of what anthony played, & in parts, steve's drums sounded like an earthquake! even still, what fun to play to a packed house of roaring happy folks. the total bummer is on both videos you can't hear any piano, so i don't even know if what i was doing was audible in the house. :( not  that i'm a virtuoso or wanting to show off, but if i'm gonna be there, seems the instrument should be perceptible. especially on the joe turner song that was videoed: once i glommed that james & his acolyte, big son of mighty mojo prophets, were singing "roll 'em pete," i happily dove in, but you can't hear a lick on the video. the unbummer is i know the band's not intentionally trying to bury me, as used to happen all the time when i had the dusk devils in those years when i worked with one of the two guitarists i had. i didn't take charge, let him run sound (he had the PA; i was lazy): he would invariably turn me down & himself waaaaaaay up. in those years i worked with that guitarist, my band always sounded like a guitar shred ((shudder)).
oh well; i will work on this. i will talk to my honey the boss (he destroyed the place, btw, of course!).
and i know wed at shenanigan's, w/the combo, w/just me, james & steve, i will be audible.

Friday, July 21, 2017

tiny sounds...

- to my right out the open window, i heard tiny nipping mooshing sounds, like very light sprinkler on grass... but there is no grass around here... so i peeked out & there were the quail. i counted 17 this time, all fat & adorable & beautiful, blending with the earth, pecking at the earth, eating all the evil horrible fire ants, i hope... how could anyone eat quail?? -- i mean, except in situations of necessity... but come on: how otherwise could anyone hurt them/shoot them/eat them? the older i get, the more i think of meat-eating as really rather wrong although i also believe humans evolved to eat other creatures... damned ambivalence... damned conscience... damned compunctive  coconut...
- well, as soon as james took off i tackled The Room. he's been bummed bc penny became un-housebroken when we went on vacation: she's been pooping in his room, very politely, i might add; she has no idea she's doing wrong. i've been itching to get in there, anyways, cause i'm much better at organizing than is james, so when he gave me the green flag to clean/organize his space, & jumped! - and four hours later, i finished... i think he will be so happy when he gets home tomorrow night. :)
- i'm staying home tonight to sit with the animal children; plus i have important appointments tomorrow morn & will from now on, so friday shows leading to so-cal stayover will be mostly out for me. i'm excited to play don the beachcomber tomorrow as well as use my new amp with the whole band. i used it with the combo last time, & was delighted & excited by the huge piano sound!! then the damned thing cut out twice. argghhhh!!!!
i finally got to bakersfield the other day to swap it. i originally bought a refurbished unit, but.... they exchanged it for a brand new one in the box!!! yaaaay!! then i headed to get my car stereo fixed at advance on buck owens blvd (i still need to yelp them up), really nice & helpful fellows, i didn't even have an appt, & the guy took one look & said, "do you have a cat?" the stereo was gummed up w/peewee fur. haaaahhhhh! so now i can listen to npr & piano red again!! i think tomorrow if i'm lucky at least some of what i play will sound like him bc i tend to play like whatever i've been listening to... i love piano red!!!! yes, i'm looking fwd to tomorrow, & glad i stayed home to take care of my important bidness. before tackling the tornado room project, early this a.m. i promoed james's shows this weekend. i thought all was well til 8 hrs later i look at the social media feed. 10 yrs ago, i never made a mistake (well, hardly) in writing/typing, in fact, i was kind of a snob about it, & now (karma? i think age) i'm fraught (using it as a noun, thank you very much): i made a flyer, posted it, 1200 ppl saw it and... i put the wrong date on it. arrrgghghghghghhgh!!!
- time to get ready to run. next wkend is the 1/2 marathon. 2:30:00 ostensibly is my goal, but actually, FINISHING WITHOUT INJURY is the true goal... yaaaaaay!!
- OMG!! I'VE HAD THIS BLOG FOR 13 YEARS & JUST DISCOVERED IT HAS A BUILT-IN DICTIONARY & THESAURUS!! oh, thank you, great pumpkin! the universe is good. :)
- ps, watch in the heat of the night (1967), if you haven't or haven't recently... what a terrific film! james exhorted many times afterward, "they call me MISTER tibbs!" i was wowed by sidney poitier's subtlety of expression & loved  the part where fat old rod steiger jacked up the racist scum...