stompstompstompstomp

saturday at the doll hut, james was in highest form, a god on the stage, a superhero, an icon! he was a big whoaaaa. we made it back to kern county for easter with the family. we were home today on frazier mountain working on the house. i put up the patio again & took a little sauna. tomorrow school resumes. as does the music. now here we go! our combo renamed & restamped! i hear pour house has good food. yessss! we are going to stomp stomp stomp!!!

dang! blablabla, & many exclamation points!!!!

- for my first xmas list item, i request the book "moanin' at midnight," about the howlin' wolf, by james segrest & mark hoffman. STILL reading it!!! every a.m. before school, i drink 18 cups of coffee & eat pb toast & read about 5 pages, if i'm lucky & have the time before heading to work. i love this book more than any i've recently read, not just cause the wolf was an inimitable awesome bada*s & an enormously manly hunk. a few yrs back, the wonderful san diego-based musician billy watson spotted james & enthused, "it's the modern-day howlin' wolf!" and we both were so, so flattered since billy's not just a sprightly, talented musical dynamo,  but a good-natured man of great sincerity, so he wasn't just blowing smoke up our cans.

- reading this book, i realize, yes! more & more, on each page, it DOES sound like james, from  personality, stage style, & treatment of other musicians to the arc of his life, specifically how domesticity calmed & settled him, gave him peace. wild! i give james reports as i read, telling him he needs to read it when i finish, but i've had it a long, long time from the library here, so mebbe i just need my own copy. yes, that'll be it. this book's a definite keeper-for-life!

- the clincher is, in the back, segrest & hoffman have a discography that -- thank you, jeebus! -- lists all the sessions & all the personnel. yay! so when i hear piano i like, i can go look see who it is. hurrah!

- i write "dang" cause the book online's too expensive for me to want to spring for right now. when i get my 1st check, other things'll be priority: getting the 2-story-high east windows washed; getting our chariots fully serviced & maybe new paint for the green hornet; getting the septic tank dumped. yes, there's no real plumbing up here, nor cable, but what a place to live! the smoke's clearing from  the so-cal fires (i say optimistically) & the weather's cooling w/autumn's arrival... so nice! so breezy! so lovely!

- oh, school is kicking my butt, but what a terrific assignment i have! am very much overdoing it having added fine arts & library to my teaching plate, but i can do it! i know i can! just got a piano in my classroom so now have access to three (classroom, art rm, music rm)! three pianos! three old friends! my students are so cute, being 6th graders w/yet no touches of adolescent rebellion. "we have to be nice to this piano," i told them. "we have to take care of it. it's like having a beloved pet, an old elephant or an old dog in the room." & they all nodded in agreement, buying in to the niceness & special situation: having their own old piano. :) 

- james has come through just like he said he would, taking care of the house by day while i work. thank you so much!!! he tells me, "i'm so lucky, i married the hottest woman in the world!" and i say, "oh, me with my gray hair? no way!" and he replies, "no, baby, i had no idea! you're not just [physical compliments] & talented & smart & sweet, you're a powerhouse! i've never gotten to see you fully in action til now [that i'm teaching]!"

- how many people would even notice something like this? i was touched & happy. we've both taken action to get our neurochemicals properly balanced, & he says, "i had no idea; you've been dragging me along! we're both doing great right now, & i want to show you what i can do!" i think his show today, my 1st out of the band (waaaah!), is gonna be a killer. he posted this flyer i made some months back to advertise today's event, & people are spreading it like the cliched wildfire. no other so-cal musician is as iconic as james!

- yes, the buzz is high for this show: i'm sad i won't be there & i will really miss playing w/anthony & steve, but i'm so happy james likely will play to a packed house! tonight he's gonna jump on with pink's "monster show" at harvelle's, too: he likes pink bc the man is a strong frontman, like james, but also eccentric, theatrical, w/odd sense of humor, like james. 

here's the flyer and details for today/tonight's two shows: Come see Whiteboy James 2pm - 6pm  Sat. Sept. 3rd at - All Sports, 7132 Garden Grove Blvd, Westminster, CA 92683; and 2 for 1 Tickets!!! Wild Fun Labor Day Weekend Party! Saturday night blowout at Harvelles lbc Live Rockin Blues & Burlesque with Dennis Jones, Billy Watson, Chris Smith, Kip Dabbs, WhiteBoy James, Mike Arguello **LABOR DAY WEEKEND PROMO CODE: LABORDAY16 to get 2 for 1 tickets for Saturdays Show! tixz www.harvelles.com

- ok, now back to reading for me, then it's time to practice flute, then head to the smoggiest, hottest town around to visit my beautiful family!! may you have a good book & good movement. take that how you will. :)
(oh, crap, i forgot why originally i blogged! having to learn new instruments is daunting, but i found a whole youtube series, masterfully assembled by the us army field band. whether you're a music teacher or musician trying to improve chops & technique, these videos should be vital! what a treasure trove!  enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/user/USArmyFieldBand ) 

haircut minus shave = one bit?

james is so photogenic! if i'd grown up with him & paid attention, i might be even a hair as physically charming. he's said repeatedly his high school drama teacher was key in teaching him how to move & use his corpus & especially his face in the most compelling, actorly manner (interpretation mine, of course)... tho training or not, his charisma is not just alluring, but highly unusual! most of us humans are not so dynamic, never will be no matter how much practice, nor can be ready at all times for close-up!
he's a cool cat, my husband. we each have our merits, of course, but i prefer his since they seem to be much more inherent & interesting than mine...

i'm vain, yes,  & terrified on some level of my aging human suit, but deep down i'm most  interested in being the best piano player possible. my mouth may express the contrary, especially around my husband, who is kindly patient in his reassurances. fundamentally, tho, i know the music is more important than my aging face. - also that this, too, shall pass. lastly, realistically, i can't invoke a ban on all photos in which the lighting is bad or in which i'm not smiling (these add 10 years)... and i'm sure not gonna stop playing just cause i'm no longer cute!

these photos came out cool, taken by long-time huge james fan alice diaz... thank you, alice!
will keep the long hair while we are in san francisco this next week... then the hippie locks must go! i had no idea i looked like an old hippie... weird! that's always been quite far from my mind, tho like any sane sentient being, i do believe in peace & love...
the beautiful bakersfield awards are this saturday. brother doug bennett, "a cross between mother teresa & p.t. barnum," is up for an award for his humanitarian work & ministry aiding persons who are being trafficked. (it is called magdalene hope, if you want to look it up.) hope that he wins, but having been nominated yrs ago when i had my underground paper, i know the voting is highly political! (actually, i didn't deserve to win that year: the award went to the kid who does the christmas lights event, 13 yrs later an annual beloved yuletide event at bakersfield's california living museum, aka CALM.)
i haven't been to SF since i finished my MA at the defunct, worthwhile new college in the mission... not any trips i really remember, that is! james & i are anticipating having huge fun. he deserves it! i believe i might, too.
sacre bleu! carpe diem! stay sick, turn blue! hail hail rock & roll! have a nice wan.

fueling up

on each set break, our knife-lean drummer & friend steve kida snacks. steve, who says "i have my grandfather's build," has a regimen i'd do well to imitate: pasta before every show, & on breaks, a sandwich or apple followed by a bit of chocolate or a muffin. and no drinking, no sodas, just water.  following this nutrition plan, he has the steady energy & strength to sustain high-voltage playing for a four-hour night! steve never bonks, which is important in james's intense band.
i started back up working at the library yesterday, so by nighttime i was pretty tired & bonked at the top of the last set, but weirdly, after fumbling the opening instrumental, i went into a flow state where my brain switched off & i just played, really dug in, went into another dimension mentally... it was quite nice. today, my hands, forearms & biceps are sore due to the way i play. however, i'm inspired to become stronger; i am rising to this challenge!
wonderful to've seen friends old & new last night, too. nice chatting with krystal/karen & seeing the elliots, monique & john, the greek, sean & shannon & several couples i don't know but should because they come out each month to see our combo!
well, here's some news: james has taken me on to be his fourth band member in the blues express. last night when we announced it, the audience cheered. what a nice thing! james says to be ready for the dirtbags & what one of our band members has called "nasty a*s no-talents" who will try to break us down, but james & i've been facing such people since we got together as a couple, so it'll be nothing new. plus,  in this realm, playing music, i can be confident. james says i might even become "cocky," which would be kind of fun, i think... sunday at the OC marketplace (see poster) we will kick major major butt!!!!!!
after last night's show, while cruising up the 5 back to the mountain, we glanced over to admire the nighttime LA skyline & decided to step off the fwy to eat at the original pantry cafe, the place that's been open non-stop since 1947. what a great meal! the meat tasted like real meat, not filler (many cheap eateries have a certain amount of cellulose [basically sawdust] in their "meat"). i had the spaghetti & meatballs, the best i've ever had, really! james enjoyed his burger & we both dug sitting right by the cook's window, watching a hard-working mexican dude rapidly slapping together omelettes, fried potatoes, french toast, & more on the giant sizzling grill.
you can see by our faces what kind of night it was: tho we live with ups & downs, last night was a solid up.
please come out to the show sunday, if you can, & if you can't, visit www.whiteboyjames.com to see where we'll be upcoming.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! BLAAAAAABLAAAAAABLAAAAAAH!!

(lazy writing alert: emphatic "!!!" & CAPITAL LETTERS ahead)
dang it, this blog has stats. if you come to this site, the site you JUST LOOKED AT is tracked by blogger!! i just went into the stats page of my little blog & saw listings for some gross & disgusting  sites... if you're looking at nasty & foul stuff, stop visiting my blog!!!!!!!! go away!!!!!!!
i know i can't control that one bit, so the only thing i can do is express how revolting it is to me when happy fool here goes to the "stats" page to twinkle & glee over how many humans have been cyber-visiting her & sees these perverted, putrid websites documented... bleghghghghg!!!
i'm kinda stuck lately, sick where i have trouble talking & walking, but i sure can type! i'm good for little except surfing the web. it's actually led to some teaching, voice talent, proofreading job leads & more gigs for me & james! course, i'm too ill to get to the job interviews, keep having to reschedule, so it's kinda... frustrating yet exciting... work! work is good! laborare est orare!
i've been withdrawing from paroxetine. that's right, me, sober over 20 years, WITHDRAWING. the new doc told me to be nice to myself; it's not like i've relapsed. the ironic part is, i'm probably suffering a great deal more BECAUSE i've been sober so long. i'm probably as much a lightweight as a baby, in fact. so if i'd kept partying down & took paxil, i'd not maybe be this sick.... crap!!
i went in two yrs ago a hopeless anxious depressed wreck & my nice doctor, a pretty, intelligent woman who probably got straight As all thru school & who obviously has NO experience with addiction, told me to take paxil, so i did.
my fault!! should've researched it!! didn't!! gullible, believing authority, wanting to trust: sucker!! it never stops!!
so i took the med i was prescribed, for the first time in my life exactly AS prescribed, & here i find myself two years later (transitioning to another, much safer med) sick sick sick, oh my, so physically sick... friends tell me, "oh, they're being sued. you should sue them!!" but those lawsuits are for paxil-induced outcomes far worse, certainly evil, even: babies born of mothers who'd been on paxil,  baby comes out with something very wrong; families of people who stopped taking paxil, got depressed, took their own lives. horrible! this is not that -- this, tho it's a highly unfortunate situation, is not sue-worthy!
 james & i were joking -- as we do; hahaha! --- about kicking peoples' asses. james is the dalai lama compared to his Old Life, when he was a tough sucker -- the toughest man I'VE ever met or known about, that's for sure! so it comes up bc he actually can do it whereas physically i probably could, if my opponent were weak & tiny, but then how could i? see? temperamentally, no, i don't think i ever could! but i told him if we ever meet a person from glaxosmithwhateveritscalled evil big pharma that developed paxil, we will beat those thugs to a pulp.
cretins!!!! pushers!!!! as*holes!!!!!! the whole idea made us laugh, & then, of course, i felt much better. :) mama said recently -- with great affection, i add -- as james was being silly, "how can you feel bad being married to a man like that?" he's so quick & funny, quite a marvelous human being that way, verbally gifted, lightning-smart, & hilarious. he reminds me to stop taking life so seriously... thank goodness!
my brain zaps. and in fact, that's what the phenom is called: brain zaps. at 1st it was a tiny bit cool, kinda like being bride of frankenstein or the monster. but then it intensified: no longer cool at all. add nausea, headache, fatigue, mood swings & you have a condition FAR worse than i could've envisioned. james has been a big help, having suffered many bouts with withdrawal. me? i had three days of DTs over 20 yrs ago. never anything like this. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
however, sick & puky, wobbly & mood-swingy, i'm still in general quite happy. :) i love my life, & i love, i mean, i LOVE my husband! -- more all the time, the more i know him. we have gone thru storms & battles & wars & strife together... and didn't give up! this is how stuff gets solidified, fortified, ingrained. our lives nowadays are the best they've  been! and w/ possibility of getting work in areas i love (teaching, library, art, music)? so happy. and not only is james getting more & bigger gigs, with a lineup of good honest men whom i really like & who are loyal & good to james, but WE, me and james!, are getting more gigs. click on this to see where & when: whiteboy and jenny combo
gonna quit writing now, stand up & try not to barf, maybe play some piano... yes! in spite of the lumps & bumps & having to be reminded of the presence of internet weirdos & having to shake out this evil, sickening anti-depressant, LIFE IS GOOD! may yours be, as well. even you weirdos! even you as*holes! even you petty, scum-sucking sleaze bags! :D
 may we all live & be merry!

yayyyyyyy!!!!!

feel so good about this new year. :) hope you do, too.

jumping jehosaphat, casey hensley sings like no other!

ant, me, beloved james on happy new year's eve 2015-2016...

mama mia, papa pia, potato chip

just saw this dazzling pic that kaykay posted of james, to which i commented he was the handsomest man i've ever seen, then joked in postcript, "except for johnny weissmuller." so then i had to look up weissmuller on google &... good gravy!!!!

the weissmuller shots (below) are such obvious beefcake, but some people like me are obvious in what twists their twinkie, as cousin tushi would say (another of her exclamations comprises the title of this post). dad & mom are the same way: he, always so gentlemanly, has only ever commented (politely) on women's physical appearance when they are as beautifully, intoxicatingly shapely as, say, dark-eyed sophia loren; mama's favorite has long-been big manly sean connery... me & james have had talks about the 1st time we felt "funny" seeing a celeb. i've known men who were most thrilled physically by women who looked more like teenagers or even were childlike (yeccch), or feminine caricatures, like bette davis, who really were more like drag queens or had masculine characteristics, but my husband & i have always been attracted, really attracted, by strapping uber-men (me) & -women (him), hunky (me) & healthily curvaceous (him) endomorphs, their visages maybe displaying high testosterone & estrogen levels. he recalls his first realization that there was something special about the female specie the first time he viewed raquel welch, in 10, 000 BC. good heavens! that must be one of the top-10 ultra-toned beautiful-bombshell images ever recorded! for me, it was walking into the tejon theatre in bakersfield & being stopped in my tracks by the sight of john amos (yes, good times 70s tv-dad john amos) shirtless in the world's greatest athlete: the strong chin, wide forehead, handsome, masculine face, & broad broad chest clicked something on in my 7-year old being.

- there's nothing wrong with androgyny or any other legal physical attraction (we're not fatty-haters, & if you are, go suck an egg). why write about this? well, it's my damn blablablog.

anyways, this is what i think about on this wintry day, the 1st snow having nestled the mountain these early morning hours. the house is quiet & calm & we had coffee, pyrenee's rolls from bakersfield, provolone & meats from generous mama, lingonberry jam, & now he's retired to rest & i'm on to reading in a few... he said this early morn he was out watching the sunrise & falling snow & cavorting wildlife & laughed happily, "this is my HOME!" i feel that way so often... no high-paying career would take the place of the simple & pretty life of today. to repeat thoreau for the 100th time, "that man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."

anyways, back to my mundane, everyday, but fun-to-consider-for-the-moment topic, the pics here  give me that john amos feeling (tho the one of james additionally stirs my heart with many other kinds of love, which is what happens in marriage, as love deepens & broadens), & also remind me of the 1st time i saw my husband sans-shirt. that image will never be posted here or anyplace else, but i'll say, just to be polite, oh my, hubba hubba, mama mia, papa pia, potato chip.

blablablablablablabla

mind's running a bit too fast to write much... all is swell. cooking, qi gong, friends, travels, "new" car (for a steal!), music, family, practice, library, paychecks, reading, step work, yoga, building projects, cat, funny hahaha, hahahahaha! blablablablabla!! more later, i think...

do wanna write that the oasis is considered to be the toughest bar in taft. i laugh! yeah, there's a fight near-every time we're there (not with our fans/watchers, & not cause of us, but cause of overuse of mind-altering substances by humans staying too long at the helm, i think). patrons & staff are always so friendly & accomodating & enthusiastic & happy & they have absolutely the best food i've ever had in a bar, specializing in sliders. we had fresh cod sliders one time recently! delicious! so fresh! so tender! (ok, the saloon we went with james's band in the netherlands, i just remembered, they served us, right at the bar, super-excellent scrumptious-tasty egg-bacon breakfasts next morn...) the fights happen after the shows, so don't worry, & realistically i think most can figure out that can be just what occurs when folks over-indulge, so please come down & see us for oildorado week at the oasis in taft!

no cover, just bring your dancing shoes & smiles... and tip money for the band, as james would say, "for the kids" (bwahaha; so irreverent is he.)

happy seven months drug-alcohol free to the man whom brother doug waggishly calls "james scarbelli" :D 

mo later

thass all for now

squirrel!

1. squirrels & chipmunks recently have been ever-present, scampering fatly, adorably around like cartoon cuties (the little vermin...). obviously down here to find sustenance, they leap straight up to snatch the fat yellow flowers from the elderberry bush, james noted, which they then devour with great fervor.
2. yesterday while clearing brush off the side slope (i.e., raking it madly into the arroyo so it can't catch & ignite our property if there's a forest fire), i was relieved to hear  "our"  quail again,  endearingly rustling & chirping away from the tree behind me. we've been wondering where they went, if hungry predators had gotten them, since all the animals seem to be off their marks, mebbe due to drought conditions. our covey of california quail live. woohoo!
3. a weed i've been pulling up indisciminately, i found out yesterday at the ridge route museum, actually is a medicinal plant called indian tea. cool! it's a nice little museum, another thing that makes me like living here.
4. today all properties must be cleared, & ours, after much back-breaking work, is. :)
5. i realized lately at one of james's gigs one of my delights in life is to stand with back to wall in dark club (preferably with non-alcoholic beverage in hand) watching the action. it's a silky, secrety, fly-on-the-wall, safe & fun, intro-extrovert feeling. i got to make an amend that eve, too, so that was a real bonus.
6.  our duo finally has legs, tho not yet sea legs (more practice), but you can find our page & upcoming gigs at www.facebook.com/whiteboyandjenny ... it's a splendid feeling to work this thing alongside one another... we don't have to teach each other any style elements, like how to "do it right," what to play/not play, what to say/not say, how to sing it, what fits & what doesn't: we have the same musical heroes, references & understandings, plus we are scrappy stompers of song in love who onstage give no quarter! and we want to share the passion & fun with everybody... so catch one of our shows, if you can!
7. what have you discovered, learned or been reading lately? i don't wanna write anymore, so here's a vlaaaaahg.

no blablablablabla! happy june!!!!!

how are you? i just haven't felt like writing lately... all is swell! :D we are busy with life. here are some pix. this upcoming week we start our duo gigs... i will write more later, mebbe... life is goooood, to quote geoffrey holder (r.i.p.), the un-cola genie of commercials of old (as well as renaissance man & recurring figure in james's dreams!)...

very excited very excited very excited very excited!!!

so much fun coming up... have to take a break from computer bc am getting too manic thinking about it all.

"whiteboy" james page photographed by jenny page (shpoush)

this week: a consolidating, positive change that also will save us moolah. after that, freedom! freedom! freedom & music! (and peewee...) don't mean to be coy or covert here, but shouldn't write about specifics til they're over &/or on so i don't jinx anything... but am so thrilled, must mention a bit that good things are afoot! yes, invigorating, pleasing, adventurous things are afoot for james & me, & we'll share that spirit w/others, to be sho!!

do not ignore the hand... the hand of fate... mwahahahahaha!!!

(the video i mention below was too long & i fear pretty boring, so i deleted it to redo later... in the vid, i talked about fun things we've done lately, being blown away by phil alvin's voice at the music goes bang! festival, seeing dear donna, then meeting james's eccentric & fascinating friend stanley... also mentioned the upcoming rockin blues festival in kernville, ca & showed a bunch of books as well as paper mache skull head, metal pugilist toy, james's black clay hand sculpture,  casper the friendly ghost lamp he got me, & played song of mine i wrote in '12 based on something really cool he told me at that time... well, now no need to redo video! :D )
typing this on james's computer as a video uploads... james's computer is so much nicer than mine, which is a real viejo! really should get another, but change, tho the only constant, is such a mudda, not to mention i'm a luddite as well as my dad's daughter: a tightwad!...
what's up? all here is well, swell, copacetic, peachy, sometimes crappy, mostly happy, yes, geez, life is nice! (now picturing kermit thee frog).. i've been getting to teach english at the local library! i love love love it! i love the people who show up to learn english! i'm getting to know the other teacher, & we've got the same positive philosophy about doing this! my spanish is about as good as the students' english, so that makes it doubly fun! it's free, so if you know any adult who wants to learn english, contact the library! next i'm trying to get some actual-dinero work w/the library, practicing my dewey, hoping for a place to show up regularly so i can use my brain more as well as get some dough here & there... been trying to cook some, be more domestic: yes, we're having some success in the happy home department, i think, me & him! mom & dad visited today: nice meal, smiley visit; they oohed over how much work we've done in the yard; james beamed proudly & gigged mama hilariously (she loved it)... we've been vegging out a lot w/the roku: little rascals, andy griffith, old movies... the other night we watched sling blade... why didn't bbt ever make anything else of worth???... reminded me how likeable john ritter was... james, of course, came away from the viewing w/a killer impression of carl (bbt's character)... we also've been getting a kick outta watching the office, which james's never seen... and that reminds me of two great movies we saw about voice acting, which we both still hold hopes of pursuing: in a world (comedy, available on redbox) & i know that voice (documentary, available on netflix)... blablablablablablablablablablabla
wish this thing would upload.
and now, a little song (you'll have to imagine the melody):
chingachinga, chingachinga, chingachingachingachingachingachinga
(no, not the mexican nasty chinga, but imagine a little streetcar or a small hammer hitting a tiny bell before a liliputian fight)

t-shirts! getcher t-shirts!

- we got the greatest t-shirt service right here on the mountain from a company right on our tiny main street! they are the good people who make the "i love fp" bumper stickers (on the back, they read "love god. love people." - both sentiments i can agree with cause why not?) i told the kindly owner/ screenprinter jerry that some batches in past have bled out some on the face & blues express lettering & he printed the image just-darker-enough that the shirts came out perfect, a much better representation of my original drawing! he also reduced the image size so it's a much better fit on most human torsos. in addition, he charged no set-up fee, a big savings! lastly, the turn-around on the order was just TWO DAYS! WOW! we were just all-around so pleased w/our treatment by "your t-shirt man," right here on the mountain. jerry says he does most of his jobs via online sales, so here's the link for you: https://yourtshirtman.com
james was very, very happy, too, needless to say. at last weekend's festival, the shirts sold like hotcakes, so we're ready soon to order even more!
we rested earlier & i had 20-30 minutes of the most blissful peace in my heart! i was in the moment, no worries, no fears, no nothing except a beautiful feeling of rest & calm & happiness! that is such a big deal for a monkey brain like me... the refreshing lovely wind blew its blessed soul through the windows, in larger gusts sighing & whistling some, & james murmured in his sleep, reminding me of w.c. fields, "tell that man to stop blowing his horn..." :)
he's going to kick butt & take names tonight (friday) in long beach city at gallagher's, tomorrow at the regal in lakewood, just a little north. go to www.whiteboyjames.com for the scoop/poop/whoopdeedoop on the greatest living frontman (since little richard is retired, that is...).
and now it's time for me to go read books & play some joplin & later, when the sun wanes some, pull weeds in the lovely luster of eve. :D
(ps - when i was a young person, i had great interest in things morbid & little interest in animals & poetry. so glad the poles have flipped! here are some poems i read yesterday, some new to me, some not. hope you love them, too! invictus IF the thousandth man a prayer a psalm of life )

lifelifelifelifelifelifelife

all is well :D

"therrrrr goanna put me in the movies..."

no, not me, but someone the other night told james, "you could be a movie character!" he had just met karling's beau johnny tong & they were scrapping & circling around the parking lot like jets & sharks, if jets & sharks were fun-loving maniacs who talked trash & rumbled to entertain themselves & everyone around... james, johnny & karling ALL could be movie characters, i think. johnny is an unusual person for us to get to meet: an accomplished performer (magician in the sideshow tradition, featured on ripley's, for instance, sticking a snake up his nose), wingnut (firing up his eyes & laughing wildly to match james), & productive member of society somehow (he & karling do magic shows for children every morning!). "johnny is just so crazy & wild," she said, "people either get him or they don't -- they either love him or hate him!" i smiled; i do know this one. :)  her johnny, of whom we used to perform a song i didn't know was about HIM, is about our age but looks much younger -- he's chimpanzee strong & lean, & karling's lovelier than ever, i thought, seeming much happier. yes, they were so nice & fun to hang out with, a strikingly attractive match as i write reminding me of one time when art fein described seeing lux & ivy walking out of the movies in so-cal: "they cut quite a figure."
 i quit karling's band back in '12, when james's & my romance was in its initial roaring bonfire (now a steady, hearty hearth, thank you, good universe), but i've missed her & regretted having had to quit, hoping all along her new love & life were a comforting fit for her. there were parallels, i thought, between what happened romantically in her life & mine, so i'm very happy for her, & for me & james, too! :D
omnia vincit amor! ... et amor gignit amorem!
here are some pictures of my british friend & me as well as my handsome husband & his "new brother," who apparently is in the giant head club with james & me. (mom & dad always consoled me this way: "big head, big brain." since angie & karling have normal-sized heads but are both very intelligent, i don't know if i buy this, tho i appreciate the love behind the sentiment.) one thing i know: a big head, better seen from the back row, is the head of a performer, so i'm glad we have them! :D well, i'm nearly 47 years old today... good gravy! time to go get ready for visiting family.

together again...

-> taking a break from unpacking... this whole moving week's been an exhausting blur of backbreaking labor, mental strain, frustration, sitting around waiting, fatigue-induced blubbering spells, & the payoff -- exploring & hanging out w/my husband last night, a time of fun, elation, freedom, romance & possibility. what a mix! what a rollercoaster! and we're coming off this ride worn-out but just fine, even exhilarated & ready to ride more. stronger, safer, & more alive! thank you, james... (refer to ike & tina song)
-> a song keeps waltzing around my brain & it brought up memories... i wonder if the older i get, the more memory takes over til if i'm not watchful, i'm permanently lost in it, not present cause the mental hard drive's so filled up w/data? hope not; hope to stay awake & alive; hope the ever-thickening panoply of remembrances will add layers of life-experiences allowing ever-deepening wisdom & appreciation rather than drooling absent-mindedness... please tell me you think about this stuff, too???
-> anyways, many lives ago in bakersfield, i was in the employ of a country-western tv star-singer who called me up to his office cause he heard thru his son i played piano. he asked if i wrote songs & at that time i had a grand total of two -- didn't start songwriting much til a few yrs after i sobered up. i was too intimidated to play anything in front of the old man -- even tho the beautiful grand in the office did provoke in me a longing, i was a crappy musician in those days & knew it. i was way more interested in getting loaded than playing piano, & while i've always been able to plunk out melodies & could even then, blind drunk or high, i couldn't coordinate my hands to do anything even a bit more technical, tho i would try sometimes. how embarrassing to recall the faces of puzzled friends trying to be polite, no doubt thinking to themselves, i thought she said she could play piano? and maybe even, oh g*d, she sucks!! she must be cracked to have said she knew how to play!! ...ah, my delusional, idiotic youth!  :D
-> anyways, back to the story, years later i was told that the old man's office was bugged so he could steal songs, which now that i type it, sounds kinda paranoid, but the old man was both a really good & really terrible guy, from my experience & understanding, both philanthropic & downright mean, so maybe it was true... i've heard stories since about other artists of high repute, some of my musical heroes, even, who rip off songs from others. so disappointing, but i guess laziness & greed (& possibly desperation from creative drought) of this kind is part of some human's nature... even if that human's a million-record seller!
-> my old friend ruben, late of east la's the blazers, told me to do a poor man's copyright after i finally put out my 1st batch of songs in the early '00s -- "then if someone steals one of your tunes & makes money on it, you go after 'em!" he said, grinning. what you do is, you record your compositions, seal them in an envelope, then mail them back to yourself, leaving the package unopened. i did it, & one tune DID get recorded... my payment? i got a CD containing the guy's version of the song. the rest of the songs i've written, hundreds of them, sit in drawers & boxes around here. yeah, i'm sure not getting rich off songwriting, but on the other hand i still've got the creative satisfaction of having written them as well as the considerable pleasure & gratitude of knowing this desire lives in me & continues to produce... do what you love, love what you do...
-> anyways, i keep thinking of one of buck owens' lovelier songs as i unpack, wondering now if he even wrote it, & if he didn't, who did? did someone someplace write these lyrics, then get ripped off by mister o? if so, i hope their pride in having written something beautiful soothes the what-must-be horrible pain of having a baby stolen...
-> together again / my tears have stopped falling / the lone, lonely nights / are now at an end / the key to my heart / you hold in your hand / and nothing else matters / we're together again / together again / my gray skies are gone / you're back in my arms / back where you belong / the love that we knew / is living again / and nothing else matters / we're together again
-> ok, back to unpacking... may you have a day, & then another, & then another... :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

- i'm back on the mountain, breathing an  exhalation of relaxation... what a week! graduation congratulations to james page jr, soon off to college in colorado! so many things happened while i was gone, hard to keep em straight. i don't know when i've ever seen so many cool places on such a short trip w/such a mind full of crap! oh well; long as we're not pushing up daisies, we always can revisit those places, & long as we get to be highly creative & talented & intelligent ( yeah, that might sound stuck-up, but it's TRUE!! - maybe of you, too, eh? :D ), i guess the flipside is mood swings, which i'm learning to deal w/better, thanks to garnering new & improved tools & my husband's help (i believe i help him, too)... tho they still hit, blast it!!... we visited el cariso village near lake elsinore, then one of my favorite spots in one of my favorite towns, the desert hot springs spa hotel, plus DHS's gypsyland & cabot pueblo museum (which was closed, dang it!). under a full moon, we motored up to westerny pioneertown, ca to catch phil & dave alvin's big bill broonzy show at the rustic & happening nightspot pappy & harriet's, & i couldn't believe it: as we drove in, people were streaming out. we'd just missed the whole show!! argh!! anyways, we got to say hi to phil, then walk the cool grounds under beautiful night sky  before hitting the road back to DHS; it was important that we'd shown up, since phil'd been nice enough to put james+1 on the list, & we did, so that's just how it all went down... next day james took us to a terrific spot i'd never been called tio's tacos in riverside, ca, w/delicious food & the most eye-popping collection of vernacular art i've ever seen in one place. i told james, through my depressed fog (which i guess will always hit, long as i'm in this life!), i was amazed cause i've spent decades traveling all over the country to see art like that, & there it was all in one spot, even more than at the primitive & folk art museum in DC. "that's why i brought you here," james said plainly... the food was quite good, too, & the vibe at 1st reminded me of austin, but even austin's got no place w/that volume of bizarre, beautiful, grotesque artwork. we have to go back sometime soon when we're both firing on all cylinders... back at the OC apt, i did all the cleaning i could before needing to get back here to prep to leave again for father's day in kern county tomorrow...
- if you're in the LA area, tomorrow will be a benefit for james's blues express drummer, max bangwell, who is ill but in high spirits, still tripping the lights fantastic, always photographed w/a big smile... the venue changed, so check online for details... speaking of big smiles, above's a pic i took of us at P&H's, using my new fancyshmancy bargain-of-a-phone. my arm is getting to be a seasoned photo feature, i'll tell you!
- happy father's day tomorrow to our dear, sweet, smart, strange, wonderful dad as well as to james,  brother-in-law doug, & all/any of you worthy of the title "father"...oh my gosh!!! a beautiful deer just trod gently by, walking on the side of the hill opposite this window, only about 25 feet away!! so grateful for moments like this!! and now, due to new F-S phone, i can show you a facsimile of what i just saw... :D

it says here...

"the average unmarried female 
Basically insecure 
Due to some long frustration may react 
With psychosomatic symptoms 
Difficult to endure 
Affecting the upper resperatory tract." (frank loesser, guys & dolls)
wow - while looking up  those lyrics, which apply, too, to the female/male of any marital status whose "long frustration" is the effort of living in one's own brain, i found this website: www.rhymebrain.com 
james & i have respective conditions that are at times -- gee: how to put it? -- a bit troubling, an inconvenience, a pain, yes; horrible, tragic, horrifying, perhaps; a test of one's mettle, surely; our crosses to bear, i could describe them, what w/easter upcoming (gee, that sounded crass, maybe); but why write a book about it all now?... the upswing is lots of creativity, so there's always two sides to the coin.
how many more cliches can i pack in these paragraphs?
just an hour ago i was braced very poorly against the tsunami of emotion that hits me like it's my last breath on earth, feeling these churning, roiling waves of despair, futility, hopelessness, helplessness, the same waves that have hit me since i was a child, when james suddenly said, you could be happy about this.
why? i asked.

well at least i'm happy, he says, when people think i'm pretending to have my condition, when they say i'm faking it. i stopped sniffling and listened. "that means they think i'm better than i really am. they think i'm more ok than i am. so maybe i am more ok than i think i am.
"think about it that way," he said.
i heard a touching doggerel at a meeting monday & as i jogged the other night, it served as a quite-nice mantra:
"two inmates looked out from the prison window bars
one looked down & saw mud,
the other up & saw stars." all this stuff, once cynicism & arrogance have been mowed aside by Life, help to retrain the blackened mind... let's keep them coming.

ice cream, nuts, rabbits, skunks, weasels & rats

the ice cream truck's cranking its whimsical calliope-carnival sounds around the neighborhood. it's february!!! back home in kern county, we'd hear the ice cream truck serenade & know summer was coming... i still smile thinking of my skinny little sister desperately running down the street, her little feet slapping the asphalt & coins clenched in her little fist, yelling in her little voice, "wait! wait!" with the truck's song clinking faster & faster in the distance, not stopping for her, poor little angie...  i wanted to kill that guy for not stopping for her, except the cutely uncaring music made it all funny!
here in so-cal, the appearance of the ice cream man doesn't signal summer or any change of season, for that matter, since this is a constantly temperate area. (around here, also, the ice cream man is james's friend, a man whom james taught harmonica & so from whom he always gets free ice cream, of course! just another one of those james-kinda "coincidence" stories. dad was with james when the ice cream man pulled up @ this connection was revealed... dad laughed out loud w/delight!) ... yes, it's always ice cream weather here. i'm not complaining: i can breathe here. must enjoy it  while i'm here... am, more than usual lately. i've gotten nicely ensconced in being a gym & jogging nut again, as well as a connected 12 step fellow again, w/lots of strong, warm, heartfelt meetings here & on the mountain. feels good to feel so "part of" again w/high-caliber, no-sneaky-agenda/no-hypocrisy, humble & sincere people -- altho there are those here, too, like in all walks of life -- just in much smaller numbers than the good eggs!
geez, i'm supposed to be doing step work, but it's gotten too heavy in the last half-hour, so here i is. so started looking at pix of a recent musician's charity event & saw a cool one of billy watson's harmonica case, with affirmations/reminders written on its wooden edges. what a terrific musician & person! i wish we knew a lot more musicians like billy watson & manuel "big manny"  & people of that positive, optimistic, slightly-bent but wholly-good-hearted, kindly, quick-witted ilk... i know there's a lot more of them out there, but those two come primarily to mind... well, heck, better get ready for the meeting.
oh crap! gotta run!