best. book. ever. and r.i.p., gene, betsy, & their canine friend

i ordered it from penguin for $20, including s/h. the real book, the tangible tome, i think you'd agree, is much preferable to the online read. including this one.

below is the best article i've read of the sadness of the last days of this actor, with whom i was in abject infatuation from ages 12-15. (before that was humphrey bogart.)

hackman's character of popeye doyle is a bit like james, at least james's hale, fearsome, tough-talking, irish, rogue-cop parts. of course, as with all people, there's so much more... keep your attention tight on your loved ones, is the message i get. cleave close to your fellows, for "no [wo]man is an island." here is the article: A Lonely End for Two-Too-Private People

Piano Red - Right and Ready - 1953

piano red had the most natural & beautiful force this side of big manny, my friend manuel, rip.

i am in love with piano red!! not romantically, but in that agapic, storgic, ludic manner, i think, as well as the seeing-through-this-mortal-plain-into-the-vastness way.  especially this song. play it full blast.

"we graduated!!!"

that's what the sign says that the little girl holds. i just love these children. this is the first year i openly said, all the time, "i love you kids" -- and i DO! -- the first year i took on in loco parentis, my educating duty, with great honor & responsibility.
today was the last day of school. the boy on the right hugged me & said, "i'm gonna misss you!" my two bad boys said, "we're sorry, mrs page, for all the bad things we did. thank you for helping us." i got hugs, hugs, hugs. a lovely 8th grader foster girl who has been in my fine arts elective came in, tears streaming, & embraced me. i've never had so many kids & adults openly embrace me at school. it's a different thing: they show affection much more openly at this place. it's not weird; the school's so small -- the kids really see us as being like parents to them!
we had a staff ballgame (i didn't play), & then, when the kids were bored, we went inside & had a contest to see who had gotten to know peers the best over the course of the year & i let the "winners" pick from the remnants of yesterday's class "store." they watched part of a movie. w/the whole school, they played in the water, including on a slip'n'slide teacher christy had brought. hilarious! then we had a pizza party & seven or eight parents showed up! i hugged them all, thanked them. we teachers lined up as the kids boarded the buses one last time & were told to put the bus windows down. as the buses pulled away, one of the aides sprayed buses & kids with the power hose. we teachers all laughed & waved goodbye. "are you crying?!?" christy said, & i said yes, i'm a cornball, wiping my eyes happily.
the kids gone, the school weirdly quiet & empty, we teachers threw water balloons at each other, then i was home.
here's pix i sent out yesterday to their parents. i wanna remember all of this, so i post it here:
Our final school activity involved me/rites of passage (no puberty rites, obviously... This is a 6th grd class in a public school). Most kids gave short speeches. One group did their own "graduation" ceremony, since kids don't graduate at our school til 8th grd. These are pix from after the ceremony, at which I delivered a short speech the girls wrote, they each gave a sentence to the class, I gave them "diplomas" they'd made, then everyone tossed their grad caps, which the girls had made from grocery bags. These pix, of an unnamed group of kids from a California school, show the joy of the moment. It was a wonderful time! Jnypg

stalling, stalling, stalling, keep them dishes stalling..

(sung, of course, to tune of "rawhide")
just realized i'm doing an old dance, doing just about any old thing so i don't have to start chores. blogging, of course, is one of those any old things...
news around the page front:
1. we now have a canine child! i named her penny for her copper-colored orbs. james fell in love at once, declaring she resembled a jackal, with her pointy snout & bat ears, but she is a sweet, not  predatory creature. she is so polite. i fear she was someone's pet, though she's not microchipped & bore no collar. was she abandoned, did she run away, or was she stolen? i'll never know unless "lost dog" photos of her appear on social media. until then, james emphatically announced, "she is our dog." he didn't want to go to his gig yesterday, even! (of course, he never does, at least initially...)
a homeless woman by the kern river in bakersfield gave penny to my cousin mitchell & his lovely girlfriend gabby yesterday morn as they walked their dogs along the river path. the woman said she could barely feed herself, let alone a dog (& puppy) she'd been trying to care for for a few weeks. they posted pix of the dogs on social media; the puppy immediately was adopted, but nervous penny, no. they feared they'd have to take her to the pound. i mentioned interest in seeing the dog, & one hour later, mitchell, gabbie, & cousin abi, she of the red mane & long legs, a brainy faux-brazilian, showed up here in frazier park with pup in tow. they must've left bako the minute i 'd said i'd like to see the dog!
now she is ours, & we are happy, but peewee the possessive kitty is not.
last night at 4 am, he barfed under the bed in protest. this morn, i swear he was trying to slide a rock off the desk to clobber the dog sleeping peacefully below. "they're like garfield & opie!" wrote cousin mary fafa. "they'll get used to each other," wrote cousin tushi in texas (she has many, many animal children, & should know).
2. we already had been adopted by a semi-feral cat, two weeks or so ago. he is vulpine in appearance, i think, more ancient-looking than adorable-plushy peewee of the foul temperament. i pretty much know, because it happens here a lot, that peeps the kitty was dumped off by someone. we live beside a dry arroyo, & one time in particular, i saw a car squeal away & an adorable, plump little dog go running, terrified, down the arroyo & out into the forest as i screamed, "puppy! stop! come back!" people who abandon their animals like that should be murdered. horrible, heartless pigs!!! that little dog, i fear, became a coyote's dinner. i still feel sad remembering it. :(
anyways, peeps came to us so clean, burr-free, smooth-coated, that i know someone must have abandoned him. those heartless pigs, however, left us with a good little kitty friend.
in short (as if i can express anything thusly), our animal family has grown by 200% in only weeks! animals are proof of god, to paraphrase my religious sister...
am so happy to have a dog, but last night, i dreamed about my gusgus, my beautiful, sweet, wonderful gusgus dog-bear-buffalo with the heart-melting gaze, whom i've not seen in 5 years & maybe never will see again. i dreamed i was holding him & smelling his doggy breath & drinking in those big brown eyes filled with love.
i also dreamed of picking up change laying all over the classroom floor (james leaves change everywhere; it just flies out of his pockets), the kids holding up pix of themselves as superheroes as they wore superhero costumes, then we're outside on an enormous tall-grassy field (one i dream about sometimes; it's near the sunny mountain homes of my subconscious), & i spread the sides of my coat/sweater & start flying, calling to the kids, "come on! try this! come on, kids!"
ok, well, i guess i have to go do the dishes now. (ps, i opened a yelp account & wrote this review of bro-&-sis's business as another stalling attempt. stop by the place, if you're in bakersfieldland. rescue grounds in bakersfield)

you can tell A LOT about a person by how they treat animals. :)

"who are you & what the hell are you doing here?!?!?!"

this sums it up: placid pup; psycho kitty stalking a bird he'll never catch because the screen is closed

blablablablablablabla

- i've been thinking a million things, so here are some: driving & crying the other day, home from kicka*s mfing fantastic show in seal beach, welled up w/sorrow listening to chuck berry tribute on kpfk, was thinking how one of my most favorite things to do in this life is to drive & listen to chuck berry. i wrote a song about it, in part, 20 years ago. chuck berry's music & driving have been an inextricable part of my life. so many emotions, so many feelings, so many memories... god bless chuck berry, even if he personally was a mfer. some of the most talented people on earth, i know, are more than part-crazy, & a big part of that can be mean as a junkyard dog. it all just goes together... then that night i dreamed i was married to manuel, my dear departed friend who played beautiful rockin chuck berry guitar, & god bless james, i told him about my dream & he gently quipped, "i dreamed i was married to manuel, too"... bloodshot bill posted on facebook a CB pic he'd cut out of a library book & hung on his wall when he was young and... I CUT THE SAME PIC OUT OF A LIBRARY BOOK & HUNG IT ON MY WALL WHEN I WAS YOUNG!!! (it's still up there, in fact!)... so i watched one of bb's more recent videos in which he plays w/a band instead of just himself (no lewd joke there; that's been his wild shtick) & there were too many bodies on the stage; it was unnecessary; but i still dig his charlie feathers/hasil adkins vocals, even if mister page says they're contrived. to contrive to sound like those cats is universes cooler than the contrived vocals many other musicians bleet & blah. it's like "girl" singers who ape wanda jackson or janis martin or "girl" scenesters who ape bettie page: just about who on earth is cooler to imitate than them??? i wonder when "girls" will start trying to be like sister rosetta or big mama or poison ivy?... then suddenly on kpfk came the most horrible, putrid, lame-a*s version of "come on." i began to scream; in my rage, i nearly wrecked my car!!! it felt like my ears had been hit by a dumptruck of sh*t!! simpering, whining sh*t!!!! turns out this "come on" cover had been the rolling stones' 1st single, & i knew in that very moment why james has always despised the rolling stones... their version of "come on" was SO, SO, SO, SO BAD!!!!!
- the brit invasion bringing american music back into the world was not just ironic, but a catch-22: ironic cause they loved & still love our music more than we do, catch-22 bc back in the early 60s, new audiences were being exposed to our wonderful american music via lame, flaccid, face-bashingly bad covers! had the stones' version of "come on" been released 10-15 years later, i like to picture, american music purists would have stomped the crap out of mick & the stones & all others who did injustice to the CB catalog!!
- i calmed myself; the terrible cover ended; kpfk played some more great chuck cuts.. then, just like that, like projectile vomiting, ELO's "roll over beethoven" came on... WHY HAS NO ONE KILLED THEM FOR PUTTING THIS OUT?!?!?! WHY DID CHUCK BERRY NOT GET A TRUCKLOAD OF DYNAMITE & TAKE OUT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM?!?!? i am married to someone who once pelted in the mug w/a grapefruit a certain phony pop-rockabilly icon, right in the middle of the icon's big fancy stage show (& then was removed, laughing hysterically, by bouncers, who "beat the sh*t" out of him while he continued to laugh maniacally)... and that rockabilly icon, phony as he may be, at least had the decency not to desecrate a chuck berry song by releasing it as a single... Editi used to think ELO were merely innocuous, but now i know: ELO & all like them  who re-record our great american music with evil intention of "improving" upon it must be stopped... STOP THEM BEFORE THEY RECORD!!!! CHAIN THEM!! KICK THEM REPEATEDLY!!! SEND THEM TO THE CORNFIELD!!!
- this week, w/great music on my mind so much, i flashed on this dunce i was involved with in a 2-year mistake that saved a place for james. this genius used to say things like, "you're just judgmental. i like ALL styles of music because I'M open-minded" (this from the most judgmental person i had ever met). then the person would talk about the one gig he did in his entire life, in which he of course named the band after himself (it was most likely just a set, not an entire gig)... but i know that, rather than me being "small-minded,"i have good taste, i know what i like, & he was & probably still is a do-nothing turd. james & i know what's good!!! we will not budge on what is good!!!!! life is too short to listen to bad music!!!!!!
- oh, it has been such a long week already... i think i'm kinda delirious...
- we are supposed to go see the gene taylor trio on friday; i can't wait! gene posted a vid of himself  playing, & his hand position is so perfect, so loose yet firm; he can play every run with perfect ease & groove; his attack is so solid, so friendly, so rockin... phil alvin will be joining the trio. james & i will, i hope, have a swell old time. and if that combo pays tribute to chuck berry with a song, i know one thing: it will honor the king of rock'n'roll. it will be worthy....
just realized i forgot the pix. i'll put them up another time... gnite.

estomago

i have a stomach ache. very tired. it's cold.
the weather, that is.
started yesterday an interesting reading class for teachers in bakersfield. six sessions.
fascinating, really. inspiring, yes.
never liked these teacher classes. thought they were stupid. thought many of the teachers were stupid.
i don't think it was the classes or other teachers that were stupid, come to think of it. :)
long long day today, leaving bakoland at 6 am with lunch packed by mama (to whom angie, me, james & doug all are perenially 8-9 years old, tho our actual combined ages are closer to 200). heaven love mama & dad, who gave us an extra mouse to replace the stupid apple one that took a crap bc apple is all about expensive built-in-obsolescence robbery (though the system be much hardier than pc).
james hits the pavement again starting this weekend. malarkey's, 4 pm sunday, LBC. be there or be a tomater.
i will not type what he just said.
it was obscene.
now he is singing a scatological version of a christmas carol, so i beg him to stop & now he's doing an impromptu version of something that sounds like the itchy & scratchy show, but to the tune of "do you hear what i hear"...
"i'm married to the ghost of robin williams," i told mama last night, & she hee-heed merrily. after dinner last night, after the not-stupid class, that is, we all sat & visited, & when james  & bro doug get going, the volume is unholy & if we all weren't falling on the ground laughing at their bellowing hilarity, we'd likely become deaf. "your mother & i didn't mean to marry such similar persons," i told pained-looking niece madeline, "you know: two loud obnoxious strange-o's who are yet so lovable & look like extras from some 1940s gangster film..." this made her laugh.
he is happy to have just spoken at length on phone with mister james the second. "he's a good guy," he says, worrying away at the latest clay figurine. our house is filling up with clay monsters, but this one is "a liddo wabbit," he said, now singing a song about the worthless cat: "obi wan keno-peeee..." now he is dancing around the kitchen. now imitating a machine gun. now... oh, i can't say. :)
time to go watch shum boob toob.

so anyways...

i have to go to the bathroom, but the cat is on my lap. he looks up at me with trusting green orbs, blinks, puts a soft paw on my arm. dang it. i have to go to the bathroom!
we had such a great time in swellay. actually hollywood. i'll have to post more later.
oh good: kitty just remembered he really is a wild, only-semi-domesticated beast & swiped at me with claw. off the lap, beast!
now i can meet nature's call...
here's a poster i made for saturday night. i'm gonna play on this show.
ahhhh.... vacation: leisure time! i like it. :)
may your holidays be filled with love & not too much internal conflict as you reconcile breaking bread w/dear ones in commemoration of a genocide... i choose instead to focus on the fam!

dang! blablabla, & many exclamation points!!!!

- for my first xmas list item, i request the book "moanin' at midnight," about the howlin' wolf, by james segrest & mark hoffman. STILL reading it!!! every a.m. before school, i drink 18 cups of coffee & eat pb toast & read about 5 pages, if i'm lucky & have the time before heading to work. i love this book more than any i've recently read, not just cause the wolf was an inimitable awesome bada*s & an enormously manly hunk. a few yrs back, the wonderful san diego-based musician billy watson spotted james & enthused, "it's the modern-day howlin' wolf!" and we both were so, so flattered since billy's not just a sprightly, talented musical dynamo,  but a good-natured man of great sincerity, so he wasn't just blowing smoke up our cans.

- reading this book, i realize, yes! more & more, on each page, it DOES sound like james, from  personality, stage style, & treatment of other musicians to the arc of his life, specifically how domesticity calmed & settled him, gave him peace. wild! i give james reports as i read, telling him he needs to read it when i finish, but i've had it a long, long time from the library here, so mebbe i just need my own copy. yes, that'll be it. this book's a definite keeper-for-life!

- the clincher is, in the back, segrest & hoffman have a discography that -- thank you, jeebus! -- lists all the sessions & all the personnel. yay! so when i hear piano i like, i can go look see who it is. hurrah!

- i write "dang" cause the book online's too expensive for me to want to spring for right now. when i get my 1st check, other things'll be priority: getting the 2-story-high east windows washed; getting our chariots fully serviced & maybe new paint for the green hornet; getting the septic tank dumped. yes, there's no real plumbing up here, nor cable, but what a place to live! the smoke's clearing from  the so-cal fires (i say optimistically) & the weather's cooling w/autumn's arrival... so nice! so breezy! so lovely!

- oh, school is kicking my butt, but what a terrific assignment i have! am very much overdoing it having added fine arts & library to my teaching plate, but i can do it! i know i can! just got a piano in my classroom so now have access to three (classroom, art rm, music rm)! three pianos! three old friends! my students are so cute, being 6th graders w/yet no touches of adolescent rebellion. "we have to be nice to this piano," i told them. "we have to take care of it. it's like having a beloved pet, an old elephant or an old dog in the room." & they all nodded in agreement, buying in to the niceness & special situation: having their own old piano. :) 

- james has come through just like he said he would, taking care of the house by day while i work. thank you so much!!! he tells me, "i'm so lucky, i married the hottest woman in the world!" and i say, "oh, me with my gray hair? no way!" and he replies, "no, baby, i had no idea! you're not just [physical compliments] & talented & smart & sweet, you're a powerhouse! i've never gotten to see you fully in action til now [that i'm teaching]!"

- how many people would even notice something like this? i was touched & happy. we've both taken action to get our neurochemicals properly balanced, & he says, "i had no idea; you've been dragging me along! we're both doing great right now, & i want to show you what i can do!" i think his show today, my 1st out of the band (waaaah!), is gonna be a killer. he posted this flyer i made some months back to advertise today's event, & people are spreading it like the cliched wildfire. no other so-cal musician is as iconic as james!

- yes, the buzz is high for this show: i'm sad i won't be there & i will really miss playing w/anthony & steve, but i'm so happy james likely will play to a packed house! tonight he's gonna jump on with pink's "monster show" at harvelle's, too: he likes pink bc the man is a strong frontman, like james, but also eccentric, theatrical, w/odd sense of humor, like james. 

here's the flyer and details for today/tonight's two shows: Come see Whiteboy James 2pm - 6pm  Sat. Sept. 3rd at - All Sports, 7132 Garden Grove Blvd, Westminster, CA 92683; and 2 for 1 Tickets!!! Wild Fun Labor Day Weekend Party! Saturday night blowout at Harvelles lbc Live Rockin Blues & Burlesque with Dennis Jones, Billy Watson, Chris Smith, Kip Dabbs, WhiteBoy James, Mike Arguello **LABOR DAY WEEKEND PROMO CODE: LABORDAY16 to get 2 for 1 tickets for Saturdays Show! tixz www.harvelles.com

- ok, now back to reading for me, then it's time to practice flute, then head to the smoggiest, hottest town around to visit my beautiful family!! may you have a good book & good movement. take that how you will. :)
(oh, crap, i forgot why originally i blogged! having to learn new instruments is daunting, but i found a whole youtube series, masterfully assembled by the us army field band. whether you're a music teacher or musician trying to improve chops & technique, these videos should be vital! what a treasure trove!  enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/user/USArmyFieldBand ) 

this weekend

friday all will say goodbye to manuel gonzales, or "big manny," our friend departed. here are details:
viewing - noon to 2 pm, funeral & burial, 2-3 pm, home of peace memorial park mortuary, 4334 whittier blvd, whittier ca; potluck reception for family & friends, vfw hall post 1944, 4-8 pm,  16157 e. gale, city of industry, ca.
i made this so i will remember always his face & person the way i remember him. there's a beautiful pic of him & james on this blog if you go back to april 2016, but i -- perhaps selfishly -- just put the ones here where i'm posed with him.
saturday will be the following: Come See Whiteboy James - Sat. Aug. 13th
WHERE: Shenanigans Irish Pub & Grille
423 Shoreline Village Drive
Long Beach, CA 90802
USA 8 PM-11:55 PM
COST: Free
CONTACT:
562-437-3734

the following saturday, we'll play here in town at sue's tavern, & after that, james will have me replaced with an electric bass & i'll just play with his band wherever i have the energy (& when he wants me, of course). the kids will be back in class

& i again will be a public school teacher.

fueling up

on each set break, our knife-lean drummer & friend steve kida snacks. steve, who says "i have my grandfather's build," has a regimen i'd do well to imitate: pasta before every show, & on breaks, a sandwich or apple followed by a bit of chocolate or a muffin. and no drinking, no sodas, just water.  following this nutrition plan, he has the steady energy & strength to sustain high-voltage playing for a four-hour night! steve never bonks, which is important in james's intense band.
i started back up working at the library yesterday, so by nighttime i was pretty tired & bonked at the top of the last set, but weirdly, after fumbling the opening instrumental, i went into a flow state where my brain switched off & i just played, really dug in, went into another dimension mentally... it was quite nice. today, my hands, forearms & biceps are sore due to the way i play. however, i'm inspired to become stronger; i am rising to this challenge!
wonderful to've seen friends old & new last night, too. nice chatting with krystal/karen & seeing the elliots, monique & john, the greek, sean & shannon & several couples i don't know but should because they come out each month to see our combo!
well, here's some news: james has taken me on to be his fourth band member in the blues express. last night when we announced it, the audience cheered. what a nice thing! james says to be ready for the dirtbags & what one of our band members has called "nasty a*s no-talents" who will try to break us down, but james & i've been facing such people since we got together as a couple, so it'll be nothing new. plus,  in this realm, playing music, i can be confident. james says i might even become "cocky," which would be kind of fun, i think... sunday at the OC marketplace (see poster) we will kick major major butt!!!!!!
after last night's show, while cruising up the 5 back to the mountain, we glanced over to admire the nighttime LA skyline & decided to step off the fwy to eat at the original pantry cafe, the place that's been open non-stop since 1947. what a great meal! the meat tasted like real meat, not filler (many cheap eateries have a certain amount of cellulose [basically sawdust] in their "meat"). i had the spaghetti & meatballs, the best i've ever had, really! james enjoyed his burger & we both dug sitting right by the cook's window, watching a hard-working mexican dude rapidly slapping together omelettes, fried potatoes, french toast, & more on the giant sizzling grill.
you can see by our faces what kind of night it was: tho we live with ups & downs, last night was a solid up.
please come out to the show sunday, if you can, & if you can't, visit www.whiteboyjames.com to see where we'll be upcoming.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! BLAAAAAABLAAAAAABLAAAAAAH!!

(lazy writing alert: emphatic "!!!" & CAPITAL LETTERS ahead)
dang it, this blog has stats. if you come to this site, the site you JUST LOOKED AT is tracked by blogger!! i just went into the stats page of my little blog & saw listings for some gross & disgusting  sites... if you're looking at nasty & foul stuff, stop visiting my blog!!!!!!!! go away!!!!!!!
i know i can't control that one bit, so the only thing i can do is express how revolting it is to me when happy fool here goes to the "stats" page to twinkle & glee over how many humans have been cyber-visiting her & sees these perverted, putrid websites documented... bleghghghghg!!!
i'm kinda stuck lately, sick where i have trouble talking & walking, but i sure can type! i'm good for little except surfing the web. it's actually led to some teaching, voice talent, proofreading job leads & more gigs for me & james! course, i'm too ill to get to the job interviews, keep having to reschedule, so it's kinda... frustrating yet exciting... work! work is good! laborare est orare!
i've been withdrawing from paroxetine. that's right, me, sober over 20 years, WITHDRAWING. the new doc told me to be nice to myself; it's not like i've relapsed. the ironic part is, i'm probably suffering a great deal more BECAUSE i've been sober so long. i'm probably as much a lightweight as a baby, in fact. so if i'd kept partying down & took paxil, i'd not maybe be this sick.... crap!!
i went in two yrs ago a hopeless anxious depressed wreck & my nice doctor, a pretty, intelligent woman who probably got straight As all thru school & who obviously has NO experience with addiction, told me to take paxil, so i did.
my fault!! should've researched it!! didn't!! gullible, believing authority, wanting to trust: sucker!! it never stops!!
so i took the med i was prescribed, for the first time in my life exactly AS prescribed, & here i find myself two years later (transitioning to another, much safer med) sick sick sick, oh my, so physically sick... friends tell me, "oh, they're being sued. you should sue them!!" but those lawsuits are for paxil-induced outcomes far worse, certainly evil, even: babies born of mothers who'd been on paxil,  baby comes out with something very wrong; families of people who stopped taking paxil, got depressed, took their own lives. horrible! this is not that -- this, tho it's a highly unfortunate situation, is not sue-worthy!
 james & i were joking -- as we do; hahaha! --- about kicking peoples' asses. james is the dalai lama compared to his Old Life, when he was a tough sucker -- the toughest man I'VE ever met or known about, that's for sure! so it comes up bc he actually can do it whereas physically i probably could, if my opponent were weak & tiny, but then how could i? see? temperamentally, no, i don't think i ever could! but i told him if we ever meet a person from glaxosmithwhateveritscalled evil big pharma that developed paxil, we will beat those thugs to a pulp.
cretins!!!! pushers!!!! as*holes!!!!!! the whole idea made us laugh, & then, of course, i felt much better. :) mama said recently -- with great affection, i add -- as james was being silly, "how can you feel bad being married to a man like that?" he's so quick & funny, quite a marvelous human being that way, verbally gifted, lightning-smart, & hilarious. he reminds me to stop taking life so seriously... thank goodness!
my brain zaps. and in fact, that's what the phenom is called: brain zaps. at 1st it was a tiny bit cool, kinda like being bride of frankenstein or the monster. but then it intensified: no longer cool at all. add nausea, headache, fatigue, mood swings & you have a condition FAR worse than i could've envisioned. james has been a big help, having suffered many bouts with withdrawal. me? i had three days of DTs over 20 yrs ago. never anything like this. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
however, sick & puky, wobbly & mood-swingy, i'm still in general quite happy. :) i love my life, & i love, i mean, i LOVE my husband! -- more all the time, the more i know him. we have gone thru storms & battles & wars & strife together... and didn't give up! this is how stuff gets solidified, fortified, ingrained. our lives nowadays are the best they've  been! and w/ possibility of getting work in areas i love (teaching, library, art, music)? so happy. and not only is james getting more & bigger gigs, with a lineup of good honest men whom i really like & who are loyal & good to james, but WE, me and james!, are getting more gigs. click on this to see where & when: whiteboy and jenny combo
gonna quit writing now, stand up & try not to barf, maybe play some piano... yes! in spite of the lumps & bumps & having to be reminded of the presence of internet weirdos & having to shake out this evil, sickening anti-depressant, LIFE IS GOOD! may yours be, as well. even you weirdos! even you as*holes! even you petty, scum-sucking sleaze bags! :D
 may we all live & be merry!

the whiteboy & jenny combo at the oasis

our combo now has a link on james's all-new, james-created website: www.whiteboyjames.com . you'll see it when you go to that site, & then you can mark your calendar to come see one of our shows! :D

here are some pix from last week's show in memoriam of ross mccray. the swelling of love & community was nearly overwhelming! next day we hoofed it back out to taft for his burial -- the biggest funeral i've seen of a "non-famous" person! the man was extremely well-loved; in his memory, the oasis is going to start up "pinky productions" with beautiful bartender brandi at the helm for now, to turn the oasis into a destination blues club-nightspot! can't wait for that -- those are some good, friendly, loving people there -- an anomaly in the music biz!! a nice little article was published last wk in the bakersfield californian about ross/the show; go down to the part that says "in memory of big ross" & you can read it: in memory of big ross by cesareo garasa

a cinematic shot i took of the ever-photogenic james

the whiteboy and jenny combo -- a duo again, for this show

whiteboy james

jenny page

:(

yesterday was one helluva day, & then we found out our dear ross was gone.
we all have lost a true friend, generous, hard-working, a fervent music lover, & the best poker-faced dirty joker-teller you've ever seen. rip, dear ross. 
live life now, each day cherish
seek purpose, find your new adventure
don't ever ever ever ever ever ever ever give up!!!!
love to all you & all who loved rosco, jny &jms

reflection...

life is short. and horrible. or beautiful. or something in the middle, the wide, wide middle. and one extreme can veer to the other, depending on the split of your pendulum's walnut. like my good-starting life went horrible for years, then beautiful, then horrible, then back again cause my walnut's kinda cracked. seems to've stabilized somewhat in past years, knock wood...
just feeling reflective (not like a bicycle reflector or a disco bulb or a wading pool, as lightning-minded james would maybe quip...)
james's friend, musician joe houston, recently passed on, & also a few wks back the world lost bakersfield sound pioneer red simpson, who lived to the ripe age of 81. tough for musicians to make it to their 80s, i think, w/the wearying lifestyle of weird hours, smoky places, booze, pep & other substances, crappy pay for most, stress & violence, promoters & club owners, & lonely, lonely

mr handsome, tony lopez & some gray-haired woman

nights. the exhilaration & godly embrace of stage time's mighty brief compared to all the other hours in the day... loved ones save. red & joyce had many, many -- true, deep, forever friends & loved ones, like james does, not just hangers-on & glad-handers, of which there've been & will be many.
rest in peace, joe houston as well as red "suitcase" simpson, a decent man, prolific songwriter, friend to so many, & hard-working musician til the end.
i worked at a different library in the south valley yesterday, a gladdening time. it's not a fancy library like the one on the mountain, but has more volumes, & i got to do lots of heart-warming & soul-bolstering librarian tasks with patrons & rub elbows with cute little latte-colored black-haired tykes & hushed but earnest parents. i love that part of library work best, the helping humans part, information-seeking 2nd. my spanish will get much better at this position, & i'm happy now to get to both play music & work in these knowledge repositories, bolstering literacy & community & safety...
we've had some gigs lately, me & james along with tony lopez on drums, & especially taft -- TAFT!, the once-sundown town i used to be skeerd of! (as late as in my teenaged yrs, i seriously thought me & mama might get hanged if we went there) -- has the warmest, friendliest folks. like i felt when i lived in backwardsville, many of the ppl of taft feel they have to apologize for their down-home town, but there's a lot of good going on there as well as the dumbness &/or violence, which everyplace has... a few wks back we drove out to taft college so i could talk to its english dept staff about online teaching & i discovered taft college recently was rated #5 in the CCC system! that's a huge WOW!
i hear sleepyhead stirring in the other room, so i'll sign off now except to say i hope joyce simpson will have comfort & peace in these first weeks w/o her beloved husband. extra prayers for my friend candice, the widely-admired & adored "toughest woman alive," & my wild aunty rita, who just won't take care of herself, but we all love her anyways... & reflecting on ppl i've known who are ill or just wondering how they are these days... may all be well. (except you. yes, you.) :)

yayyyyyyy!!!!!

feel so good about this new year. :) hope you do, too.

jumping jehosaphat, casey hensley sings like no other!

ant, me, beloved james on happy new year's eve 2015-2016...

merry christmahannukwanzasolsticefestivus celebration!!!

mr & mrs whiteboy james & mr & mrs big manny

- some morbid reflection has flooded my soul lately, but i think it's being prompted by the corporeal changes of being a vieja... drat! i can't worry about my loved ones current & past, human & non. it's crazy-making! james has been helpful in reminding me that it all will pass. so true: the good, the bad, the world as you & i know it. i only have my turn, & my turn's about half-over! better relish each moment rather than fall splat & wallow in anxieties & sadnesses i can't change a bit!
- the mountain is swaying & singing w/wind & blustery rain; in recent days, we've driven all over the place for a couple gigs, family in the valley, & dear friends' visit; it snowed for them & the wife exclaimed, "i've never seen snow!" what a happy moment for all. :) we had pizza & watched the wonderful, wonderful film a christmas story, a perfect film except for melinda dillon's anachronistic hairdo... so excited we'll have the young man visit us on the mtn for the holidays, then see family, then see friends, then the new year is going to be a blast this time, a record party & jam session hosted by the happy friendly talented contrerases!!! woo-hoo!

i really love this guy, & so does anyone w/a heart.

- wanted to share this -- a month or so back, i read about what makes humans most enduringly happy: closeness with others, helping others, & quality of life (not material, which is actually antithetical to happiness, but physical, spiritual & emotional). these seemed to me to correlate w/the pillars of the drunk club: unity, service, & recovery. the drunk club is most always right! here are a few more articles on this worthy topic. article one & article two
- these holidays, love more, buy less, & for pete's sake, care for your ever-changing, vulnerable, ethereal, precious flesh bag, cuz we each only get one on this turn at life! may your days be merry & bright. :)

mama says james looks like yul brenner in this pic. irish yul! :)

she saw snow for the first time this past week. :)

cha-ching!

oh gee, feeling pleasantly eyeballs-rounding-the-corner-before-i-do right now on a whole pot of coffee... zing! it's a happy morning/afternoon here... what nice weather outside! might go for a hike... we had the mountain holiday faire the other day & dear dear dad came out with me to sell my fleas (james had two gigs, so couldn't join us!), & what a nice day! cold, fun, met so many nice ppl, sold a BUTTLOAD of LPs! my big payday? a huge amount of dough for my life now, but i realize, as much as i would've made in one day when i was teaching! hahahaha! despite that, i'd much rather be in this life now than the one i had back then. at the library, working only pt-time, i still get to help ppl & interact w/youngsters, but it's all positive & i don't have to herd cats or undertake any behavioral modification strategies or deal w/stupid standardized testing or fights on the yard or yard duty, for that matter!! i hear from my dear seester that the climate of public teaching now's much less the way it was when i bailed, & i'm just so happy for her, that she has less crap to deal w/than we did 5-10 years ago! so to heck w/the big paycheck for me: i like it like this!
sun in LBC we attended a tribute for departed ornery, irascible, eccentric, resourceful, uber-talented & creative max bangwell, james's dear friend & long-time blues express drummer... my hubby was so, so, so, so sad, but we got up at pink arguello's request & sang together on the big stage. i told jr watson, on guitar, "little richard!" and he told the band, "rock n roll!" & we did my song "he's my baby" & right away, i saw teeth flashing & heads bobbing throughout the place & spirits were high, & that's why i wanted to do THAT song, cause i knew it'd make ppl happy & max would've wanted that. throughout the day, i kept pondering him, keeping him at the forefront of my mind, knowing he'd want everyone to be joyous & mischievous & having a good time... james was so beat afterward, we got a rm next door at the golden sails, where he used to play but we've never stayed, & what a nice place!! huge room, big soft bed, pretty manicured grounds, quiet & serene, & in the morn, beautiful breakfast rm w/softly-glowing view of boats bobbing on the marina & tons of yummy food, which really made big-eating james smile & delight! i was so grateful to be able to stay rather than try to get us caravanned home cause my sweet husband woke from sound slumber in a happy mood, & that made it all worthwhile! anyways, that's that for now; i need to be productive here at home for a bit...
here's where we'll be thursday... please come join us! it will be fun fun fun!

mama mia, papa pia, potato chip

just saw this dazzling pic that kaykay posted of james, to which i commented he was the handsomest man i've ever seen, then joked in postcript, "except for johnny weissmuller." so then i had to look up weissmuller on google &... good gravy!!!!

the weissmuller shots (below) are such obvious beefcake, but some people like me are obvious in what twists their twinkie, as cousin tushi would say (another of her exclamations comprises the title of this post). dad & mom are the same way: he, always so gentlemanly, has only ever commented (politely) on women's physical appearance when they are as beautifully, intoxicatingly shapely as, say, dark-eyed sophia loren; mama's favorite has long-been big manly sean connery... me & james have had talks about the 1st time we felt "funny" seeing a celeb. i've known men who were most thrilled physically by women who looked more like teenagers or even were childlike (yeccch), or feminine caricatures, like bette davis, who really were more like drag queens or had masculine characteristics, but my husband & i have always been attracted, really attracted, by strapping uber-men (me) & -women (him), hunky (me) & healthily curvaceous (him) endomorphs, their visages maybe displaying high testosterone & estrogen levels. he recalls his first realization that there was something special about the female specie the first time he viewed raquel welch, in 10, 000 BC. good heavens! that must be one of the top-10 ultra-toned beautiful-bombshell images ever recorded! for me, it was walking into the tejon theatre in bakersfield & being stopped in my tracks by the sight of john amos (yes, good times 70s tv-dad john amos) shirtless in the world's greatest athlete: the strong chin, wide forehead, handsome, masculine face, & broad broad chest clicked something on in my 7-year old being.

- there's nothing wrong with androgyny or any other legal physical attraction (we're not fatty-haters, & if you are, go suck an egg). why write about this? well, it's my damn blablablog.

anyways, this is what i think about on this wintry day, the 1st snow having nestled the mountain these early morning hours. the house is quiet & calm & we had coffee, pyrenee's rolls from bakersfield, provolone & meats from generous mama, lingonberry jam, & now he's retired to rest & i'm on to reading in a few... he said this early morn he was out watching the sunrise & falling snow & cavorting wildlife & laughed happily, "this is my HOME!" i feel that way so often... no high-paying career would take the place of the simple & pretty life of today. to repeat thoreau for the 100th time, "that man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."

anyways, back to my mundane, everyday, but fun-to-consider-for-the-moment topic, the pics here  give me that john amos feeling (tho the one of james additionally stirs my heart with many other kinds of love, which is what happens in marriage, as love deepens & broadens), & also remind me of the 1st time i saw my husband sans-shirt. that image will never be posted here or anyplace else, but i'll say, just to be polite, oh my, hubba hubba, mama mia, papa pia, potato chip.

blablablablablablabla

mind's running a bit too fast to write much... all is swell. cooking, qi gong, friends, travels, "new" car (for a steal!), music, family, practice, library, paychecks, reading, step work, yoga, building projects, cat, funny hahaha, hahahahaha! blablablablabla!! more later, i think...

do wanna write that the oasis is considered to be the toughest bar in taft. i laugh! yeah, there's a fight near-every time we're there (not with our fans/watchers, & not cause of us, but cause of overuse of mind-altering substances by humans staying too long at the helm, i think). patrons & staff are always so friendly & accomodating & enthusiastic & happy & they have absolutely the best food i've ever had in a bar, specializing in sliders. we had fresh cod sliders one time recently! delicious! so fresh! so tender! (ok, the saloon we went with james's band in the netherlands, i just remembered, they served us, right at the bar, super-excellent scrumptious-tasty egg-bacon breakfasts next morn...) the fights happen after the shows, so don't worry, & realistically i think most can figure out that can be just what occurs when folks over-indulge, so please come down & see us for oildorado week at the oasis in taft!

no cover, just bring your dancing shoes & smiles... and tip money for the band, as james would say, "for the kids" (bwahaha; so irreverent is he.)

happy seven months drug-alcohol free to the man whom brother doug waggishly calls "james scarbelli" :D 

bum ba-bum bum

meeeeeee (hope you sang that, to the tune of the tums tv commercial of old...) i've just not wanted to write for some time... but this morning i realized it's that i haven't wanted to get on my computer because then... i have to... pay... ...
BILLS.
with this realization clear, i leaped up, turned on the ancient laptop, got it done. relief!!!
don't know why i procrastinate so at times. mebbe cause i don't have other bad habits, other than occasional descent into considerable depression & self-pity (& binge eating)... i rip articles from the NYer mag with plan to read them later. there was one on procrastination i kept for some months. but of course, i never read it. (badump-bump!)
geez, it's been a month since i wrote. i had my sobriety bd: 20 YEARS! didn't go to the international drunks convention in atlanta (HOTlanta, as dan m called it). got beautiful flowers from friends, pearls from james, cards, cakes, sobriety chip. my bd was a big huge happy wow. :)

Photo by Kaykay Jagger: me on really nice Roland, James w/new guitar.

mama recently had a 50 years reunion of her bakersfield college choir, the little choir that toured & sang all over europe, becoming the first americans ever to win wales's prestigious eisteddfod festival. at the college, i got to see their informal "concert" (they'd had just one practice) & with the first notes, dad, me, & the man to my right burst into tears. the sound of all of these reunited septuagenarians was that beautiful, that moving. we were watching something special & unique, all these talented once-20-somethings reconvened as 70-somethings, voices & hearts still so filled w/soul & conviction. choir director joe huzsti, who with his wife melinda have been huge life-long mentors to mama, talked about what this choir always has meant to him, tho he's since traveled the world many times, winning  many awards with other, more prestigious choirs, teaching musicians who've gone on to greatness. "they have a special something," he said (i paraphrase), delivering song so sincerely & w/a commitment that makes young musicians sound comparatively plastic. i thought of james. i thought of me. we're certainly not classically-trained maestros, but we are hard-working, hard-loving, hard-stomping & dedicated musical preservationists. the greatest compliment i ever got, i think, was from david nigel lloyd, who called me a "working-man's musician."
mr huszti was on the nose: no matter the musical genre, a few off notes, some clams, if sung or otherwise performed with unabashed, undiluted heart & soul, beam a life force that leaps from stage into the heart of the audience. such a performance can't help but move, being human, humane, transcending rather than "perfect"!
i'm so grateful i got to be there, as well as to help at the after-party at mom & dad's house! what nice folks! what talent! what testament to the power of music & hard work & love!
james has been having a wonderful time lately at his shows, both w/the newly-invigorated band & with me. he says so, & i can tell it's true. i'm so pleased for him!
we've gone out of town left & right. traveling, gigs, visiting family. friends have visited. we've played many music shows together, good, middling, great, fantastic! gotten magical feedback. i've worked at the library. still like it, still disconcerted to be doing one task at a time. i can get immersed in putting the books in order, tho. arranging all the deweys on all the books' spines is calming yet exciting, lulling, tranquilizing yet invigorating, like counting my footfalls when i run. that's the other thing! i've gotten to do some really cool jog-runs! and lotsa fun yardwork! even got some tomatoes growing, tho some butthead varmint's been eating them. and we've had a great time in the morns watching the birds, squirrels, & chipmunks chirping & hopping & munching & splashing at the birdbath/feeder area we set up under the window amongst some trees. the quail have birthed a new branch of the covey, so there's at least 20 of them running around here now, cooing so cutely, fatly, sweetly.
saw a coyote in the arroyo & for the 1st time since i watched one eat my cat in 2011, i didn't wish i could shoot it with a bb gun. as james has said, he's just trying to make a living. other than a deer, bunnies & hares are the only other animals i think i've seen... oh! and the biggest horny toad ever! i guess all the creatures have come down out of the forest to Civilization in search of water...
that's this wkend's biggest news: a huge storm washed in on tails of gulf hurricane. rain was beating the house like the band & i was sitting w/peeweenie (his name when he's being a turd) when i heard a great rushing swooping roar. i ran to the window & what a sight! storm runoff from higher climes had plummeted down the ever-dry, parched arroyo, creating a shooshing restless riverlet, a swifting running muddy creek! i got on galoshes & ran down there to chronicle the event... it smelled wonderful, like colorado used to (sure it still does, but i don't go there no mo) like wet pines, sage, earth.

Mt Pinos rocks (photo by Harriet H) from hike w/H

here comes the rain again! a cool heavy steady mountain shower! the rumble & flash of thunder & lightning! so invigorating! so scary! so beautiful! so overwhelming!
life! ah, life! we have it! :D