myoho is in you

i found out one of my friends wrote a book for children by the above title. very cool. "myoho," if you don't know, is part of a buddhist chant...
other than that, i'm just trying to keep respirating & remembering there's purpose in this life-thing, which i guess one view of is summed up above...
how bout you?
tomorrow night is to be my return to opening for james & the blues express... at least for now cause tony lopez will be drumming & he knows my baby set. i hope someday to get back to playing lots of songs, furiously, til i can't stand up & could well-die from the exhilaration fury beauty of pounding, slamming, unstoppable, unsinkable, gorgeous american music.
i spoke to manuel today (big manny) & we commiserated about how frustrating it is trying to find musicians who play the music right as well as how much we miss playing & what he called "the rock n roll life." someday i will settle regularly into being a sideman, & i hope one of the ones i back will be manuel cause playing w/him is like a dream -- everything fits w/him & his repertoire is authentic & soulful & dedicated & kinda crazy/silly but very deeply respectful to the canon...
well, crap, that's about it for now. if you've ever liked what i do onstage, i'll be there tomorrow & i will be pounding it out w/goal of being unable to stand when done, hoping to spread & experience some joy & transcendence as well as soothe this evil thing between my ears...

he has been called "mrs jenny," so this wording seemed fair.

santa claus, where are my presents?

this wednesday, dec. 4, 9 pm-midnight in long beach, ca:

"if you ain't right, you're goin' down there..."

... that's a hint to one of the songs on the halloween CD we're putting out tomorrow!... it features two songs i wrote, seven tracks total, from fun & spooky to fun & filthy! "the bride of frankenstein" is the one that initially drew the attention of whiteboy james (now my husband james) to me! he says he was surfing the internet late one night about 3 years ago & my weird DIY video caught his eye & he thought, "i have to meet this person!!" we both love universal monsters, especially karloff's monster, tho james also loves lugosi, who was a junkie & somewhat misunderstood... some of the weirdest cuts on this CD actually are the ones i do, like the obscure rockabilly-swing tune alluded to above (tho no theremin on this version)... of course, james adds plenty of his own weirdness. i wish my voice recorded as smoothly & fully as does james's, but of course, james has one of the very best voices that exist, so i'm setting my sights pretty high! i know i have a good-enough voice, certainly interesting-enough, & i'm happy with what i have developed over the yrs... the other original on the CD, i wrote it two weeks ago for james -- it's called "jekyll and hyde," a roy brown-style jump tune that features a mouth solo, like red mackenzie kinda, but i didn't use a comb... james has played me red mackenzie, who would fire his sidemen, then play their parts himself on comb, which sounds kinda jerky, but maybe his sidemen were the jerks - who knows?... crap! i just looked red mackenzie up & he's yet another musician who died from the bottle! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_McKenzie
- anyways, i think "jekyll and hyde" could be a hit! at least a modest hit in this american music genre we inhabit... something, anyways! yes, i'm better at song-writing than other artsy skills i enjoy, i think, & i figure eventually i'm gonna settle into songwriting & being a sideman, which i'm very happy about... so now i've got 6/7ths of the CD mastered after countless hrs of trying this & that (this was my maiden voyage on garageband; i'm pretty excited about it now, after all the initial tribulations & frustrations!)... just waiting for james to get home & record vocals for J&H, then the CD'll be ready to go!
- please email me or james if you are interested in getting a copy, "sure to be an underground sensation," said one of our friends. which is part of the reason she's our friend, you know. :)

whee!

woke too early after too little rest so my hubby & i could play music for several hrs... he'd been up all night like he does, the man w/the energy of a troop, but it was a happy night for him, he said, listening to music & reading the good news... we played & played & actually developed some strong harmony parts! then i spent several hrs on his gigs & t-shirt orders & networking & europe gigs/fishing for more... at bottom of this post are some links. "i've been waiting for this my whole life!" he smiled. "thank you, baby!" am grateful to feel appreciated, tho his upcoming tour's sure not solely my doing, & no amount of networking would work if james & his music weren't so strong. i believe in james's talent & charisma, as would anyone w/half a mind & heart: he's a white-hot flame of american music & he's gonna set europe on fire w/excitement...
1. (we're 3rd down): guadalupe salad bowl festival;
2. (i like how this site lists our free weekly show at harvelle's...) some of wbj's shows in europe
3. (this'll be a halloween to remember!) baden, switzerland's nordportal

:D

speed blogging revised

writing from the bedroom of my youth in bakersfield while james looks up directions to a party near riverside... what a cool weekend we've had: friday night at narducci's in bakersfield with the blasters; saturday our packed, wildly fun afternoon show at pyrenee's with james, dusk devils (both lineups being scott, scott, & tony), & the clifton bros of mofo party band, where i saw, along w/friday night, scores of ppl haven't for some time (olen, henry, larry, carol & kyle, marc l, robert t, tim/johnny, julie, etc); visiting w/mom, dad ("i love them so much!!" james tells me, & i love him more each time he says it), angie, doug, aunty rita (fresh & frisky tho just sprung from the hospital), uncle danny (james's smoking buddy), this morn over biscuits, gravy, french toast, eggs, sausage, bacon, chile verde, & more... today also i got to play for a good hour my childhood piano, which sits like an old friend in our folks' house. i love my noble, beautiful, resonant old friend, feeling ever-more respect & duty for it & its kind... jamesjr finally called back his dad so that we knew he still was breathing (that relieved his dad & i, as you'd imagine!)... then we got this pic from the show. we'd just gotten done singing & jumping around onstage & receiving the "johnny & june" compliment again, each time more gratifying to hear than being compared, say, to sid & nancy or sonny & cher... thank you, susan r, for the lovely photo! thank you, kaykay, for mounting the show: such big fun all around! we actually had more people, more laughter, more happiness than i saw at the blasters' friday night: no exaggeration. now we hit the road for parts unknown, central valley roadside dates, dried peas, antiques, toys & honey, old town newhall stroll amongst the picture-cowboy sidewalk stars, trinkets at mexican stores, romantic thai food & amazing conversation, renewing honeymoon feeling & mutual intellectual & spiritual respect, then more driving & yakking as he enthuses, "we're adventurers, baby!", then home to jamesjr to hear of his weekend of playing fantasy & video games, to him just as fulfilling as is our itinerant musical lifestyle to us. soon the week starts again. honeymoon in 2 weeks! yay!

this saturday, march 9, 2-6 pm, in bakersfield, ca, usa

yayyy!!!! "oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful..."

i am quite excited about this show! if you're in the area, or feel like taking a road trip to the piney, pretty los padres mountains between sta clarita & backwardsfield, w/its potential for wintry snow, come on out. it will be a very positive & happy event in one of our most favorite towns on this planet!... at the last show i did as dusk devils, in long beach, i was backed by my adept & photogenic new guitar player scott abeyta (also blues express guitarist & one of james's best friends!) as well as max bangwell & the friendly scott lambert (two more of james's best friends... & i so love james for the scores & scores of dear & long-time friends he has!)... at the show advertised here, the line-up will be robbie on bass, scotty on guitar, & tony lopez on drums, 1st playing w/me, then backing james the extraordinary... being very much a cornball who loves all holidays, i'm so looking fwd to singing & playing christmas tunes as well as ushering in the yuletide season w/my family & friends new & old as well as bandmates new & old (tho robbie's really quite young, compared to the rest of us!)...

happy thursday night to you, dear reader.

FRANKLIN MOTEL by Jenny & the Phantoms

[FOREWARD TO THIS POST: these songs most all are about james page, my now-husband, which i could not say at the time...]have had too much energy lately, 90% good... yesterday i got fed up & decided to do something useful w/it, like record this little thing, which in the old days might've been dubbed an EP, but today is just a DIY, one-day, one-woman toss-away... hang in there, if you will, thru the 1st song, on which i really messed up the levels: yikes! it improves after that... made this song collection a video cause wanted to present lyrics, too. they were fun & satisfying to assemble! i never much heed lyrics while enjoying music, tho do love to write them... hope you like the songs, slapdash as they be. :)
thanks to all my friends, musicians & non, who've encouraged me to make a "real" solo record in a "real" studio... maybe it'll happen! we'll see if there's any reaction to this latest batch of tunes... meantime, it's so awesome that such well-known & respected american roots scholars, performers, & songwriters (listed below) would think i'm worthy!! all i know is, i love to write & perform music, tho to call my efforts rough would be generous (have got this impatience thing that prevents me from doing many retakes to get things more correct, like on solos, levels, etc, & i have no idea how to mix)... i'm so happy to have realized lately that no matter, who ever, wherever, whenever, nothing ever can or will separate me from my music... it's as much a part of me as breath. how about for you? can you or should you allow yourself to be separated from your bliss? i think we should not, long as that bliss doesn't hurt anyone! :)
dusk devils play tomorrow, march 17, at the ridgecrest fairgrounds sometime in the evening... we'll headline a super-rocking long set w/our sturdy awesome rhythm section... i should have a flyer; i should have this & that; really all i know is, i'll wear my new piano-keyboard punk-lolita tutu & some green for st patty's day, & we will kick butt!... tomorrow, too, is my friend jp's birthday. i'll miss his awesome bd bash down south, but we dusk devils are gonna have some mondo-top-fun, i just know it!! and afterwards we all got comped rooms, & since i don't have "real" TV here at my mtn home, HBO, here i come! :)
meanwhile, happy birthday, frankenstein! may you who read this be, if not in, then en route to your bliss, one way or nuther... :) xo
:D

there can be no veil for this...

- so i won't write about it. cept in my journal, that is. actually, i can't adequately write about it... too amazing. seemingly. at this moment. who knows what tomorrow'll bring. my life has become wondrous in a way i never thought it could. was trying hard to resist, but when i let go... well, i wish all well.
- but in another vein, yesterday i got to go hiking w/two new friends & one i've known for 20 yrs, tho not well, andy noise, who had a record store in bk forever... what a nice experience! andy heads the bakersfield distance project & i'm hoping to work w/him as my at-least part time trainer to prep for my 45-mile birthday walk... the day was really swell & the scenery beautiful, but unfortunately i filled my camelback bag too hurriedly (they pulled up & i was still watching howlin wolf videos online -- eep!), & the sucker leaked all over me for the entire hike, all the way up to the summit of mt pinos, along sawtooth pass, for a good 3 hrs, & a cold snap had hit... so that combined w/happily, crazily burning the candle at both ends this past wk has put me in a sick bed...
- got to watch, tho, the coolest max fleischer cartoons, betty boops featuring louis armstrong & cab calloway, & eat the last pretzels in this house w/pb packets mama bought me for france, but which i didn't take...
(- so much i write on here is veiled... hope it's not too annoying for you who read... i always try to remember that my experiences are universal cause we're all pink meat & white bone underneath, to paraphrase carl perkins -- nothing i do is novel, really...) anyways, here's some unobfuscated stuff:
- today at 530, boxcar 7, a band recommended by ed boswell, will play for free at the pine mountain club clubhouse (actually, out on the lawn). bartending will be dusk devils robbie! i don't know if anyone on earth from the mountain will see this in time, but if too late, know there are music events & robbie drinks going on up at the PMC clubhouse all the time...
- tomorrow, sunday, is a rockabilly bbq in santa clarita, ca. dusk devils are on at 530 pm, karling & the atomics at 930 pm... it should be swell fun! here's the flyer:

ribbit... yawn... blablablablablablablablablablablabla

- (excessive 1st person pronoun alert... dang it, it's my blog! why do i apologize? good grief. oh well.)
- life's hopping, tho activity's been slow here on the blablablog... a frog in my throat since last saturday, i sang my pipes out completely at our DD/karling & atomics show in sta clarita, afterward collapsing into total sicky land. (word around bakersfield, which ALWAYS is the word around bakersfield, btw: "there's something nasty going around...") been pretty miserable, worsening things by continuing to try to gallivant as well as show up for family, telling friends since it's just physical sickness, i can handle it -- a wan joke... shoulda seen it coming, tho, & been smarter: been hitting it too hard. then there was the cold (tho fun) 6.5 mile hike led by andy noise/exploding water bag (read beblablablablalow)... dang, why is common sense so elusive? must get some payoff, as must all who may be intelligent, but aren't too dang smart, literally in my case not smart enough to come in out of the rain (well, water)... back to sta clarita, i've never done a show so laryngitically: ouch, it hurt intensely!! so like at our last show at trout's (bassless), i figured we better just attack that sucker & rock it extra super-hard!! i found out that robbie's stage presence is as cool-solid as stevo's is winning as well as that people still seem to love dusk devils & tell me kind, flattering things, even when i have no voice, & that a rockabilly-punk band called inazuma, who played clean-up that night, are my favorite japanese band since guitar wolf... wow! those guys were super-cool & rockin!!! they really capped the whole eve for me & made it one of the funnest gigs i've had in some time, ill health included. it was so swell to hear & watch them grind out "shakin all over" as kids & oldsters bounced off one another in a slampit... haven't seen anything like that in quite some time!
- being sick all wk i've had to realize how much i miss & get a kick out of my silly, neotenic voicet; it was reduced to a scratch, then a bark, then a nothing, then a whisper, then a drag queen, then waylon flower's madam, marge simpson, fran drescher w/o the honk, & finally, finally it's about 80% back, tho i still can't sing too well & still have a lot of throat/ear/eye pain...the impulse to just shout it out is near-overwhelming. i can't recall so, so wanting to sing! i guess the sentiment that "you always want what you can't have" extends beyond "love"... i've had two chances to play music this wk w/others & one i absolutely could not resist, so through the glass shards piercing my ears & throat, sang i did, realizing tho my range is significantly reduced, were i to have to continue like this, i could evolve into a shout singer cause there can be no fear: a person's got no choice but to belt it out good!!
- went to a few music shows to see my wild bluesman friend james blast the concrete off the barroom floor like he always does, feeling unusually shocked & amazed by his & his band's charisma, tightness, musical prowess/knowledge, & sorcerer-like power, whipping the crowd up in a wave of musical frenzy & catharsis ("a dionysian!" exclaimed my artist friend, her eyes lighting up w/joy, when i told her how he blows each solo & belts out each song as if it could be his last, w/such commitment to performance, any human unmoved, or rather, un-entranced, would have to be one incapable of emotion or in heavy denial)... so i showed up & was so surprised & flattered (& slightly embarrassed) to be greeted as if it were MY show, too!, w/people asking left & right when DDs were gonna play & how much they love ME (me??)... i tell you, who could've envisioned this kind of response from folks? i can only be dazed & grateful & try to appreciate it while i'm here, at this time in my life, doing it... i especially love that i get such kind attention from other women... anyways, back to the voice, a gal singer at one show told me she ruined hers for YEARS not resting it during laryngitis, even had to have surgery on her vocal cords. that should scare me, & it did momentarily, but my monkey don't listen & also has a short attn span.
- i hope i don't pay dearly for this some day... :(
- dang, how many times in life, in how many situations, have i (you, too, maybe?) "vaguely sensed," as it says in the big book, "i was not being any too smart," then ignored the little voice (not the monkey; monkey usually is the "big voice," unfortunately) & went full-steam ahead into whatever foolishness loomed? the big book also says, "common sense will... become uncommon sense." ha! when? well, only when i'm willing to take some right action! -- not when i'm running around w/pockets full of cash & no commitments except to play music & hang out w/loved ones. talk about a spoiled life i'm having right now!... merde... i shudder now, tho, realizing that the only way i've ever cleaned up my ways is thru some calamity/nightmare/travesty or other... unless i want the bad monkey to hog the cage, & indeed, crap all over & eventually ruin it, i need to be back in service.
- dang it!! i used to tell students one of the main benefits of writing is it helps them figure stuff out... this just was proved to me again.
- after all, as a friend so in-eloquently but truthfully stated, "i'm too old for this sh*t" -- that is, too old to be on tears that, tho clean & sober in my case, involve too-long hours, not enough sleep, performing w/hysterical, sometimes near-berserk exuberance, then shouting & having ears screamed into in order to "chat" in crowded bars & nightclubs... & then there are the cigarettes. i don't have the nicotine jones like my dear ex-hubby or wbj do, thank the great pumpkin, but i do have a thing for greens, finding them strangely sensual. i dunno. do "loves" ever make sense intellectually? at least immediately? not for me... those dang cool menthol death sticks: they're like that bad, bad good-looking man...
- so anyways, i sits here in the wee hours of morn & should be in the sack, but now that i'm finally starting to feel better, am hoping maybe to roll up on another creative wave, even if it's a just a mini-one, just ride it a little ways before being dumped back on the shores of mundanity (not sickness again, tho, please, no)...
- oh gosh, how boring has this post become? bleh. love to all. something deeper, more intellectual, more creative, more entertaining next time, maybe... for now, another dumb blablabla now draws to its close.

blablablablablablablablablablablabla, music, men, freed to grow up, who cares, my blog, mwahahahah

- water's running down the stream again: i've been writing songs, averaging 1 decent one/wk lately! recently i reworked one called "tarzan" i'd written for my old guitar player phil but now realize better explains where i'm at these days, tho w/"artistic license," of course... no song's a straight-arrow truth; that's part of the fun of writing them: freedom to play w/reality. anyways, i hope we do it in dusk devils: we'll see!
- how are you? in addition to frequent travel & practice & gigs, lately i've been experiencing the most happy semi-retired bum days, enjoying the breezes up here on the mountain, listening to the wind chimes, gazing at the birds & trees, enjoying visits from vagabond kitty & black-dog buford (traveling neighborhood animals content to plop down @ my pad for a bit, then move on), writing songs, writing journal, playing piano, taking the BRAT out for a little 4-wheeling (haha!), reading, going to meetings, hiking, supping w/friends, doing yoga, enjoying summer foods & coffee, cleaning house (i love keeping my house clean w/the exception of doing dishes, which i hate w/passion!)... don't see how life could be any better, really, as it stands. :)
- ... just spoke to ronnie mack & DDs will be doing the buddy holly/patsy cline barndance in september. yay!! thursday's a radio show w/karling in bakersfield & friday's a gig w/DDs and KA at b ryder's (flyer someplace; i'll try to post it here)... like i said, life is just singing these days. don't wanna think too much about possibly why that would be; will just feel fortunate & hope that your life, too, sings! :)
- i tend to be an emotional chickensh*t where the tough stuff's concerned, but at mama's behest, i gave news of a huge life-change to my ex-husband & -beau the other day. it was tough for me cause i'm not used to being straight w/people when i know it'll potentially make them uncomfortable/sad; i want to smooth everything over, make everyone ok, not look like the bad guy (that last one's probably the real truth). this means i'll lie & fudge in the moment, which only temporarily soothes situations & also ultimately makes me feel like a weasel... however, now w/all in open, i feel freer! it's premature to say, but i might be on the road to growing up (it's about time!!), forging a big, friendly, powerful pact w/a human who seems to want the same. whatever happens, i know the situation i'm in right now is healing, already having brought me much self-revelation &, maybe for us both ultimately, personality integration, at least as much as possible... (middle-class, american, semi-retired: i'm reminded of george carlin's quote. "some people see things that are and ask, why? some people dream of things that never were and ask, why not? some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.") anyways, i'm not gonna feel guilty that i have the luxury of time to write about all this -- will just feel grateful. i mean, just to feel understood in "that way" right now is quite a blessing... wow! someone understands me, all of me, & wants to learn more, & doesn't want to change me, nor me, him? unprecedented.
- after speaking to one of the exes, & last nite as i wallowed for a bit in longing & loneliness (briefly, tho, cause my friend called & snapped me out of it), i started thinking about the power & delusion of fantasy life. in real life, it will happen when one person idealizes the other in her/his absence; the reality can never compare. in my case, until i found booze (allowing me to then find bad men), i lived, luxuriated, sequestered myself in fantasy, being obsessed w/famous people... & i still will do it when i am lonely, musing about "if only" or just looking at pictures of, for instance, johnny weismuller or some other incredibly attractive famous male... it was & is like that "mitote" spoken of in that book "the four agreements," an evil fog, really, so much safer than dealing w/real people, especially real boys/men, but keeping me from growing emotionally, keeping me from really living & loving!
- even w/the vision of a mole, i was quite an artistic young person, so i'd gaze, pine, just zone out looking at famous men's faces, spending countless hours drawing them, listening to their music, imagining being w/them, them holding me, kissing me, saving me like knight in shining armor (if our dad's reading this, he probably just vomited. sorry, dad! even being brought up in the gia intellectual tradition, i drank just enough of society's koolaid to be sickened, apparently!)... since, i've been in real-life relationships that were extensions of that youthful delusion. i have "loved" musicians, actors, handsome men, brilliant men, lonely tho bigger-than-life types. i worshiped them as objects, then vilified them. i picked emotionally/geographically unavailable men, dreaming of that someday when they would do what i want, act the way "i know he can," fulfill my script, & then we'd live happily ever after. wow! pretty immature, huh? of course, then the relationships would suck, my "love" for them being conditional. the one i had that went the best, my marriage, went well enough, but there were secrets & sadnesses, tho we today are dear, loving friends...
- what i'm entering into now is no game, no contest, no cover-up, but a triple-L event. i'm not having to manipulate to try to ferret out attentions, nor flirt w/others or reciprocate their interests to fill up the hole in my soul, nor wonder: is he thinking of me? does he love me? does he have my best interest in mind? and i care about his well-being. that one is huge. i've usually felt, shameful to admit, every man for himself. selfish fear makes people do weird things, doesn't it? my dear ex, when we made amends, asked me to be kinder to men. well, b is easy to be kind to -- but w/this person of whom i write now, our shared feelings are humanizing me, softening & making more generous my attitude toward men in general... i feel safe. i know he won't calculatedly ambush me. and i know, cause it's already happened, if we have a wreck, we'll fix it together. he's not gonna just abandon me, bloodied by the roadside, nor will i, him.... heck! if this continues, i'll be a genuinely good human being, able to treat all persons as persons instead of puppets! :)
- if anyone on earth has reason to be a victim, a bad monster, ruined by what life's handed him, it's this human. instead, he's a success, a wiseguy, a smarta*s, a friend, a kind, funny, sage, talented, brave, fiercely intelligent survivor, & together we've started making lemonade from lemons, or as aunty rita has said is impossible, chicken salad from chicken sh*t...
- i've blabbed far too much already... in summation, were this to end today, i'd be destroyed likely for quite some time, but in the end i'd have to be thankful cause it's unprecedented, magical, & changing me for the better. it may be what people throughout the ages have called true love.
- do you relate to any of this? i hope that you do. and i hope that you feel it, too. wish me luck. may you have it, as well.

dusk devils off the cuff & unplugged

happy independence day!!! and it's a big music weekend for dusk devils, karling & the atomics, more!

today is july 4, an especially important day for me (see below) as well, of course, on a much, much larger scale, the united states of america... may we all be freed today of whatever oppresses us, be it physical, spiritual, or elsewise. a special prayer, thought, intention, too, for dear loved ones who are in pain. i fervently, sincerely wish them return to good health & strength as quickly as possible... as i know many more of you are experiencing, too, tho life may be wonderful, it hurts to see loved ones suffer... i pray that i'll be ready to help however possible, whenever asked.
meanwhile, in the fun & frivolous dept (tho sunday's a benefit for a kind friend), this weekend:

vee heff flyers...

this coming weekend, brian p & i'll play with the atomics, backing karling abbeygate, at a really huge event near our friend candye kane's landing pad. here's more info... SoCal Rockabilly Fest ... the other shows displayed here should, too, be a hoot! the thursday event, "the dusk devils featuring karling abbeygate" (she'll start the set with us) is put on by the city of sta clarita & is on the same block as the vu, where we played a very fun rockabilly fest that also featured hard six & inazuma... the latter is our second appearance at sue's tavern right in frazier park, & if it's half the fun the last one was, well, bar the doors, katy!!! it's gonna be such a blast!!!

rockabilly jamboree this friday in bakersfield!

downbeat will be 9 pm with DUSK DEVILS!!!! we're gonna rocknroll all night... everything's all right :)i will give you my dusk devils guarantee i will do my earthly best to put on the best show i can!
as for karling, she's not just beautiful, but super-talented & a great songwriter & also very kind... i know you'll love her set, too! my eyes are only just a tad brown, saying that. i am so happy to back her, truly! :)
as for the other fellows, well, they look like they could possibly blow the doors off the joint. don't miss it, if you can!

please send me to charm school

... or wherever they teach you to pose like a girl (i.e., 50s pinup, in this genre, i spose). i know i'm not doing bad for a "middle-aged broad," but it's embarrassing to play/have played in bands w/women who are quite glamorous & yet come off (me, that is) this consistently dorky in photos (yet, i post them)... and why in heck was i smoking? i really do look "wrong" smoking, as some people've told me... argh.
- intellectually i know there's nothing wrong w/just being a human in photos, wrinkles, squints, fat rolls, dippiness, ugliness, imperfections, HUMANITY & all... but man, it can be tough, esp in this social media age, plus being a performer & kinda reliant on projecting a physical image... what's the effect of the former, i wonder, on kids? it seems to me more youngsters than not are a bit too pose-perfect & always ready for their closeup, having grown up w/noses in media devices... google "duck face" -- not just teenaged girls do it -- adults aside (on which duck face or its cousin contrivances can look rather pathetic, doncha think?), i recently saw a slew of photos of a little boy now about 8 yrs old, brother of a former student, mugging it up in that goofy-yet-glamorous way kids who've grown up photographing themselves to post to social media sites all seem to have... it's kinda weird, isn't it? do you recall when kids -- or any of us, except maybe actors & models -- had no preconceived idea or anxiety, really, about how they looked in photos? (i had a free-floating, amorphous anxiety, but it was that i was ugly -- it never occurred to me that a particular pose or angle would fix that ugliness...) hmm... that last pt makes me wonder: is the constant visual diary most kids keep of themselves these days boosting their confidence or making them feel more self-conscious? (recently i saw a woman had posted her daughter's pic, to this response from daughter: "OMG!!! MOM!!!! you know that's my bad side!! i hate this picture!!!") are we getting more narcissistic? realistic? calculating? neurotic? a little of all? i mean, w/in a culture's (mostly unspoken) dictates, each of us has a gendered & performative role... maybe these kids who've grown up self-photoing for instant upload are better able to fit into this game called american society...
guess all this musing just makes me sound old... oh well.
karling is supposed to come up & stay (we might make a comic book, i hope, but probably just will watch "spider baby," which she, a monster movie fan, somehow's never seen). maybe i can get pointers from karling, who is extraordinarily glamorous, as well as kind & very talented... at the hike i took a few wks ago, one of the gals, stephanie, is a photographer, & before we got our photo taken, she told me to do something w/one foot, then pull out & tuck my chin. that is a start, i spose...
i like our young rhythm section right now. they are not just cuties, but good musicians. overall, i am  happy musically, & i know our folks gave me good genes, so can't complain too, too much. :)

boo

"i need a man, i need a man, i need a man to love..."

both bands i play with tomorrow night @ narducci's in bakersfield feature in their sets the above barbara pittman rockabilly tune (actually called simply "i need a man," always evoking cracks from male band members when announced)... i hear this show, affiliated w/the big hot rod deal called the march meets, is going to be packed to the walls; i hope for a music-heavy eve & that my wardrobe change between bands (from punk-monsterbilly to my attempt at elegant) will be swift & successful.
- what fun it is to back karling & becky in their bands, karling & the atomics & cattie ness & the revenge, respectively... this wkend, too, will be dusk devils practice w/low-key but high-energy bassist & drummer who are locked in tight; the other night at practice when john leaned over & cued stevo, i about fell over cause i know that's what bassists & drummers are supposed to do (they are, as carl leyland reminded me, the rhythm SECTION), but i've never actually seen any bass-drum players in DDs work together like that... after the march 17 DD show, we'll practice w/another bassist, a rockabilly kinda cat w/great chops, w/hopes of always having a line-up ready to go, whatever show comes up... ok, that's all for now.

tweedly-deedly-dee, dee-dee-dee-dee...

(rest in peace, don cornelius of soul train. may your suffering have ended w/the pulling of that trigger & may your family have peace sooner than later. depression is a horrid monster. what a way to go.) :(
love the drum part on the song ref'd at top (rockin robin). used to clear out the cal state pub playing that, sea cruise, maybelline. anyone who didn't want to hear those songs should've left, anyhow, & fallen in a deep mudhole... the other day at practice w/karling, cesareo & i switched instrus on a run-thru of jackson; i was terrible, but it was fun. i love the punishing pain of trying to keep the kick drum going, or playing thru as muscles scream at a show; the way we play, esp in dusk devils, is kinda like going for a long jog.
well, the birds have been all over outside today, which is por quoi the original reference. crap - that reminds me i'm sposed to be studying french. going there in april w/becky & fabi to play music & tourist around; amazing! becky even sez i can open the tv show we're gonna do w/fats domino's "blue monday" since she says the studio has that same name...
mind seems to be hopping around a bit. am watching a show on the secrets of the pyramids. reading wonder woman as well as 100 volunteer vacations & 101 foods that will save your life & also rumi & jim thompson. applied to volunteer this summer at the gesundheit institute in WV, that clown hospital run by the great humanitarian doctor who "prostituted" himself to be subject of that maudlin robin wms movie to draw attn to his good cause... wonder if they'll accept me? wonder what tomorrow will bring? wonder wonder wonder wonder won: who wrote the book of love?
had a visitor yesterday & today. we drove in circles & ate at denny's (2-4-6-8 menu is cheaper than cooking, hate to say). i love having visitors. i love being home. i love being gone.
what's up with dusk devils? we've been sick, so will get some percussion personnel soon... gigs are upcoming w/karling & the atomics (KA & her "bakersfield band -- aren't they cute?" she said at last show & inside i winced cause i felt so uncute, but outside i grinned like a chipmunk) & w/becky (cattie ness & revenge) & w/dusk devils, even tho we are flying bassless for the moment... at big's the other night, we opened for big sandy, as i had w/becky the wk before in fresno; the set went well, wild & rowdy, as had the set the wk before w/revenge; KA & atomics practiced beforehand in the dining rm at big's & i almost wiped out the whole table of drinks hitting a volleyball that was for some reason in the rm; then i had a panic attack over my fat arms & karling so kindly cooed, "show me your arm," then, when i'd removed my sweater to show her the ham hock, "why, that's a perfectly nice arm; that's a fine arm," as if she were consoling a child, & in a moment of clarity i realized, stop being so gd self-centered!! this is her show!!! then karling added, "besides, you look like a crazy cat lady, wearing your sweater," but i'd already decided i'd ditch it... during the set, bsp got to sing "jackson" w/karling & i did some don rich on her buck owens songs, in keys so high, i felt i might flip inside out... afterward, cesareo told me about astrology & what'll work or not in my love life (drat!) & bsp & i watched big sandy for a while before hitting the road & then it was 5 am, then 5 pm & i was heading from bako to home in that post-show funk, so took the long way back along southern country roads & came upon a desolate long-abandoned oil company & explored & picked it as the sun set, accidentally disturbing a roosting white-faced owl & roadrunner in two separate bldgs (there were 8 buildings to explore!) & 3 cottontails, too, then i had to bail cause darkness fell, so i walked around the truck stops near the grapevine & by the time i got home, i felt really swell (... long phone call...) well, my friend & i just yakked for a long while, speculating about ancient technology & lamenting the burning of the alexandrian library & he told me about a book he read about joan of arc, sounds interesting, written in 1st person, even, & now i'm out of gas, hoping to catch the bus tomorrow morn cause i'm so sick of driving, so now it's time to watch more roku or read a bit more or hey, here's a novel idea: go to bed. :)
hope you're well, if you've read this far. :) xoxoxoxo