shallow talk & for your consideration...

i think we'll always be photogenic, being a coupla real characters! james is my movie star, my hero, my friend, my love! he gets more handsome all the time, i know & believe. as for me, don't know how long my looks will last...
intellectually, i know & appreciate beauty & "cute" come from within... immaturely, i know & sort of lament that i'm no longer the girlish waif i was when james & i met! (my slimmer figure, however, i must remember was due to the desperate & rattled & unhinged & manic state i lived in during that time as well as the lot more jogging i did while in bakersfield with its lovely jogging/bike path!) yes, i miss my relative-to-now skinniness, but i know i'd rather be chubbier, older, centered, & much much happier these days! :D since i stopped dying my hair last year, too, i'm no longer mistaken for a younger person, which always was scary & creepy to me... i'm so fortunate that james is not creepy that way, desiring youth in the unsavory, even deviant manner of some... yeccccch!!!! i used to play music with a nice man with a nice wife (tho politically we were far opposites) & when he expressed lecherous feelings for a famous young female singer, i said, "isn't she the same age is YOUR STEPDAUGHTER???" he just shrugged & said, "yeah, so what?"
yeeeecccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! blllleghhgggghgghghg!!!! anyways...
just ordered some vibram 5-fingers off ebay... can't wait! that will be fun, to finally try some out... natural running, here we come! :D
be sure to read the code book by simon singh as well as watch the lovely 1990 flick green card, one of my faves, which we viewed together the other night, transforming a listless evening into a warm & romantic one. (i really liked chappie last night, too as well as the doc lost souls.) right now i'm reading from our library (interlibrary loans are the best!) the life of christ by papini (1923 edition!), the urban homestead, & island of dr moreau by h.g. wells. if you are bored today, go to the public library! go for a walk or run or hike! sing a song! watch a movie! call or visit your loved ones! contemplate the sky & nature & how lucky we all are to be alive! that reminds me: please, please read this highly worthwhile piece by recently departed oliver sacks, r.i.p.: sabbath ... it builds nicely, then the last lines, BOOM! it really got me, to sound holden caufieldish.
 time for more coffee. have a lovely juan! that is all for now. over & out.

they're coming to take me away, haha, hoho, heehee... "the only proof he needed for the existence of god was music" plus a few little gush-fests

BREATHLESS exgirlf...

-> R.I.P. kurt vonnegut, the (i think, dang it!) eternally hopeful and quotable: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/kurt_vonnegut.html
and http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut ...
-> art fein, who sent me a copy of "man w/o a country" last yr, told me last month that his girl was researching vonnegut & desired his j-hancock (i wrote about kesey at her age, but he already was pushing up daisies) & he actually GOT IT for her... what good timing for the young lady. who knows - maybe she will be one to help carry on the spirit of such outraged, brave, & humane satirists.
-> lately my research has taken a happy turn & i've become hopeful that young folks may save this world, w/the social networking revolution perhaps being a good sign that they want to commune & be involved & the volunteer soldiers who persevere despite inadequate federal support evidence of the driving, inner voice, which manifests itself uniquely, but seems to come from a common & benevolent source. specifically, my stepson, quite the party boy, also does engineers w/o borders & is becoming involved in a green engineering project; young local activists & punks do food not bombs, feeding the homeless, every sunday at noon at central park; my 13-yr old niece, who seems to have eyes only for manga, has a benevolent, fully-formed, animistic spiritual belief at an age when all i wanted was candy, mad magazine, movies, & piano... i think beyond the youtube narcissism & foisted, all-pervasive celebrity-consumption culture, our young people look to be better than we are so far, more other-directed, less vision-obscured (or maybe less dualistic? more accepting of "difference"?), more engaged.
-> well, i woke up too late & piddled around & missed an apt this am, so here is what i did instead, more crude & peppy solo music. brian p & phil are gonna go play this wkend, so i didn't practice w/them yesterday (i'll be at school this wkend - no sense in me being there last nite wasting time when they could've been readying for sat), so i hope that's fruitful for them...
-> in my new band, old 99, www.old99.net , we're doing stuff like 3-part harmony & slick playing, but then when i listen back, i don't barf at all, it's kinda like when i sang choir years ago - whatta pleasure to be a part of a bigger, effusive, team kind of spirit!... then, bonus, the other day we did a chuck berry medley that was swell: i thought, good gracious, wow, WOW!, if we can have this energy level here & there, i'm home!!! the occasional slow or poppy song, well, i guess i can hang w/it. i like that everything's coming from a traditional C&W kinda base rather than anything more "modern," too: this band definitely respects the roots. rob even wants to do some zydeco stuff. yahoo! and there's none of that fake middle-class bluesman stuff that really is gross... we have some recordings down, but they asked we use them for practice, not public, even tho they sound 100x better than what i do alone. (however, i'm realizing how blest i am to get to do it all - the crude & wild alone stuff; the rocknroll duskdevils stuff; the crystal palace-kinda old99 stuff)... a person has to keep trying & occasionally realizing, don't you think? vonnegut's great words: "If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED / FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD / WAS MUSIC" .. ah-men.