Sunday, April 26, 2015

bwahahahahahaha!!! coughsputterchoke rettttccchhhh!!!

bro mike & darling darlene visited from smellay, a warm & nice but too-short visit. little darlene, a pretty, very sharp, eccentric 7 year old who reads aloud much better than many middle-schoolers, snapped this pic of us. the funniest comment, from fb pal james w: "great. now I have captain & tennille songs running thru my head."
ah, hellish wag, ah scurrilous wit! bye for now...

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


we've been getting a lot done around the mountain house, fixing, rearranging, & building stuff. james says i'm from "the little rascals school" when it comes to assembling things. he, too, enjoys fixing & making things out of what we have sitting around the property. it looks great around here at our "winchester mystery house," better than ever! have had many lovely drives to-from bakoland since we discovered a way that goes thru farmlands & fields instead of along the interstate: country skies, sprawling crops, ranch houses & barns, james loves that stuff, too. :). peewee houdini has been getting out lately, one time out of his new "catio," but he doesn't go far. "didn't you ever get lost when you were a kid?" said james. "you're having fun, yayy! an adventure!, then go, uh oh: where am i??? you get scared!!!"... so i'm working on getting us to atlanta for the 80th international convention of the noble assn of drunks (not its name). i've gotten to go to all the others since sobering up, & dang it, we're going to go to this one!!! problem is, i kinda didn't think about how far away atlanta is. dang! but we're going! an extra lure is the georgia guidestones as well as family in kentucky... it's gonna be swell, even if i have to work for weeks to pull it off!
dad, doug & james all have pulled, injured backs right now, so at least our family main men are able to commiserate, tho they hobble in pain right now... my stupid leg muscle's still pulled, so still can't run. thought it was healed, then pulled it again while clambering up the steep slope out front doing yard work. argh! aging! drat!
well, that's it for now except i must stop procrastinating re preparing for upcoming classes i'm gonna teach... meanwhile, every time i volunteer at the thrift store, 15-20 "new" books jump in the car somehow. megalomania, pyromania, dypsomania: gimme bibliomania instead!!!! (sing doctor demento song.) hoho, heehee!!

Monday, April 06, 2015

so burrr blablabla

i had to stop drinking in 1995, & when i first started going to meetings, all i heard about was "the international" in san diego. every 5 yrs, the worldwide association of 12 stepping drunks has an international convention someplace in north america. i had missed "the international" by just two weeks!! i'd been on some of my last drunks while 100s of thousands of happy sober people were at "the international"!! it drove me nuts & thought i, i'm going to the next one or die trying!! of course, that meant i had to keep the plug in the jug...
back then, several hard-a**es & program doomsayers took one look at my young, selfish, immature newcomer butt & got my number, telling me i'd "never make it."
"oh YEAH???" i sputtered. "i'll show THEM!!" know-it-all jerks!! i would make it!!
then i got cast as glinda the good witch in a 12 step adaptation of the wizard of oz; my main lines were "the promises," which, if you don't know, are that part of "the big book" that tells you all the positive, mature, rewarding things you'll be able to do once you sober up & start to grow up. i'd drive around downtown bakersfield at night practicing my lines, steering & muttering those promises to myself, & realized i WANTED those things in my life!!
all the nice people i met, along w/the promises, the doomsayers, my immediate identification w/the big book, & the lure of upcoming international conventions helped ensure that i stayed off the sauce day by day.
i was in like flynn in bakersfield sober circles for many yrs. i loved helping others, feeling useful & purposeful, like a good person, "part of," yet outside the gossip. i had a strong role model in my 1st husband, a close-mouthed man who, like my dad, just didn't believe in telling tales. i felt good, even great, more uncrazy than ever at many times during those years... we went w/friends to the 2000 international in minneapolis as well as the 2005 in toronto. my dear friend jani & i walked around a colorful international market; we all went to the ginormous mall of the americas; i fell off the rails emotionally & missed seeing ronnie dawson at a local club; we ate thai food & delicious fish; we visited meetings in many languages & walked amongst thousands, thousands of happy sober people. in 2010 i'd just gone through a very sad divorce & went to the convention in san antonio. i saw my ex-husband there as well as throngs of bakersfield friends who'd traveled to the tx gathering in a big cheerful herd. i was in a really bad spot in life emotionally & spiritually then, but the convention was all-wonderful.
the next one's in atlanta. i'll have 20 years. did i mention the conventions always fall on my sober birthday weekend? my selfish part is pleased by this: every 5 yrs, i celebrate my bd not just with the u.s.a., but w/the sober world. i've started really getting excited about this convention, going to atlanta w james, continuing on to kentucky to again visit his loving, wonderful family there, traveling, being sober, having a chance to keep growing, getting healthier, connecting to others, helping & being helped, not just existing but feeling fully awake & alive.
can't wait!!!
to conclude, here's a section from the most important book i've ever read, pp 152-153. when 1st i heard it, at the little church meeting that was my thursday night home for 14 years, my chest swelled & i nearly cried. i grew up loving superheroes. i never wanted to become what i did, a confused, desperate, unhappy, sick in all ways girl-woman who broke her mother's heart, hurt all who loved her, in the vice of a fatal disease. these promises, not the ones i had to learn for the play, are ones that kept me coming back, & still do. there's hope for a new life to anyone who wants it. this isn't the only way, but it's the way that has worked for me.  if you, too, are inspired by what you read below, here's the link:
[Here you will] find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of [the program]. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!

Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships... may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.