karling, cattie, lessons learned, devils, music, travel, friendship, & chuggachuggachugga choochoo

i want to write, i want to write, i want to want to want to write...full of cereal, laying-around-with-dogs, zapped from long phone conversations today (usually i eschew phone, but am so glad i answered it cause sometimes friends reach out & i'm so glad i was there)... geez; there's so much to write about, too... argh. ok, here goes: went to france, led by b, to whom i'm grateful for organizing the trip, even w/times of disconcerting roughness. experienced w/france, she led us four to paris, where we got to stay in center of town in a gorgeous historical apartment, near louvre, tuillieries, not far from the seine. i got the apartment loft for several days, turning it over to fabi when she arrived. went jogging at palais royale. little kids chased me & giggled cause people in paris don't really jog, esp females. went to a rockabilly-swing music show @ the moulin rouge. pianist fabian was awesome, but i don't speak french. oh well. fabi danced w/a boy dressed like a ww2 soldier. he later showed up @ the attignat fest looking like an extra from guys & dolls. a beautiful kid, blue-eyed, dark-haired. french people generally are beautiful. became object of adoration of a sweet young guy named lucien, who also didn't speak english. it was puzzling... i was flattered & scared. he even jumped metro trains to come back & try to get me to go have coffee w/him. i was glad the other "girls" were there. onward. made friends w/eccentric, free-spirited, fun, willful laurie; i was grateful for her kindness. saw a hushed medieval village, perouges, where maybe i had some deja-vu. visited many stunning churches & cathedrals; i'm not religious, but i am dialed to be high, & the beautiful things of this world, such as catholic palaces of worship, stir my soul & aesthetic pleasure, not to mention remind me of our dear departed grandma, who was devout. took beautiful bullet trains: paris to lyon, paris to rennes. walked & walked & walked & walked. got to know the metro system. smoked galoise cigarettes & went on adventures w/laurie. fell in love w/wearing scarves, which immediately dress up & girly-fy any outfit (tho french men wear them, too, as well as color, & look terrific). fell in love w/french bread, &, to my detriment, perhaps, butter. went to the rocks at carnac, the cairn at gavrinis (i bumped my head inside the latter). made the pilgrimage to mont san michel, walking there & back in torrential rain & wind. had 90% incredible meals & desserts & coffees, including one particularly amazing feast after our attignat rockabilly fest show, an ultra-rave-up during which i played not just w/cattie ness, but with paris's hot rocks trio, who called me up to sit in w/them! back to the feast: after we played, the club owners heaped the table w/breads, cheeses, meats, pickles, butter, water, &, at end, trays of coffee w/steamed milk & sugar... it was not just beautiful, but so delicious! i also couldn't help falling in love w/the ultra-rockin' hot-rocks trio: red dennis, baby-faced, tough-guy ted w/whom i'll chat more next time, when i can speak french; intellectual, accomplished, well-dressed alexis, stoic til he discusses american music, & then his serious eyes glimmer w/yearning; & generous, full-of-life, trilingual francis, laughing, friendly, w/louis prima's ursine bearing & gerard depardieu's flirty burr of a voice... i was so smitten w/francis, but then met his wife & was just as smitten w/her. what a lovely couple! on our last night, they treated us to raclette @ their cheerful vintage-decored pad on the edges of paris, & what a beautiful time that was, chatting warmly in our pidgin french-spanish & english (only francis is fluent in all), listening to gypsy jazz & rockabilly, admiring their proximity to both the music university & concert park, & eating this amazing raclette, which is a dish of melted cheese & potatoes... well, there's so much more i could write, such as about all the swell musicians i got to meet & watch at the attignat festival, as well as its fervent, friendly, innocent-in-their-joy fans, & other places we went, things we saw, etc etc etc... will try to post pix sometimes soon. upon return home, i hung out w/my dear family, then had a gig w/karling as well as dusk devils at rockwell's trouts in bakersfield. the funnest [sic] parts were our ramrod dusk devils set, sans bassist cause robbie was up on the mtn, during which the small crowd laughed & laughed & smiled & cheered & oh, how i so love that feeling... then karling came up & she & i sang "let's have a party" collins kids-style, which was quite pleasing & silly & fun for me, & i believe for her, too... two days later we had the barndance in burbank at which we bulled our way thru our short rockin DDs set, then karling's, then got to hang out all eve w/legends of the american music scene, most excitingly for me, of course, phil alvin, who was typically amazing in his part of the show...the hollywood borracho crowd of jonny whiteside, raucous walter, groovy rednecks' tex, & brian hogan were fun, dave stuckey & marty rifkin friendly & musically amazing; other than these folks, i mostly visited w/skip edwards (THE fantastic house pianist) & art fein, art & i drawn in from the patio goggle-eyed by a super-rockin sound that turned out to be 3 bad jacks. they were green-bay-rockin-50s caliber that night! another highlight was how much fun bassist robbie had at the show, so, so excited to meet his hero rosie flores as well as many pretty girls (robbie is a young looker)... we had a terrific bd party for dad in bakersfield next day, & the following i was able to head back to the mountains w/the doggies, now just sitting here cooling my heels & waiting for the next show, which won't be til next week... that's about it for now. likely time for another dog-nap, which unlike a catnap, can stretch the whole dang day.. this lazy, lovely weather's just ripe for it. love to anyone still reading. may i suggest finding now some transcendentalist poems? or maybe a good-rockin tune or twenty...

home is where the heart is; "i keep right on believing / in a foo-oo-oo-ool's paradise" :)

yes, dat's me, in a quote from a cochran bros song we'll sing tomorrow at the barndance (mention at bottom)... well, the weed-whacker's broken, & i could really use it to clear away 3 wks of growth that came up while i was gone... guess the weeds didn't get word to stop growing! taking a little break & spose would like to write about my trip to beautiful france & the friends i made, adventures had, sights seen, music enjoyed, then yesterday's gig w/dusk devils (slamming!) & karling & atomics (mom & dad slow-danced! i messed up 2x cause i was trying not to cry)... it was in general a wonderful trip, & i got to have some dear & lovely experiences, but still am jetlagged, so that's it for now except here's an action shot of karling & i from the gig we did the night before i left for france... i like it :) more later; love to all, & i mean it. :)

ps - tomorrow we play at ronnie mack's barn dance for the gene & eddie tribute show... 7:30 dusk devils; 7:45 karling & the atomics... so many big names'll be there, including phil alvin, rosie flores, big sandy, dave & deke, eddie nichols, buzz campbell, ray campi, russell scott, & many many more... :) i can't wait! here's electric earl's listing for it: http://www.electricearl.com/BDance.html

ooh-la-la!!!

je suis americaine. most certainly! we are in paris, beaky, fabulosa, & laurie lort & i. having a ball, an adventure. only have a moment to write here, so just a few impressions: i knew the women would be gorgeous, but for heaven's sake, the men are, too! :tall, straight build, dark hair & eyes, strong face, serious mien... they dress nicely, too, tho they don't smell so nice, in general... mon dieu! our "girl gang," specifically fabiola, all have commented something about getting whiplash while here from male-gawking. rick, blasters soundman & fb friend, said, "just be sure to turn from the waist. it's good for the core." ha! :) ok, well, this is our last full day in paree (been here a wk) & i've been cleaning up our apt as well as enjoying the sound & smell of the intermittent showers ("it's paris rain," says becky, meaning, it showers for a few mins, then the sun shines, then more showers, then sun... it's truly lovely)... now i'm off to find the drunk club of paris, & tho i mapped out the metro rt, think i'll walk, just to see a bit more... they have english-speaking meetings... hope to get there. tomorrow we're heading for mont san michel, then back here for a night before out to the avignon area for the rockabilly fest called "blue monday," where we'll play some music as well as listen, meet folks, say hello to memphis mike's friend, rockabilly legend hayden thompson. will write more later. i've been trying to keep a journal of what we're doing lately, as well as take pix w/ipod. last time i went to paris, w/mama, angie, mad, i forgot my camera, which was incredibly lame. this time, when i get home, i will document the trip & hope to to-my-best convey the fun we've been having, 1/2-world away from home... bon journee, mon amis :)

Sister Rosetta Tharpe Didn't It Rain

iconoclast rocker chuck e weiss posted this on facebook... good heavens!! truly!!! all i know is that granada television, which also filmed my most favorite tv event of all time, "don't knock the rock," filmed this in 1964 at a train station in chorlton england... don't you love everything?? -- from using train tracks as the stage, her entrance, her lovely face, her outfit, her singing & strutting &, my lord, that guitar playing -- what a prickly, gut-bucket happy rousing sound!!
well, it snowed last night, & i woke to it melting off the eaves in a waterfall & sun shining & air smelling of pine trees & sage & earth, oh how lovely lovely lovely... right now there are no less than 25 birds eating on the table (i shooed off the robber chipmunk who's been trying to abscond w/their food) & in the oak tree in front of me, all puffed up cause now it's raining, hence this incredible historical vid being at this moment, for me, especially apropos... supposed to be packing for france, but heck, my bed's so lovely & the weather's so gorgeous & sleepy & miraculous... thank goodness today sadsack's gone & yesterday i got in a 6 mile run that seemed to shake my seeming-to-be-impending illness & then had a great time w/my friend having salad & then practice w/kind & smart & funny karling & all (wait - that was monday)... oh well. improvement in mood, no improvement in memory... be well, not crappy, but happy, even snappy... bye for now.

oh brother, where art thou?

- today was easter. passover. springtime. sunday. how are you? i can't sleep. horrid headache. monstrous. monstress. sister & niece may've spread to me today their germs. blast. might be, tho, that the squirrel residing in brain for past month, now gone, left behind serious cranial pain. been having bad headaches... yes, i miss that stupid squirrel, who couldn't focus, but who felt so on fire, & tho frequently worn out, didn't care about much & was creative & felt wily & like she was a barrel of monkeys. i thought the scholar'd taken her place, but scholar was only here for two days & looks like sadsack's in residence, instead. hope sadsack doesn't stay long. no fun. no creativity. lots of moping & defensiveness. gets fat. at worst, has suicidal ideation, outbursts, goes to hospitals.
- i argued today w/person who says i am like two separate people & don't remember things i say/do when i'm "that other person." could be true, perhaps. i mean, sometimes what comes out of my mouth is like pea soup from linda blair in the exorcist. and it's true, i don't remember the crap that spews forth; it's all kinda fuzzy. when i was younger, i'd see red & everything'd be bad before i could stop it. it happens less now, but i spose is still kinda scary, if i think about it, so i won't.
- w/another friend am sposed to discuss this kinda stuff which i spose is related to dissociation, etc. i hope it'll be helpful for us both. this friend, troubled & brilliant, operates on a different time frame, tho, so i can't hold my breath. but do hope to get some feedback eventually... (still can't help wondering, even if it's kinda scary @ times, if it's real or merely overreaction from certain people i know/have known... hmmm...)
- anyways, easter generally was solid: ex-hubby blb brought the dogs (our sons) up to the mtns yesterday so we could visit, b, me, & the mcgraws, our sweet friends. b went home after friendly meal & hike; this a.m., bill & i read rumi & earth poems & we all gazed @ the mtns out my windows & were clam-happy. they headed home to SD & i took doggies to bako to feast hosted, as always, by generous, loving mom & dad w/family & extended- & super-extended family (ex: all in one rm, hanging out, are sister; sister's ex-hubby & his girlfriend; daughter's friend, who is living w/sis's ex-hubby & sis; daughter; sis's spouse-to-be; sis's childhood best friend). in eve, went to movies w/ex-bf & saw chronicle, not at all a bad flick. had ok time, tho as usual interaction was kinda odd & sad for both, i think...
- home now at my folks', waiting for tomorrow's practice w/karling & co, gig saturday, & sunday hopping on plane w/becky for france. blowing this pop stand. should be thrilled... will be, i just know it... took train to hanford the other day & met becky & L; we lunched on sandwiches, chips, & immense ice cream scoops at superior dairy, then ultra-fashion-wise becky took me & L to forever 21, a store i've never shopped in, & i found clothes for paris & she helped me start to see how fun the whole trip is gonna be, just us four "girls" in gay paree, footloose & fancy-free... we saw a very cool wall sculpture of a yugo car frame, opened up & splayed flat like a gigantic rusted beetle; then i caught the train home & met the nicest young man, a hiphop singer, & made other friends, as well... this was in the squirrel's last day; it felt like i was one of the "ambassadors of the human race" i'd read about one time in the NYer. it's lovely to feel so warm & happy & inviting toward all people. sadsack just doesn't.
- wisest words read lately: "praise allah, but be sure to tie up your camel." also: "may all the voices you hear be helpful ones." that will be swell, when it happens again. come back, little squirrely. i miss you already.

blablablablablablablablabla, but not at all "blah"

how are you? i am well. now, since on a blog, one writes about one's life/etc, how to describe the last many days? will try.
had fast, smooth ride out to donna's; feeling naturally wired lately seems to make time pass quickly & entertainingly, tho at worst, i am confused & discombobulated due to inability to organize... got to my friend's & we leaped on ea other w/happiness & headed to denny's, where i was rewarded by one of her spontaneously slapstick moments when she somehow stuck the soda straw in her eye... donna can be quite serious & intense, but i also have had some of the funniest moments ever w/her, face hurting from all the laughing we do (actually, another friend of mine, now that i think of it, much reminds me of this; i'd been prepared for him to gig me on april fool's day, convinced he could NEVER do it for a 3rd yr in a row, but dang if he didn't!!)... friends now 20 yrs, donna & i caught up; when i told her about my crazy fun peripatetic life these days, she commented, "everyone wants a piece of jenny. you're popular!" zoinks! i laughed out loud; me? popular? wow!! whether it's true or not don't matter; i was delighted & shocked to hear this - me, who used to cry when teacher'd call on me. :) how life can change people, if we stay open to it, huh? :) i think the comment speaks as much, tho, for my friend's generosity, to compliment me that way :) ... next a.m. brought SPECTACULAR fun running the claremont "mills," this wilderness running/biking course up & down tall mtn paths; oh! what a wonderful time that was! i wish i had places like that, well-traveled, well-defined paths overlooking nature, that i could visit every day... here is all wilderness, of course, but the defined runs are along the stinky highway, or only a mile or so... anyways, onward:
(was just outside & vagabond kitty, who comes to visit, then is on her merry way for another adventure, was sniffing my truck bumper. i wonder what it smelled like that caught her nose?)
ok, we went thrifting & yardsaling, as is donna's & my bargain-hunting m.o., & just after i told my friend i was looking for yard art, an awesome statue appeared at one yardsale, this cambodian or chinese or some east-asian figurine, for THREE BUCKS!!! "wow," said i, "some folks would say we manifested our reality just now." she replied matter-of-factedly, "i always do..." hmmm... she does have the most impeccably decorated house, all super-thrift, but all super elegant-looking, too, truly!, & i've noticed she'll say, for instance, "i think i'm going to change my color scheme to tans," then we'll go out & dang if she doesn't find a whole bunch of linens & decorative stuff in tans for dirt cheap! she got me a lovely skirt that i will wear to france... taking it on train tomorrow to show to becky, who's leading our tour of la belle france (have i mentioned this here? dunno...) & hope she approves. becky wants us to look "elegant" for the blue monday rockabilly fest we're playing. "elegant" is NOT my strong point. i hope i'll get up to snuff...
on a whim, donna said yes, she'd like to go listen to music, so we embarked on a madcap drive on the freeways of lost angeles & wound up in a dark, smoky blues club packed w/revelers & bluesmen & impeccably taut & sexy burlesque dancers... i kept wanting to leave, once i'd heard the acoustic, old-timey wingnut set i was interested in, but she was enjoying the music, so i left her at the barstool & spent much of the eve outside looking for stars in the cloudy sky & smoking, tho i usually don't, & met a fun, crazy gal who told me she makes her boyfriend's stage suits (how cool is THAT?) & riffing & jumping & promenading around w/mad others, then we headed home & got completely lost, but it had to be funny in the end. we must've driven 50 extra miles getting home!! next day we went to the pomona arts colony, where they were having a flea market. yesss!!!!! i got a tiny strutting baby figurine that might be quite old, judging by his little outfit, plus a tiny old-time radio figurine, each for a quarter from a nice old man, & some pretty dresses, one i hope will work for france... i hit the road for points south to, i thought, listen to more music, but my friend who was having the show, i later learned, got hurt & was m.i.a. for the eve. still, oblivious to the extent of things, i ultimately had sufficient fun, walking around a beach town & having a juice & then some miso soup & then some apples & bananas, then, feeling all healthy, a cigarette, & that night saw bridesmaids & a cool cartoon show called "adventure time" & had a pleasant-enough, nice breather... next morning i headed to big's in fullerton for rehearsal w/karling & the atomics in the joint's small conference rm; all were gathered at the table, maybe nursing hangovers, & i got a free plate of grub from the buffet (good stuff!) & we all waited for brian paxton to get there from bakersfield, then set up & had a nice rehearsal... karling has quite a strong, street-corner voice, i think, when she goes unmiked. cool! my old friend manuel (big manny) couldn't make it cause he was recuperating from knee surgery, but i had a nice talk w/him while waiting & will see him on may 7 for the special "gene & eddie" barndance at joe's in burbank... yay!... the opening band, high energy, did some songs we do in dusk devils, like mercy (last week's openers, dead zed's choppers, a band i enjoyed, do blue moon baby), then handsome young michael walley came up & did some bagpipe tunes, like he'd done last week in lompoc, tho sans his kilted garb, & the vibe of the joint immediately went into a sort of mysterious reverie & even reverence when the first drones sounded... then we went up & i got to play facing a table of the cutest little girls! from harsh experience, i know i always, always need to bring my amp (never again will i go thru the house; that just sets me up to have bad sound), so since i could hear, i was able to play some stuff that had me thinking, wow! where's this coming from? it was too cool... the set went really well; karling twirled & twirled, which is always a good sign, & anthony redhorse, guest on doghouse bass, filled in very musically. i thought we sounded really tight, & karling said afterward people told her her band's never sounded so good! :) soundman tim maag, he of the punk rock lineage & sly bedroom eyes, complimented me highly on harmonies & playing. "i soloed you on the buck owens songs," he said. "you sounded really great! like buck owens!" i got some dough, then snuck out to see if my injured friend was ok. if he wasn't gonna be at his sunday jam up in whittier, i would head to echo park to see my stepson & his gal, the latter whom i'd not yet met, & then be able to get home a day earlier. i pulled up to the frog pond & walked on in to compliments from a handsome biker! wow!, & there was my friend, looking ashen & kinda banged up, but vertical... he came over wild-eyed & said, "you got your keys?" i said yes, we went & grabbed them, & i got to play more music w/him & his guitarist, even! wow! these are well-known, accomplished, & beloved musicians... it was so swell! again, having my amp right there, i could play what my mind heard for the most part, & on a lot of it i tried to stick to horn-like stabs, since already there were two guitars on the stage, tho i did rip out some solos they threw me, & some sounded ok-enough, i must say!... they wanted me to sing, but all i could come up w/was "my babe." after, my friend said it hurt to sing cause of his injury & dang, if i'd known that, i would've tried harder to think of more bluesy songs! as-was, others came up & sang & it was fun to back them, see the enjoyment in their faces as they vocalized... the coolest part of this stint was when one little gal was singing & this biker chick to my side lit the cigarette i'd been goofing w/& i smoked & played piano & looked around & people were laughing! my friend, who was watching, later said, "you're really funny. you're like a comic. people dig you a lot!" that was the best of all... also, several people came up at both gigs & quizzed me on how long i'd been playing piano & complimented my technique. one big samoan-looking fellow, who turns out had mutual friends, said, "yeah, i told myself, 'she knows what she's doing; it's just natural to you, you can tell'," & tim maag had said some amazing things, like that i had "economy of energy & motion." wow!! life can be strangely wonderful, don't you think?
i hung out a bit, then hit the road for echo park & greeted my stepson at his bitchin pad off glendale blvd. he had to get to bed for work, & so next morning i got to explore old, hilly, seedy, beautiful, urban but leafy echo park for the 1st time. loved climbing steep, steep streets, right there in los angeles, for pete's sake!; at one particularly cool, large old rock house, an elderly mexican lady in peasant-looking garb was sweeping her porch & as i passed her house, i spied her million-dollar view of los angeles! it made me happy that real folks had these amazing views, not just rich folks... cody's girlfriend kate, a brilliant, science-minded, sweet girl, told me that's what in-part attracted them to the neighborhood, that it was such a mixture socioeconomically & racially... before actually meeting kate, i found her a beautiful blue sparkly dress i thought would look nice on her, & which i was so happy that she loved!, & him a shocking t-shirt w/graphic of gorgeous mummy-woman at out of the closet's $1 rack, plus a t-shirt i'll wear today at practice that announces, "i just don't listen." because it's true. i'm not sure why i don't listen. but i don't... stepson has taken a long time to meet someone to love, but now he has, & they have a lovely life together, i can tell, in the coolest condo overlooking echo park itself & the gorgeous LA skyline, & i'm so happy for him. :) little cody, happy at last. :) everyone deserves to be happy, i say!!
cody treated us to soup plantation, then i hugged them goodbye & hit the road. like always, as soon as i spotted my mountain town, all my stress fell off & i just sighed a big "aaaaaahhhh"... in my house, i felt peace & calm, a different kind of happiness. it had been such a great trip, but how nice it is to be home, lovely, sweet home. :)
if you're still reading, i thank you for your intrepidness, & hope you'll comment. carpe diem, friends. carpe diem! :)
time to pack up & go again! feliz dia, amigos!

boo

a jolly mania numero uno

worth a gander!

wow! check these out!!
www.culturalequity.org
www.curious-places.blogspot.com ...and these. heehee. :)

30 days is nothing to sneeze about!

some recent photos...
thanks to brian p for taking these pix! and congrats to my friend who now has 30+ days w/o booze. hope if you're reading this you have a swell week. :)

department of "who gives a rat's..."

it's a week w/o gigs, a week to breathe. it's lovely here, as you may have ascertained if ever you've read this blog. the dogs are snoozing. a friend asked what is important to me, so below i reflect.
loves kids. loves teens. loves people. tries not to swear. loves the roots. loves the piano. loves exercise. loves vigor, energy, big ideas, wonder. loves to exercise. loves nature. loves cities. loves driving & back roads & travel & old things. loves animals. loves monsters, eccentrics, underdogs. loves lots & lots. loves life. loves thrift & adventure, meditation, calm, wildness. loves to write & draw & read. doesn't know how to love men. wants to. has mood swings. two left feet. addictions. dark thoughts. very bright ones. wants to be good. wants to have fun & be helpful. succeeds a lot. idealistic & fortunate. much like you, i bet, even if details vary.

"i need a man, i need a man, i need a man to love..."

both bands i play with tomorrow night @ narducci's in bakersfield feature in their sets the above barbara pittman rockabilly tune (actually called simply "i need a man," always evoking cracks from male band members when announced)... i hear this show, affiliated w/the big hot rod deal called the march meets, is going to be packed to the walls; i hope for a music-heavy eve & that my wardrobe change between bands (from punk-monsterbilly to my attempt at elegant) will be swift & successful.
- what fun it is to back karling & becky in their bands, karling & the atomics & cattie ness & the revenge, respectively... this wkend, too, will be dusk devils practice w/low-key but high-energy bassist & drummer who are locked in tight; the other night at practice when john leaned over & cued stevo, i about fell over cause i know that's what bassists & drummers are supposed to do (they are, as carl leyland reminded me, the rhythm SECTION), but i've never actually seen any bass-drum players in DDs work together like that... after the march 17 DD show, we'll practice w/another bassist, a rockabilly kinda cat w/great chops, w/hopes of always having a line-up ready to go, whatever show comes up... ok, that's all for now.

what i assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you...

I have perceiv’d that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them, or touch any one,
or rest my arm ever so lightly round his or her neck for a moment—what is this, then?
I do not ask any more delight—I swim in it, as in a sea.
There is something in staying close to men and women, and looking on them,
and in the contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well;
All things please the soul—but these please the soul well.

here i is, i is here (for now, that is)

photo by brian paxton (top), karling & the atomics (bottom) by mikee lee... boy, that 2nd one's quite a beefy shot of me; them big thighs, tho, can squat over 200 lbs. i have the hernia scar to prove it.
we had a good set, i thought, both these nights. the more karling twirls & smiles, the better i know we're doing. i so enjoy watching her enjoy a set, as i do becky & all the others in the three bands i get to play in. (conversely, there's little worse than looking over @ at "bandmate" who's not getting it.) :) later the latter night, i picked up a friend & we went up to the mtns & it became my friend's last trip. friendships end, but music is everlasting. life is everlasting. maybe not mine or yours individually on this plane, but on an energetic, cellular, stardust, atomic, neutrino level, yes, we're no more transient than are the rocks or universes... *sigh*

laissez les bon temps roulet!!!!

how you, baybee? my mardi gras started from the couch (i'm always physically sober, but passed out around 4 am from sheer exhaustion, movie on being the generally not-worth-it-unless-you-like-feeling-slimy "dogtooth"). awoke to a phone call from my recuperating friend who once lived in new orleans & now look out on "my" mountains as visiting cat friend happily grooms herself, perched on the window... am celebrating this last-hurrah before lent w/a pot of community coffee & wonderful nola sounds such as these, both so, so thrilling (particularly the unison singing at end of "i'm gone"!), & all i can think of as i listen is warmth, friendship, smiles, affection, happiness, romance, travel, cool music, love... dang!
cat just jumped on the keyboard! "kitten on the keys"! :) she's reminding me to stop being mushy, maybe...
fabi dean's right that it'd be better to be at mardi gras today, but, as we discussed yesterday at breakfast at affordable, delicious cafe casse croute, it's great to be anyplace...
yes, we're not pushing up daisies... surely that's something to be happy about!
a smile on this mug, i wish you a lovely day. :) :) :)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, where is you?

can't sleep. clowns won't eat me, just can't sleep. man, life's been busy!
some thoughts:
1) a certain rather full-of-himself rockabilly hipster -- really, anyone w/good sense -- should not plomp smugly down & start putting the movidas on rockabilly betties right after departing a bar crapper, accompanied by the waft of his own poop (pepe le pew is cute to us viewers, but he not only never gets the girl, but repulses her!); yes, i feel sorry for him, too, that this happened, but not that sorry! really: get a clue, fella!
2) road trips can be wonderful; hotels & diners are fun; gigs are gigs, some terrific, some good, some horrid; friends (amazingly) ever-grow in number & run true & deep; but the freeways of LA & orange county certainly reside in a lower circle of hell, & there's no place like home (lisa p reminded me to click my ruby slippers 3x when reciting that)...
3) during this latest swell, fun, exciting, exhausting week/end, i got to play music w/a talented young man from up here on the mtn; w/karling & the atomics; & w/becky & my revenge friends, & eat at many great joints, most memorably a delicious anaheim french-vietnamese place. one of the best pts of traveling always is when i can drop in at my gym at some new place, but today i exercised so hard, i was reminded i'm probably getting a little long in the tooth to be kicking, squatting, punching, & burpying alongside the lithe 20-somethings... but MAN, it's fun! (not to mention the ego high of being able to keep up & even best many of them strength-wise);
4) then i read in runners' world about a 100-yr old marathoner (his time, 8:11; his training tip, "i watch where i am going") & remember if you don't use it, you lose it (feels like rigor mortis sets in when i skip working out for more than 2-3 days)... still, modification of form is in order to avoid the injuries that so commonly beset us middle-ageds. i need to ramp it down before i hurt myself AGAIN;
5) each of us have our opinions, & we live in a society that allows us the luxury of self-expression (refer to recent "louie" episode to laugh ruefully at us americans, so, so spoiled, relative to most everyplace else on earth). one of my fervent opinions (in the "who gives a crap" dept), for instance, is that men w/receding hairlines, extra girth, & strong hands are hot stuff. it's a face thing, too: angie & i were raised w/the most handsome father in the world, & unfortunately, we think therefore that handsome=solicitous & kind, since our father is, & "handsome but not soliticous & kind" men are not appropriately honoring their god-given gift of handsomeness & therefore, in my primitive book, are evil & to be punished (yikes! hope my attitude is softening as i age)... anyways, back to the pt: it's all relative!
a guy i know whom i find to be quite attractive flattered the crap out of me & told me, "you're so pretty," to which i replied, w/o thinking, "to YOU," & he shot back, "well, who else matters, dumbbell???" & i had to pause. yes, he was the one complimenting me... who else's opinion DID matter in that moment? and who was i to denigrate his kindness like that? i cannot deem his opinion to be wrong, even if i think i'd be prettier if i were taller, slimmer, younger, more anglo, more glamorous, whatever...
beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i must not insult the beholder, nor question his/her motives or sincerity... such things, yes, can't help but be broadly societal, but really are very personal, special, idiosyncratic, even sacred... i like what i like. you like what you like. we mustn't tell each other what to like or dislike. it's just disrespectful!
6) lastly, synchronicity just smacked me upside the melon. a friend asked what i thought of his new band's name. ignorant of the historical, local phrase he had chosen, i suggested other, similar names, thinking the name he'd picked sounded like a kids' band. i'm so smart. (didn't even think to look it up. what a scholar i am.)
yesterday as she drove w/me partway to the doll hut gig, cattie ness (aka "beaky") out of the blue starts telling me a story about the migrant workers in this valley, the ones who followed the harvests, naming them by the very phrase that will be my friend's band's name.
clonk! all of a sudden, it made sense: americana & bakersfield fetishists will go ape over this obscure reference. olen, i was ignorant when you kindly emailed me. you're a genius!

your blinded hand (tennessee williams)

Suppose that
everything that greens and grows
should blacken in one moment, flower and branch.
I think that I would find your blinded hand.
Suppose that your cry and mine were lost among numberless cries
in a city of fire when the earth is afire,
I must still believe that somehow I would find your blinded hand.
Through flames everywhere
consuming earth and air
I must believe that somehow, if only one moment were offered,
I would
find your hand.
I know as, of course, you know
the immeasurable wilderness that would exist
in the moment of fire.
But I would hear your cry and you’d hear mine and each of us
would find
the other’s hand.
We know
that it might not be so.
But for this quiet moment, if only for this
moment,
And against all reason,
let us believe, and believe in our hearts,
that somehow it would be so.
I’d hear your cry, you mine –

And each of us would find a blinded hand.

congratulations to angie & doug!!!!; music; my ex, my friend; blabbity blabbity blab blab

- art fein posted the pic (below on this blog) of ruby friedman & i on his site, calling us "femmes flagrant," which i only can translate as "obviously females." i take this as compliment (ruby is ultra-glamorous &, like i do, favors short dresses/long hair/platforms/makeup); thanks, @!... that led me to poke around art's site & find again this pic, which i love & repost here not just cause it's funny & shows two eccentric, ultra-talented cuties, but because of what i think to be a strange phenomena: their physical resemblance extends also somehow to their musical interests, lifestyle habits, & vocal chords (structural similarity = similar physiognomy? do women whom i resemble lean toward thyroid & mood imbalance, addictions, athletic & musical tendencies, mad magazines & monsters?)... it makes sense two throats similar in shape & size possibly also could emit similar singing voices, tho in phil's & james's cases, that voice is so unusual! the similarity just interests me, as if this truly were a case of "brothers from another mother," tho phil's old enough to be james's uncle...
- it has snowed & stuck here today, the hillside outside still gleaming faintly in the dark, & earlier flakes flitted & danced & swirled while the dogs played outside, their thick dark coats sugared icy white (brian brought them up; we had a nice lunch & he told me about the "old man motorcycle" he's built as well as that his former job wants him back, which doesn't surprise me bc brian is a well-liked genius). too bad it didn't snow yesterday when cattie ness & the revenge were here! they stayed for the weekend, another "band sleepover," as becky calls them; she outlined for fabi & i our upcoming trip to france in spring (to be tourists & to play @ the blue monday rockabilly festival in lyon). we played a lot of music, recorded by friendly drummer johnny. in a stupor of food & 2nd-hand band smoke, i sat rather than stood as we played & played & played, barely able to keep my eyes open most of the weekend!... this wkend we'll be pt of a rockabilly show at anaheim's doll hut (contact me, if interested), & friday i hope to see petunia & the vipers, the canadian band of whom fabi & james've spoken highly, along w/phil alvin & exene cervenka. but we'll see.
- today i'm thankful that friends having major life events are making good progress, it sounds like, but best news of all is that my sister was proposed to today by her preacher boyfriend, a rough-hewn, friendly bear of a man who works hard to help others & has never tried to proselytize my family, which i very much appreciate. anyone w/sense, which he has, would look @ my family & see, tho they are not specifically religious, they are moral, upstanding people of generous spirit, not in need of "saving." "i guess i have to be good now," mama said on the phone, but the joke is, she already is. personally, i know i could afford to gossip & swear less, to live more the way that my conscience knows that i should (to quote one of my favorite books, marcus aurelius' meditations, "if it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it"), so i'm happy for the potentially positive influence of this "christian man" in our family. plus, i just like the guy!
- my sister has been so much happier since meeting this man, which makes me so happy for her. little angie is kind, smart, talented, loyal, hard-working, & so many other things positive; she deserves a good fellow! i hope & wish she & her husband-to-be will enjoy the rests of their lives together as a team, through the good & the bad... for there always is bad along w/the good, as any sensible person knows. nunca te rindas!! the trick w/any relationship is to commit to growing together, as brian & i did for many yrs before we grew so much, we got too independent of one another & grew apart!... despite this, i am thankful today to have such warm feelings toward my ex-husband, who is quite a fine man. this might sound weird, but i hope he finds love again w/a woman worthy of him (& that anyone unworthy will be sunk in the kern river). of course, i hope, too, that when i am ready (i'm not) i will find love again w/a dependable someone w/whom i will commit & grow. this liminal life-stage i've been in for these past yrs can't last forever... can it? :)
- still, i gotta be happy w/what i have, which is a life more filled w/love & friendship than i've ever known. tomorrow, for instance, we'll celebrate the women's meeting here @ my home, & i can't wait to get my place all cleaned up & welcome my friends here to share valentines, food, drink, laughter, & hearts w/each other (boy, THAT didn't sound corny!). :)
- "love is an offspring of spiritual affinity," wrote kahlil gibran.
happy valentine's day to anybody who has read this far :) here's some more cool stuff to read, if you're interested: quotes from marcus aurelius love to all. :)

idiots; i never learn...

whoever wrote this is not an idiot: what wit!... people who purport to be writers should know their stuff, tho, i feel, & right now i'm angry about a situation in which i am looking down at "writers" who don't know their comma & pronoun usage, using that as an excuse to feel superior, which is a bad place for me to be (especially since, sue to laziness, i never capitalize when blogging)...
of language, twain commented, "anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination." my dad, whose name bears six letters total, is one of the brightest fellows i've ever known, but has always had trouble w/spelling... i am all over the place, p.o.ed about having been asked to become involved in something that really is none of my biz, a petty little turd i could've not stepped in, but smoosh, there i went... "we step on the toes of others & they retaliate, seemingly w/o provocation"... it's my fault i'm disturbed; still, can't help looking down my nose @ the retaliator, whose music is crap, i've always thought; who is known for writing blogs yet doesn't well-enough-for-me use basic american english mechanics (hence the graphic here); who is an associate of an arrogant & untalented local writer whom i to-this-day dislike (can you tell?); & who also, it seems from a quick online search, possesses what-i-think-are smug, provincial attitudes... so of course this dunce would have started the sh*tstorm she did.
but i didn't need to become involved.
i need to not do things just cause people ask me to, or even worse, just suggest that i do; why do i still want so to please people when they wouldn't care one bit if i were to stay out of frays? dad certainly would not have gotten involved; he is the mushroom, & i'm sure better off when i am, as well.
"don't borrow trouble," donna wisely would say. when i borrow trouble, most ppl seem pretty damned stupid, & i don't mean just bc they don't know basic punctuation or usage... i become the judge & they become greedy, venal, ugly, useless, detestable, hypocrites; then i snarl & pant & feel like a sap... if i mind my own business, i don't get on my high horse; i don't despair; i ignore dunces as well as decisions made by friends w/which i disagree. when i tend my own garden, i delight in my wonderful life & am appropriately supportive of others... but once again, i forgot, & once again, i'm the dumbbell, the one to pay... lessons come so slowly when you've a head of rocks & marbles.
that's all for now.

outside in & inside out, you're my meat... you're fat & forty, but lordy, you're my meat

heck, what they got away w/lyrically in the pre-no-holds-barred musical era!... for me, clever & humorous euphemism & metaphor's so much more fun than let-it-all-hang-out lyrics. to express salacious affection this way, w/a smile & a poke, is much more thrilling, i think, since comprehension's embedded w/delight & surprise. :)
the other night, nuts from the incessant, battering wind up here, i jumped in the truck & headed down for music in the southland (if my new dress fit, i would go; if it did not, i'd stay home & watch larry sanders to drown out the teeth-grinding wind), then tagged along to norm's for eggs & jam-slathered toast w/some bakersfield gals & friends, then checked in at a swell little motel off the long beach circle, a place i love but will keep to my greedy self cause it's cheap & vintagey & humble, but you can email me & i'll tell you about it... w/o the distraction of my ipod (which ran away last wk), i hit the bed by 4 am, which enabled me to next day hit the swap meet!! i found great treasures, best of which was a piano-shaped jewelry box, as well as an i-hope-appropriate gig dress & some juicy red & orange bell peppers & a girl scout shirt & some millet for my birds!! i drove around long beach for quite some time (cause i was lost) & found envy prickling me, as it does not when i go to other beach towns, but LB seems to have that desirable combo (for me) of funky & fun & pretty & rough... i just started to get an attitude, so sought comfort at one dollar bookstore in an old barnes & noble @ LB's pike shopping center, an overwhelming assembly, tons upon tons of tomes! my biggest score was a learn-japanese-using-manga title for my niece; there was a whole lotta junk, but for every $1 you spend, the bookstore donates a book to the local school district, which is a terrific idea! too bad more communities don't have this kind of place (one dollar bookstore locations)... obsessed w/locating a restaurant i'd read about, i drove & drove in long, long ovals & angles for an hr before resorting to old-time navigation: the thomas guide, which took me happily to a gigantic booth at king's hawaiian on w sepulveda near the 91/107, a wonderful place!! languid, swooning hawaiian tunes played as i gazed upon a giant aquarium & ate sweet rolls, rice, kim-chee, potato salad, & various juicy-sweet bbq... delicious! the place also has a lovely bakery w/cakes fecund w/fruits & creams, but i was about to bust, so headed for home, a fat smile on my face. http://www.kingshawaiianrestaurants.com/
then i hit the gaseous parking lot known as the 405.
the only good thing about the "drive," if you could call the interminable inching progress i made that, is it took so dang long, i hit my area in time to view the frazier mountain sunset filled w/sighing clouds out of maxfield parrish...
now the wind's still blowing... wonder what escape will present itself next?
a good day to you. may the wind not blow your skirt up.
unless you wish it to do so.

el vente malo

it's whipping & crashing & swirling outside, crazy & violent & scary... there are songs about wind, but the ones that most sound like THIS wind would have to be smashing, thundering messes like the birthday party/nick cave: "release the bats" or "tupelo"... yes, shakespeare's witch pricked her thumb & meant macbeth when she said it, but when the whistling, moaning wind storms down the mountainside & bashes into my house, i think of haunting & madness, the headless horseman coming for ichabod crane, devils, things that knock at the walls, monsters trying to get in, & i shiver: "something wicked this way comes." the wind blows here w/pure fury, w/such greater violence than i recall in bakersfield, as if it's meting out punishment. this can't be mere weather, my magic magnifying mind tells me: this just can't be good; so i hide in bed w/covers wrapped over my head, like when i was a kid & suffocated myself under blankets so dracula wouldn't kill me while i slept.
the wind brought poe mourning, "killing & chilling" his annabelle lee (actually, that line referred to tb or consumption, i think)... but this wind, blasting & shaking & sighing & screaming, even, doesn't make me sad; it just scares the crap out of me.
i know soon, tho not as soon as i'd like, morning will come, the sun will rise, the birds will leave hiding & frolic & chirp & flutter at my window in their lovely way, & blessed day will bring reprieve, relief, return to sanity for both the skies & for me.
stupid wind. i hate you!!! soon you'll be gone, & i'll be happy.

tweedly-deedly-dee, dee-dee-dee-dee...

(rest in peace, don cornelius of soul train. may your suffering have ended w/the pulling of that trigger & may your family have peace sooner than later. depression is a horrid monster. what a way to go.) :(
love the drum part on the song ref'd at top (rockin robin). used to clear out the cal state pub playing that, sea cruise, maybelline. anyone who didn't want to hear those songs should've left, anyhow, & fallen in a deep mudhole... the other day at practice w/karling, cesareo & i switched instrus on a run-thru of jackson; i was terrible, but it was fun. i love the punishing pain of trying to keep the kick drum going, or playing thru as muscles scream at a show; the way we play, esp in dusk devils, is kinda like going for a long jog.
well, the birds have been all over outside today, which is por quoi the original reference. crap - that reminds me i'm sposed to be studying french. going there in april w/becky & fabi to play music & tourist around; amazing! becky even sez i can open the tv show we're gonna do w/fats domino's "blue monday" since she says the studio has that same name...
mind seems to be hopping around a bit. am watching a show on the secrets of the pyramids. reading wonder woman as well as 100 volunteer vacations & 101 foods that will save your life & also rumi & jim thompson. applied to volunteer this summer at the gesundheit institute in WV, that clown hospital run by the great humanitarian doctor who "prostituted" himself to be subject of that maudlin robin wms movie to draw attn to his good cause... wonder if they'll accept me? wonder what tomorrow will bring? wonder wonder wonder wonder won: who wrote the book of love?
had a visitor yesterday & today. we drove in circles & ate at denny's (2-4-6-8 menu is cheaper than cooking, hate to say). i love having visitors. i love being home. i love being gone.
what's up with dusk devils? we've been sick, so will get some percussion personnel soon... gigs are upcoming w/karling & the atomics (KA & her "bakersfield band -- aren't they cute?" she said at last show & inside i winced cause i felt so uncute, but outside i grinned like a chipmunk) & w/becky (cattie ness & revenge) & w/dusk devils, even tho we are flying bassless for the moment... at big's the other night, we opened for big sandy, as i had w/becky the wk before in fresno; the set went well, wild & rowdy, as had the set the wk before w/revenge; KA & atomics practiced beforehand in the dining rm at big's & i almost wiped out the whole table of drinks hitting a volleyball that was for some reason in the rm; then i had a panic attack over my fat arms & karling so kindly cooed, "show me your arm," then, when i'd removed my sweater to show her the ham hock, "why, that's a perfectly nice arm; that's a fine arm," as if she were consoling a child, & in a moment of clarity i realized, stop being so gd self-centered!! this is her show!!! then karling added, "besides, you look like a crazy cat lady, wearing your sweater," but i'd already decided i'd ditch it... during the set, bsp got to sing "jackson" w/karling & i did some don rich on her buck owens songs, in keys so high, i felt i might flip inside out... afterward, cesareo told me about astrology & what'll work or not in my love life (drat!) & bsp & i watched big sandy for a while before hitting the road & then it was 5 am, then 5 pm & i was heading from bako to home in that post-show funk, so took the long way back along southern country roads & came upon a desolate long-abandoned oil company & explored & picked it as the sun set, accidentally disturbing a roosting white-faced owl & roadrunner in two separate bldgs (there were 8 buildings to explore!) & 3 cottontails, too, then i had to bail cause darkness fell, so i walked around the truck stops near the grapevine & by the time i got home, i felt really swell (... long phone call...) well, my friend & i just yakked for a long while, speculating about ancient technology & lamenting the burning of the alexandrian library & he told me about a book he read about joan of arc, sounds interesting, written in 1st person, even, & now i'm out of gas, hoping to catch the bus tomorrow morn cause i'm so sick of driving, so now it's time to watch more roku or read a bit more or hey, here's a novel idea: go to bed. :)
hope you're well, if you've read this far. :) xoxoxoxo

blablablablablablabla

here's a pic art fein took at the elvis show of me w/the amazing ruby friedman... ruby told me she comes from a show biz family & that her mom was on broadway. what a different upbringing than what i had!... it was a good, friendly, solid night, as i described below... lately's been a blur: bakersfield, fresno, LA, back home, repeat. thurs was practice w/karling & crew; i marvel at how lovely she always looks & acts, no matter how many "duh'ee mah-tee'nies" she's had: i would be a puking, blacked-out wreck, which is in pt why, today, i don't go there... had a fine drive up to fresno, a date shake from bravo farms in traver, got a little rm off the 99 bc i'd been feeling so poorly from the bad, bad valley air & didn't know how well i'd be able to hang w/the friendly cattie party crew; also was just a bit too puny to change into show clothes at a travel center, which had been my original plan hitting the road. our show opening for big sandy & the fly rite trio was a solid, blasting kind of contribution. i popped two energy gums right before downbeat & was bouncing off the walls, but felt i hit all my parts pretty solidly, which always is gratifying. "yeah, we gotta little psychobilly thing going on," becky said when i told her how loud my side of the stage had been... was sposed to hit the trout's blues jam w/bsp & craig garrison that next day, but my head was really killing me from the smog, which rain & wind just seemed to kick up, so that was a no-go. (home, my headache's now gone. stupid valley, so beautiful on my drive home yesterday, that south edge of the valley before the grapevine, all expansive gentle farmland & heartbreaking sky, yes, the valley's like a bad relationship you just can't be rid of, love in a sick way, yet can't stand.) later hit a truly-$1-type flick in which young up-&-comers in moscow battled aliens who turns out were mining earth & its people for food... so cool to see humans-vs-evil ufos blast it out in red square, in the GUM dept store (which that next day i read about in an architecture book from the library). i've always been intrigued by russian culture (& its handsome men), so i definitely got my dollar's worth. tho i know it's a "sign of the times," am grateful bakersfield's got TWO discount movie theatres: the starplex on california avenue & regency at east hills (my friend & i love going to the latter, a dilapidated, empty, bombed-out mall, feeling like denizens from an end-of-the-world or george romero flick, enjoying the nickel arcade & occasional slice of pizza)... well, this is enough for now. today's brought lots of rain & some slushy snow up here at my house. the dogs have given up trying to burrow thru my floors to capture the varmints living under the house & are snoozing loudly. it's a good day, will be a good wk, & this wkend will be show w/karling opening for big sandy down in OC, next wk more practices & auditioning of young rockabilly doghouse bassist as well as powwow w/becky & the girls to further plan our april-in-paris music tour & visit... hope you who read this have a swell week. this has been my blablabla for today.

papa alpha india november sierra uncle charlie kilo sierra....ppphhhhhtttthhh!!!

awesome evening last summer -- 1st time brian p had seen james & his blasting band... i didn't know i was gonna film this til the song started & i realized w/a start what a gas we all were in for. this is one of james's own compositions; like me, but even more so, he is a train nut, so to combine that theme w/blues seems natch for him.
well, how are you? my guts are killing me; this must be what labor feels like. i've accomplished next-to-nothing in the past few days: some household chores, larry sanders marathon, surfing net, catching up on old new yorker mags, each moment out of bed being so much toil... oh, this cursed pain. arrghhh. i realized 30 mins ago two of my friends are suffering horrible stomach pain, far worse than mine; is it the stars? coincidence? worry about friends? psychosomatic? "that bug that's been going around?" pain's the body's alert system: we are out of homeostasis! do something before the ship explodes!! sometimes i know, tho, recovering from illness just takes time. the "do something" means lie low, stupid, & rest. owwwwww...
bill cosby's joke (paraphrased): "my wife told me, 'would you like to know what labor is like?' 'yes,' i said, 'i would,' so she tells me, 'well, take hold of your bottom lip,' 'uh-uh, ok, i'm doin it, honey, what's next...' 'now pull it over your head...'"
we used to listen to bill cosby records all the time when we were kids, especially the routines "go carts," "chickenheart," and "tonsils." i'm comforted remembering all this. nearly anything can be made funny -- hence kenneth mars' character in "the producers," or singers like james who take the real blues of living & transform it into something wild & astonishing, or a thousand other examples of tears of pain becoming tears of laughter & joy via the alchemy of comedy... some might argue, in fact, that humor derives from pain, but that don't wash w/me as an absolute. whatever your take on it, i do believe that blessed is he who laughs, but even more blessed is he(she) who makes another laugh... time to go lie down. and watch something funny. if i'm lucky, on a whoopee cushion. :)

Experiment

blogging from iPod. Slow. Cumbersome. Dificil. But want to write so I may remember some pts of my life plus maybe tell others of fun experiences shared or to try... And am too full & lazy to get off this heater-side rocker & walk over to the computer sitting in the cold dining rm... This wkend at last sec was sposed to be spiritual retreat, but got up too late at hostel, so instead spent day in sta monica. Ate lotsa tasty food: hamburger night at the hostel, norm's, izzy's (matzo ball soup, latkes w sour cream & applesauce, rye bread that went wow in your mouth), rode beach cruisers from sm to marina del rey, plus thru the big crowded colorful mess of Venice beach. Never have ridden a beach cruiser bike: it is effortlessly comfortable, feeling like sailing; smoothly gliding thru cool marine air was lovely & dreamy. Another experience that was amazing was boogie-boarding; I was so pleased to find myself able to plunge right into the cold surf (helped by the cold showers I now take; read about them in bk "secrets of ppl who never get sick") & wade way out, freezing but exhilarated, & feel so strong, happy, clean, free, & like flying, riding the wave... I guess surfers don't think much of boogie-boarders in general, but what do I care? Can't believe how much I love it. I mean, I'm a lion(ess): we like sun and earth; I am normally water-averse. But this sport, if you can call it that, is instantly doable, like running or playing piano or singing: no fancy equipment, no reeds, no rules, no embouchure needed: just find a wave, catch it & sail sail sail... Also this wkend, started watching the tv show treme, set in the Nola neighborhood right after Katrina. It's terrific: John goodman, Melissa leo, a bunch of actor-musicians as well as real musicians like Kermit ruffins and Alan toussaint... It's the only show I've seen where most all of the characters are musicians! That alone is interesting... Only downfall is Steve zant, who plays a very ugly whiny know-it-all of a type I've known & find particularly odious... Today, cattie ness & the revenge showed up here on the mountain & we ate pizza, cookies, salami cheese French bread, drank soda & coffee, & played played played music til the sun went down in prep for show next fri opening for big sandy in Fresno. After they all hit the road, I played piano for quite a while longer, & looks like now it's getting time to wind down on this cold but cozy evening & once again give thanks for a head perhaps in the clouds, but feet on ground, w/the remembrance to not borrow trouble, but instead be grateful for breath, shelter, food, rest, & those other essentials: prayer/meditation, music, love -- personified in earth's humanity as well as its flora & fauna... I'd insert here a quote from Thich nhat hanh, but am still too full to get up & find the poem a friend read to me, so instead will sign off to pick up the roku clicker & watch the munsters, I think... To reference rumi, may we all treat every guest to the house of our soul as welcomed, bringing gifts & lessons, always remembering that each guest is only temporary...

blablablablablablablabla

the blablabla never ends! how bout for you?
fat sparrows in tree! so cute! just got off phone w/a few ppl & while we spoke, i watched a black cat in the arroyo loll in the sun & survey the bushes as if he were king of the jungle. animals: heartening, fun, mysterious, & w/o the many problems that emanate from the "higher mind" of their homo sapiens brothers!
gotta get this place cleaned up & pack to head down the hill. the kern transit here runs to-from FP-bksfld, only $3.50 one way - a lot cheaper than driving! i'll walk about 1 mile down to the stop & board for this little adventure, which i've not taken for some months... yes, it's easy to glide into happy sloth, being semi-retired like i am these days... i try not to feel guilty, but instead be grateful. in this society, i believe these days i get to live a rather unusual existence: not working, living off savings, playing music, enjoying my life! i know, tho, i'm in this life-place because i've always been able to save my dough, thru gainful employment, long marriage to wealthy, hard-working husband which allowed me to further save my own monies, thrift taught us by our father, & lack of my own children... i so love kids, & at times have pangs of wishing my life were different, but then i remember how silly it is to "borrow trouble," as donna would tell me, suffering over what isn't, so i think i'll just enjoy this while it lasts & leave the guilt to someone who deserves to feel thusly, like the violent or liar or hater or greedy...
anyways, the elvis show was really fun, tho lower-key for me than usual because NO BLASTERS were there this yr! phil alvin's been recuperating (i hope). bill bateman showed up, tho, vulpine, grinning, grayed, just to hang out. when i looked at the lineup (over 40 acts!), to my slight dismay i saw the only folks who didn't show up were my friends james & manuel... i was looking fwd to seeing them both! oh well... introduced by art as "one of the best secrets in rock n roll" (!!!), we did a very "up" set as dusk devils, w/rockabilly-punk cutie (women swoon over him, tho he is happily married!... all i know is, sure doesn't hurt to have attractive ppl in a band!) AJ on doghouse bass & smiling stevo, looking like a baby fidel castro in hat & cigar, on drums... then we played a short set w/cutie-pie karling, in lovely black dress, & i REALLY enjoyed backing her. in fact, that's pt of the reason i felt less nervous this year, i think: playing w/more than just my act for some reason calmed me, & how nice it was to get such compliments afterward from people like skip edwards, russell scott, dave stuckey, ronnie mack... however, i was BLOWN AWAY that my "biggest fan" that eve was the amazing & gorgeous ruby friedman!, who ran up to me & announced herself to be that. ruby adores jerry lee lewis, so that might've been the appeal. she also told me, "you do your eyes like mine" (tho her eye makeup is more theda bara & glamorous than my smeared egyptian eyes), complimented my bangs repeatedly, & told me she'd been drinking (as are most ppl in that setting), so maybe she was being especially kind under the sweet sway of drink, but in any case, she was happy, droll, intelligent, & fun to gab with!... heck, beautiful ruby, amazing chanteuse of powerful pipes & passionate performance (she blew away "fever" & "hound dog" -- w/big mama lyrics, of course!), told me she wants to get together to play music, even!! art's eyes glimmered when i told him that & he smiled. "that's what i do," he said, yoking his hands. "i put ppl together." excellent, art, & thank you so much, if you're putting me together w/ppl like wonderful ruby! her passion onstage is nearly unbeatable, & her voice & star presence are unlike any female i can think of... i know many amazing frontwomen (candye, karling, becky), but ruby puts her whole body into the show; her soul blazes, palpable when she's onstage; she's like a "force of nature," i'd say, a whirlwind, a hurricane.
prone to hyperbole, i can write such a thing & know what i mean... :)
yes, to continue to gush, i'd say her voice is one of the best i've ever heard, & her compositions, tho they tend to make me plunge bc i'm overly-sensitive & that's why i stick to performing happy music, are complex & deep & very real... the eccentric talented supernovas i get to rub elbows w/ -- ruby & james, primarily -- remind me of a great quote from oscar wilde: "be yourself. everyone else is taken." ...
here's a pic bsp took before we post-show hit the road for bako. the ride over & back w/the paxtons & stevo was low-key, friendly, & fun -- what a thing for which to give thanks! :) the music is swirling, exciting, barnstorming drama enough; in the rest of life i'd prefer (tho i know it can't always happen) to have friendliness, gentleness, kindness, love, even tenderness... good day to you who may read this. :)

elvis show today!

read below for info + to view flyer... meanwhile, here's a pic of karling abbeygate & i from last week's show. karling likes monsters, too. this is a nice thing. :) my outfit for tonight is half elvis, half can-can girl. plus ripped-up hose. i hope that'll look more punk than bag lady... but in the end, who cares!! we'll put on the best show we can for the crowd. :) i wish i knew what times some of my friends will be on, esp since we'll miss pt of the show practicing... it'll be fun to ride w/the band & to play w/wild aj & friendly stevo (as well as bsp)... hope any who read this have a lovely sunday elvis-birthday-day...

my first love

this looks very much like the one that sits in my folks' house, which i grew up playing & will have in my home again someday whenever i settle down "for good"... it's never let me down! i let myself down when interacting w/it, like during the 11 yrs i didn't really play & would try when tanked & loaded up & just humiliate myself & embarrass ppl around me, or when i don't sit & play it enough these days... our folks, dr spock-era parents, never made us do anything we didn't want to. but mama made me practice piano. "you could pick out melodies when you were 5 years old," she told me. "we could tell you had a talent for it & it seemed wrong to let that go to waste." before i fell into bad habits, i got pretty good cause once i got past the whining, frustrating stage, something went click & i could hardly satisfy my desire to play. hours each day. hours!! i love my famly, who never went crazy as i, ocd-like, played some pieces five, ten, fifteen, 100 times -- ad nauseum! (this may've in part driven my sister out of the house, tho, into the arms of her punk-rock crew of happy teenaged misfits). :)
i couldn't play a note w/o music until after about age 35, but once i got brave & tried, the ear i had as a kindergartner started coming back poco a poco & now i get to be at the joyous place where i so love picking songs out & riding those black & white rails sans manuscript... the process feels like god sometimes, i say: it feels like love & joy & excitement & lust & peace & catharsis (what soul in love w/music has not laughed or cried while playing??) & so much good...
my friend, my dear, dear friend, altho you'll never know it, i love you so & am so thankful to our folks for forcing me to practice when i hated it, cause from that has come companionship & connection w/magic.

train train, coming down the line... well it's bringin my baby cause (s)he's mine, all mine...

just was sent this sort of punkish flyer... the elvis show will be sunday & is bound to be swell.

cursed serotonin-deficient brain strikes again...

unfortunately, my thoughts are turning in this direction, so i'm writing about it cause i can feel it in me like a cold coming on & maybe if i write, i'll be able to better ward it off, like taking mega vitamin c would help a cold. if i were the hulk, i'd blast out huge & green & raging & wreaking havoc, then be ok... better to be the hulk than mister hyde, but nothing so dramatic as that happens; the world just goes blank, i go blank, an astronaut shot into space w/o a safety cord, like a dog i once saw get hit by a car, bounding & jumping & then bam, suddenly lifeless, spinning stiff as a board, helpless, a pet turned dead thing, what a horrible sight that was, & in this place, horrible pictures come right to the edge of thought & i hope they stay there & don't decide to manifest. one weird thing that happens is reality gets covered w/a darkening sheen, not like glass, but more like a soft dimness, a dirty plastic, maybe. for instance, i can tell that it's warm & golden & blue-skied out the window, but everything seems gray tho i clearly can see it is not, like maybe the colors are about to burn out. the birds are in the tree & still beautiful, but i can't feel them. the dogs are here, & i love them, but also i don't care.
a doctor would say certain neurochemicals are lacking or low. the program would say it's self-will run riot. a person i have known perhaps would say it's a case of my "untreated alcoholism." i don't wanna control things outside myself -- i know that's futile & aggravation & heartache... just seem rather cyclically to lose the will or ability to control my attitudes & responsibility for my own well-being. so i guess i'd vote that in my case, when bad brain combines w/fear-based ego, i start slipping toward the abyss. for me, it's nature and nurture both, i really believe.
what i know is, i've felt this so often in the past, since childhood!, & am still kicking, so as i sit here right now i know it'll pass.
gonna read what i wrote below about my new year.
this'll pass. for me & for you, if you ever get this way.

this sunday!!

art fein's elvis birthday bash at the echo, sunday jan 8, http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif4 pm

haaaaaaaaaapppy new year!!! and blablablablabla

- don't wanna write, so i will. 1st of all, here's a wonderful, wonderful song i found thru fb monster grottu orloff as well as pic of me from lisa paxton.
- now the enchilada: spent a few days between gigs down in north san diego county w/the mcgraws, generous, friendly, well-adjusted program friends whom i love so much... 1st pt of the visit was w/handsome bill as freddy worked. he created a breakfast item he dubbed "oatmeal jenny." delicious! 2nd half of visit i spent w/freddy @ swell women's mtg... after i'd left, they sent a characteristic msg: "the girls [their dear little dogs] want to know where that bettie page gal went." what a sweet visit i got to have, & how lucky i am to know so many good ppl these days!
- met tim maag @ wed's show w/cattie ness & revenge at big's, fullerton. tim was bassist for cramps, D.I., social distortion, alice bag band. punk royalty! he was running sound & said after that i have "chops" & wants me to record some "60s-style" organ pts w/a band i can't remember name of... i was really flattered. becky & all looked fantastic! adam played so loudly, however, all i heard was cacaphony... the audience seemed to enjoy, tho, & that's all that's important. after, i got to crash in becky & john's rm when adam took off w/his bro; becky woke up @ dawn's crack, as she always does, turning on lights & talking away as she always does. it's so annoying, it's kinda cute -- she's like the innocent, oblivious little girl waking up early on sat morn to watch cartoons, & everybody needs to wake up RIGHT NOW to watch them, too! :)
- tim maag was again @ new year's show @ big's -- this time i played w/karling abbeygate, as did bsp & aj & donnie... drummer was john "bermuda" schwartz, who's weird al's drummer & a real gentleman. we had a rocking, smoking set, having warmed up earlier @ aj's sis's house. that family has the nicest, cutest kids; homeschooled by mom, they interact politely & intelligently w/adults. unusual! it was a continuing delight to look over & see those little ones dancing & smiling, then coming over to ask questions about the piano, or just ask if i needed anything (wow!).... aj's family in general impress me as highly attractive young ppl who also are decent & nice. i continually these days meet young ppl (heck, each day, more & more ppl are young, compared to me!) who seem to have it together as decent humans & remind me fleetingly of what a mess i was... nice to know these days i get to evolve, thru not drinking but mostly thru not dying, into a decent sort w/friends. but still... how do these young ppl do it? how do people just seem to KNOW how to be attractive, generous, kind, hard-working? it's a lovely thing to meet these types. it warms my cockles. :)
- yes, i like being a sideman, & i like that karling wants me to look "edgier." for sat's show, for instance, she said i should wear my "zombie makeup," so i was delighted to be able to lay it on thick. (the paxtons let me crash their fancy hotel rm to gussy up -- thank you!!) in face paint & short dress, i DID feel a lot more comfy than when i'm trying to look like a more traditional female... que lastima. i was so wrecked in childhood, wanting to be dad... or was i? karling, who masks a sharp & incisive mind behind a coy, heart-faced pinup image, says no, i'm just artistic. another friend says, "you gotta be you." wanda jackson told me, "you gotta make it your own, honey." remember the oracle at delphi. remember what happened to all those bands that tried to become what the record companies wanted them to be... i mean, quien sabe? just know i feel more comfortable being part-monster. a nice monster, like hermann munster, that is. or, in less-nice moments, maybe wednesday addams...
- being a sideman's exciting cause i'm able to concentrate more on just the piano, tho art fein's disappointed i'm not singing w/either becky's or karling's line-ups. (when i told him bsp & i're subbing in w/karling's band, he generously commented, "wow! that must be a powerhouse line-up!") singing w/these ladies might come, might not: for now, i like becky & karling, respectively, having the limelight. as a sideman, i hang back & put in the best, most stylistically appropriate music pts i can rather than try to steal the spotlight, detracting from the star's thing. my job's to make her look good by playing well & chirping the occasional i-hope-funny off-mike aside (tho becky warned me right before downbeat, "don't act weird," which left me so confused, i couldn't say anything!! i don't know how weird i am, but i know ppl tend to laugh when i speak, which feels good & must be good for the show... right? plus genius james says we're both weirdos & he "gets me," which i find flattering cause he is an amazingly gifted, authentic performer!). my hope is, if i don't hog the stage in a band that's not mine, i can leave the audience wanting more instead of wanting to toss me off the stage for trying to take over... they didn't come to see ME, after all, tho i spose eventually, if i do it right, they might come in part to see me. :)
- phil alvin showed up unexpectedly @ the ny show... i coulda died!!!! james intveldt's his student & also ex-blasters, & ji (along w/rosie flores) headlined... but phil's been really ill & looked like he'd just gotten out of the hospital, which he has, maybe even released too early... later i hung w/the musicians, including the world's most bawdy & beloved tough-guy bluesman: ppl on the street see him & run over to hug & kiss him, which he does back to males & female alike, & i so love the unabashed affection for humanity & life w/which he swells & overflows... late nite new year's turned into a bukowski novel: music, car rides to noplace, a dark bar of instant friends, the tattooed & sweet-natured bartender, coffee & oj for me, endless drinks for the regulars, clinking glasses, constant conversation, then the bluesman, who bounces & bodyguards when not playing music, was called in off the steamy early-morning street by the yells of the bartender: "he won't get up! he's not breathing!" -- to save the life of a kid od'd in the bathroom. "you should wear a cape," i told him admiringly afterward, once he'd slapped, shook, & soaked the kid back to life, but rattled, he just blinked soberly & said, "now i'm having flashbacks," lit a cigarette, & turned just as a large man walking up the street spied him, laughed joyously, & ran up w/"oh man, oh man, you're still alive! i love this guy!!" they bear-hugged & kissed & began reminiscing, the ugliness of the last few minutes forgotten.
- i'm not used to pulling all-nighters, so it's soon back to the couch for me... it is a new year, & so i resolve this year to love more & suffer less, & when ugly memories or experiences come up, which they do & will, to learn from them, put them in perspective, then put them behind me & look forward to the next adventure, as do my most admired & beloved friends. as the little sign on my wall reads, "breathe deeply... love freely, laugh often, live generously, pray earnestly, & be kind."
- happy new year to all. :)