john updike, rip; the blush of 1st dawn creeps, the morning dew, it chills , &

gud morgen. wie gehts? bleh. it seems so uncivilized to be up every day before the sun, like right now. shouldn't a person wait? after you? el sol: the king: seems almost impertinent to go 1st - but obviously i'm being ridiculous & also very bourgeoisie cause how many people have no choice?? so i justify since at this life-stage i am privileged & therefore can say i just don't like it... john updike died this wk. in undergrad days (ha - so snobby, that sounds) i loved updike, which was weird bc he wrote mostly so specifically about the frustrations of the american male. maybe it's cause i've always thought i was sposed to be male, but that 2nd chromosome just kept growing (boy, it IS early) (tho i think many females feel that way here & there, since the society's built for the view of & to appease the male)... i loved updike's specificity, the way he caught the ugliness & shimmer of everyday life. i guess that's that.
good gravy; hurry up, toast.
what the heck am i doing on here? waiting for my toast, drinking coffee, standing up thinking then i'll type less that way, typing at this ridiculous, cumbersome, child-sized keyboard, trying not to feel sick... needed to check if the fellows could do a gig (they didn't call back; story of my life) (well, phil did, good old philbert) & must save time! must always save time! oh, i hate those metaphors; makes going thru life (there's another one) seem like empty commerce. stressful!
- well, at top are lyrics for a song i wrote but i pulled from esnips bc it's for a male to sing. so of course i tried to sing it, but there's no amount of smoking or forced coughing that can bring my vox down to the appropriate register. so it's gone. but i was pleased w/the weird little storyline of this one, called "when they find me," kind of a gothic unrequited love thingy set in a delano grape vineyard, like maybe even the one that used to be in front of our grandparents' house, & the pleasing thought that a story CAN be told in a 2-min song. i've known it, just never w/story so fully in my head. since then, there've been a few more, & maybe the band will learn some of them, but if we don't, i have them, & they keep coming, like little gifts (tho sometimes it's a necktie or a lump of coal).
toast's ready. i hope my skull & sinuses stop burning.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! a possible show & 6 new songs!!!!!

->hi, hej da, hi-ho, what's happening, hola! see below & above for info on dusk devils' two upcoming shows, sat 2/7 & fri 2/27. am working on booking a show w/the band of one of my favorite all-time actors (based in sta fe, but coming thru town -- whaddaya know!!) ... his band's called the troublemakers & he "blows harp" (i quote cause all i know about harmonica begins & ends w/my love of little walter jacobs) authentically, not phony & embarrassing like some who when they play (WHY?) make me want to hide my head in their honor. we'll just see what happens... more important to me al momento is that FINALLY i was able to upload some more of my tunes. the hosting site's been all messed up, but here are six more, all one man band recordings, which means rough rough rough rough rough, but hopefully done w/spirit that makes listening fun or cool or teeth-gritting or whatever. the newly uploaded songs are the 1st 6 listed at http://www.esnips.com/web/jenny-angel-dusk-devils-ex-girlfriends-music :
- hey bus driver
- hideaway
- no pills, no booze, no way
- mexican blanket
- two left feet
- one final night
thank you ahead of time, if you listen, & esp for feedback.
be happy, be well, be be be be be be... again, here's the link:
http://www.esnips.com/web/jenny-angel-dusk-devils-ex-girlfriends-music

it's gotta be R&R music if you wanna dance w/me

or even if you don't, which i recommend if you wanna save your toes. unless you like to pogo or twist, since i don't remember the two-step & b doesn't dance & the good male leads i know are in smellay (well, except philbert, but we can't play & dance at the same time, i'm just not that good), so i ain't gonna be relearning any steps anytime soon...
likely i'll post 18,000 times more before these shows, but just got the 1st flyer from markymark & made 2nd last night. whoopee! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO "BIG MANNY"!!!!! :) :) :)

dreamland hodge-podge

waiting to go to dr king breakfast w/union... it's sure cold in this house!

my friends the artists; on prodigies, perseverers, & poseurs; more blablabla

-> last night b & i went to a local coffee house to support friend david nigel lloyd as he performed, celebrating his new record "rivers, kings, & curses" being named in the top 15 celtic albums of '08. we walked in & there was his beautiful daughter ursula doing sound for her dad & his amazing wife gita sitting at one of the crowded tables, papermacheing this ENORMOUS HEAD for an upcoming festival!, & there was greg goodsell, slurping it all up like an enormous cat while he posted on his horror/sci-fi sites. we were yakking away, tho i tried to keep it down, watching david & thinking, in another duhhhh moment, sh*t, he is such a PICKER, & not a flashy, show-off one like some i've known, but a technical adept suffused w/heart.
-> i found myself continuously moved, so leaned over to lisa lobasso to state so, & she turned to me w/these tender tears in her big blues. my words would've been gratuitous at that pt; we already were too much like max cady, anyhow, me, b & greg, braying away while david played out his soul, so i shut up... looking at the lloyds in their various spots around the joint, i thought what a crappier place this bakersfield would be w/o them & people like them, & dang i wish there were more. i don't know jack about the role of the artist or really even what an artist IS (i mean, i have my opinions, but the heck do i KNOW??)... but i know it's them.
-> gita, the most remarkable painter/artist i've ever met, one time spooked me when i told her how talented she is. normally laid-back, she turned & looked at me very soberly: "it's NOT talent. it's yrs & yrs of hard work & study." and she went on to say how even offensive it is when people just presume she walked into this world w/the considerable ability that she now has: "oh, you're so LUCKY. i wish EYE could do that": - that kinda thing. in other words, talent is EFFORT, tenacity, altho, tho gita didn't say it, one must also have that flame, be it a smolder or inferno, that creativity & vision, that inspiration (as in "in the spirit"!) that makes the difference between a blake, a bukowski, a bizet & a... (no need to name names. every community has its poseurs).
-> there was a NYer article about types of genius, the born kind & the learned kind basically was what it boiled down to, so what gita was saying, i think, is the artist most often is that learning kind, the one who works, tries, perseveres, processes, sweats, bleeds, cries, realizes, adjusts & adapts, until the muses start to sing.
-> then david was calling me up to sing w/him on his "country" (yeah, what DOES that mean, anyhow??) tune "cúchulainn in bakersfield." it's been about 2 yrs since i'd last sung that w/him, when i did my tiny pt on his record, so ego said stay in your seat, but my gut said your friends the lloyds would like you to go do it, stupid, so go do it, so long story short, i did. david introduced me like i'm wanda jackson, which was very embarrassing, so i said, of COURSE i came up: you were stalling! or were you storytelling? "i was stallytelling," he quipped. we sang it & i don't know how well i did, that wasn't the important pt. the important pt was, i hope it made my friends & the audience happy. and now i need to go play the piano for a while.
www.davidnigellloyd.com and www.gitalloyd.com

the overeducated dunce, the lettered know-nothing

- (not like the u.s. know-nothing party... shudder)
- the next time i went back to school, i hoped it'd be to become doctor jenny. that just sounds so ridiculously fitting: doctor jenny. like doctor termite or doctor kermit the frog or doctor homer simpson or doctor charo. anyhow,
- i'm going back to school starting tonight & it's not the full boat but another credential. more hoop-jumping. but sono fortunata (unlike fortunato, seeker of amontillado) & it is online, so i hope to whiz bang zip bounce thru it like a pinball... & maybe learn something interesting, is the hoped-for cake of it.
- brain's a little sideways, tired from work & full of conspiracy (been reading john le carre), & hands sho is cold... females are more susceptible to that; it's called reynaud's syndrome... eventually the trivia will squish my all-else cerebral til i remember the lyrics to chuck berry's catalog but not where i live (right now i know both, to boast a bit).
can i say this? a fellow at work is an arshole (le carre calls them)... & another former student found me on myspace. the last part is nice! nice not to have hidden pts, to feel mostly whole; it's a caveat of encroaching antiquity & lessons learned from wise others...
salvos to all. whiz bang zip crash hurrah!!

elvis show 09 at the avalon slideshow

our photographer was more than a bit under the weather, so these were the least-out-of-focus shots... thinking of phil & lisa... hoping b & i get better soon...

weird weird weird weird weird

-> the elvis show at the avalon last night for me was a weird experience, tho not a bad one, i must say. but phil had a family emergency & couldn't be there!!! so manuel filled in (thank you, manuel!!!!). meantime i was nervous the whole show, since we hadn't rehearsed together at all & the songs weren't just straight 1-4-5's... manny did his set (super rockin'; killing that amp!), then i went & spoke to him at side stage (loud, where he parked) about the keys, the changes, but MAN! we'd practiced w/phil! & i was sad for phil, too... then this bako guy i hardly know shook my hand in a way that hurt it! that was effed up! the band & b wanted to go punch him in the gut, but we let it go & left it at "some people have problems..." the blasters sat around & waited & waited for phil (alvin, that is), & when he finally showed up, he was babbling & swearing a mile a minute - one of THOSE moods. he was nice to me & to everyone, but UP & disconnected (he walked right by manuel w/o even seeing him, for instance), & when he took the stage & did the calls from the beginning of rufus thomas's (elvis's) "tiger man" (which the blasters always do), the audience started calling back, which did NOT fit the timing; it is NOT a call-response song!... then art announced candye kane was gonna be there, but had gotten in a car accident! (she is ok, i found out this a.m.)...
-> the best parts were seeing art, the terrific house band, count smokula, skip edwards & lisa haley, barry holdship, the blasters, justin & sally jo curtis, ray campi (we always talk about school), jimmy angel, dave raven, paul body, just all the great & many talented folks who are always there, & friendly lisa & brian paxton, & hearing the great music (like rip masters' ripping piano! & strawberry alarm clock, whom i've never even heard, did a killer instro! & skip edward's piano & marty rifkin's steel playing!) amidst my nervous moments & the funny stuff people said. steve joseph gave me a mix cd & i bought the new one off carlos guitarlos, who always does this steam-rolling-cool version of "promised land" (tho i was surprised he had a word sheet!). when carlos got on stage, he strummed a chord & barked, "this amp's on the manny setting. what is that, manny, 20?" & when he was done, he strode offstage & told manuel, "man, there's a lotta white people out there!"
-> groovy rednecks, lightning willie (who looks like kinky friedman, w/a HUGE band!), then we were up. mark's friend brett walked up w/guitar in hand! - he & mark had practiced the songs that day! so i figured, heck, let him get up, too... we all got up there & did a good job, i could feel the audience's energy match ours, it felt really up & positive, & it was great to look back & see manuel & hear his rockin improv leads, & brett just did solid rhythm like i'd asked him to, & so helped it all really be grounded... but it wasn't my band, really; i just felt weird & sad for phil & oh well. we didn't mess up & the show went on & i was grateful for everyone's help... art said some real nice things when we were getting off stage; i wish i could've listened closer! but we needed to keep the show moving, so i shouted of my keyboard, "let's clear this elephant!" & manuel shouted, "i'm coming, i'm coming!" :) no one was there to help, so as we strong-armed it off the stage i said, "i had 2 guys at the beginning, but now they're gone," & the stagehand woman said, "that's men for you" :) when finally i was done & met back up w/b, he looked so obviously sick (we've been, of course), i felt really bad & realized we had to go right then, tho the show was not yet even over, so we missed a bunch of great acts, but really, we gotta have our health... thinking of phil & family, & thanks to art for having us, & to manuel, brett, rick & mark, & of course to b, & to you who read...

elvis show thurs (read below)! and video from krambo (rightchere)!

we all look like oompa-loompas! i gotta hope that's the camera adding 10 lbs thing... or the band needs to get together & go to a fat camp! it's a fun performance, tho, i must say... :) :) :)

happy birthday elvis happy birthday elvis happy birthday elvis

flyer by mark! pert-near-full lineup at www.sofein.com!

!!!!RAEY WEN YPPAH

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! may yours be happy, honest, purposeful, creatively fulfilling, & w/o too many regrets.
THE ELVIS SHOW IS COMING... see www.sofein.com for the flyer. :)
just got back from "vacating." the dogs were patient & stalwart travelers. iron butt briggs got us home by new year's eve, for which i was grateful. summary:
-> day 1: 574 miles to richfield, ut. food: cracker barrel dumplings. music: voodoo jive, chuck berry oh yeah, jimmy yancey vol. 3. conditions: white christmas snowy. cold!
-> day 2: 466 miles to denver. food: mexican in denver. music: just rockin’ & rollin’, more bad habits, the sadies. conditions: 4wd on icy roads, snow everywhere, frigging cold!!
-> day 3-4: boulder-denver. food: lucile’s boulder (biscuits, grits, beignets). music: rockin’ bones boxset from generous paul! conditions: cold, snowy, yuppie boulder, downhome denver, good women's mtg.
-> day 5: 200 miles to trinidad, co. food: feta pizza at whole foods denver, lee’s bbq trinidad – the best! hershey’s chocolate shake, buttered vienna roll, bbq sandwich, battered jalapenos, nice service. music: rockin’ bones, npr. conditions: warming up, found jawbone at truck stop.
-> day 6: 251 miles to albuequerque. food: overrated harry’s roadhouse sta fe, delicious homemade tortilla & empanadita in las vegas, nm, sopaipillas & sweet rice at garcia's kitchen abq. music: night train to nashville. conditions: cool little towns like raton & las vegas, lost in touristy santa fe, nice old square in abq.
-> day 7: 804 miles to home. food: couscous & tofu pudding at macy’s flagstaff. music: the very best of the 5 royales. conditions: long invention & brainstorming session w/b as we head for the barn, pedal to metal. fog in kern county, blessed home.
-> home: overly tired, meltdown. today: tired but copacetic. happy new year. :)

merry christmas! & whoohoo!!!! let's celebrate the king (of rocknroll, that is) (some would disagree, but falalalalalalalala)... :) :)

the avalon is at 1735 vine st (at hollywood), LA CA, 90028. show starts 5:30 pm. proceeds benefit the firemen's fund. for more info, keep checking www.sofein.com ... i know we & manuel will be there, & many of art's friends, wonderful performers from famous to little-known... it will be great to hang out w/manuel & listen & watch as everyone remembers elvis!!!
packing for colorado... brrr.... merry christmas, happy hannukah, happy festivus, happy new year!!!! :) :) :)

merry christmas & a happy new year

the laughingstock speaks; move over, guy

- i'm the butt of family jokes, as is whoever's not in the rm, when my family gathers -- cheapskate (they don't know i save every cent for when they all are in the poorhouse due to their flagrant ways); "the makeup" (old family nickname: morticia); wild past (now the far past, except when our texas cousin comes a-visiting & she tells my every dumbass drunk tale since for some reason she was with me near-every time i was especially inebriatedly stupid). they can't joke anymore about the church falling down if i walk in because i've got mother mary goddess-worship going on (in memoriam, dear grandma) & rapture (not the holy roller kind) when w/in mother church (tho must plug ears tight in spots so can be rapturous instead of despairing)... tonight our meeting got on the topic of humility & a lovely pal talked of "the universe's" (i'll call it) will oftentimes being uncomfortable & seeming unfair, but that it's not about her, but the greater good, & another spoke of sacrifice & the magnificat & i thought, oh crap, we're getting awful religious here, but next was near-tears... such talk doesn't make me wanna barf anymore & in fact brings moments that feel like revelation, freedom, possibility of relief from the infernal self, the cunning varmint that won't go way. faith works for & brings peace to much better folks than i. who am i to judge?
- the family says i can't cook. and they're right. nor do i want to. except lately we saw that show w/the funny chubby guy fieri laughing & shmoozing & eating at all these delicious fun roadside joints & so then tonight i made not just dinner that didn't injure my spouse, but energy bars, & they came out dang good. just goes to show: know thyself... then watch that self change.
ynnej's energy bars:
- big handful dry flaxseed/oat cereal
- 2 big handfuls dry oatmeal
- a big handful of raisins or craisins
- handful of peanuts, handful of almonds
- small handfuls of sesame &/or flax seed
- 2-3 packs of the pink stuff (sweetener)
- pinch each of cinnamon, nutmeg, even ginger
- dose of vanilla flavor (the non-alcohol kind)
- big splash each of fake eggs and applesauce
1. mix until batter consistency. 2. spray down a cooking dish. 3. plop batter in cooking dish & shape it so it looks nice. 4. top w/whatever you want -- dried cocoa, drizzled honey, marshmallow, etc. 5. cook at 325 degrees for 25 mins or until crispy. 6. let cool. 7. be near the can. this stuff is fiber-heavy &'ll clean your pipes. makes 6-8 bars, depending on how big you cut them.
- i think a banana would work in here, too. look out, guy fieri.

kicks!

-> listen to manuel's cholo-rocking christmas tune "santa claus" (farmer john) here! :) :) :) -> http://www.crackedpistonrecordings.com/music-53.html
-> we got to take the train to hanford yesterday w/47 great friendly folks & sat w/the funnest couple, dan & marylou, who spun ideas for inventions & movie scripts (lately have thought it'd be fun to do a film short)... like if i were gonna make a movie, it might come out something like this poster (gene v, esquerita, & sputnik m would appear only in ghost form)(& i dropped the library-murder scheme dan suggested, tho librarians'd probably laugh w/great satisfaction at it)... they really fired my imagination. philbert suggested a storyline wherein we go town to town playing music, then i lure people in & he kills them by hitting them w/his guitar & we all split to the next gig (once again, i realize philbert & i are more alike than it appears) & dan & brian concluded the movie should be strange, shocking, nerdy, kitschy, noirish, funny, innocent, yet redemptive. good lord! what a task! so i'll just make a poster for now & call it good... still, i know so many folks w/really good character mugs & great personalities. it'd be so fun to see them on the b&w big (or small) screen; then if anyone saw it & enjoyed, that'd be the lagniappe!
-> ... mebbe i'll try to do this. only the great eggnog knows...
-> am still recovering this a.m. from the ice cream sundae we had in hanford at superior dairy (AFTER dinner! it was somewhat obscene!): banana & maple nut ice cream w/walnuts & marshmellow. if i lived in hanford, i would be sideshow-big bc of this wonderful place -- was slurring my words after just a few bites: it was that sugar-overloaded delicious... now it's time for a little penance, a nice run, my 1st in near-2 wks cause i'm finally getting well!!! then philbert & marko come over & i will give them new songs to sing. so what a nice day, & best to you who might read this... feliz navidad, prospero ano y felicidad....

geez louise. bettie page is gone.

- was posting manuel's xmas shows (tomorrow at the game in temple city; go to www.myspace.com/bigmannyband to see) & chuckling w/him excitedly about the record when i read that bettie page died. :( 85 yrs old. (not young; she had a heckuva hard life: abuse, pinup yrs, holy roller, insanity - tho in her last photo, at age 80, she looked great!) she made the rest of us women look like little men, i think. considering she's a patrician blonde, gretchen mol did a pretty darn good job as bettie in "the notorious bettie page," getting her spirit (i suppose), but gretchen mol, too, looked like a little man compared to the real bettie.
- she exercised daily before most women did. she had the most perfect, lovely figure (revealed most beautifully in bunny yeager's shots) & bewitching features. i saw color film footage of her once & she was indigenous-brown. she was a teacher for a while. she didn't drink or smoke, which gave me hope when my life was very dark. later in life, she struggled big time w/mental illness. (i did too before i stopped drinking, tho i never stabbed anyone. bettie did.)
- i think if i hadn't had to clean my life up, i'd've been one of these rockabilly gals steeped in bettie-worship, who blackens & rolls her hair just like bettie, dresses just like her, drives herself bonkers being in love w/"being" bettie, but i did, so i don't. plus who am i kidding??
- she was more magical than 500 of her impostores. none can come even close because soul, which bettie had, is organic & free-flowing & imitation is studied & ironic, the opposite of soul. in black & white, she was the sweetest angel, the naughtiest devil, the mightiest queen, & everything in between. the wanna-betties (that sounds harsh; what's a better name?) can't imitate that amazing quality because it was spontaneous & authentic; like elvis impersonators, they can only ape. oo-oo-oo!
- but heck, i guess it's cooler to ape bettie than say... heck, most anyone else. so don't mean to sound unnecessarily harsh, but i think the point is, why ape at all? there'll only ever & always be one bettie page, & now she's gone. so just be yourself!... whatever THAT means!!
- row row row your boat, c'est la vie, memento mori... forry, bettie, the evidence keeps building. i guess ain't none of us getting out alive, so go have fun, friend, kick up your heels & go.

dusk devils pic from walter the dancer

at the barndance back in oct, walter, earl, & b took a bunch of pix, which was really cool! just saw this one on my myspace (a "tagged" photo) & like it. the guys look handsome!!
that was a fun albeit rather strange night. one of those deals where you just get warmed up & it's time to clear the stage! ronnie mack looked like abraham lincoln to me. i just love abraham lincoln; it kinda haunts me, so i don't think about it. and he was very kind, sincere.
i wonder if we'll do it again? w/my lingering laryngitis, i've just been concentrating on staying warm, getting better... the holidays are zooming up. seems like the evenings & weekends are filling up fast!!!!!!
well, that's plenty o'posting for one wkend. feliz semana! :) :) :)

mos def as chuck berry!! "...a lot of people call themselves teachers or leaders, but they're really just propagandists."

->in the movie "cadillac records," the singer/actor (tho diminutive, younger, w/different singing style) looks so much like berry, he does many scenes even sans pencil-mustache. his 1st scene was so great, i started blubbering w/joy!!! this movie, to my cashiers-du-cinema [sic] mind, was fair, w/moments of excitement, but mostly inducing the mopes as swell blues & R&R music morph into the slow stuff, but the topic... SO WORTH IT!! and beyonce, jeez, what a movie star: marilyn curves, beautiful baby face, husky southern drawl (but the movie was weird in having the actors "interpret" the [i think] uninterpretable songs... leave the songs be!!!)...
now we need movies fully devoted to specialty, king, imperial, verve, & of course, sun, then eccentric later labels like arhoolie, norton, rollin' rock, rhino, slash, bomp, uh uh... add to the list! on CR's soundtrack is a slithering, smoldering tune "let's take a walk" that i thought was some great 50s female soul singer, some unknown-to-me plum... then maybe al green... but no, it's raphael saadiq, & feeling like vincent price in "last man on earth," i didn't know of him!!! if you don't, either, here's his site: Www.myspace.com/raphaelsaadiq

forry lives

-> the legendary (yes, legendary!) creator of famous monsters of filmland passed away today. 92 yrs young! he'd been sick for quite a spell, but i thought of him akin to bradbury: a fellow old in yrs, but ever-young & amazing in imagination, therein somehow eternal... his mag changed so much about pop culture, proffering "the monster" as what we resemble & desire since we (well, me, for one) feel misfitted, misunderstood, monstrous a bit or a lot: it was a bible that way. an ex, the blazers bassist dude, had scores of FMOF up in his bedroom closet, plastiqued & coveted like i have my mad mag cache, & he'd only let me glance at them, never touch...
-> we (not blazers dude, but me & b, me & greg) went to forry's ackermansion near griffith park many times in the early 00s. the house alone was aged & fabulous, near (heck, maybe in; i dunno) the hollywood hills, where the streets are so steep, narrow, & windy, you're sure you'll crash back into yourself on ascent. i imagine the vintage near art fein's place, which is only a stone's throw away: exclusive silent era.
-> he had maria -- the REAL maria! golden, forbidding, beautiful, from metropolis, his favorite movie -- looming before the giant picture window in his sunken living rm, which overlooked hollywood. god, that alone was impressive!! he had face masks of ALL the horror greats -- karloff, lugosi, chaney jr & sr, everyone! (he knew them all, too) -- & the place, opened to the public saturdays, teemed, moaned, groaned, creaked basement to ceiling w/the most amazing collection of horror/scifi movie memorabilia & reading you could ever in your life've seen in one place. you'd wind thru that house, agape, pinching yourself at how every wondrous site from every horror/scifi film ever was there! how could it be???
-> each time we'd go, & all gathered at end of tour in the living rm for forry's fireside chat, he'd use me while telling a story of a famous actor on a drunk who chased a "pretty girl" & i'd be flattered as heck, tho know it was only convenience that let me be the model. (really wish all the pix weren't buried on a disc someplace in this old haunted house...)
-> my friends gary & darrell, who along w/but distinct from greg goodsell are bakersfield's forrest j. ackerman, 4-5 yrs ago put out a drive in-cold war-vibed horror flick, "the creep." forry introduced it! by the time of their 2nd film, "silver angel vs. the death zombie," forry was too ill to do the intro. so guess who did it??? yours truly!!! yes, a lovely costume lady altered an old halloween dress &, in that, aided by G&D's soft lighting, i looked like a million bucks!! i could scarcely believe what i saw, actually... heard was another story. i cannot act w/no piano in front of me, not even by a toenail... but back to forry: greg goodsell will write more & better about him. i say rest in peace to someone who helped us all recognize & grow to love the monster w/in. "fangs for the memories," dr. acula.

weegee the wonderful and the curse & blessing of instant infomation: my name is croaky & i'm...

how are you, kind reader/skimmer of this post? i've had laryngitis off/on this wk, so made mistake of looking the condition up & now the magic mind tells me i have vocal nodules. apparently it's not enough to block web md: must stay off all sites having to do w/health or the turncoat between my ears tells me it's fatal, from stubbed toe to runny nose, this is it. say goodbye to everyone you love, cause you ain't long for this lonely blue & what made you think you'd last, anyways, you little fool??... met recently w/my sponsor -- wise & regal rescuer of desperate souls, i say, not hyperbolically, neither -- & she suggested rationing net time so i can have a little more what some people call "peace of mind." so i set my internal timer & after an hr, whack: turn that sucker off. at 1st, i had moments of gnawing jones: while talking to someone, driving, brushing my teeth, the enemy whispers, "wonder if you got any emails? wonder how your sites are doing? wonder what he/she/it is up to?" but like drinking, like smoking, seems (knock wood) like after just a few days, the obsession is being lifted.
so just for today, i feel free. heck, even sick, since just saying no i've done 90% of the xmas shopping (& we're talking a LARGE family, of choice & blood) & read a novel, the caveman's valentine (not bad; liked the wild weird protagonist a lot, tho this wingnut i knew who's like him scares the crap out of me) & am starting a john irving now. that's right -- i read BOOKS! i'd relegated that to 2nd to reading humming diode-lit screens! books are much better, & heck, i'm a librarian now, so dang it, books first. must've been lost to think otherwise...
am in love w/lots of things, & it's ever-wandering, & right now it's weegee. always thought his stuff mebbe was coming from an arbus-like, sort of misanthropic, pugnacious-shocker pov, but never really LOOKED at it, & check out this quote: "when you find yourself beginning to feel a bond between yourself and the people you photograph, when you laugh and cry with their laughter and tears, you will know you are on the right track." a humanist. weegee loved people. especially the underdog, the lonely, the poor, the departed. it's so swelled up w/love when i look w/the right eyes, i could just cry.
time's up. gonna go. love, froggy