blablablablablablablabla

no exciting or even boring pix to post, just feel like writing. need to uncramp my fingers. been putting stairs in on the east side of the house & indulging in other projects, so've been abusing my fingers for about a week now. got a fantastic massage several days ago from a secret masseuse here in town (she gets so much business that she doesn't advertise & in fact keeps her successful healing operation on the down-low... shhhh) -- it really was one of the best massages i've had ever, & at one point she said, "have you heard of CBD?" and i almost shrieked with excitement. you might know CBD is the component of cannabis that is non-psychoactive. it's used for pain relief. so she rubbed some on my back and thumbs. and the pain was abated! for some hours!
of course i bought a little can of the stuff & really should apply some right now. i've been on the CBD trail for some time but am too much of a cheapskate to have ever bought much. it seems to be pretty effective, & i have a dear friend who's lost A TON of weight on the stuff, which is likely another reason i've not bought much, being wary of triggering eating disorders. no need to chase that old gong around.
so back to the stairs, on one of the dirt trails i jog someone had dumped a buttload of bricks. james helped me get some one time, but we didn't finish the job & it's been bugging me for a while, so last week i went & got ALL of the remaining bricks, about 100 of them, because i'm insane that way & love little more than working furiously until i can't move. (used to love to do that when i had my own band. and if i ever front a band again, i will love it again!!! some blues express shows have been like that, but it happened A LOT when i had my buddy-guitarist phil hickerson playing & we were like the dynamic duo before my band blew up in my face because i was a selfish stupid f**ing moron at that time...) anyways, exercise & yardwork & furious building projects & certain other activities all bring this wonderful release of sore, aching muscles & tired, drained brain. and don't know about you, but i'm just better all around when my brain is drained. then the god feeling can come in...
so for the last week i've been working on all kinds of house stuff with mostly found stuff & my lack of expertise but love for trouble-shooting & macgyvering... for today i spend many hours trying to hang faux wrought iron pieces in a strip along the east wall but the dang masonry nails kept popping out & the pieces were heavier than i thought & kept crashing 10 feet down to the dirt & going up & down up & down the ladders was getting wearying, but i managed to get some pieces framing the bottom of a window after much trial & error; then added more fencing on a curiously short area of the back fence (did the earth sink there? dunno) then another enormous wooden piece to the "new" gate & busted up some old chairs & used fragments to make decorative end pieces for the gate & found an old shower curtain ring for a latch & then decided i think i'll paint! so mixed some old nasty green paint that had had a bunch of blue poured in it, but after painting my "new" deck & brick stairs for a while, listening to sister rosetta tharpe & old-timey delta blues from pandora (yesterday was charlie feathers, the day before a blaster concert), the paint started to mix back into its original dusky-oaky green, which was nice.
then i cleaned up the mess i made, having learned from my dear father that that's what a person ALWAYS should do before relaxing, & after admiring everything for a minute came inside to eat but don't feel like cooking so here i type away. i think i promised the dog i would run her at the high school (this time with a spare key so i don't lose it like i did last week with the cross country team, but thanks to my friends christy & corey, who lent me a jeep & a metal detector, i was able to find the key after an hour of sweeping the bushes). anyways, yes, i think that'll be a terrific way to ensure that by bedtime i can hardly lift a limb from physical exhaustion.
ah... the luxuries of being a middle-class american. (am i? my friends think i'm poor.)
on top of all this fun, on the way back from the HS, doggy & i can now go to the DRIVE THROUGH down at the truck stop & get a 99 cent frosty!!!!
"that [wo]man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." (thoreau)

not such a good blablablabla day...

it's been one of those weird days. i spoke to one my oldest, closest friends & was shocked to find that person significantly altered -- i hope just for now -- by illness & medication. damned evil bigpharma! damned over-medication!!!! i got off the phone just shook up. my brilliant, brusque friend: so changed right now. i pray just for right now! it was dizzying.
for comfort, i started reading about a book i've long-loved, man's search for meaning, then ended up on jstor reading a scholarly article that shook me to my core. when the author started linking frankl to a relative of a head nazi scum, i stopped reading. it was just too much. couldn't read one word more. so i called my sister to see how she was. she took something i asked wrong & was snippy. rather than stand up for myself, i got my little feelings hurt.
it's just been one of those days!

so i said a prayer & realized i should be outside on such a gorgeous day. yes, a move from magnifying mind to body was in order: grabbing tools, digging, raking, trouble-shooting, i ended up working on a few projects i've been thinking about using found objects bc it's really no fun to create & make projects using new stuff right out of the box (exception: our new swamp cooler).
one project came out really neat, a patio shade made from an enormous piece of pretty early-'70s stripey plasticky-canvas i got from a yard sale. i think it might been a tent cover, but it looks really swell set up as it is, like a bedouin hideaway, i was imagining, & provides such nice expanse of shade, transforming the back patio into something seemingly larger & definitely more comfortable. after erecting it i just sat there for a while, admiring the funky aesthetic & enjoying the breezes, feeling happy, satisfied...
hungry, i came in to sit under lovely swamp cooler, eat lunch, & enjoy a horror film i'd heard described as a throwback to john carpenter/david cronenberg -- now that i think of it, directors who don't have much in common. the movie quickly was engrossing, but took a sour turn, becoming quite misanthropic,  leaving me depressed again.
after this let-down, the only sensible action was to get back outside, so i toiled some more in the gorgeous day, digging & measuring & moving rocks & bricks & huge, heavy tiles & laboring  til i hardly could move, so organized all the tools & pieces of wood & fencing & paint for tomorrow & was about to crawl to the shower when penny plopped in front of me, looking plaintively patient. she hadn't had her daily walk/jog.
we only did a mile, but i'm so glad i took her. she has no clue i've had a weird day, & she doesn't need to. as angie used to say, dogs are proof of god. they can re-center a soul, no matter how sideways.
to close this weird day in the right way -- that is, with a more positive & grateful spirit--, here is a beautiful picture from father's day of three of my very favorite humans on this earth. the fourth should be here later tonight, & i can't wait to see my dear husband.
here's to the end of this weird day. as i hear all the time, this, too, shall pass. thank goodness.

dad's book!!! ... and practicing patience & powerlessness

amazing & wonderful children (many of my faves here)

dad's book finally got published!!!! here is the link: race, sports, and black unity ... yay, dad!!!!!!!
here is a wonderful pic mama took last monday of an act from our end of year elective show. we had dancing, singing, music-playing, puppets, art work, acrobatics, comedy. mama & madeline made the drive up the hill to catch the 1st show; the 2nd was postponed when killer bees decided to swarm near the art room where the kids were performing. by wednesday, the swarm had

james's early music biz years were with the chad watson band,
which also featured dale watson (no relation)

mister handsome and i

moved so  we had the 2nd show, but i was so sick i really didn't know what was up. i believe the 1st show went better tho at the 2nd, my dear little samuel (yellow sweatshirt) was able to play his horn on "saints go marching in" & "going to mardi gras."... then after end of school, last weekend's blues express show & helping corey at school, things turned weird. all was well, happy happy, but around here, happy can turn to waaaaaay too happy which can lead to myriad storming emotional states, so one night last week found me driving & searching, then returning home to experience total powerlessness -- to practice the world being beyond my control. in other words, to be realistic. the situation righted itself, so we went to bakersfield as planned, where it was blazing hot but we were with loving mom & dad & got great meals & i had nice trots in the heat with penny the dog. james had 2 doc appts which we (miraculously) made. at one i received emphatic lecture to take care of urgent james bidness & at 2nd james had allergic reaction & was laid up & monitored for several hours while  i practiced patience & powerlessness some more. as a result, we ended up staying with the gias one more night, which was fortunate; it's a safe & pleasant place to be, &, as dad said, "it's good sometimes to come home to the roost."
last night we had dinner out then drove to maui sugar saloon in reseda to meet chad watson, who helped bring james into the business. chad's a hugely tall, friendly, winning, generous performer; accompanying him was harry orlov & house drummer i did not know. along the way i practiced patience & powerlessness again as we thought james was having a relapse of allergic reaction, but the eve ended up just fine tho challenging to endure when (in my rarefied american-music snob opinion) much of the music just flat sucked (tho not that of chad, james, & harry). as james said, "open mics are tough, but they pay the bills." chad, grinning gently, pleasantly, did a bada** bass solo (!!) on "cowcow boogie," demonstrating a skill level of different realm than most musicians we know. james's shout-singing & showmanship got a big reaction from the audience in his 3 short songs. harry orlov, whom i know primarily from the elvis shows, then called me up sing. surprised,  i complied with "mean mean man," & it was another experience under the belt, not my best singing (hard to perform without piano barrier), not my worst, just another moment.
time for a nap before school board meeting in support of corey's principal-ship.

the next indicated step

peewee looking like he just did something to penny

feeling tired & grateful. school is out. my dear friend will be our principal. friday we worked, did new teacher interviews, then headed down the grapevine where i was introduced to pieology, a place where you can get a brick-oven baked pie that though small has all the toppings you want: delicious! today i helped her some more, my sharp, generous, wild friend, "a force of nature," dad calls her, & her lovely little funny daughter.  our next year at school looks so bright; i hope i can rise to the challenge because i always have been a talented teacher (it being genetic, i think), but now i will need to attempt Mama and Corey (my friend) level: master teacher. she gifted me today with all kinds of materials for next year, dashing off all kinds of brilliant ideas, causing me to realize my increased responsibility to do this job to my best. i hope i will be worthy because if i am, i will get to be part of achieving great things next year at school.

i won first place in my age group recently at a run along bakersfield's
kern river on the bike path that i still so miss. the event was a fundraiser for
HALT animal rescue, which reminds me: you should watch the
documentary "Life in the Doghouse" on Netflix.

last night i played with james & the band in north long beach. i realized on the drive i haven't been South since our new orleans trip two months ago, & that was just to drop the car at LAX! fun riding with james there & back. he was so entertaining, sweet, warm, silly, my dear husband. we had a fun show though the PA blew out my right ear by end of set two. i also should've brought a snack like steve kida always does; all were exhausted except steve by end of night. yesterday was a books day, too: got five or 6 in the early afternoon when james & i hit our local thrift store, where we got to see our favorite white-haired little southern lady, then before the gig i walked down the street in the breezy early eve to see what was in the $1 racks outside
the used bookstore, returning to the club loaded up with great titles for friends, loved ones, meself.
i have no active addictions anymore, so buying too many books or scavenging for neat items for home, others, or my brain: it's a worthwhile obsession that i'm blessed to have the time & ability to pursue.
...
...i was in a bad mind-space earlier, likely due to fatigue (3 am is waaaaaaay too late for me at this stage of my life), & for the first time in many years i used earbuds while exercising, walking penny to lake of the woods & back on evening trails while listening to a speaker meeting recording. the speaker described being yucky, selfish, shameful, arrogant & baffled before being awakened to the presence of god, spirit, higher power. i especially enjoyed how he talked about his sponsor & his wife. his ultimate message was one i needed to hear: i should be ever-grateful for the life i get to lead & remain in action by asking all the time, what is my next step to be?
the lovely walk & the speaker's words got me right-sized again. it's a wonderful life i get to have. good evening to anybody reading this.