shallow talk & for your consideration...

i think we'll always be photogenic, being a coupla real characters! james is my movie star, my hero, my friend, my love! he gets more handsome all the time, i know & believe. as for me, don't know how long my looks will last...
intellectually, i know & appreciate beauty & "cute" come from within... immaturely, i know & sort of lament that i'm no longer the girlish waif i was when james & i met! (my slimmer figure, however, i must remember was due to the desperate & rattled & unhinged & manic state i lived in during that time as well as the lot more jogging i did while in bakersfield with its lovely jogging/bike path!) yes, i miss my relative-to-now skinniness, but i know i'd rather be chubbier, older, centered, & much much happier these days! :D since i stopped dying my hair last year, too, i'm no longer mistaken for a younger person, which always was scary & creepy to me... i'm so fortunate that james is not creepy that way, desiring youth in the unsavory, even deviant manner of some... yeccccch!!!! i used to play music with a nice man with a nice wife (tho politically we were far opposites) & when he expressed lecherous feelings for a famous young female singer, i said, "isn't she the same age is YOUR STEPDAUGHTER???" he just shrugged & said, "yeah, so what?"
yeeeecccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! blllleghhgggghgghghg!!!! anyways...
just ordered some vibram 5-fingers off ebay... can't wait! that will be fun, to finally try some out... natural running, here we come! :D
be sure to read the code book by simon singh as well as watch the lovely 1990 flick green card, one of my faves, which we viewed together the other night, transforming a listless evening into a warm & romantic one. (i really liked chappie last night, too as well as the doc lost souls.) right now i'm reading from our library (interlibrary loans are the best!) the life of christ by papini (1923 edition!), the urban homestead, & island of dr moreau by h.g. wells. if you are bored today, go to the public library! go for a walk or run or hike! sing a song! watch a movie! call or visit your loved ones! contemplate the sky & nature & how lucky we all are to be alive! that reminds me: please, please read this highly worthwhile piece by recently departed oliver sacks, r.i.p.: sabbath ... it builds nicely, then the last lines, BOOM! it really got me, to sound holden caufieldish.
 time for more coffee. have a lovely juan! that is all for now. over & out.

squirrel!

1. squirrels & chipmunks recently have been ever-present, scampering fatly, adorably around like cartoon cuties (the little vermin...). obviously down here to find sustenance, they leap straight up to snatch the fat yellow flowers from the elderberry bush, james noted, which they then devour with great fervor.
2. yesterday while clearing brush off the side slope (i.e., raking it madly into the arroyo so it can't catch & ignite our property if there's a forest fire), i was relieved to hear  "our"  quail again,  endearingly rustling & chirping away from the tree behind me. we've been wondering where they went, if hungry predators had gotten them, since all the animals seem to be off their marks, mebbe due to drought conditions. our covey of california quail live. woohoo!
3. a weed i've been pulling up indisciminately, i found out yesterday at the ridge route museum, actually is a medicinal plant called indian tea. cool! it's a nice little museum, another thing that makes me like living here.
4. today all properties must be cleared, & ours, after much back-breaking work, is. :)
5. i realized lately at one of james's gigs one of my delights in life is to stand with back to wall in dark club (preferably with non-alcoholic beverage in hand) watching the action. it's a silky, secrety, fly-on-the-wall, safe & fun, intro-extrovert feeling. i got to make an amend that eve, too, so that was a real bonus.
6.  our duo finally has legs, tho not yet sea legs (more practice), but you can find our page & upcoming gigs at www.facebook.com/whiteboyandjenny ... it's a splendid feeling to work this thing alongside one another... we don't have to teach each other any style elements, like how to "do it right," what to play/not play, what to say/not say, how to sing it, what fits & what doesn't: we have the same musical heroes, references & understandings, plus we are scrappy stompers of song in love who onstage give no quarter! and we want to share the passion & fun with everybody... so catch one of our shows, if you can!
7. what have you discovered, learned or been reading lately? i don't wanna write anymore, so here's a vlaaaaahg.

jennycast two

am filming these w/ancient equipment in a language style opposite of how i write this blog. i edit & revise the blog obsessively quite often, trying to mow it down to EXACTLY what i mean, a lot of times trying to figure out what the crap i DO mean -- for the vodcasts, i'm just practicing talking off the cuff. between now & the next one, i must look up synonyms for "intriguing," i think!... anyways, hope you glean some reading or other good ideas from this.

drive-through communication & the dignity of the golden arches

yesterday was one of the most satisfying v-days i've ever had. practical, calm, it ultimately was quite comforting. i got to meet with my kindly, wise sponsor, then end the day warm in bed drifting off w/magazine as my dear husband snored quietly. in the middle was other good stuff, chiefly a marriage-building conference at nearby megachurch of wide walls, pretty architecture & furnishings, cheerful clean-cut throngs, & lots of good snacks & beverages. the conference featured some seeming-common sense suggestions, but for someone like me, they were uncommon & therefore welcomed! stuff like this: raise your mate's value -- honor him/her; lower your anger; do whatever possible to make your mate feel safe. a great tool we learned was called "drive-through communication," so i'll leave that for you to look up.
today we skipped out early on the conference's day 2 after agreeing we'd gotten more good info already than we could've hoped for & anyways were better off out in the sunshine headed for an eatery. too, we'd woken up far too early for vampire musician/s & were having trouble staying conscious. we packed in some big plates of savory hawaiian food & once home, drowsily tucked in for afternoon nap. james had a wedding gig, so i made him a sandwich & he hit the road after which i went out & cashed in a gold nugget i found while cleaning the mountain house last month: a bookstore gift card!
earlier i mentioned drive-throughs, & for yrs i scoffed at mcdonald's. this eve i decided that, sure, such megacorporations definitely should be viewed w/skepticism, but blanket condemnation on my part is elitist bullcrap. mcdonald's certainly has its place, & not as in a place where only the poor uneducated eat and/or are exploited, or where you'll find "those people"  -- think of those ugly sneering online attacks, whole sites set up to jeer at "wal-mart people." in this sort-of posh orange county town where eateries can be inhabited by spoiled snots w/loud mouths & opinions, the large & clean golden arches i visited tonight was welcoming: quiet, staffed by friendly folks & peopled by brown & tan & flax-skinned patrons who conversed in lulling hushed tones sounding almost like mantra. yes, i really appreciated sitting w/snack wrap & french fries in the reading corner, staying for quite a bit, reading my new book while others around me read/studied, too, in an unspoken, seemingly-consensus politeness & calm... it was a nice time w/no artifice & no waste & no braying bozos, a dignified time... an honorable time. at mcdonald's! maybe, like james told me today, because i feel happy/good/decent/dignified lately, i see it in other people. he could be right!
back here, i put plump massive chicken breasts in the oven for james to have once he's back home, then had long conversation w/jamesjr about director's cuts, orson welles, atheism, etc., then got online to read dad's latest history of dust storms in kern county as well as some weird lewis carroll poems he sent (the funniest is called "hiawatha").
tomorrow we get to dine w/our favorite bennetts in the world in one of our favorite cities, LBC. life's much easier for me personally when i consider my activities as "get-to's" rather than "have-to's." well, i'm still too full to exercise. talk about a golden problem. golden problem, golden arches, golden rule, golden mean, i don't want silver, i don't want gold, all i want is you darling, to have & to hold (sing "5" royales)... over & out.

"go, & never darken my towels again." - groucho

happy sunday! i read a great YAFIC book the other day; found it at the house while cleaning. my sister'd recommended it, i believe. can't stop thinking about the book! reminded me of when i was a teacher-librarian & we'd have our library meetings & these very well-read sort of intellectual women would comment that books written for young people are often superior to adult fiction: more vivid, direct storytelling, characterizations, adventure, moral lessons. the one i read's called "the house of the scorpion" by nancy farmer. i'm thinking when i volunteer at the library in OC each wk & i'm doing my sections, YAFIC & YAVL, i should be picking books out to read instead of just blasting thru the dewey decimals shelving & organizing at top-fuel nitro speed!... that ref reminds me of last night when james & i were driving to kern county & talking about evel knievel as well as a show we both used to love, "super dave." we laughed out loud recalling the mock-serious set-ups & stupid stunts on that show! that was in my heavy chemical-usage days, a generally despairing, negative time in my life, & that show was quite a happy highlight, i realized!... super dave actually was bob einstein, brother of albert einstein -- that is, albert brooks... when we return to the mountain house, i hope we'll finish watching "defending your life," an early-90s brooks comedy containing for me that appealing combo of world-weariness & hope/whimsy... that, of course, leads to my most-beloved exchange from "horse feathers" (1932): thelma todd: oh, professor, you're full of whimsy! groucho: can you tell from over there? i'm always that way after i eat radishes... if you didn't know this, my husband james, whiteboy james on stage, is a "crazy genius," my sister has declared, possessing naturally a brain on fire w/such verbal facility & word associations/gymnastics, i suddenly yesterday imagined him going toe-to-toe w/the great mister julius marx: what oral fireworks would ensue! what hilarity! what insanity! what fun! then i realized that groucho, known for his keen intellect, is another example of a learned & brilliant person w/no formal higher education (i'm constantly realizing things lately, i realize)... james talks often & fondly of his childhood friend mookie, whom he says was the king of "playing the dozens" (look that up, if you're interested), but mookie was killed long ago, in the riots, poor soul, so the closest i've seen to groucho-james, i think, was at thanksgiving when james & brother-in-law doug went on a wildly impromptu comedic tear: what merriment! what humor! what laughs we all had, just watching & listening to those two! dad, who's no mental slouch at all, commented, "watching those two, i felt like i should be wearing a dunce cap!" dad always has been known for his kindly humility; still, i know what he means... i was a gifted child/teen at one point, many millions of brain cells ago, & while i'm no dummy now, i do feel at times in awe of james's gift of gab & with words. i mean, wow! ok, heading out for a run now. to sum up, some words from groucho marx: - "i refuse to join any club that would have me for a member." - "outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. inside a dog, it's too dark to read." - "i find television very educating. every time somebody turns on the set, i go in the other room & read a book."

tweedly-deedly-dee, dee-dee-dee-dee...

(rest in peace, don cornelius of soul train. may your suffering have ended w/the pulling of that trigger & may your family have peace sooner than later. depression is a horrid monster. what a way to go.) :(
love the drum part on the song ref'd at top (rockin robin). used to clear out the cal state pub playing that, sea cruise, maybelline. anyone who didn't want to hear those songs should've left, anyhow, & fallen in a deep mudhole... the other day at practice w/karling, cesareo & i switched instrus on a run-thru of jackson; i was terrible, but it was fun. i love the punishing pain of trying to keep the kick drum going, or playing thru as muscles scream at a show; the way we play, esp in dusk devils, is kinda like going for a long jog.
well, the birds have been all over outside today, which is por quoi the original reference. crap - that reminds me i'm sposed to be studying french. going there in april w/becky & fabi to play music & tourist around; amazing! becky even sez i can open the tv show we're gonna do w/fats domino's "blue monday" since she says the studio has that same name...
mind seems to be hopping around a bit. am watching a show on the secrets of the pyramids. reading wonder woman as well as 100 volunteer vacations & 101 foods that will save your life & also rumi & jim thompson. applied to volunteer this summer at the gesundheit institute in WV, that clown hospital run by the great humanitarian doctor who "prostituted" himself to be subject of that maudlin robin wms movie to draw attn to his good cause... wonder if they'll accept me? wonder what tomorrow will bring? wonder wonder wonder wonder won: who wrote the book of love?
had a visitor yesterday & today. we drove in circles & ate at denny's (2-4-6-8 menu is cheaper than cooking, hate to say). i love having visitors. i love being home. i love being gone.
what's up with dusk devils? we've been sick, so will get some percussion personnel soon... gigs are upcoming w/karling & the atomics (KA & her "bakersfield band -- aren't they cute?" she said at last show & inside i winced cause i felt so uncute, but outside i grinned like a chipmunk) & w/becky (cattie ness & revenge) & w/dusk devils, even tho we are flying bassless for the moment... at big's the other night, we opened for big sandy, as i had w/becky the wk before in fresno; the set went well, wild & rowdy, as had the set the wk before w/revenge; KA & atomics practiced beforehand in the dining rm at big's & i almost wiped out the whole table of drinks hitting a volleyball that was for some reason in the rm; then i had a panic attack over my fat arms & karling so kindly cooed, "show me your arm," then, when i'd removed my sweater to show her the ham hock, "why, that's a perfectly nice arm; that's a fine arm," as if she were consoling a child, & in a moment of clarity i realized, stop being so gd self-centered!! this is her show!!! then karling added, "besides, you look like a crazy cat lady, wearing your sweater," but i'd already decided i'd ditch it... during the set, bsp got to sing "jackson" w/karling & i did some don rich on her buck owens songs, in keys so high, i felt i might flip inside out... afterward, cesareo told me about astrology & what'll work or not in my love life (drat!) & bsp & i watched big sandy for a while before hitting the road & then it was 5 am, then 5 pm & i was heading from bako to home in that post-show funk, so took the long way back along southern country roads & came upon a desolate long-abandoned oil company & explored & picked it as the sun set, accidentally disturbing a roosting white-faced owl & roadrunner in two separate bldgs (there were 8 buildings to explore!) & 3 cottontails, too, then i had to bail cause darkness fell, so i walked around the truck stops near the grapevine & by the time i got home, i felt really swell (... long phone call...) well, my friend & i just yakked for a long while, speculating about ancient technology & lamenting the burning of the alexandrian library & he told me about a book he read about joan of arc, sounds interesting, written in 1st person, even, & now i'm out of gas, hoping to catch the bus tomorrow morn cause i'm so sick of driving, so now it's time to watch more roku or read a bit more or hey, here's a novel idea: go to bed. :)
hope you're well, if you've read this far. :) xoxoxoxo

new posts... literally :) ....

- ouch! overdid it again today (tho didn't sustain too many bruises & didn't smash my hands) &, exhausted, my thoughts are jello, sweet & shallow & mooshy-swooshy... behold my nascent career in carpentry (not!) -- the bedframe porch railings (thought it looked a little new orleansy) & doorknob fencepost (our dear dad was delighted by the latter & proudly told friends, "that's why i admire my girls so much: they're geniuses!")
- oh! the joys of having a funky house & (many will relate) bargain-hunting eye. it's like going on an easter egg hunt each time the bargain-hunter "shops" -- so much more fun than going in stores where generally overstocked, overpriced & uniform items are RIGHT THERE, no hunting involved at all, not to mention imagination! too, bargain-hunting, being a form of recycling (this was a nice realization por moi), is environmentally kinder. :) ... oh crap; where was i? there's one synapse pinging in my head like a game of pong: bloop!... bloop!... the downside of dressing up my funky house on the cheap (my sister, bless her, crowed, "oh, how i love your watts tower house! everytime i come visit, there's something new to look at!") is i get way too involved in its decoration/repair & work like a demon til i can't move or breathe or think cogently... so here i is, & you is there, & ain't that a peach?
- the internet's dangerous @ these moments of giddy over-fatigue. consumption! i want to find a subaru brat! & tow it back home! a pair of snow boots (this would seem to be the time of yr to buy some)! whiteboy james! he plays all wkend in kern county. wow!
- the stupid part: we aren't opening for him this time bc of our recent guitarist problemo... little do james & co know, tho, how well brian paxton's been filling the bill while eddie has been out of action waiting for his 2nd eye surgery. (btw! two benefits for eddie will take place @ 1. trout's, aug 14, 3-11 pm [thank you, rockwell & lynda!]; & 2. alano club, aug. 20, 3 pm, -- flyers to come!)... yes, we've all been having fun playing together! bsp's learned everything mucho-quickly (he's a smart feller, yknow), pulled some awesome instrumentals out that are genre-spot-on, & even requested a vocal rehearsal so that 5-6 songs now have cool harmonies (not ever sounding "happy days," either, which is my fear)... now if we can figure out how to get rid of his mullet, we'll all be styling at our next shows!
- oh yes, add to this a perfect little pizza cooling on the counter. i'm reading about 80 books (god bless the public library!), the most delightful being life in paris by julia child, whose spirit can only infuse the reader w/joy. so when i just opened the oven to a steam-furnace blast & was able to use my peewee-herman-huge spatula to perfectly remove the perfect, bubbling pizza, it was a julia moment. oh! i wanted to crow in her distinctive voice, oh! how i LOVE to cook! ... however, that would've been a lie, coming from me; i merely loved the moment of pleasure i got to experience, now informed by & desiring julia's indomitable, lovable way. what a fascinating, unique character she was. and oh how i do love characters!
time for pizza... & tomorrow, yard sale up here on the hill, then dusk devils will meet to see the one & only whiteboy james!... sunday, our dear mama will have her birthday. her ex-son-in-law & nephew-in-law will be cooking for her & my ex-husband will be among the well-wishers. mama is so well-loved!
eat well! go to the library! sing a song! hug someone! use your mind! do some pushups! be a little weird! smile! wishing you a beautiful weekend.
bloop... bloop...

happy holidays!!!!

click here to read "a christmas carol," only 1 of dickens's holiday stories, but the greatest novella ever, i think, aside from "dr jekyll and mr hyde," that is! hope any who might read this are fed, warm, & happy -- as well as the millions of our brethren who won't ever read this!!
imagine a world where all are fed, warm, & happy. what would life be like then? may we be well. may our fellow humans be well. may your days be merry & bright.

why i don't write poems

trying to do research / drinking my milk malted / hearing the dogs snoring / gories, blasters, little walter / my toe's a little rainbow / tho the black & blue's receding / and i'm a real expert at / avoiding heavy reading / burma shave
**
-> kafka's "metamorphosis" (http://www.mala.bc.ca/~Johnstoi/stories/kafka-E.htm)
-> wikipedia analysis (interesting section: "lost in translation" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Metamorphosis)
-> mark twain's very funny "the awful german language" - http://www.kombu.de/twain-2.htm)... this one's a dainty-deterrent, i think. don't drink milk while reading it. :)
***
(two days later)(i should have broken a finger instead of a toe, i think)
- a didactic ode to my idols -
axolotl / little lizard / always keeps its youthful shape / is the human it resembles / young & vital or a flake? / the culture sells that 16 / is the only place to aim / but it's futile sad L7 / chasing sameness, botox, fame / so to the critics, give the bird / and grow by staying green / life's short, be weird, & speak your truth, / you rock boppin' machine