"the average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper resperatory tract." (frank loesser, guys & dolls)
wow - while looking up those lyrics, which apply, too, to the female/male of any marital status whose "long frustration" is the effort of living in one's own brain, i found this website: www.rhymebrain.com
james & i have respective conditions that are at times -- gee: how to put it? -- a bit troubling, an inconvenience, a pain, yes; horrible, tragic, horrifying, perhaps; a test of one's mettle, surely; our crosses to bear, i could describe them, what w/easter upcoming (gee, that sounded crass, maybe); but why write a book about it all now?... the upswing is lots of creativity, so there's always two sides to the coin.
how many more cliches can i pack in these paragraphs?
just an hour ago i was braced very poorly against the tsunami of emotion that hits me like it's my last breath on earth, feeling these churning, roiling waves of despair, futility, hopelessness, helplessness, the same waves that have hit me since i was a child, when james suddenly said, you could be happy about this.
why? i asked.
well at least i'm happy, he says, when people think i'm pretending to have my condition, when they say i'm faking it. i stopped sniffling and listened. "that means they think i'm better than i really am. they think i'm more ok than i am. so maybe i am more ok than i think i am.
"think about it that way," he said.
i heard a touching doggerel at a meeting monday & as i jogged the other night, it served as a quite-nice mantra:
"two inmates looked out from the prison window bars
one looked down & saw mud,
the other up & saw stars." all this stuff, once cynicism & arrogance have been mowed aside by Life, help to retrain the blackened mind... let's keep them coming.
hello. i'm jenny page. once upon a time, i had a band in bakersfield cali called the dusk devils. you still can find dd music online. now i live in the mtns & am married to my wonderful husband, whiteboy james. i know him as james or other endearing nicknames i won't list here. we are as happy as two nuts can be. life is an adventure, a chore, a beauty, a choice, a turn. life is short, but it is good as you make it (in this culture, anyways), so let's not forget that!
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