yayyyyyyy!!!!!

feel so good about this new year. :) hope you do, too.

jumping jehosaphat, casey hensley sings like no other!

ant, me, beloved james on happy new year's eve 2015-2016...

merry christmahannukwanzasolsticefestivus celebration!!!

mr & mrs whiteboy james & mr & mrs big manny

- some morbid reflection has flooded my soul lately, but i think it's being prompted by the corporeal changes of being a vieja... drat! i can't worry about my loved ones current & past, human & non. it's crazy-making! james has been helpful in reminding me that it all will pass. so true: the good, the bad, the world as you & i know it. i only have my turn, & my turn's about half-over! better relish each moment rather than fall splat & wallow in anxieties & sadnesses i can't change a bit!
- the mountain is swaying & singing w/wind & blustery rain; in recent days, we've driven all over the place for a couple gigs, family in the valley, & dear friends' visit; it snowed for them & the wife exclaimed, "i've never seen snow!" what a happy moment for all. :) we had pizza & watched the wonderful, wonderful film a christmas story, a perfect film except for melinda dillon's anachronistic hairdo... so excited we'll have the young man visit us on the mtn for the holidays, then see family, then see friends, then the new year is going to be a blast this time, a record party & jam session hosted by the happy friendly talented contrerases!!! woo-hoo!

i really love this guy, & so does anyone w/a heart.

- wanted to share this -- a month or so back, i read about what makes humans most enduringly happy: closeness with others, helping others, & quality of life (not material, which is actually antithetical to happiness, but physical, spiritual & emotional). these seemed to me to correlate w/the pillars of the drunk club: unity, service, & recovery. the drunk club is most always right! here are a few more articles on this worthy topic. article one & article two
- these holidays, love more, buy less, & for pete's sake, care for your ever-changing, vulnerable, ethereal, precious flesh bag, cuz we each only get one on this turn at life! may your days be merry & bright. :)

mama says james looks like yul brenner in this pic. irish yul! :)

she saw snow for the first time this past week. :)

no blablablablabla! happy june!!!!!

how are you? i just haven't felt like writing lately... all is swell! :D we are busy with life. here are some pix. this upcoming week we start our duo gigs... i will write more later, mebbe... life is goooood, to quote geoffrey holder (r.i.p.), the un-cola genie of commercials of old (as well as renaissance man & recurring figure in james's dreams!)...

happy thanksgiving tomorrow!

s.n. goenka, 1924-2013: who human could not love this face??

like you, maybe, i've long not believed the traditional thanksgiving lore, but still, this year i choose to celebrate it as a time for family & love & gratitude (& great food!!), not as the beginning of a genocide... there is so, so, so much for which to be thankful, both good, bad, & medium or mediocre! here is to "anicca, anicca, anicca," to equanimity & awareness.
a wise & wonderful human, r.i.p.
a beautiful & grueling experience that can change you for the better, if you take it seriously
i got to make a new friend in my roommate joyce; hike a 1/4 mile uphill repeatedly each day; experience searing, excruciatingly knife-like pain that gradually abated while sitting "with firm determination" for one hour over & over & over; turn over life stones & have ah-ha's while in deep meditation after listening to audios of wonderful goenkaji, who at times sounded to me like a grandfatherly bela lugosi; enjoy nightly "dhamma talks" delivered by wise goenka; eat delicious nutrient-packed food; see a glimmer of enlightenment... & write 10 songs clandestinely, on rolls of paper towels! what joy i experienced, to realize i could both bust out new tunes & then re-submerge into the deep stream of vipassana... thank you, good universe!!

blablablablablablablabla... burp... hahaha... sniff...

dad worked really hard to co-write this book. he's too humble to promote it, so i will here. dad organized, pared down, cleaned up, & edited into a reasonably-length tome the boxes of interviews eddie lopez, retired newspaperman, originally produced. i did a second edit on what dad had written, & in so doing got to appreciate that the subject had led an unusual, interesting life, yet one seeming quintessentially 1930s & '40s! immigrant, pugilist, marathon dancer, athlete, muscleman, hollywood extra & movie-star aspirant, tough guy, promoter, world traveler, boxing ring builder & owner, & more and more & more! here's a link to the book: by Eddie Lopez and Gilbert Gia ... what a swell week it's been: james gig at which two of his "homegirls" generously brought us a beautiful cake & home-made ceviche w/hot sauce & chips & then the whole place signed us a card; then a just-right trip up to the mountain home of clean air & crystal skies & yardwork & music & nesting; then a visit with the family in their ultra-comfy home filled with happy people, food, music (james really sang for mom & dad for the first time as i accompanied, & their eyes just popped w/amazement at his prodigious talent & charisma!), kindness, & soft places to rest & read & chat (and, in my case, sleep); then home to jamesjr, who ended the eve w/a smile on his face, & today, practice w/scott & scott for sunday gig (they queried me on changes so adeptly, my head was spinning!), & supermex dinner, & laughing & busting chops & cackling at j&j being cynical & funny & inappropriate... and now it's time to put on pajamas cause winter's in the air here, a wet looming fog settling down over things like grayed damp cloth. winter's approaching; sister is wedding next week; the holidays are nearing, & our family does them big & happy & i can't wait to share them with james, who can't wait either. he says he really hasn't done the holidays since his mama passed away; his eyes lit with such joy & wistfulness & fondness & 100 other emotions, like effusive james will do, at the prospect of having them again. little's more precious than welcoming to my loving & hospitable family james, who is ripe for & so appreciative of them... i cry with gratitude if i think on it too much, so i won't. life is gooooooood, & may it be for you, as well.

"don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. where you go i will go, and where you stay i will stay. your people will be my people and your god my god." we did it. we did it! more later...

"do you know how it feels to be like this?"

- five royales
- and how are you, dear reader? my friend & i played that song on the fly the other day for a show & kinda blew it... he'd been up a bit too long to well-sing it, which caused me to fold in a few spots cause i thought i was the one messing us up, but even so, he's one of the best singers on earth, living or dead, plus it's a gorgeous song, so the rendition really couldn't suck no matter what...
- tho some of us've not been there for decades, since birth, actually, i send greetings from planet j. my life changed recently. it's ok now that i am kind of insane. a paradigmatic shift, a sea shift has occurred. crazy = ok, long as i don't hurt anyone, & it's even cool & desirable, in some people's eyes, indicating creativity & passion & commonality. i am understood, & i understand.
- "i refuse to let our combined mental illnesses keep us from having fun." wow! talk about practical, kind, realistic, reassuring. wonder powers, activate.
- may you who read this feel the sense of wonder i now do... what an amazing feeling, to be like this. it's about dang time. incredible. stupefying. bonkers. fun. man, am i grateful. and i believe it can only get better, less someone drops dead. so i gotta be sure to take care of this temple so i can enjoy & learn from & deepen & revel in this next chapter to its fullest.
- gigs lately have been great, & visiting's been funner, & wilder, & sweeter, & scarier, w/a few socks to the gut followed by revelation & amazingly quick growth & connection... yes, i am talking about personal stuff here, but no details, never any details on here, just limning cause it's all just human experience, anyways, common to all: existence, birth, love, life, death... more later maybe.

happy independence day!!! and it's a big music weekend for dusk devils, karling & the atomics, more!

today is july 4, an especially important day for me (see below) as well, of course, on a much, much larger scale, the united states of america... may we all be freed today of whatever oppresses us, be it physical, spiritual, or elsewise. a special prayer, thought, intention, too, for dear loved ones who are in pain. i fervently, sincerely wish them return to good health & strength as quickly as possible... as i know many more of you are experiencing, too, tho life may be wonderful, it hurts to see loved ones suffer... i pray that i'll be ready to help however possible, whenever asked.
meanwhile, in the fun & frivolous dept (tho sunday's a benefit for a kind friend), this weekend:

1840 miles, 7 days

dang! can't believe i'm home! when i left, it was still summer -- have come home to crystal-clear & crisply-cool, fragrant early-morning mountain autumn!
too strung out to sleep -- still vibrating from the road. left abq nm yesterday, slept 4 hrs in the backseat of my good old truck... wow! so grateful to have had such a wonderful road trip, so grateful to be home. more later... carino to anyone reading this... :)

new posts... literally :) ....

- ouch! overdid it again today (tho didn't sustain too many bruises & didn't smash my hands) &, exhausted, my thoughts are jello, sweet & shallow & mooshy-swooshy... behold my nascent career in carpentry (not!) -- the bedframe porch railings (thought it looked a little new orleansy) & doorknob fencepost (our dear dad was delighted by the latter & proudly told friends, "that's why i admire my girls so much: they're geniuses!")
- oh! the joys of having a funky house & (many will relate) bargain-hunting eye. it's like going on an easter egg hunt each time the bargain-hunter "shops" -- so much more fun than going in stores where generally overstocked, overpriced & uniform items are RIGHT THERE, no hunting involved at all, not to mention imagination! too, bargain-hunting, being a form of recycling (this was a nice realization por moi), is environmentally kinder. :) ... oh crap; where was i? there's one synapse pinging in my head like a game of pong: bloop!... bloop!... the downside of dressing up my funky house on the cheap (my sister, bless her, crowed, "oh, how i love your watts tower house! everytime i come visit, there's something new to look at!") is i get way too involved in its decoration/repair & work like a demon til i can't move or breathe or think cogently... so here i is, & you is there, & ain't that a peach?
- the internet's dangerous @ these moments of giddy over-fatigue. consumption! i want to find a subaru brat! & tow it back home! a pair of snow boots (this would seem to be the time of yr to buy some)! whiteboy james! he plays all wkend in kern county. wow!
- the stupid part: we aren't opening for him this time bc of our recent guitarist problemo... little do james & co know, tho, how well brian paxton's been filling the bill while eddie has been out of action waiting for his 2nd eye surgery. (btw! two benefits for eddie will take place @ 1. trout's, aug 14, 3-11 pm [thank you, rockwell & lynda!]; & 2. alano club, aug. 20, 3 pm, -- flyers to come!)... yes, we've all been having fun playing together! bsp's learned everything mucho-quickly (he's a smart feller, yknow), pulled some awesome instrumentals out that are genre-spot-on, & even requested a vocal rehearsal so that 5-6 songs now have cool harmonies (not ever sounding "happy days," either, which is my fear)... now if we can figure out how to get rid of his mullet, we'll all be styling at our next shows!
- oh yes, add to this a perfect little pizza cooling on the counter. i'm reading about 80 books (god bless the public library!), the most delightful being life in paris by julia child, whose spirit can only infuse the reader w/joy. so when i just opened the oven to a steam-furnace blast & was able to use my peewee-herman-huge spatula to perfectly remove the perfect, bubbling pizza, it was a julia moment. oh! i wanted to crow in her distinctive voice, oh! how i LOVE to cook! ... however, that would've been a lie, coming from me; i merely loved the moment of pleasure i got to experience, now informed by & desiring julia's indomitable, lovable way. what a fascinating, unique character she was. and oh how i do love characters!
time for pizza... & tomorrow, yard sale up here on the hill, then dusk devils will meet to see the one & only whiteboy james!... sunday, our dear mama will have her birthday. her ex-son-in-law & nephew-in-law will be cooking for her & my ex-husband will be among the well-wishers. mama is so well-loved!
eat well! go to the library! sing a song! hug someone! use your mind! do some pushups! be a little weird! smile! wishing you a beautiful weekend.
bloop... bloop...

bless-ed.

in the old days, the word "blessed" or anything resembling it would've made me puke. but over the holidays, i rented my house thru the site airb&b, & i do feel blessed w/the way things went down.
"strangers? aren't you worried they might trash your house?" an aunt of mine asked. no, i wasn't; i was forthright in describing my house: nothing fancy, but w/beautiful vws & wonderful other perks, i feel, that wouldn't appeal to insincere ppl, mebbe. no real amenities except star-gazing, hiking, mountains, clean air, fireplace, cozy cabin-like ambience, etc. i sensed anyone who'd choose my place would appreciate it as a humble & friendly place... or maybe i'd be wrong & they'd trash it. we'd see how it would go, but i had a feeling all would be ok.
never realized how messy my place was til a young family reserved it for christmas. yipes!! i started scrubbing. for 3 days. :) then a darling young girl & her cute, bubbly mom showed up @ the door. their story sounded sadly too-typical of what's up today in the usa: dad lost job, family had to separate for economic reasons, mom & daughter stay w/grandma while mom finishes school, dad lives in entirely separate town. a young family wrenched apart. "i've been looking for a place i could afford so we could all be together for the holidays," smiled mom. "i'm so grateful; i can't even tell you!" she enthused in 10 different ways how much she loved my house & hugged her little girl. "she's been so brave," she said. the little girl smiled & hugged me when i left. "have fun, sweety!" i said. my heart swelled & i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude down the hill to bako. what a christmas, to be renting my place so that i might have a little dough, but then for THIS family to get to be together bc of it!
then someone i know asked, "did you meet the father?" no, replied i.
worry temporarily set in. what if he's just out of prison, unrepentant? outlaw biker? mean drunk? what if mom & girl were just waiting for me to leave so they could bring in bad papa?
good sense returned. bah - nonsense. as mama said, "it's CHRISTMAS!" (this translates as, "all are welcome, we love everyone, we trust everyone." this is sort of mama's credo all the time, tho.)
my christmas was even better than i'd thought it could be. astoundingly nice. & yesterday i called the dad to give all the heads-up i'd be coming home that next day. a humble voice answered; w/in secs i knew there'd been no need for worry. "we are so blessed to have been able to stay together in your house for the holidays." how was your christmas? i asked. great, he said. "& it was the neatest thing. we were having dinner & looking out the window & it started to snow." snow at christmas for a family reunited, a little girl surrounded by loving mom & dad. i ran sniffling & smiling w/gratitude to my beaming family, all of us wondering @ the christmasy spirit of the whole thing.
today i got home. the daughter was waiting in the window & when i pulled up, she jumped off the couch. the family came right out: beautiful, beaming mom, handsome, clear-eyed dad, smiling child, doggies. we chatted for a few minutes. they smiled & enthused about what a wonderful time they'd had. i went in my house, so happy to be home. they'd left me a huge, cheerful bouquet of flowers, a box of cookies, food in the fridge, a handwritten note & a beautiful card from all containing words like "magical," "amazing," "enchanting," "cozy," & "wonderful." THEY thanked ME. my heart sang, as would yours, i'd think! i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude, then called & told mama & wrote about it here bc i must not ever forget this! don't know why such a nice experience happened to me, but it did, & all i can say is i feel so happy to have had this house that allowed that young family to be together & have such a nice time.
& i do feel blessed; there's not really another word i can think of that better describes it.
happy, happy holidays. :)

bill gruggett guitar show, trout's, bakersfield; the wheel o life goes round & round

yesterday i had so much HW for this accelerated class am taking for library school (difficult to be accelerated w/cobwebbed brain), but got done enough in time to get to the above show for a while. have no mirror in this place, so just threw on a dress & these turquoise boots have had & got compliments! -so that was nice. one old-time country performer called, "well, there's that little girl w/the big voice!" :) a woman drummer recognized me from when i played bass in a hard rock band 10 yrs ago: that was both cool & embarrassing... saw all kinda people i sort of know from local music & ended up sitting w/my old bandmate brian paxton, who was very kind. jeremy, monica, & ryan from don't scratch the wax visalia were there, real friendly & rockabilly-styling to the nines. hope we can get some shows going... rugged brian lonbeck, child prodigy & joe maphis apprentice, got up backed by deke dickerson & chris sprague & things really moved! he kept prefacing songs w/"i don't know if my fingers can do this one," but then whoopee! he'd kick into one of this high-gear flat-picking country-rockabilly romps & boy! you'd need slow motion replay to see what he actually was playing... deke played a cool mostrite bass & brian a mosrite double neck, like larry collins & deke play. i wondered if brian lonbeck knew larry collins, joe maphis's other prodigy, way back when. after, brian l said he was playing that night out in pumpkin center w/bobby durham & i think that'd be a fun late-night drive sometime. deke, who seemed even taller than ever (tho i wasn't wearing my stilts, come to think of it) told me some places to go while in new orleans & some possible tips for seeing fats domino & was very nice. all in all, i was quite happy w/the whole experience, so will save that one in my happy bank, which i've been withdrawing on where i can lately.
- the 1st dusk devils practice friday night at this new place felt weird & free... more rm to move, not worrying about spending too much time w/the band instead of doing other stuff, all the windows opening out to neighbors sitting on their porches & not running inside or calling the cops & therefore i think ok w/the music... am so lucky to have my band fellows; music is saving my keister these days.
- when the guys went to leave, a neighbor had left a note on the porch: "my 7-yr old daughter loves your band! she wants to go to one of your concerts. she is dancing in the living room right now!" wow. in the midst of heartache, how can a person be so lucky?
- people've been so kind, & keep telling me to be gentle w/myself & give a certain person the dignity of his own experience: stop assuming, stop misery-making, leave him be. for me, & for you, if you are suffering, stay in the middle of the herd, as jani's husband says; take it easy; pause when agitated; count your blessings... a dove is cooing & the birds singing away outside, my basil & roses are still growing, i got this little rather lovely place, & i guess all things considered, life is pretty good. it's really rather ridiculous & infantile to think somehow right now i'm supposed to be happy... tho i always dread it, change is the only constant. am living in change, must face it, no getting away from it, & there must be a lesson here, so need to be cognizant, watchful, see if i can espy, maybe even fully view & realize it, & grow. my wish & prayer is that everyone who's hurting in this situation right now also will grow, maybe even blossom.
- to shift gears, my dear friend dan monji, the gardening guru, said this last wk: "plants grow best in sh*t." &, as dear texas stacy (RIP) used to say, "when you're in a bag of sh*t, remember: the zipper's on the INSIDE."