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hello. i'm jenny page. once upon a time, i had a band in bakersfield cali called the dusk devils. you still can find dd music online. now i live in the mtns & am married to my wonderful husband, whiteboy james. i know him as james or other endearing nicknames i won't list here. we are as happy as two nuts can be. life is an adventure, a chore, a beauty, a choice, a turn. life is short, but it is good as you make it (in this culture, anyways), so let's not forget that!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
honoring the king as well as the king & queen of rocknroll music
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Wednesday, December 29, 2010
gud jul & L7 over x in the snow: true love is the devil's crowbar; he hung me with the endless rope; you will always subtract your arms from my arms
-> (sometimes on here stuff seems sort of in code, to protect people's privacies, not to deliberately obfuscate, but i recently heard the latter's how it can come off, so if you don't know it, the above translates as "happy new year from frazier park," followed by lyrics from the terrific LA '80s punk-roots-art band X, who wrote a lot about the world's social injustice, but also about love-torture. the heart IS a lonely hunter. and often wounded & hungry, too.)
-> my former future-ex-husband (i've given up) phil alvin will serve as master of ceremonies for the gene taylor blues band's new yr's eve show this friday nite at LA's redwood room. gene'll be backed by the original blasters, for pete's sake. here's an article about this going-to-be-incredibly-awesome show, at which i will not be. yeah, should just kill myself & get it over with, but've been doing this spiritual practice lately, yknow, so just won't... plus (it IS some consolation, tho gene'll be back in belgium by then) will get to see most of these fellas @ the elvis birthday bash, art fein's annual super shindig, art fein of hollywood, that is, our manager in name, man about tinseltown, gadfly, scribe, hopeful malcontent w/love of music so fervent, bet it overrides his hatred of sloppy language (don't read this, @), art whose green corduroy jacket i finally shall return in hope-not-too-dog-haired & wrinkled condition...
-> lately my thing is to miss it all, like a bizarro world art. for instance, a blasphemy: x played the other night @ the crystal palace, but in my bones i knew i just had to get home to the mtns, so no estaba.
-> my sister reported they played the entire los angeles album, then at least 3-4 songs from every other. after i finished throwing up, i got back on the phone. "billy zoom looked perfect," she cooed, "& afterward john doe & exene were out in the lobby signing autographs but i couldn't go up to him!! i was too scared!!" i recalled to her 1st time mtg phil alvin being that way, shaking like the leaves on the trees... brian p, good guy, grabbed me & pushed me up to phil, who kissed my hand & recited a poem. bp took pix; in them, i look like maybe i just had a fit, sort of spacy & goony. wish i'd been @ x cause would've done the same for my sis, shoved her up there so she'd have a photo memento.
-> what else? candye kane's & tom yearsley's party. that'll be a super gas. a SUPER GAS!! and I WAS INVITED!! (me & 1,000 others, that is.) then there's another party in simi valley where was told i even could sit in, but they'll be playing '80s & the friend who invited me & even is playing it is not excited about it... 3 musical event possiblities... i mean, jeez.
-> what's wrong w/me?!? such a stick in the mud. we only live once, right? but lately am in a space where 1) my spirit's doing well; 2) therefore don't have thoughts of head in oven; & 3) wanna keep it that way. really, something about the music just makes me come unhinged. can't do halfway: it's love or barf! that's fine when close to home so a person can slip out, or is surrounded by brothers & sisters so can come down safely. but all the aforementioned events'll be in the southland. that leaves me alone after the ball drops & therefore maybe headed for lonesome town & maybe even dangerland. so trying to be wise, this hermit's gonna miss it all this auld lang syne. but will hope to see the ball drop, anyhow, at some cozy place, & usher in 2011 soberly... be you sober or not, @ 12 am on jan 1, may you be safe & happy.
-> prudence, wisdom, chickenness? feh. no se importa. why'd i even write all this? maybe you face similar indecision, worry about being uncool, missing out, life leaving you behind. but how can we be cool if we're dead? the health of one's soul must come first. then fun, then coolness, then kicks. as a person i know says, "i have spoken."
-> drew a full house @ the goodwill recently, picking up john doe's roadside prophets, juke logan, & exene's old wives tales on cassette - 25 cents each! so happy for my antiquated av gear, which allows such deals. yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! feliz ano nuevo!! so for 2011, here's some x lyrics:
-> absence makes the heart grow fonder / so i never want to see you again / i'm wrecking the kitchen carefully / but i'm keeping your dinner warm...
... as well as their sort of new year's song:
-> year one little babies, year one on their tvs, no a.d. b.c. a.d. patriotic people sleep in washington d.c., waiting waiting waiting, they don't feel a thing, no dolls no debutantes, no desperate living class, no roman catholic mass, no magazines no tv, no r.c.a. no g.e., year one in our history, year one in society, they're waiting for the son, for any son to come, year one you're on, i'm one
(in fine: brilliant niece on the world ending in 2012; read this imagining a teenage voice dripping w/sarcasm: "the mayan calendar is a circle. assuming a circle has a beginning OR end, which it does NOT, people, what would you do when it ends? YOU START OVER. i imagine if the ancient mayans hadn't been wiped out, they'd've made a new calendar starting at 2012... but there ARE NO ANCIENT MAYANS ANYMORE. and IT'S A CIRCLE, PEOPLE!")
-> my former future-ex-husband (i've given up) phil alvin will serve as master of ceremonies for the gene taylor blues band's new yr's eve show this friday nite at LA's redwood room. gene'll be backed by the original blasters, for pete's sake. here's an article about this going-to-be-incredibly-awesome show, at which i will not be. yeah, should just kill myself & get it over with, but've been doing this spiritual practice lately, yknow, so just won't... plus (it IS some consolation, tho gene'll be back in belgium by then) will get to see most of these fellas @ the elvis birthday bash, art fein's annual super shindig, art fein of hollywood, that is, our manager in name, man about tinseltown, gadfly, scribe, hopeful malcontent w/love of music so fervent, bet it overrides his hatred of sloppy language (don't read this, @), art whose green corduroy jacket i finally shall return in hope-not-too-dog-haired & wrinkled condition...
-> lately my thing is to miss it all, like a bizarro world art. for instance, a blasphemy: x played the other night @ the crystal palace, but in my bones i knew i just had to get home to the mtns, so no estaba.
-> my sister reported they played the entire los angeles album, then at least 3-4 songs from every other. after i finished throwing up, i got back on the phone. "billy zoom looked perfect," she cooed, "& afterward john doe & exene were out in the lobby signing autographs but i couldn't go up to him!! i was too scared!!" i recalled to her 1st time mtg phil alvin being that way, shaking like the leaves on the trees... brian p, good guy, grabbed me & pushed me up to phil, who kissed my hand & recited a poem. bp took pix; in them, i look like maybe i just had a fit, sort of spacy & goony. wish i'd been @ x cause would've done the same for my sis, shoved her up there so she'd have a photo memento.
-> what else? candye kane's & tom yearsley's party. that'll be a super gas. a SUPER GAS!! and I WAS INVITED!! (me & 1,000 others, that is.) then there's another party in simi valley where was told i even could sit in, but they'll be playing '80s & the friend who invited me & even is playing it is not excited about it... 3 musical event possiblities... i mean, jeez.
-> what's wrong w/me?!? such a stick in the mud. we only live once, right? but lately am in a space where 1) my spirit's doing well; 2) therefore don't have thoughts of head in oven; & 3) wanna keep it that way. really, something about the music just makes me come unhinged. can't do halfway: it's love or barf! that's fine when close to home so a person can slip out, or is surrounded by brothers & sisters so can come down safely. but all the aforementioned events'll be in the southland. that leaves me alone after the ball drops & therefore maybe headed for lonesome town & maybe even dangerland. so trying to be wise, this hermit's gonna miss it all this auld lang syne. but will hope to see the ball drop, anyhow, at some cozy place, & usher in 2011 soberly... be you sober or not, @ 12 am on jan 1, may you be safe & happy.
-> prudence, wisdom, chickenness? feh. no se importa. why'd i even write all this? maybe you face similar indecision, worry about being uncool, missing out, life leaving you behind. but how can we be cool if we're dead? the health of one's soul must come first. then fun, then coolness, then kicks. as a person i know says, "i have spoken."
-> drew a full house @ the goodwill recently, picking up john doe's roadside prophets, juke logan, & exene's old wives tales on cassette - 25 cents each! so happy for my antiquated av gear, which allows such deals. yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! feliz ano nuevo!! so for 2011, here's some x lyrics:
-> absence makes the heart grow fonder / so i never want to see you again / i'm wrecking the kitchen carefully / but i'm keeping your dinner warm...
... as well as their sort of new year's song:
-> year one little babies, year one on their tvs, no a.d. b.c. a.d. patriotic people sleep in washington d.c., waiting waiting waiting, they don't feel a thing, no dolls no debutantes, no desperate living class, no roman catholic mass, no magazines no tv, no r.c.a. no g.e., year one in our history, year one in society, they're waiting for the son, for any son to come, year one you're on, i'm one
(in fine: brilliant niece on the world ending in 2012; read this imagining a teenage voice dripping w/sarcasm: "the mayan calendar is a circle. assuming a circle has a beginning OR end, which it does NOT, people, what would you do when it ends? YOU START OVER. i imagine if the ancient mayans hadn't been wiped out, they'd've made a new calendar starting at 2012... but there ARE NO ANCIENT MAYANS ANYMORE. and IT'S A CIRCLE, PEOPLE!")
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Monday, December 27, 2010
bless-ed.
in the old days, the word "blessed" or anything resembling it would've made me puke. but over the holidays, i rented my house thru the site airb&b, & i do feel blessed w/the way things went down.
"strangers? aren't you worried they might trash your house?" an aunt of mine asked. no, i wasn't; i was forthright in describing my house: nothing fancy, but w/beautiful vws & wonderful other perks, i feel, that wouldn't appeal to insincere ppl, mebbe. no real amenities except star-gazing, hiking, mountains, clean air, fireplace, cozy cabin-like ambience, etc. i sensed anyone who'd choose my place would appreciate it as a humble & friendly place... or maybe i'd be wrong & they'd trash it. we'd see how it would go, but i had a feeling all would be ok.
never realized how messy my place was til a young family reserved it for christmas. yipes!! i started scrubbing. for 3 days. :) then a darling young girl & her cute, bubbly mom showed up @ the door. their story sounded sadly too-typical of what's up today in the usa: dad lost job, family had to separate for economic reasons, mom & daughter stay w/grandma while mom finishes school, dad lives in entirely separate town. a young family wrenched apart. "i've been looking for a place i could afford so we could all be together for the holidays," smiled mom. "i'm so grateful; i can't even tell you!" she enthused in 10 different ways how much she loved my house & hugged her little girl. "she's been so brave," she said. the little girl smiled & hugged me when i left. "have fun, sweety!" i said. my heart swelled & i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude down the hill to bako. what a christmas, to be renting my place so that i might have a little dough, but then for THIS family to get to be together bc of it!
then someone i know asked, "did you meet the father?" no, replied i.
worry temporarily set in. what if he's just out of prison, unrepentant? outlaw biker? mean drunk? what if mom & girl were just waiting for me to leave so they could bring in bad papa?
good sense returned. bah - nonsense. as mama said, "it's CHRISTMAS!" (this translates as, "all are welcome, we love everyone, we trust everyone." this is sort of mama's credo all the time, tho.)
my christmas was even better than i'd thought it could be. astoundingly nice. & yesterday i called the dad to give all the heads-up i'd be coming home that next day. a humble voice answered; w/in secs i knew there'd been no need for worry. "we are so blessed to have been able to stay together in your house for the holidays." how was your christmas? i asked. great, he said. "& it was the neatest thing. we were having dinner & looking out the window & it started to snow." snow at christmas for a family reunited, a little girl surrounded by loving mom & dad. i ran sniffling & smiling w/gratitude to my beaming family, all of us wondering @ the christmasy spirit of the whole thing.
today i got home. the daughter was waiting in the window & when i pulled up, she jumped off the couch. the family came right out: beautiful, beaming mom, handsome, clear-eyed dad, smiling child, doggies. we chatted for a few minutes. they smiled & enthused about what a wonderful time they'd had. i went in my house, so happy to be home. they'd left me a huge, cheerful bouquet of flowers, a box of cookies, food in the fridge, a handwritten note & a beautiful card from all containing words like "magical," "amazing," "enchanting," "cozy," & "wonderful." THEY thanked ME. my heart sang, as would yours, i'd think! i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude, then called & told mama & wrote about it here bc i must not ever forget this! don't know why such a nice experience happened to me, but it did, & all i can say is i feel so happy to have had this house that allowed that young family to be together & have such a nice time.
& i do feel blessed; there's not really another word i can think of that better describes it.
happy, happy holidays. :)
"strangers? aren't you worried they might trash your house?" an aunt of mine asked. no, i wasn't; i was forthright in describing my house: nothing fancy, but w/beautiful vws & wonderful other perks, i feel, that wouldn't appeal to insincere ppl, mebbe. no real amenities except star-gazing, hiking, mountains, clean air, fireplace, cozy cabin-like ambience, etc. i sensed anyone who'd choose my place would appreciate it as a humble & friendly place... or maybe i'd be wrong & they'd trash it. we'd see how it would go, but i had a feeling all would be ok.
never realized how messy my place was til a young family reserved it for christmas. yipes!! i started scrubbing. for 3 days. :) then a darling young girl & her cute, bubbly mom showed up @ the door. their story sounded sadly too-typical of what's up today in the usa: dad lost job, family had to separate for economic reasons, mom & daughter stay w/grandma while mom finishes school, dad lives in entirely separate town. a young family wrenched apart. "i've been looking for a place i could afford so we could all be together for the holidays," smiled mom. "i'm so grateful; i can't even tell you!" she enthused in 10 different ways how much she loved my house & hugged her little girl. "she's been so brave," she said. the little girl smiled & hugged me when i left. "have fun, sweety!" i said. my heart swelled & i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude down the hill to bako. what a christmas, to be renting my place so that i might have a little dough, but then for THIS family to get to be together bc of it!
then someone i know asked, "did you meet the father?" no, replied i.
worry temporarily set in. what if he's just out of prison, unrepentant? outlaw biker? mean drunk? what if mom & girl were just waiting for me to leave so they could bring in bad papa?
good sense returned. bah - nonsense. as mama said, "it's CHRISTMAS!" (this translates as, "all are welcome, we love everyone, we trust everyone." this is sort of mama's credo all the time, tho.)
my christmas was even better than i'd thought it could be. astoundingly nice. & yesterday i called the dad to give all the heads-up i'd be coming home that next day. a humble voice answered; w/in secs i knew there'd been no need for worry. "we are so blessed to have been able to stay together in your house for the holidays." how was your christmas? i asked. great, he said. "& it was the neatest thing. we were having dinner & looking out the window & it started to snow." snow at christmas for a family reunited, a little girl surrounded by loving mom & dad. i ran sniffling & smiling w/gratitude to my beaming family, all of us wondering @ the christmasy spirit of the whole thing.
today i got home. the daughter was waiting in the window & when i pulled up, she jumped off the couch. the family came right out: beautiful, beaming mom, handsome, clear-eyed dad, smiling child, doggies. we chatted for a few minutes. they smiled & enthused about what a wonderful time they'd had. i went in my house, so happy to be home. they'd left me a huge, cheerful bouquet of flowers, a box of cookies, food in the fridge, a handwritten note & a beautiful card from all containing words like "magical," "amazing," "enchanting," "cozy," & "wonderful." THEY thanked ME. my heart sang, as would yours, i'd think! i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude, then called & told mama & wrote about it here bc i must not ever forget this! don't know why such a nice experience happened to me, but it did, & all i can say is i feel so happy to have had this house that allowed that young family to be together & have such a nice time.
& i do feel blessed; there's not really another word i can think of that better describes it.
happy, happy holidays. :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
happy holidays!!!!
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhumOGs6FQuo-wwGvW8ZlrruBRwz9DzkbbrdoU45GoF7yHyogaOiJuDuBRmBXm-3mqs2_JdSApifBaZp9vUE1WYx0Dg73YIuhWfeGFwNI-432mJKRjJGw0Hk8jawcRhOu21ZNzMGA/s400/jenny%2527s+xmas+card+2010.jpg)
imagine a world where all are fed, warm, & happy. what would life be like then? may we be well. may our fellow humans be well. may your days be merry & bright.
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Saturday, December 18, 2010
post 500: mister awesome tickles the ivories, rides & swings the B&W rails this new yrs eve!!!!
oh, what can i say about mister awesome, who gave me a piano lesson at a friend's hollywood apt several yrs back, except WOW? was supposed to go down to harvelle's last night to see gene, backed by original blasters minus professor phil... a storm hit!!! the weather was a-blowing and colld, colld, colld - "not fit for maaan or beast!" i made it in the house, freezing like a drowned rat, made it in thru the door & slammed it shut and... the place was so cozy, so christmasy, while outside blustered, sleeted, winds on the way up the grapevine @ 40mph...
i stayed in. the storm never ended. then blasters fan #1 lisa carin emailed today & said the band played 2 sets last night & it was beyond awesome... telling of my mind-state today, i feel not like i wanna put my head in an oven @ that happy news, but happy for all who got to witness it & excited about new yr's eve!, when gene & co play the final american show for this yr, @ the BELLY UP of all places! close to candye, freddie & bill, beach, temperate climate, & blazers memories (see link below for gene's schedule)... speaking of blazers, manuel/big manny's on tour in tx right now w/life-long buddy ruben (tho they no longer play together, for the most pt) doing the big manny christmas album! i hope they're having a swell time together... they've known each other over 40 yrs! they speak music & marx bros & more! so delighted manuel & ruben are together for this yuletide...
the gray matter is radiating calm happiness right now. hope you who read be experiencing this, too. :) to be not just still alive, but in a cozy mountain shelter w/music, visitors, food, things to read, some dough, able body & mostly cooperating coconut, friendships, love, & 2nd chances... well, what's there to be sad about? your particulars might be a bit different, but if you're with me, well, let's give thanks. happy christmas week to all. :)
i stayed in. the storm never ended. then blasters fan #1 lisa carin emailed today & said the band played 2 sets last night & it was beyond awesome... telling of my mind-state today, i feel not like i wanna put my head in an oven @ that happy news, but happy for all who got to witness it & excited about new yr's eve!, when gene & co play the final american show for this yr, @ the BELLY UP of all places! close to candye, freddie & bill, beach, temperate climate, & blazers memories (see link below for gene's schedule)... speaking of blazers, manuel/big manny's on tour in tx right now w/life-long buddy ruben (tho they no longer play together, for the most pt) doing the big manny christmas album! i hope they're having a swell time together... they've known each other over 40 yrs! they speak music & marx bros & more! so delighted manuel & ruben are together for this yuletide...
the gray matter is radiating calm happiness right now. hope you who read be experiencing this, too. :) to be not just still alive, but in a cozy mountain shelter w/music, visitors, food, things to read, some dough, able body & mostly cooperating coconut, friendships, love, & 2nd chances... well, what's there to be sad about? your particulars might be a bit different, but if you're with me, well, let's give thanks. happy christmas week to all. :)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
el mero mero
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigWGPKWBQ5eRfU776X650OV-cKjRt-7kYxUeAfQguyYlalEzsb1TdH9s7HAWp1eI5itjcBP5OCuH5_mK8t2lzBeMI9gvDnkGd0ywL6Q_jvECr8ngofIS4Hfy3-v2EVfPD3MywfEQ/s320/los+ramons.jpg)
they had a xmas CD for sale -- rick & phil, good eggs, bought copies & then LR had phil supply the "gabba gabba hey" during "pinhead." watching phil the rockabilly boy scout thrashing around w/these mugs, ultra-cool in their mexican red-white-&-green, black stetsons, & drunken-tio beards & mullets, was such a kick! it made me restless, tho, like i get, never wanting to play any slow songs ever again, wanting to get hold of shantell to do that all-girl cramps tribute we've been talking about for yrs... slow songs: yech!!! LR was nice afterwards; they're east-LAers, so i had to ask if anyone knew manuel, & one recalled from when "i was a little kid," hanging out @ an east-side record store where the older guys would jam. "those guys were our heroes," he said. i feel dumb cause i can't remember which ramon this was... oh well. i'm sure we'll see them again. :)
"what a great double-bill!" enthused steve price, who showed up w/truly elvis-worthy mutton chops... pizza-slices were faithfully NY-style, our set was fun (tho i couldn't hear the keyboard) (scotty did "lovesick blues" for the 1stx on stage & it came out cool!), & david & nancy were the best, friendliest hosts!... dusk devils love rocknroll pizza, worth a visit if you're traveling anytime down topanga cyn between the 118 & 101, right across from the mammoth shopping mall... in a day of karaoke, sports bars, top 40 & cover bands who eat up all the paying gigs, & general indifference, people who are so faithful to live rocknroll music, like the redballs folks, deserve support & gratitude!!!
long live rocknroll. long live rocknroll pizza!
Friday, December 10, 2010
spread the bird, bird, bird is the word...
- presented here's the devo-evo-lution of our R&R pizza show flyers, courtesy of creative gourmand david vieira:
note that the devil-chick show is tomorrow. yay!!! :)
- on another note, boogie-woogie king gene taylor's here from belgium! catch him before he goes home: click on "tour," then scroll down to GT blues band
- wonder if he'll pop up @ the elvis show again? 1x, 2 yrs ago, was enough for this heart: i nearly plotzed in a died-&-gone-to-heaven moment. i mean, all that talent, then gene walks in unexpectedly?? my lord!!
- as is, @ elvis show we're on bill w/not just a cast of thousands, but candye, karling, AND ruby!!!!!!!! how'd that happen??
- oh yeah... art. wow, art; wow. :) he makes wonderful musical assemblages annually @ these things -- can't believe we & i get to be a part. i pinch myself! it's unimaginable! to think where i could be & instead to get this... time to regroup, for mild gratitude, for calm reflection, not impulse for merriment & mania, to guffaw & monkey about & jump & run... will save that for the stage. :)
- for what do you have to be grateful? (let's all take a second to pause... bow heads... give thanks...) heh! just kidding, sort of!
- feliz fin de semana y felices fiestas to you, dear reader, whomever you be. life, oh life! we're still here! rejoice!
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8o64nHuDlPl8TEPOz3R0n397CBFZQWL5pq8oblBGLCifGj0C97raNeAYTete45IASEBMrc3b8rbANV_KpE7aVoydE9XvTRN1WSgRS1gWjw77F4TEfb-w4AhSnvAPmcRqzVR0Zog/s320/dusk+devils+redballs+rock+and+roll+pizza+flyers.jpg)
- on another note, boogie-woogie king gene taylor's here from belgium! catch him before he goes home: click on "tour," then scroll down to GT blues band
- wonder if he'll pop up @ the elvis show again? 1x, 2 yrs ago, was enough for this heart: i nearly plotzed in a died-&-gone-to-heaven moment. i mean, all that talent, then gene walks in unexpectedly?? my lord!!
- as is, @ elvis show we're on bill w/not just a cast of thousands, but candye, karling, AND ruby!!!!!!!! how'd that happen??
- oh yeah... art. wow, art; wow. :) he makes wonderful musical assemblages annually @ these things -- can't believe we & i get to be a part. i pinch myself! it's unimaginable! to think where i could be & instead to get this... time to regroup, for mild gratitude, for calm reflection, not impulse for merriment & mania, to guffaw & monkey about & jump & run... will save that for the stage. :)
- for what do you have to be grateful? (let's all take a second to pause... bow heads... give thanks...) heh! just kidding, sort of!
- feliz fin de semana y felices fiestas to you, dear reader, whomever you be. life, oh life! we're still here! rejoice!
Sunday, December 05, 2010
storming inside, storming outside... what a mess
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidFc29rsWuzJBiThflBznvLZojrdlvf7RD0kNzeNOTQjqzsw75nZuBVDAu_9qlnSSKJ37CNBdct8LVM_8H9S0BcF4PncpjJIouIWvCQuT8g7y1QokH6UyELlT1y-fQZm_2wUO8kw/s320/medium_Telephone.jpg)
* @ mysteriously left his green corduroy jacket in the small space of my truck's front seat (daughter jessie had his car, so i chauffeured). i'm sorry to say it now bears dog hair... would love to get pix from paul body of the night, including 1 of me/PA & AF, tho am positive i was having a very bad hair night.
* tottenham's art was peculiar & affecting. one series showed a disabled, nude, seemingly depressed, underfed woman. i thought it exploitative, & then an acquaintance said he liked it!: that it showed the humanity of persons normally not considered subjects of art! my dear friend donna'd probably say rashomon may be the case -- someplace in the middle is Truth.
* imagine that. the frigging middle. now there's a wise construct!
* the wall that flipped me out most displayed a score of small paintings, ea of a different man w/a different woman, ea in which the man's fingers are stuffed in the woman's mouth.
* i mean, what the hell can i say about that except i just don't know what the hell to say about that... it was kinda weird & thrilling & depressing, i guess.
* lastly, am glad i saw art's post & have something to write about that doesn't involve an oven & my head. (just kidding, loved ones, about something not funny one bit.) the dog boys are here & it's storming like crazy... i should be @ a mtg!... so what's it like to have two ppl living in one body? (not that you asked?) bliss & bane, thrill & despair, too much for me...
* waiting for the next wave, when the updraft hits & i go soaring... should be soon, knowing this rollercoaster... soon!! "there is always madness in love. but there also is always some reason in madness." nietzsche? is it true???
* wishing you a warm place out of the elements, w/a head & soul that cooperate...
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
shadows, d.h. lawrence
r.i.p. to heather & peace to all of her loved ones.
and if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
and if, as weeks go round, in the dark of the moon
my spirit darkens and goes out, and soft strange gloom
pervades my movements and my thoughts and words
then I shall know that I am walking still
with God, we are close together now the moon’s in shadow.
and if, as autumn deepens and darkens
I feel the pain of falling leaves, and stems that break in storms
and trouble and dissolution and distress
and then the softness of deep shadows folding,
folding around my soul and spirit, around my lips
so sweet, like a swoon, or more like the drowse of a low, sad song
singing darker than the nightingale, on, on to the solstice
and the silence of short days, the silence of the year, the shadow,
then I shall know that my life is moving still
with the dark earth, and drenched
with the deep oblivion of earth’s lapse and renewal.
and if, in the changing phases of man’s life
I fall in sickness and in misery
my wrists seem broken and my heart seems dead
and strength is gone, and my life
is only the leavings of a life:
and still, among it all, snatches of lovely oblivion, and snatches of renewal
odd, wintry flowers upon the withered stem, yet new, strange flowers
such as my life has not brought forth before, new blossoms of me
then I must know that still
I am in the hands of the unknown God,
he is breaking me down to his own oblivion
to send me forth on a new morning, a new man.
and if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
and if, as weeks go round, in the dark of the moon
my spirit darkens and goes out, and soft strange gloom
pervades my movements and my thoughts and words
then I shall know that I am walking still
with God, we are close together now the moon’s in shadow.
and if, as autumn deepens and darkens
I feel the pain of falling leaves, and stems that break in storms
and trouble and dissolution and distress
and then the softness of deep shadows folding,
folding around my soul and spirit, around my lips
so sweet, like a swoon, or more like the drowse of a low, sad song
singing darker than the nightingale, on, on to the solstice
and the silence of short days, the silence of the year, the shadow,
then I shall know that my life is moving still
with the dark earth, and drenched
with the deep oblivion of earth’s lapse and renewal.
and if, in the changing phases of man’s life
I fall in sickness and in misery
my wrists seem broken and my heart seems dead
and strength is gone, and my life
is only the leavings of a life:
and still, among it all, snatches of lovely oblivion, and snatches of renewal
odd, wintry flowers upon the withered stem, yet new, strange flowers
such as my life has not brought forth before, new blossoms of me
then I must know that still
I am in the hands of the unknown God,
he is breaking me down to his own oblivion
to send me forth on a new morning, a new man.
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