this is not me.
my clone
my family will attest this is how my face looked when i was younger, down to the sort of peeved expression... this gal's not a half-breed like me, & the wig's black, but the messiness is purt-dang close!!
darned delicious gutbomb late-night in-&-out burger!! it was fun to pile it down on my clear-black-night drive home on heels of (darling) karling abbeygate show @ which i got to see MANUEL!!!, but now i cannot sleep!! arggghhhh!!!! and now it's starting to pour pour pour & the moon is so so white! so tempting!! who can sleep?!? wow!! what a storm's starting!! dang hamburger -- i could be snuggled up in bed w/the rainfall instead of sitting here fat as a tick!!!
karling's got that wanda snarl, & her uptempo tunes in particular rockabillied like crazy & reminded me of becky's band back when: exciting-fun!! karling's got perfect bettie page black fluffy bouncy hair & such a pretty heart-shaped smile, & i wish i could wear sleeveless dresses like the one she wore tonight! she reminded me of betty boop even a bit & wonder what it'd be like to dance on the stage like she does, dance & twirl & then grab the mike & snarl into it like elvis?
it was great fun to get to see her in the flesh finally... like candye, karling's got good mojo, i think!
and manuel, big manny, the down-home giant of guitar: every time he'd sing out some solo i thought was especially fine, i'd look over & phil'd sure enough be smiling & chortling in admiration... phil's the best there is in town -- but manuel was the visiting king tonight!
ok, please continue on to read about tomorrow's halloween show... tonight we practiced nearly 5 HOURS w/scotty & i think tomorrow's gonna be quite the fun little bash. happy all hallow's eve & dia de los muertos & all saint's day & samhain & etc to all! :) :) :)
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
if you hear him howlin round your kitchen door, better not let him in
i love roku!! last nite, watched "let the right one in," disturbing & lonely & extremely well-made swedish vampire movie that touched off one nightmare of a jacked-up eve... tonight played music, rewatched one of my most faves, "zombieland" ("time to nut up or shut up!" "and without other people, you might as well be a zombie," etc.) & ate caveman cavey's & so the nite, like the werewolf's hair, "was perfect." am thinking some folks maybe are sore at me right now, tho. such is life, i guess. this, too, shall pass. they all have lives... how important can i be? it can't last, not the good or bad... upside is fri after practice i get to go watch manuel back up karling abbeygate, then we get to do a halloween show, then monday i'll meet the big man again at the barndance... tho i guess not the sore guy who lives in hollywood. maybe some other time. for now, oil well.
am now slightly lamenting i won't be at ex-hubby b's (& my) friends' halloween party sat, where the sober bikers sing (at funnest pt in set, for me) trashy 60s tunes & john smith does his spot-on karloff (i mean bobby boris pickett) & i get to pluck away off-the-cuff... however, we'll debut a new devil this wkend (i hope - if the guy has stamina to run a marathon in 3:30, he can certainly bust thru 4 sets, i'm thinking!!) & i'm looking fwd to seeing the fellows in caveman attire. that should be swell! :) for me, i spose i'll be the token cavewoman.
i think i'll rat my hair. and imagine the makeup i'll be able to get away with!
shuddering w/excitement now... time to hit the keys & try the zevon song... as well as there's a moon out tonight, whoa-oh-oh-ooh (capris)
(p.s. - this reminds me of when i was totally obsessed w/movies & tv shows & did stuff like the following: zombieland dialogue transcript )
(p.p.s. - "go get em," said manuel. "hit em hard & make em love you. i know you do." he speaks from experience!! anyone who doesn't love manuel has no heart & also no ear for sumo-sized talent & the best music!!!)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
songs & stories about rain & blablabla
1. "rain," charlie feathers; 2. story "the green morning," about a martian johnny appleseed, ray bradbury (from the martian chronicles); 3. "raindrops," jackie wilson; 4. "i can see clearly now," johnny nash; 5. "just walking in the rain," the prisonaires; 6. "when it rains, it really pours," elvis; 7. "rainy day dream away," jimi hendrix; 8. "stormy weather," ella fitzgerald; 9. "rain song" &/or "fool in the rain," led zeppelin... and, of course, "it's raining men" by the weather girls.
too bad i can't locate online text of "the green morning" to place link of here, since it's a gentle, beautiful story, i think. the bradburys online are more dystopic, e.g. these: "there will come soft rains" by ray bradbury (that one used to freak me out when i was a teen, as did the following:) "all summer in a day"... great stories, but dark dark dark, as is this: http://maugham.classicauthors.net/Rain/
***
it rains here in stereo. shade draws over deep blue sky & suddenly all's portentous, pregnant gray, earth & sky are shrouded in cloud, & flash! the light show hits & thunder cracks, rumbles, crashes like heaven's bowling alley, olympus' trash company. it's not gentle, as in some of the songs above, but seemingly unending when it hits, tho also not ominous & telling of evil, as in the maugham story. storms here come & come & come, like the rain'll never stop, rhythmic yet erratic, scary, thrilling, elemental, primitive, yes, this is it: i'm living in nature & it makes a soul realize its own tininess, temporariness, aliveness.
in a moment, i hope, will be warm bed, w/rain tattooing my brain w/imprints of rest & sleep.
here's a good quote from the comic sage & songwriting ace roger miller, dear friend of local honky-tonk trucker-bard, red "suitcase" simpson:
"some people walk in the rain. others just get wet."
too bad i can't locate online text of "the green morning" to place link of here, since it's a gentle, beautiful story, i think. the bradburys online are more dystopic, e.g. these: "there will come soft rains" by ray bradbury (that one used to freak me out when i was a teen, as did the following:) "all summer in a day"... great stories, but dark dark dark, as is this: http://maugham.classicauthors.net/Rain/
***
it rains here in stereo. shade draws over deep blue sky & suddenly all's portentous, pregnant gray, earth & sky are shrouded in cloud, & flash! the light show hits & thunder cracks, rumbles, crashes like heaven's bowling alley, olympus' trash company. it's not gentle, as in some of the songs above, but seemingly unending when it hits, tho also not ominous & telling of evil, as in the maugham story. storms here come & come & come, like the rain'll never stop, rhythmic yet erratic, scary, thrilling, elemental, primitive, yes, this is it: i'm living in nature & it makes a soul realize its own tininess, temporariness, aliveness.
in a moment, i hope, will be warm bed, w/rain tattooing my brain w/imprints of rest & sleep.
here's a good quote from the comic sage & songwriting ace roger miller, dear friend of local honky-tonk trucker-bard, red "suitcase" simpson:
"some people walk in the rain. others just get wet."
Sunday, October 10, 2010
wow.
saw this & can you believe his vocals are live, w/o effects, & what kind of mike is that, anyways? elvis WAS the king. never will there be another.
this has been a weird, wild, lonely, lovely, fun, fulfilling, & frustrating wkend. i was so touched (in the heart, tho am also in the head, yknow) when my friend in pittsburgh sent me a song said to have been written w/me in mind... recorded on one track, haunting, melancholy... don't have permission to post it, but when i do, i will. then my pal phil previewed for me a sort of wild gene vincent-style tune that will be a real blast, i think!
Friday, October 08, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANGIE!!!! & blablabla
my little sister! she can't be middle-aged! but i guess if i am, she must be... yipes! and what a relief.
my little sister is a talented, dedicated, bright, even brilliant, self-proclaimed "creative basket case." she has always had the figure to die for, w/long slender legs, & she can really clean up: she can match an outfit head to toe & always dresses w/style!... she's worked hard her whole life, little soldier, hand to plow, sweat on brow (& she's needed to!! not just has she co-raised her daughter w/her ex, but she needs dough for the nice things she prefers!). an unfortunate but typical example of angie & i growing up: we both worked @ a discount movie house when we were girls. i recall staggering out of the ice room after some time in there w/a male co-worker to find angie scrubbing & scrubbing the lobby, working furiously... i must've been the most embarrassing sister, tho today fences are mended & i only want to help & love her, & i know that she feels the same toward me... time heals all wounds, & wounds all heels, to quote art fein. i certainly had my time to be wounded, & i deserved it, but now life is good & relationships repaired & what a thing life is, what a glorious thing...
i hope angie will be happy today. she has been downright stressed lately (a family trait: sloth & pleasure sandwiched by over-obligation & -toil). she works for "the evil empire," as mama calls it. she struggles to bring art & love & enrichment to kids who are being taught stultifying & soul-depleting rote. she fights the good fight, trying to guide kids from poverty conditions toward happy & useful citizenship. she's also studying to be an art therapist. so unusual! so worthy! she also just moved. she's also a good mom & friend. she also... the list goes on & on. angie is a hero to many! :)
was working on my brick pathway under a gorgeous (cerulean!!) sky when james called to ask which of his mad magazines i wanted. he also said he was building a giant papier mache head & a footstool made of old cowboy boots. so cool!! i love my smart, weird, life-loving & -affirming friends... at the show we did w/him last wk, james dedicated "roll 'em pete" to the dusk devils. they flat-out cooked that tune!, but the hole where piano goes was a definite one, to my ear, like when the blasters now do "one bad stud" w/o horns or keys, like "green onions" w/o the organ, "tequila" w/o the horns, elvis songs w/o elvis, "goin up to country" w/o flute (i know; that's the canned heat version, but that's the one i prefer), etc etc... then he dedicated to me "trying to get to you," which he'd pounded out of the park @ the elvis show. i was startled & flattered to hear him on-the-fly change the lyrics:
"i've been traveling in the dark... even up to frazier park... just to try to get to you... when i read your lovin' email, well, my heart began to sing..." [etc]
phil looked @ me & cocked a brow. "REAL-ly..." he chuckled...
"NO!!" i replied, embarrassed but happy.
am a very lucky person to have friends like these, brothers & sister, we. heck, to have friends at all! to have loved ones! i know they say keep your friends close & enemies closer, but i'd just much rather concentrate on the former. this life is too short to do otherwise!; we mustn't waste one more bit of energy on the others... unless they need our help & ask for it & we can give it w/o disparagement or expectation...
oh! i spot the quail on the hill opposite this picture window! i look out from here onto a mountainside, across the arroyo that demarcates the east side of my property... each morning i get to watch butterflies, blue birds, domestic cats who prowl the hill w/delusions of liondom, & lately, my favorites: a bevy of fat, top-hatted california quail, peeping & chirping & bobbing as they strut around & take their dirt baths... they're like a group of old men standing around smoking. this place is delightful for sites like that, & so much more!
back to fellow humans... i pray these steps i'm working will result in a clean & honest new person w/insides matching outsides. i know i have great capacity for love, & despair, & what lies between... but to respect & honor each person on my path of life, that's the goal. that's the goal. that's the goal. time to roll.
(addendum: yes, i know this has all been about me... but this IS my blog, of tiny -- if that -- import, written bc i so love to write. please, if you read this & judge me,or even if you don't, please start your own blog so that i can read it!)
my little sister is a talented, dedicated, bright, even brilliant, self-proclaimed "creative basket case." she has always had the figure to die for, w/long slender legs, & she can really clean up: she can match an outfit head to toe & always dresses w/style!... she's worked hard her whole life, little soldier, hand to plow, sweat on brow (& she's needed to!! not just has she co-raised her daughter w/her ex, but she needs dough for the nice things she prefers!). an unfortunate but typical example of angie & i growing up: we both worked @ a discount movie house when we were girls. i recall staggering out of the ice room after some time in there w/a male co-worker to find angie scrubbing & scrubbing the lobby, working furiously... i must've been the most embarrassing sister, tho today fences are mended & i only want to help & love her, & i know that she feels the same toward me... time heals all wounds, & wounds all heels, to quote art fein. i certainly had my time to be wounded, & i deserved it, but now life is good & relationships repaired & what a thing life is, what a glorious thing...
i hope angie will be happy today. she has been downright stressed lately (a family trait: sloth & pleasure sandwiched by over-obligation & -toil). she works for "the evil empire," as mama calls it. she struggles to bring art & love & enrichment to kids who are being taught stultifying & soul-depleting rote. she fights the good fight, trying to guide kids from poverty conditions toward happy & useful citizenship. she's also studying to be an art therapist. so unusual! so worthy! she also just moved. she's also a good mom & friend. she also... the list goes on & on. angie is a hero to many! :)
was working on my brick pathway under a gorgeous (cerulean!!) sky when james called to ask which of his mad magazines i wanted. he also said he was building a giant papier mache head & a footstool made of old cowboy boots. so cool!! i love my smart, weird, life-loving & -affirming friends... at the show we did w/him last wk, james dedicated "roll 'em pete" to the dusk devils. they flat-out cooked that tune!, but the hole where piano goes was a definite one, to my ear, like when the blasters now do "one bad stud" w/o horns or keys, like "green onions" w/o the organ, "tequila" w/o the horns, elvis songs w/o elvis, "goin up to country" w/o flute (i know; that's the canned heat version, but that's the one i prefer), etc etc... then he dedicated to me "trying to get to you," which he'd pounded out of the park @ the elvis show. i was startled & flattered to hear him on-the-fly change the lyrics:
"i've been traveling in the dark... even up to frazier park... just to try to get to you... when i read your lovin' email, well, my heart began to sing..." [etc]
phil looked @ me & cocked a brow. "REAL-ly..." he chuckled...
"NO!!" i replied, embarrassed but happy.
am a very lucky person to have friends like these, brothers & sister, we. heck, to have friends at all! to have loved ones! i know they say keep your friends close & enemies closer, but i'd just much rather concentrate on the former. this life is too short to do otherwise!; we mustn't waste one more bit of energy on the others... unless they need our help & ask for it & we can give it w/o disparagement or expectation...
oh! i spot the quail on the hill opposite this picture window! i look out from here onto a mountainside, across the arroyo that demarcates the east side of my property... each morning i get to watch butterflies, blue birds, domestic cats who prowl the hill w/delusions of liondom, & lately, my favorites: a bevy of fat, top-hatted california quail, peeping & chirping & bobbing as they strut around & take their dirt baths... they're like a group of old men standing around smoking. this place is delightful for sites like that, & so much more!
back to fellow humans... i pray these steps i'm working will result in a clean & honest new person w/insides matching outsides. i know i have great capacity for love, & despair, & what lies between... but to respect & honor each person on my path of life, that's the goal. that's the goal. that's the goal. time to roll.
(addendum: yes, i know this has all been about me... but this IS my blog, of tiny -- if that -- import, written bc i so love to write. please, if you read this & judge me,or even if you don't, please start your own blog so that i can read it!)
Saturday, October 02, 2010
pervading sense of unreality follows wondrous night of little sleep, glorious music and moonlight
(the above makes me miss writing headlines!!! in the online-publishing era, does "headline count" still exist?? i just don't know... it used to be sometimes irritating, but also fun wording headlines to puzzle together just so, working not just w/words, but even tighter -- w/picas, font sizes, & individual letters, which have different count depending on font & width...)
t.s. eliot: "it's strange that words are so inadequate. yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words..." feels like this whole blog is that way! my words are inadequate to capture what this precious & quixotic life feels like. are words that way for you??
so what a blessing it is to have such an outlet as this blog, fumbling tho my attempts may be to elucidate & enunciate mysteries of existence (ha!)... yes, what a blessing it is to write! & create! & feel! & love! & draw breath! (ok; that's enough...)
so back to earth: this house originally had 3 oaks on its property, beautiful old grandfathers, but when i moved here, only one remained, the others not just having been removed, but for some reason, their stumps painted blue. demented!... not just eviscerated, the trees were defaced, as if by some perverted arboreal undertaker!
the other day i returned from bakersfield feeling sick (as now seem to when returning from bako) & as i backed my truck up to the house so i wouldn't have to walk so far to unload, i glanced into the backyard &... tree #3 had fallen & was laying in pt on the house. yikes!! providence or fluke or the great pumpkin pitched the tree just enough away from the house so that it appears there's no roof damage, tho i've yet to confirm that... i know last night when i got home @ godforsaken-a.m., it rained like hell & this morn there are no leaks... could it be that a tree falls on the house & the house is not damaged? if so, wow!!
the tree looks like it committed suicide -- yanked itself from the earth, root & ball. no stump's even left to paint blue.
on the upside, i won't need firewood for winter! :)
well, was gonna write a bunch more, but am just too beat after the last few days... painful heel spur still holding me back from running; so grateful for this wk getting to make many amends & heal long-standing upsets w/others; so grateful to feel such love for & affinity w/other drunks, my brothers & sisters; helping sister move, & oh, how i love my little sister, who now owns her very own house, god love our parents!; driving driving driving, i'm always driving now; the beautiful rural rd from here to taft (on I-5! i didn't think there was one pretty inch on that strip!); the wild & amazing whiteboy james (who has the life force of 2 -- maybe 3 -- men & is the most blessedly, fierily talented crazy cutey demon i've ever met! a supernova!); his band's incredible show last night (oh, to have a band that tight! what heaven that must be!); our quite uneven but ultimately ok contribution to the show; steady crazy friendly rick, & phil, who, yes, is wonderful, & what's so wrong about saying what's true?; some disturbing conflicts & hurt feelings w/in band; the velvety night, the hotel lights, the stars & moon, the long rd home; up late, writing a song, unable to sleep, abuzz buzz buzz... & today, following last night's downpour, this morn's perfect skies, robin's-egg blue, clouds, billowy-silvery, w/light quality so clean & gold, it nearly brought tears!
wow!!! a giant crash of thunder just boomed not so far from here, crashing like zeus's symphonic kettle drum, thumping the whole mountain!! more big storms today, looks like!
more good news: no trees on this property to be knocked down by storms!!!
wa-la! that's it for now! happy fin de semana to anyone reading this! :)
t.s. eliot: "it's strange that words are so inadequate. yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words..." feels like this whole blog is that way! my words are inadequate to capture what this precious & quixotic life feels like. are words that way for you??
so what a blessing it is to have such an outlet as this blog, fumbling tho my attempts may be to elucidate & enunciate mysteries of existence (ha!)... yes, what a blessing it is to write! & create! & feel! & love! & draw breath! (ok; that's enough...)
so back to earth: this house originally had 3 oaks on its property, beautiful old grandfathers, but when i moved here, only one remained, the others not just having been removed, but for some reason, their stumps painted blue. demented!... not just eviscerated, the trees were defaced, as if by some perverted arboreal undertaker!
the other day i returned from bakersfield feeling sick (as now seem to when returning from bako) & as i backed my truck up to the house so i wouldn't have to walk so far to unload, i glanced into the backyard &... tree #3 had fallen & was laying in pt on the house. yikes!! providence or fluke or the great pumpkin pitched the tree just enough away from the house so that it appears there's no roof damage, tho i've yet to confirm that... i know last night when i got home @ godforsaken-a.m., it rained like hell & this morn there are no leaks... could it be that a tree falls on the house & the house is not damaged? if so, wow!!
the tree looks like it committed suicide -- yanked itself from the earth, root & ball. no stump's even left to paint blue.
on the upside, i won't need firewood for winter! :)
well, was gonna write a bunch more, but am just too beat after the last few days... painful heel spur still holding me back from running; so grateful for this wk getting to make many amends & heal long-standing upsets w/others; so grateful to feel such love for & affinity w/other drunks, my brothers & sisters; helping sister move, & oh, how i love my little sister, who now owns her very own house, god love our parents!; driving driving driving, i'm always driving now; the beautiful rural rd from here to taft (on I-5! i didn't think there was one pretty inch on that strip!); the wild & amazing whiteboy james (who has the life force of 2 -- maybe 3 -- men & is the most blessedly, fierily talented crazy cutey demon i've ever met! a supernova!); his band's incredible show last night (oh, to have a band that tight! what heaven that must be!); our quite uneven but ultimately ok contribution to the show; steady crazy friendly rick, & phil, who, yes, is wonderful, & what's so wrong about saying what's true?; some disturbing conflicts & hurt feelings w/in band; the velvety night, the hotel lights, the stars & moon, the long rd home; up late, writing a song, unable to sleep, abuzz buzz buzz... & today, following last night's downpour, this morn's perfect skies, robin's-egg blue, clouds, billowy-silvery, w/light quality so clean & gold, it nearly brought tears!
wow!!! a giant crash of thunder just boomed not so far from here, crashing like zeus's symphonic kettle drum, thumping the whole mountain!! more big storms today, looks like!
more good news: no trees on this property to be knocked down by storms!!!
wa-la! that's it for now! happy fin de semana to anyone reading this! :)
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