this weekend

friday all will say goodbye to manuel gonzales, or "big manny," our friend departed. here are details:
viewing - noon to 2 pm, funeral & burial, 2-3 pm, home of peace memorial park mortuary, 4334 whittier blvd, whittier ca; potluck reception for family & friends, vfw hall post 1944, 4-8 pm,  16157 e. gale, city of industry, ca.
i made this so i will remember always his face & person the way i remember him. there's a beautiful pic of him & james on this blog if you go back to april 2016, but i -- perhaps selfishly -- just put the ones here where i'm posed with him.
saturday will be the following: Come See Whiteboy James - Sat. Aug. 13th
WHERE: Shenanigans Irish Pub & Grille
423 Shoreline Village Drive
Long Beach, CA 90802
USA 8 PM-11:55 PM
COST: Free
CONTACT:
562-437-3734

the following saturday, we'll play here in town at sue's tavern, & after that, james will have me replaced with an electric bass & i'll just play with his band wherever i have the energy (& when he wants me, of course). the kids will be back in class

& i again will be a public school teacher.

my dear sweet friend is gone, & the whole world cries

one of our very dearest, sweetest, most talented friends on earth went to heaven last night. james & manuel became fast friends about three years ago; manuel gave james a sailor's cap that he treasures. i got to meet manuel as a fan of his band 25 yrs ago & in the last many years, was blessed to play music with him here & there where he'd look over & smile, "ah, jenny. play a little-uh that johnny johnson." this kind, gentle giant with his silly sense of humor could play anything on the guitar, chuck berry like no other, & he sang like a bird. the world without him will be a dimmer place. we love you forever, manuel. rest in peace, dear soul. love, jenny & james

dads, dusk devils, prayers

angie & i are blessed to have the greatest dad, a father we could never have dreamed up. he is gentle, intelligent, humble, hard-working, a life-long servant of society (like mama, like angie), an iconoclast disguised as an astronaut, movie-star handsome in his youth & a head-turner still at age 70, & has ruined us both: we assume all handsome men are as good as gold, that is, good as dad.
they're not... tho i'm coming to realize in general they're not as bad as i've tended to think. if i live to be 100, i'll still not have much figured out, in other words...
today we celebrate our dad, as well as our wonderful, generous, voraciously bright mama, & it's a pleasant, balmy day in bakingfield, somehow not yet blazingly hot, &  this morning i sat in a meeting rm w/warm-hearted, brave drunks, one being my kind & dependable ex, & dusk devils somehow have shows upcoming tho tragedy befell our latest member several wks ago...
next, please send out kind thoughts of good health to eddie, candye, manuel, chet, terri, karen, as well as any whom you know are suffering or just needing support. there are so many! when i consider how things could be instead of how they are... well, again, wow... mustn't take any thing for granted, not anymore.
upcoming shows, dusk devils:
july 8 - big's fullerton w/karling abbeygate & other rockabillies
july 16 - mr t's bowl los angeles w/devil doll & other rockabillies & burlesquies
please surf the net for more details... happy pop's day to all. :)

fragmenticity, shifts in tense, sleepy can't-sleep ramblings

-can't sleep!
- going to nyc! among other things, for a meditation seminar... need to mellow out. so excited, tho!!! want to ice skate (haven't since 1x in child yrs), jog & explore central pk, walk & walk the upper east side & everyplace, see coney island, eat pizza. anything beyond just being there will be lagniappe. art said, "i'd never sleep if i lived there. i can definitely feel the pulse of the city..."
- lately - beautiful karling abbeygate & my friend manuel! palmer & leo were there, too, w/me therein reuniting the big manny christmas record crew... :) cool retro marina hotel. late night drives. denny's pancake puppies & peppermint shake! dusk devils music. scotty adds ideas to evil eye... yes, new songs! monster drinks. very cool gigs upcoming, more pending!! long mountain hikes with friends. i look out from the vista on which i stand & realize: the mountains are my backyard! wow! transitions, arguments, amends, lonely times, better times. good mtgs around here! visit from mom & dad... then hollywood w/art fein: john tottenham art exhibit; in the midst of it, surprise glimpse of beautiful erin, who's gracious enough to let me make amend to her, albeit brief (i'm sure i spooked her; i'm sure she didn't expect to see awful me there... but she looked happier when she left, less stressed, & i was so happy, too, to get that unexpected chance to try to make right a wrong); friendly paul body w/his roach-stomping, high-gloss cowboy boots; phil alvin... phil alvin! at the art opening, just like that, incongruously!... (why do i say "incongruously"? i don't really know the guy! just certainly didn't expect him there... nor he, me [us?], by his pleased gape.)
-just a bit more on phil, w/whom i've been obsessed for decades (tho i have had to admit in this past yr he'll possibly never be my future ex-husband): he stood there grinning at me -- at ME!! -- like bugs bunny or the heehaw donkey, rooster-chested, shoulders thrown back like the one bad stud, in a black thrift-store suit & white dress shirt w/wife-beater showing beneath... his hair was dyed, jeffersonianly, & his manner was dim, hip, regal, friendly. "hey, di-d-did i hear ya moved?" he asked me, jutting forward at me for a bit of emphasis, & then we all talked for a bit & i piqued him w/news of the mysterious museum of jurassic technology, a dang place never open when i'm down there... phil was there to hang out, to schmooze, but i got freaked out!, so went to "look at the art." can't be that crazy hot-to-trot for someone for so many yrs then stand & shoot the bull w/him. just can't. it was too much!!
- art had a little wine & was done, said it didn't make him drunk but just feel weird, tho also relaxed so that he "could talk." malcolm gladwell, accordion, relationships, living in paris (he has; i've just visited), some gossip about a musician-knothead everyone knows, & of course, music music music, lots of talk & it all & all was quite a cool & even amazing evening... headed to cabana club off sunset for stunning, wonderful ruby friedman orchestra, ruby leading her crescendoing songs w/these magnificent silent-era eyes & lips & arms that floated like butterflies. then she'd rock & shake like the child of joe cocker meets janis & it was the coolest thing i've seen ever in someone not a whacked-out rockabilly eccentric. she was so haunting, sincere, lovely, rock-opera intense - yet a giggling sort of friendly gentle hippie girl in repose, which made me like her even more.
good gravy, i need to go to bed...

ok, this is just weird... & a mash note for karling

this is not me.
my clone
my family will attest this is how my face looked when i was younger, down to the sort of peeved expression... this gal's not a half-breed like me, & the wig's black, but the messiness is purt-dang close!!
darned delicious gutbomb late-night in-&-out burger!! it was fun to pile it down on my clear-black-night drive home on heels of (darling) karling abbeygate show @ which i got to see MANUEL!!!, but now i cannot sleep!! arggghhhh!!!! and now it's starting to pour pour pour & the moon is so so white! so tempting!! who can sleep?!? wow!! what a storm's starting!! dang hamburger -- i could be snuggled up in bed w/the rainfall instead of sitting here fat as a tick!!!
karling's got that wanda snarl, & her uptempo tunes in particular rockabillied like crazy & reminded me of becky's band back when: exciting-fun!! karling's got perfect bettie page black fluffy bouncy hair & such a pretty heart-shaped smile, & i wish i could wear sleeveless dresses like the one she wore tonight! she reminded me of betty boop even a bit & wonder what it'd be like to dance on the stage like she does, dance & twirl & then grab the mike & snarl into it like elvis?
it was great fun to get to see her in the flesh finally... like candye, karling's got good mojo, i think!
and manuel, big manny, the down-home giant of guitar: every time he'd sing out some solo i thought was especially fine, i'd look over & phil'd sure enough be smiling & chortling in admiration... phil's the best there is in town -- but manuel was the visiting king tonight!
ok, please continue on to read about tomorrow's halloween show... tonight we practiced nearly 5 HOURS w/scotty & i think tomorrow's gonna be quite the fun little bash. happy all hallow's eve & dia de los muertos & all saint's day & samhain & etc to all! :) :) :)

HAPPY BD TO JANI!!!!! :) plus: "i've never cried at a session before..." & singing it "more cholo"

-> my dear friend jani is having her bd week... happy bd, my friend!!! :)
-> today in music in my tiny life, i finished playing a glockenspiel pt on "silent night" & looked over & there was "big manny" in his armchair, in tears. "that was so pretty," he said, wiping his face & smiling. "usually at sessions, i'm like, 'you son of a b**ch,' or want to slap someone..." & then he laughed. next, after a little coaching (he's teaching me to be a bit less obvious, more complex musically), i did a fake strings pt & there he was again, sniffling, so i stepped over & gave him a big hug & felt so happy cause i knew i was on the right track... "thank you, you guys; i'm so blessed," said generous manuel.
-> manuel & bassist/engineer leo record on manana time, but it's so nice to hang out w/manuel & family, i don't mind, long as i have the gas $$, time, & stamina to get to his little place off the 60, as well as the understanding spouse who lets me go go go (phil & i were talking last night about our respective huge fortune in this area). in the fall, manuel & i developed a take-off on a terrific 60s e-side soul song i don't wanna name yet but think will be a real holiday hit if it gets out there - truly! so, bonus, he let me sing harmonies on it this eve, & what fun, to really belt out into a nice condensor mike a cool, funny song w/leo & manuel bopping their heads & grinning. (even aged uncle guillermo, sitting on the nearby couch, was smiling some.) manuel stopped me at one pt & said, "no no no -- you're losing your character. more cholo!" so i sang it again "more cholo" & he beamed, "ah, jenny, you're a real live performer." i wasn't sure what he meant, but it felt good!
-> as i rushed out the door & hugged everyone goodbye, guillermo stirred from his seeming nap & took my hand & shook it. "i like you, too," he said softly. :) then it was back on the yoyo to bakotown, w/b smiling, "you have that light in your eyes," & he did, too, having spent the day w/cody, so home we sailed to the swingin, rockin&rollin sounds of a bitchin comets LP recorded at rollin' rock studios, & such a night, oh such a night it was, it really was such a night!!

cheese & crackers.

- what a weekend. was supposed to practice w/manuel down south, & got another music offer, too. flattered, i knew in my heart i must not do the latter. but since i have somewhat eroded boundaries lately, i waffled & worried about what to do. well, last sec manuel called to cancel; his bassist got a fill-in w/cannibal & the headhunters. i felt like the lord was stepping in on my behalf, & stayed in backwardsfield.
- today was mostly relieved from idle hands/mind by girlfriends in the program, w/whom i got to hang out; saw my wonderful sponsor speak; came home to a big bomb dropped. it was a bomb that has needed to drop, however, & tho horrified & sad, i was thankful for it.
- the paxtons picked me a song yrs ago: “my eyes say no, but i push right over.” being in that kinda situation is maybe fun to imagine, but it's scary in real life! i have had sufficient ballast to prevent actual capsize, but i don't sing that song anymore! some might say god beat the devil this time, or “it's LOVE that won, & ol' left hand HATE is down for the count!” (night of the hunter) the problem is, that sucker gets back up.
- three people in the committee of my mind need to be evicted: the little wimp that wants everyone to like her; the nerd that assumes no one ever would; & the egomaniac that loves flattery, caves to it, & insincerely coaxes it on, to everyone’s detriment.
- tonight i wrote a song about it all, but no one’ll ever hear it. in fact, i wonder how some people can bear to sing their very personal songs of heartache, guilt, suffering, & pain. for me, that’s like dying over & over! so i’m sticking to the innocuous, fun, rockin’ songs we do. they’re more soulful than the sad ones, to me, because they bring happiness. (dickens quote in pat’s house: “no one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else.”) i must be useful or i am nothing. that's how i feel at this moment, anyhow.
- did i mention i got the new job i (think i) wanted? found out friday, but haven’t really been able to enjoy the realization. i’m librarian now at a middle school where kids desperately need comfort & books. 13 women (but never no man in town) now come to the house weekly to work steps. bomb dropped, now i’ll get back to my life, back to the person i know i should be. tonight, i'm sad people are hurt, but grateful to get back on the straight & narrow. music is enough wildness for me. the rest just will not be.

yes, this is quite premature...

...but manuel called & really liked the cover i made. so here it is. :) the other guys are john palmer of mac curtis, ronnie dawson, lisa finnie, cadillac angels & more fame, & leo valenzuela (i'm sorry, leo, i can't remember your western swing band's name). like john, leo plays in many bands. but both are very lucky to play with manuel, i think. :) and i shore am, too. :)
this record will not be available til fall. but it will be a fun one, i gear-ron-tee. enough dialect from me. happy eve!!

music all weekend in smellay: 10 riffs, zero sleep

1. too tired to sleep. so here are some pix.
2. i didn't get my song to phil alvin because our dang computer cd burner BROKE!!!! ARRGHHHH!!! oh well... i tossed a band packet in his car. phil h says he now will think i'm a stalker. :) he'll get it, maybe he'll throw it out the window, either way, i can't much care: i did my piece. :) and candye kane & others liked my song, so really, i can die happy now, if i think about it much. :)
3. i get spooked when people comment on my makeup. and then i put on 2x as much. sometimes 10x as much. i'm sure it's deeply psychological. but will SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN IT'S ALL OVER MY FACE?!?! i would do that for you!!!! i guess i need a wardrobe AND makeup consultant. would someone please volunteer?????
4. i just love ruben & manuel. i've known them for 17 YEARS!!! manuel asked me to play on his christmas record. what a wonder that will be: xmas songs AND manuel. :) i could nearly cry, just thinking about it. i loved watching manuel watch others this wkend, his love of music & people, his child-like face: he's full of love & music, which are one when the world's right, i think.
5. skip heller & art fein look like they're related. luann & i commented on this & skip deadpanned, "we ARE related. we are both sons of zion."
6. it was great fun to hang out all wkend w/different people, but i find that when i speak & people laugh at just the sound of my pipsqueaky voice, i get all wound up & start acting like a clown. i know there's balance in all this... & i'll find it!!!! meanwhile, it IS fun to make people laugh. :) i like that far more than being told i look like cleopatra or am i "hooked up" or scary stuff like that...
7. donna once again put me up at her nice place in laverne (site of The Last Drink 13 yrs ago) & we thrift-shopped & watched "shaun of the dead" & ate at casa jimenez & then i saw them off when they all went to see "the dark knight"... & realized again how fortunate i am to not just still be alive, but to have adventures & friends & so many people whom i love & who even love me. :) it's all icing, when a soul really should be pushing up daisies, so i gotta remember that.
8. manuel doesn't merely sing, but soars, his voice as much an instrument as his earthy & skilled guitar-playing (& bass: fri night, his plus-sized fingers brought in the walk on "tequila" like laughing thunder from the heavens!!!). so it was shocking to go from the beauty of his pipes to the blasters show, at which phil alvin performed for 90 mins w/laryngitis!! people plied him w/whisky, & the poor guy lost any self-protective inhibition & started singing anything, no matter how larynx-ravaging, which was painful to watch & hear. the good part was, he pattered a lot more between songs, infamously weird & smart, such a character, w/a generous spirit toward the audience i've never really noticed much, but really appreciated this time, & he played more, in his intense & authentic vernacular folk-blues style. his force of personality & uniqueness make the blasters inimitable, i think, & i'm far from alone on that. :)
9. THANK YOU, jeff, for putting me on the blasters show list. jeff puts on super live music shows & is a really nice fellow... a texan, you know. :) i think that's what does it. unlike my bro-in-law, i've rarely met a texan i didn't just like, but love...
10. the midnight drive home wasn't bad. my night vision cooperated for the most pt & when i dropped into the valley, it spread out wide-black & velvety-clear, & w/the chuck berry b-side cassette music sailing, i was filled w/that wondrous feeling of aliveness...
then i rolled down the window & the magic was choked by the stench of dairies. welcome home. :)

"me, i don't care what people say / talk is cheap, anyway / if you got nothin good to say / well, it's best you don't say a thing" :)

- the blazers & me -
things've been down, w/death of friends, post-surgery complications, painful realizations i've had to make re music/friends... i was surfing & came across - yeegad! -a T-shirt i designed 15+ yrs ago for the blazers! it came up along w/the most rockin' tune, too (lyrics excerpted above), & took me instantly to a better place. a worshipful moment! music again saves a life...
back to the T-shirt: actually, manuel gave me the frame, then i took it to dr derek lamar, who then had the art dept downtown, & we put the design together... & there it is still online today, along w/that cheerful blazers song from way back in the palomino days.
i was intoxicated on music & substances 24/7 back then, & so enamored of the blazers' down-home roots-rock&roll innocence, grit, & heart, i could scarcely touch earth. flyweight ruben & sumo-ish manuel, buddies since childhood w/ea other & w/los lobos, led this east-LA band, their repertoire influenced as much by vicente fernandez as chuck berry. i was crazy (really, tho i didn't know it) over their then-bassist, a 6.5' ladies' man w/penchant for dark humor & drink, & became the blazers' "#1 fan" (there've been many since, & such a determined creature features heavily in any band's success, i think!): wrote their monthly newsletter; designed show flyers; press kit; copied & mailed out promo tapes; wrote 50-60 letters to record co's (one actually got bill bentley's attn & they were signed to rounder!); drove down 2x or more per mo to watch their shows (& hang w/"boyfriend," of course). all this from bksfld, & them in e-los! i couldn't dance, but my skirts & enthusiasm were so high, i don't think most cared. the blazers filled me w/good cheer, w/life, w/soul when i could only find it elsewhere in bad habits.
manuel & ruben don't play together much now, tho both still have many options, ruben working w/pete anderson still. they are well-loved & respected individually, but i think most who know them pine for the day they'll reunite. i'm so lucky to still know them both, good men, brimming w/musical spirit & humanity & humor. i hope eventually they'll reconcile musically, as i always hope i will, too, when i have to part ways w/a friend...
eventually, love & communication & music can bring rebonding; if not, probably there was nothing to a relationship to begin with. (some people never come back because they were never meant to be there in the 1st place...) i parted ways w/the blazers having to get sober. it was painful, but from it, a new & better life came. like they say, "pain is the touchstone of growth." old-timer mudd, may he rest in peace, used to say, "i'm gonna grow, or i'm gonna go..." positive action, tho too often prompted by pain, is what is needed to keep evolving, to honor this beautiful life.
i'm there. it's time. like manuel wrote, "talk is cheap, anyway." "if you're feelin sad & blue, don't sit around & cry, no one's feelin sorry for you, you're just a-wastin your time." wise words, pleasantly put!!
blazers links follow: discography: http://www.cduniverse.com/search/xx/music/artist/Blazers/a/Blazers.htm ; manuel's page: http://www.myspace.com/thebigmanband ; the blazers' page w/music! http://www.myspace.com/theblazers