musica musica musica

thumping from the basement is james playing along to johnny cash records. his friend tom gave him a cool turntable. now we have at least one with working speakers! it's a great day up here, with cloud cover relieving the heat. the sky is dreamy. the breeze is languid. i got to sleep at 5 a.m. after last night's gig, so soon i hope to be having a sunday afternoon nap. wow! life is good sometimes.
yes, we had a very successful show last night at shenanigan's. james was the perfect combination of raunchy & charming & funny & commanding. the audience was many, happy, responsive all night. i'm so very pleased to be playing the piano so much lately so i can contribute to the band instead of feeling like an add-on.
there's an awesome video circulating on facebook of us last year at don the beachcomber, an historical socal tiki nightclub/restaurant recently closed. it's so awesome, i watched it many times, just to be sure that was me in there with this powerful band sounding as badass as the blasters in their heyday. wow!
and i didn't look fat!
i can't upload the video here, so here is a screenshot.
the other day was such great news about my dear school friend's health; we met for celebratory lunch: oh, what a relief! then yesterday i got a good health report about james & a gruesome shot in my hip. "oh," i wriggled, feeling the strange burning gnaw where it shouldn't be as the 3 inch needle went deep, & kind doctor jen said, "oh yeah, that's the bone." ouch! i'm so hopeful now i will be able to run again...
with the gig over, we now have nothing to worry about except packing for our family trip. wow! it's gonna be great. i've wanted to visit my favorite uncle for 30 years!! this will be a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. happy sunday to you

the heat, the hip, & the blues

-james grew up in south los angeles: paramount/compton, cerritos, then migrated to lakewood/long beach in adulthood after the army. i, on the other hand, spent the 1st 43 life-years in... wait for it... BAKINGFIELD, CA, one of the hottest places on earth. in summer & part of autumn, temps are normally above 100 fahrenheit, & at nighttime, it only will drop sometimes 5 or 10 degrees. what a grueling ordeal, to walk around at 10 pm in 90 degree heat... so here on the hill, at 85 degrees, it's a real scorcher for many, but for me... pleasantly temperate. also, this "nothing will save it but dynamite" house i got for cash bc it was a dump is situated on a hill with mountains to the north: the breezes blow through the house, unbeatably comfortable at times.
-that graph contained bragging, or humble-bragging, or backward bragging, or whatever: "look how tough i am; i can endure so much crap." james says LA people do it about traffic: the heat (& smog) in  bakersfield's something you just grow up in & must endure as is "free"way traffic to angelenos.
-it's helped, too, spending summer vacations in desert hot springs & texas: hot, hot, hot! i finally understood an advantage of southern humid heat: you sweat your buns off, then the wind comes up & wa-la!: built-in air conditioning!

very tired, but together again, our tears have stopped falling

-next, turns out that independently james & i  both were fixated on leaving this earth earlier in the week, but things are better now. am glad to have a break from the gnawing dulling incessant death-thoughts that sent me to a bat-house in 2011. what combination of gasses or pills would result in a quick & painless end? the trick always is, when this stinking thinking pervades: how to do it w/o hurting  loved ones?
-the answer is: you can't. maybe when quite old, if no loved ones remain, maybe, maybe then. but the healthy part of this brain knows  i likely still will have loved ones then, though they may be entirely different ones than the ones i get to share my life with now.
-we played two gigs this past week. james says i "carried the show" tuesday at shenanigan's: sang a lot & was cheery & well-received by the audience. i could tell i performed sturdily. my instrumentals with steve went well.
-that was balanced by last night with james's band, when i tanked an instrumental, starting in the wrong key &,  doomed from that point, couldn't get back on my feet. damn!!!!
-lesson: never improv an instrumental heard on a CD/radio & think, "hey, i'll try that in front of a live audience!" that works for a lick or two in my case, but i'm not skilled enough to pull an entire song off with no practice, especially when i start in the wrong key.
live & learn.
-anyways, it's been fun playing with everyone, even if someone i know has had a serious case of the blues that came out especially tuesday as a severe & intense nastiness... blessedly, i didn't take it personally bc that would've not helped things one bit, & he bounced back; he always does. we always does.
t-he other day i entered Land of las Viejas, getting a hip x-ray. then the doc took me off blood pressure med, so now i'm getting fat, so she suggested consuming 1800 calories daily. i've probably been doubling that, especially when in texas!! since i was bulimic when young, my long-standing credo's  been "diet, never" since diets could be a slippery slope for me. but it feels good these last few days, reading labels & getting re-educated about food ingredients, getting some control over this. it feels better to eat better. now i just need that x-ray to show no hip fracture so nice doctor jen'll administer that cortisone shot....then i can run again!!!!!! life without music is no life, but life without running has been less than a thrill!!!! power walking w/doggy just ain't the same!!!!
-tomorrow: santa barbara w/james... next week: portland & seattle family trip!! woo-hoo!!!
be coo, foo. and i hope anything written here's been helpful.

texas

sometimes i get that old lonesome thing about being invisible. for yrs in my youth, i thought i was invisible. people didn't seem to see me, & i would hide inside my clothes or just stay away from others. lately i've done TWO races & there hasn't been even ONE pic of me!! then that weird feeling comes up: maybe you're invisible. maybe you don't exist. maybe people don't like you. maybe you're too weird-looking, ugly, deformed, non-white, etc etc etc: the old dysmorphic dysphoric selfish addict mind slides right in, damn that thing!!
so here's sort-of evidence of the last race, which i did in my dear cousin tushi's town, granbury tx, on my 23rd sobriety bd. the bottom right pic shows cousin thomas & me watching the 4th of july parade right after i finished the granbury 5k; i'm in terrible pain in this pic! i've been nursing an iliac crest injury after two crashes onto my hip while with her highness the dog, & i wrenched it terribly having to chase her up the mountain for 15 mins a few wks ago when she ran away... damned princess dog!!!! why do we have to love her so much!!! she can be such a pain in the rear!!!!
i've been reading chi running, which is supposed to reduce injury, & i hadn't been running for a week so i thought i was ok, but at mile 1.5 of the race, i decided to stop & walk a bit because the hip was feeling a little funny & AARGGGGHHHHH!!!! a knife shoved up into it, just excruciating!! so i walked & jogged the rest of the race, which was stupid, i should have stopped. the rest of my trip i mostly spent on the heating pad bc i scarcely could walk... but it was a good time. my cousin & i are so different, but so connected: i'm a week older than her bc i was premature, so she says that was bc "you always have to come first; you've always been such an inpatient b*tch!!" she historically has thought my every interest & utterance to be totally lacking in common sense & also super-weird; meanwhile, i have watched her love of the dukes of hazzard, kiss, dog the bounty hunter, hulk hogan, "smut" romance novels etc w/disgusted amusement.
typical exchange: me, seeing these pix: "wow! my hair's gotten really gray!" tushi (outraged tone): "what was your first clue??? you know they make this thing called hair dye! unless you prefer looking like a little old lady!!"
deep down, we are so proud of each other. tushi is ridiculously extravagant in some ways, & so funny, & has such a big heart, & is both totally impractical & very down-to-earth. she takes great pride in her grooming, wardrobe, & accessories & never apologizes for being her, which is startling, wonderful, & refreshing to an inborn neurotic like me. my cousin has been overweight since she was 5, & she's proudly big, saying she shops at the "heifer store" & to haters, "i'm fat but you're ugly, & i can lose weight"... one of the worst traits of any person, i think, is disdain toward others for their lack of money, their dark skin color, or their nationality/extra bodyweight; i really hate haters, which i know is hypocritical, but i don't care, & i just love the sh*t out of my cousin tushi. :)
her son, my cousin thomas, is a big, wise soul who's been through 2 rounds of brain cancer. he had the same cancer as chubby from our gang, but thomas is in remission now. he has wanted to be a mermaid since a young age & always has marched to his own drummer. i was really pleased to get to spend time with him, creative, imaginative, chatty, bumbling, & kind. thomas has lots of dreams & ideas. we went out into the pasture one day so he could show me his horse, general, as well as all the goats, to visit rosie the donkey, & to show me the trees he has named. we watched his favorite movie, the greatest showman, for which he says he needs "a recovery program."
tushi, thomas, & i watched the parade w/the rest of the family, ate hot dogs & hamburgers, watched tv, laid around and talked, went to san antonio, where we walked around the riverwalk & stayed at a hotel w/a view of san fernando mission as well as a "bachelor pad" for thomas, & ate at crazy, beautiful mi tierra. next day, tushi took thomas to the alamo & i bought records from alamo records inside an antique mall: albert ammons, women of boogie-woogie, & a jimmy yancey 45. we went to babe's fried chicken house, my favorite place to eat when i visit tx now, & i found a "jim yancey" piano book on the granbury square. most all texas towns have a square, & we agreed while driving around that granbury's lovely touristy one makes most all others look like crap. thomas & i went antiquing one day & i got him two independence day-themed beanie babie to commemorate my visit.
then getting home turned into an unexpected but not-terrible (although very long) adventure, & next evening james & i had a gig in long beach, but i'll write about that all later maybe. time to resume cleaning house.