a big pile o' sh*t

-just was reading about that ultra-unfortunate presence, the resident of the usa. :( that prompted the title of this post. :( a dear friend of mine thinks the world is not long due to the resident's actions... i hope she is just going through empty nest syndrome; i've never heard such gloom from my friend, whom i've known near-30 years. she's never even remotely political. her fundamentalist-christian brother thinks it's end times, too, tho for different reasons... ok, on to other shtuff...
-we urgently need to go to the dump. and get rid of mucho crap. this isn't like carlin's routine where my stuff is stuff & his stuff is sh*t: it's all sh*t!!
-i'm just taking a break. i was out in our big yard throwing lumber and other large pieces of heavy stuff onto the 2nd driveway, hoping for a dump run. the wind is whipping around outside. we need to paint this house. we need to paint & organize. i need to vacuum, my most hated job after toilet cleaning.

- the christmas/manuel tribute show went well. i fear i did sh*tty, tho i got nothing but the sincerest praise. it wasn't about me; the show needed to happen. i'm just being self-critical bc i saw pix & still don't look like i did when i was 40. i worry about my human suit... even though everything means nothing. maybe love means something. manuel represented love. he still does, to so many, many people. christmas was nice. our school plays went well. i saw cody, my elder stepson whom i've not seen in 3 years, at the show. that was sure a love experience. :) should have no complaints.
- we're going to take a wee vacation in a few days. the house is suffocating me. we need to get rid of mountains of sh*t. my life is pretty damned good. i love my family, my pets, my husband, my life. every deadline lately has been a real hit. i feel restless. i need to run: literally, that is, not figuratively.
- this all makes no sense; sometimes a soul's just in a mood. goodbye for now.

death warmed over

that reminds me, the new microwave just blew up.
one of my tiniest students has been sick with a high fever, very worrisome. she is a very small, delicate child. i hope she is better today. i so love my students. another few also have been really sick. today i am very sick, really weird & painful head symptoms & no energy, just blah; i'm like a sitting, standing blob of dumb soreness. our christmas play is not coming along so well... a month was not enough time for them to pull it all together after the roaring success of their haunted house. i feel terrible for scrooge, the kid i had to fire last year. he is really excelling this time... meanwhile, most others are near-crazy with visions of holidays & are not able to focus. then this gorgeous red husky came up the other day & we made the fatal error of naming him. then heard he is owned by someone who mistreats him & has not come to get him, though he has been told we have him. (i don't know where the guy lives... that is the only good thing here bc if i did, i'd feel compelled to return him, & sounds like this individual doesn't deserve to have this gentle, noble creature.) that plus manuel show, too many potlucks (one is too many, in my opinion), upcoming christmas, marriage, all this is too much right now. i wish we could keep buddy the dog, who is not just so very handsome, but docile & sweet. he even likes hanging out in the dog house dad bought penny, which penny never uses. and he lets penny, half his size, be the alpha dog, which is fortunate. bleh.... i am useless today. i feel physically like what i wrote at top, and emotionally just overwhelmed, like i said. so to do something, i did the dishes & made a final poster for sunday. i think it will be a rockin joyous feliz navidad for all. i am certain that manuel, in whose honor we are having teh show, would be very happy. :) and cody might be there. i haven't seen my older stepson in years. he is a really good egg who tries to save the world. friends are coming. i am a bless-ed individual. i'm gonna now post this & go lie down for a bit more before we take buddy lou page to the shelter on the hill so that the jerk who owns him will have to go get him & defend himself  before he can take him back. i wrote a note to accompany buddy entitled "red husky" explaining what i know. i said we'd like to adopt him, if it comes to that, tho i'm sure a beautiful beast like buddy will be swooped up quickly.

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everything lately is good, just good, just fine, really nice, swell, cool! the biggest news has been snow! it really snowed! here are some pix. click on public posts for 2nd snow day and 1st snow day
and here is some great! news!!! i rally wanna go to nc for this, which'll be my first time in the carolinas... must be there!! when really nothing's important in the Grand Scheme, this is Important! 5 royales plaque
i'm procrastinating. there's a pile of gifts i have to wrap, the pile's i'm not kidding 4.5 feet tall, i gotta get that stuffed wrapped, everything i wrap looks like charlie brown's christmas tree, going to bakersfield soon, hanukkah 8k tomorrow, found out i can bring penny, need to make updated flyer for christmas show with performers' names, listening to big manny christmas album & wrapping gifts, procrastinating, better run before i don't do it at all...

big manny christmas chango jam dec 23!

manuel used a phrase, "chango jam," which means monkey jam, & me, him, & James had shared pix of chimps playing guitar, harmonica, & piano. manuel said we could call our band "monkey see, monkey do."
the performers at this jam, the one on the poster, won't be changos, but manuel's phrase seemed a good one to use in order to keep the tone light and happy. hope if you can that you will come! here is link to the FB public event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1776778882448620/
here is a pic of me from our wonderful catalina trip. the finish of this race was special bc they announced my name, town,  time, & people were cheering even  from the sidelines! since i'm never a front-runner, that finish experience was a happy novelty... happy sunday.

sad & super-excited

...a strange emotional brew...
something i thought someone else would host for the last year never happened, so this year it looks like it will happen if i get it started! i hope it will happen...
the coffee maker blew up
so i'm gonna head to santa clarita to get another
and... shop both big dollar stores
meanwhile need to pay h2o bill before they shut it off
water here is so expensive!
paid the damned bills
made some calls
feet are cold
need to run
my mind is racing and confused
need to run
a friend texted she'd just "smoked a big bowl"... sometimes i think...
...
...
nah, better not.
more later

"frah-GEE-leh... must be italian!"

-darrin mcgavin's classic line from the irreverent fun of a christmas story aside, life is fragile, we are fragile, children especially can be fragile. this past week my performing & fine arts elective at our school put on an ASTOUNDING haunted house! the children were scary, hammy, gory, creepy fun, the sets they dreamed up more ghoulish than i could have, even with a lifetime of horror films within my shoes. we had a wonderful halloween party hosted by parents. the kids returned the next day emotional basket cases. i thought maybe it was sugar overdose. the next day was even more difficult, sad, & worrisome. my students are fragile. i must tend to them as best i can.

51 years in issaquah, wa

typical shopping with james :)

-in my youth, i had an a**hole of a boyfriend who had a tall, gallant, sad, grayed father, an engineer & korean conflict vet, who pronounced solemnly  that teaching was "a noble profession." more and more i feel that... also that, in addition to helping other alcoholics to find sobriety, teaching is similarly a sacred duty. my job becomes more vital each year i get to do it.

seattle with bennetts

seattle

-i'm uploading this entire year's worth of photos right now to facebook. 11 months of photos takes a loooooooong time to upload up here. recently i received a box of coffee from new orleans, LA, & delicious tho it is, it has less caffeine... i hardly can stay awake. then again, this torporous languor might be due to this 1st day of daylight savings time, which seemed to start perfectly on this day when at "old" 6 am, unlike just yesterday, outside was black, but by "new" 6 am, the wide sky sighed with autumnal hues, grays, burnt orange & umber, then pinks, reds & blues: it was time to get up, & the clock change coincided with the heavens. it seemed not just beautiful, but miraculous, tho of course the whole concept of DST was based on much research prior to its implementation...

laurel's wedding

ok, well, we have many chores inside & outside today, so i'd better get to it. here are some pix of mister james & i from the 2000 i'm uploading.
be safe, & care for your fellow beings, human & otherwise.

procrASStination

this morn as i showered, i contemplated how to renovate the bathroom & then, as i felt my crooked teeth (kids, always wear your retainers!), i started wondering what my skeleton looks like. i'm sure you know that not a one is the same, especially when it come to the human skull. is there a way i could see my skeleton without having to become a millionaire first in order to afford expensive & unnecessary x-rays?
long ago i recall seeing an x-ray of my skull; i must've been living in bakersfield, where i had chronic head illness & pain & doctor visits. i wish i could've kept that thing. i believe i slipped the x-ray out of its over-sized envelope & took a peek as i transported it from one dr office to another...
all this digression & procrastination means one thing: today is the deadline for me to prepare our taxes.
when i've prepared taxes, i've always done it on time, being unbrave or less foolhardy than aunty rita & uncle henry were. (he was a millionaire, but didn't pay for over 10 years. she never paid. screw them!! was their attitude... and when they DID have to pay, hoo-boy, they loudly complained! it became family lore!)
in 2017, i saved every one of our receipts, having in 2017 just prepared our turbotax & seen that you can deduct state sales tax from every single purchase... and this really appealed to my felix unger or ocd-leaning side... but this just meant that come april 2018, immersed in teaching & Life, we had this ginormous sack, a looming mountain, of unsorted receipts. so i filed for an extension.
anyways, so now i'm conducting an experiment on which is the best new orleans chicory coffee, having ordered online union (local version of community, i read); luzianne; and cdm. so far, union is winning, though luzianne's instant coffee is the best i've ever had... and let's see; what else: my hip pain has subsided finally, after months, due to yoga, so i guess it's time for me to fall down or get knocked down & become injured again... and let's see: we had a gig friday night, a real dud (not our part; the band kicked ass, & henry carvajal subbed on guitar) at a place that could be a hopping music venue in downtown pasadena but instead is just a crappy dud, but james & me, we had lots of fun on the rides over & back... and let's see...
i'm drawing a blank now...
that means...
arrrgggghhh!!
taxes!!!!!

run for your life!!! (or walk... or crawl...)

glad that once upon a time i was a typesetter! my young life then was creepy & crappy to great degree... but i learned to make ads! hope you go, if you're local or just driving by along I-5.

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james told me he'd come home in the morning, & he did. he played shenanigan's last night, & even if he'd begged me to go, i couldn't, yesterday getting sideswiped by severe ear & throat pain... crap! i went a whole month at school w/o getting sick... so the weekend's been a big blah as i've rested & done little except fiddlefart around the house & yard & watch tv & get faint & go back to bed.. so he came in this early morn all cheerful & handsome & today's been a good one tho i didn't really move til i finally took cold medicine. prior to that, i tried natural remedies all weekend: warm compress on ears, hot tea with lemon, a horrible concoction of ACV, baking soda, turmeric & cinnamon... was reluctant to take cold med bc sometimes speedy stuff makes me psycho, but this med just allowed me enough energy to get out of bed, so we played music all afternoon, trying to make videos, now talking about making a lo-fi record together, so many plans: we really need to narrow it down!! but it was great fun. at one point i started playing some changes & remarked it sounded like a show tune & james launched immediately into a cornball  schmaltz of his own creation, off-the-cuff, about a boy who returns to his high school reunion to show all of THEM!! -- singing broadly, gesticulating dramatically: such a born showman james is!! that was a video keeper, but he didn't want to post it, so... i got this pic to commemorate our fun afternoon.
and what's that on my nose? oh well.
when he's back from walking penny, we'll watch either beastmaster or black panther & cozy up for the eve. i hope i'm well enough tomorrow to get back to school bc i don't want to be absent!!

waiting for james...

we played last night at sue's. it's great to go just one mile for a gig. just wonderful! the bottom register of the keyboard sounded just wrong to me; i hope it's an amp setting; it sounded really un-piano-like!! but people were great & nice & complimentary & the eve was fun enough.
after our little set, i cleared the stage for us while james bsed with people, then i got to sit with christy & corey for a while, my dear school friends. devin & arestina were there, too, looking flushed with good health, just back from their exercise class, happy & sober in the bar. "i'm gonna get a shirley temple," devin giggled, & then they headed for the pool tables.
the skinny, swooping, tall drink of water rio collins got up & did a silly blue comedy show. the audience was positive, & i admired how he handled a drunk heckler. when things got pretty loud & ribald, corey told christy, "let's go before we end up in the paper!!" and they scooted along.

after the show, i went home &, still amped up, took pix with the animals, inspired when peewee jumped on the electric piano: "kitten on the keys" is a famous old tune by zez comfrey. penny absolutely wouldn't be still until she was let go, as you can see in the pix.
 i put on pjs, drank some warm milk, & went to bed.
1230 or so, james rolled in with rio the comedian. they laughed & told stories, but kept voices down & i stayed in slumberland. when i woke up, rio was sacked out on the couch, all wrapped up like a skinny burrito in one of our down comforters. i had a good day at school with the kids. when i got home, james was making dinner & rio had hit the road, being an itinerant comedian who books his own gigs & travels all the time. james, as usual, had made a new friend.

how many ways to stall??

another just popped up in junk mail: "click here to see how YOU resemble long-lost family members around the world"... or some such no-doubt lying junk.
the only time i saw ppl who "looked like us" was at a tribal summit some years back in coastal orange county (the only summit i've managed to get to). there were many yellowish-looking people with weak-colored eyes & limp hair, kind of mixed & weird-looking folks like i am & like some of my immediate family members are, too... i liken my sister's and my looks compared to our parents to the actress amanda plummer, interesting but never a beauty, not one bit, & her father, christopher, who was quite handsome in his youth. i just don't know what happened to us visually bc mom & dad were quite good-looking young people... but really, this kinda stuff matters less & less as the years erode everything about this human suit...
i am supposed to be working on school, so instead this weekend i deep-cleaned the whole house (including... james's quarters... the black hole of doom...) took penny for a slow jog (if i don't move my hip, it doesn't hurt), put latches on screen doors, watched MST3K (did you know incredibly strange creatures who stopped living & became mixed-up zombies was filmed in large part at long beach's long-gone beloved amusement-park-by-the-sea, the pike?? that was a definite highlight in an otherwise dreadful dog of a movie!!), feverishly researched tiny houses with hopes to install one on the back slope for mom & dad (latest obsession), walked across town (1.5 miles) & met christy & corey for breakfast, walked penny & corey's sweet dog mama at the park w/corey & adorable maya, continued cleaning, did the dishes, started proofreading dad's book, moved 5 wheelbarrows of dirt from the slope to the driveway...
i want to work, but i am afraid. i want so badly to do a good job this year. i have a very small class at this point. i guess part of me fears i will work hard, yet fail, anyways. i've had so little of that in my life. in my youth, i succeeded at everything i tried (except, near-fatally, over & over again, love relationships).
well, here's getting to it. the kids deserve it!!

no time, no blog!

yes, james got food, too: one of many vacation hog-outs

i haven't blogged in some time because well, i've been busy! it's also a big pita (teacher acronym for "pain in the a*s") to have to log out of my work account, log in to this "junk" account, scroll down, ahh: luxury problems! but not only hasn't there been time, it's not seemed important! however, here's a great blog that deserves more attention & time than i have currently; however, maybe you who read this will: nerds
we had a lovely family vacation. lovely! it was super-fun beginning to end. the gias, the bennetts, the pages... what fun! i could write & write about it! but... no time.
school has resumed. i have a tiny class. i love them! it will be a good year. the class is so small, i should be able to differentiate much more effectively. i've been able to identify the enrichment as well as at-risk kids already. i am hopeful i can help them mucho!

3 school bus stops are right across from our house: we
just gotta have one of these!

one of the highlights of vacation, just to quickly mention, was dumpster-diving with sister near the troll sculpture in seattle. we scored! all new stuff! rich people's trash is the best! another highlight was jog/walking (hip still injured) to a meeting where a nice man at the alano club counter purchased & said a prayer over a sobriety chip he then gave to me (i told him i was waiting for my family to arrive with my purse so i could buy one for myself). on the way, i saw a woman picking berries.
the northwest u.s. has the greatest biomass in the world. the area was suffering a dry, hot patch while we were there, one of the extremes characterizing the world's climate change, but everything still was so dark green, green, green! i was haunted by uncle ralph's backyard; you step out of the house to a cathedral of soaring, silent, majestic forest... dumbfounding! humbling! our backyard of stretching scrubby mountains brings my heart peace; these startling giants made me cry! so beautiful! how does a person have a backyard  like that & go on with their workday???? it was staggering.

gilded bowl i was gonna "swap meet" but can't part w/yet!

james & doug became such buds on the trip, so funny & loud together, funny & quick as any comedy team you can imagine; people even took video & pix of them as they walked around portland & seattle, doing their thing... the next week doug came to visit up here & as i took out the trash, i could hear them roaring & exchanging verbal patter: so funny! they don't do it for others, but for their own enjoyment! i hope their bromance continues for many moons to come...
i gotta run to bako to get groceries & stuff for school. check out the link!

"dancing doug" at uncle ralph's w/his archie mcphee appendages...
damn! the video doesn't work! oh well; believe me, it was
hilarious, doug dancing to me banging out st louis blues
on uncle ralphy's neat old piano...

musica musica musica

thumping from the basement is james playing along to johnny cash records. his friend tom gave him a cool turntable. now we have at least one with working speakers! it's a great day up here, with cloud cover relieving the heat. the sky is dreamy. the breeze is languid. i got to sleep at 5 a.m. after last night's gig, so soon i hope to be having a sunday afternoon nap. wow! life is good sometimes.
yes, we had a very successful show last night at shenanigan's. james was the perfect combination of raunchy & charming & funny & commanding. the audience was many, happy, responsive all night. i'm so very pleased to be playing the piano so much lately so i can contribute to the band instead of feeling like an add-on.
there's an awesome video circulating on facebook of us last year at don the beachcomber, an historical socal tiki nightclub/restaurant recently closed. it's so awesome, i watched it many times, just to be sure that was me in there with this powerful band sounding as badass as the blasters in their heyday. wow!
and i didn't look fat!
i can't upload the video here, so here is a screenshot.
the other day was such great news about my dear school friend's health; we met for celebratory lunch: oh, what a relief! then yesterday i got a good health report about james & a gruesome shot in my hip. "oh," i wriggled, feeling the strange burning gnaw where it shouldn't be as the 3 inch needle went deep, & kind doctor jen said, "oh yeah, that's the bone." ouch! i'm so hopeful now i will be able to run again...
with the gig over, we now have nothing to worry about except packing for our family trip. wow! it's gonna be great. i've wanted to visit my favorite uncle for 30 years!! this will be a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. happy sunday to you

the heat, the hip, & the blues

-james grew up in south los angeles: paramount/compton, cerritos, then migrated to lakewood/long beach in adulthood after the army. i, on the other hand, spent the 1st 43 life-years in... wait for it... BAKINGFIELD, CA, one of the hottest places on earth. in summer & part of autumn, temps are normally above 100 fahrenheit, & at nighttime, it only will drop sometimes 5 or 10 degrees. what a grueling ordeal, to walk around at 10 pm in 90 degree heat... so here on the hill, at 85 degrees, it's a real scorcher for many, but for me... pleasantly temperate. also, this "nothing will save it but dynamite" house i got for cash bc it was a dump is situated on a hill with mountains to the north: the breezes blow through the house, unbeatably comfortable at times.
-that graph contained bragging, or humble-bragging, or backward bragging, or whatever: "look how tough i am; i can endure so much crap." james says LA people do it about traffic: the heat (& smog) in  bakersfield's something you just grow up in & must endure as is "free"way traffic to angelenos.
-it's helped, too, spending summer vacations in desert hot springs & texas: hot, hot, hot! i finally understood an advantage of southern humid heat: you sweat your buns off, then the wind comes up & wa-la!: built-in air conditioning!

very tired, but together again, our tears have stopped falling

-next, turns out that independently james & i  both were fixated on leaving this earth earlier in the week, but things are better now. am glad to have a break from the gnawing dulling incessant death-thoughts that sent me to a bat-house in 2011. what combination of gasses or pills would result in a quick & painless end? the trick always is, when this stinking thinking pervades: how to do it w/o hurting  loved ones?
-the answer is: you can't. maybe when quite old, if no loved ones remain, maybe, maybe then. but the healthy part of this brain knows  i likely still will have loved ones then, though they may be entirely different ones than the ones i get to share my life with now.
-we played two gigs this past week. james says i "carried the show" tuesday at shenanigan's: sang a lot & was cheery & well-received by the audience. i could tell i performed sturdily. my instrumentals with steve went well.
-that was balanced by last night with james's band, when i tanked an instrumental, starting in the wrong key &,  doomed from that point, couldn't get back on my feet. damn!!!!
-lesson: never improv an instrumental heard on a CD/radio & think, "hey, i'll try that in front of a live audience!" that works for a lick or two in my case, but i'm not skilled enough to pull an entire song off with no practice, especially when i start in the wrong key.
live & learn.
-anyways, it's been fun playing with everyone, even if someone i know has had a serious case of the blues that came out especially tuesday as a severe & intense nastiness... blessedly, i didn't take it personally bc that would've not helped things one bit, & he bounced back; he always does. we always does.
t-he other day i entered Land of las Viejas, getting a hip x-ray. then the doc took me off blood pressure med, so now i'm getting fat, so she suggested consuming 1800 calories daily. i've probably been doubling that, especially when in texas!! since i was bulimic when young, my long-standing credo's  been "diet, never" since diets could be a slippery slope for me. but it feels good these last few days, reading labels & getting re-educated about food ingredients, getting some control over this. it feels better to eat better. now i just need that x-ray to show no hip fracture so nice doctor jen'll administer that cortisone shot....then i can run again!!!!!! life without music is no life, but life without running has been less than a thrill!!!! power walking w/doggy just ain't the same!!!!
-tomorrow: santa barbara w/james... next week: portland & seattle family trip!! woo-hoo!!!
be coo, foo. and i hope anything written here's been helpful.

texas

sometimes i get that old lonesome thing about being invisible. for yrs in my youth, i thought i was invisible. people didn't seem to see me, & i would hide inside my clothes or just stay away from others. lately i've done TWO races & there hasn't been even ONE pic of me!! then that weird feeling comes up: maybe you're invisible. maybe you don't exist. maybe people don't like you. maybe you're too weird-looking, ugly, deformed, non-white, etc etc etc: the old dysmorphic dysphoric selfish addict mind slides right in, damn that thing!!
so here's sort-of evidence of the last race, which i did in my dear cousin tushi's town, granbury tx, on my 23rd sobriety bd. the bottom right pic shows cousin thomas & me watching the 4th of july parade right after i finished the granbury 5k; i'm in terrible pain in this pic! i've been nursing an iliac crest injury after two crashes onto my hip while with her highness the dog, & i wrenched it terribly having to chase her up the mountain for 15 mins a few wks ago when she ran away... damned princess dog!!!! why do we have to love her so much!!! she can be such a pain in the rear!!!!
i've been reading chi running, which is supposed to reduce injury, & i hadn't been running for a week so i thought i was ok, but at mile 1.5 of the race, i decided to stop & walk a bit because the hip was feeling a little funny & AARGGGGHHHHH!!!! a knife shoved up into it, just excruciating!! so i walked & jogged the rest of the race, which was stupid, i should have stopped. the rest of my trip i mostly spent on the heating pad bc i scarcely could walk... but it was a good time. my cousin & i are so different, but so connected: i'm a week older than her bc i was premature, so she says that was bc "you always have to come first; you've always been such an inpatient b*tch!!" she historically has thought my every interest & utterance to be totally lacking in common sense & also super-weird; meanwhile, i have watched her love of the dukes of hazzard, kiss, dog the bounty hunter, hulk hogan, "smut" romance novels etc w/disgusted amusement.
typical exchange: me, seeing these pix: "wow! my hair's gotten really gray!" tushi (outraged tone): "what was your first clue??? you know they make this thing called hair dye! unless you prefer looking like a little old lady!!"
deep down, we are so proud of each other. tushi is ridiculously extravagant in some ways, & so funny, & has such a big heart, & is both totally impractical & very down-to-earth. she takes great pride in her grooming, wardrobe, & accessories & never apologizes for being her, which is startling, wonderful, & refreshing to an inborn neurotic like me. my cousin has been overweight since she was 5, & she's proudly big, saying she shops at the "heifer store" & to haters, "i'm fat but you're ugly, & i can lose weight"... one of the worst traits of any person, i think, is disdain toward others for their lack of money, their dark skin color, or their nationality/extra bodyweight; i really hate haters, which i know is hypocritical, but i don't care, & i just love the sh*t out of my cousin tushi. :)
her son, my cousin thomas, is a big, wise soul who's been through 2 rounds of brain cancer. he had the same cancer as chubby from our gang, but thomas is in remission now. he has wanted to be a mermaid since a young age & always has marched to his own drummer. i was really pleased to get to spend time with him, creative, imaginative, chatty, bumbling, & kind. thomas has lots of dreams & ideas. we went out into the pasture one day so he could show me his horse, general, as well as all the goats, to visit rosie the donkey, & to show me the trees he has named. we watched his favorite movie, the greatest showman, for which he says he needs "a recovery program."
tushi, thomas, & i watched the parade w/the rest of the family, ate hot dogs & hamburgers, watched tv, laid around and talked, went to san antonio, where we walked around the riverwalk & stayed at a hotel w/a view of san fernando mission as well as a "bachelor pad" for thomas, & ate at crazy, beautiful mi tierra. next day, tushi took thomas to the alamo & i bought records from alamo records inside an antique mall: albert ammons, women of boogie-woogie, & a jimmy yancey 45. we went to babe's fried chicken house, my favorite place to eat when i visit tx now, & i found a "jim yancey" piano book on the granbury square. most all texas towns have a square, & we agreed while driving around that granbury's lovely touristy one makes most all others look like crap. thomas & i went antiquing one day & i got him two independence day-themed beanie babie to commemorate my visit.
then getting home turned into an unexpected but not-terrible (although very long) adventure, & next evening james & i had a gig in long beach, but i'll write about that all later maybe. time to resume cleaning house.

tues july 10

pete johnson playlist!!!!

exhausted from busy day, i found this just last night while lounging on the couch with penny. i had been about to drift off to sleep, but this SHOCKED ME AWAKE!!!!
probably the channel owner has some kind of program that allows midi to play automatically the transcriptions.. this is a GOLD MINE!!!!
not only can you listen to the music, you can follow along with the transcription as each measure is highlighted in real-time... then there are the magic dots at top of screen showing the keys, sort of player piano style...
so now i'm in a teacher conference in central california with my two dear teacher friends & the session in this section is about blogger. she just asked us to write something on blogger. this is so we can have kids create websites, individually, in groups, as a class, at end of unit, as cyber portfolio, to monitor writing progress, etc etc etc.... so many possibilities!
however, right now, corey says, we can't access blogger at school; she's already contacted our IT, of course, since she's so on-the-spot about everything. so is christy. i am a comparative dunce, but oh well.
having this current assignment in this class is perfect timing! i wanted to post this anyways!! pete johnson playlist

now i will send the link to corey and to christy. hello, you two!!!!

papa

angie and i really did win the parent lottery.
my earliest memories are of dad's giant face smiling lovingly at me like the sun. guiding my little left hand and drawing, over and over and over, a smiley face. his hand covering my entire back as he held my wobbling baby body up for a photo (i was 3 months old; mom & dad identified the source of this  memory when i told them of it). toddling around our old oregon street house in my diaper, his oily garage cap and his giant work boots  (dad always was a public school teacher, but his avocation remains self-taught renaissance man of the practical: handyman of all things house-related, loving gardener, mechanic, historical writer.) listening to stories he and mama read us every night. laughing our butts off at the adventures of dad's cartoon creation, star rat, a whiskered rodent chomping a cigar.

beyond all that, dad always has demonstrated great dignity, fairness, love of humanity, kindness, well-placed irreverence, humor, and CLASS -- not classism.
gilbert gia always has been a handsome, humble, faithful, principled, gentle gentleman of patience and loyalty, a firm believer in social justice and humans (though with deserved outrage toward those who want more than their share of the pie, or deny others theirs). i could write forever and ever about him and our mother; they have long been my heroes... and james loves them now, so much, too. they have accepted him as their son. they always demonstrate this crucial idea: there is enough love to go around.

happy father's day, dad...

hate

hate is a strong emotion, "an evil and corrosive thread," it says in the big book. my mind at times reverts to hate-thoughts;  i used to wallow quite a lot in them, nearly all the time, in fact. james says, "hating someone requires too much energy." if anyone has reason to hate people, he would. he's been wronged, wronged, wronged (as well as done his wronging; hey! maybe that's all of us who have survived?)...

desert ruin

i should have no complaints because my life has been blessed, blessed, blessed (though w/the expected periods of "into each life some rain must fall")... however, the infernal coconut sometimes is unrealistic & uncooperative. so i write.
part of this current wade in the cesspool of negativity is this is the first time i've sat down w/nothing on my plate in a year!!!! "our very lives, as ex problem drinkers, depend on our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs." so i'm not helping students now for a full week, school is out, & i slide into dwelling on Them: the Unworthy. The Mean. The Petty. The Arrogant. The Imposters. The Fakes. The Liars. The Hypocrites. The Untalented. The Undeserving. The Phonies. The Deluded. etc etc; i judge them by 1000 names.
stupid brain!!!!

he says he wasn't asleep...

...however this same mind that burns w/thoughts of others being smote from the earth also delivers  joy, comfort, love, connection, warmth, etc etc. so the infernal coconut maybe is... just a coconut, even if one of addictive bent. thoughts need discipline, & therein they can be turned to helping others & connecting to the Bliss that can be existence.
i know this is a struggle, but i also know it's worthy.
and so it goes... and so it goes... and so it goes... etc.

james & the biggest cream puff we've ever seen

on the heels of the busiest last week of school in memory, i headed out to the desert w/james & penny dog for three days of lounging, soaking in mineral springs, eating, watching tv, reading... three days of vegging. it was really cool, & really weird. i rest well for a while, but only for a while! then i gotta do something. so in between, i walked penny, but it was too infernally hot to run (except one morning, a great 3-miler, w/desert breeze air conditioning my sail downhill for nearly a mile after a long, hot climb)... now we're in bako in the comfort of mom & dad's beautiful, comfortable oasis (they have headed for central coast); last night was movies w/wonderful bro-in-law & sis; last eve was dinner w/high school buddy & her friendly englishman husband; summer stretches ahead,d; i've got so many fun plans ahead; yes, a great life ahead...
time to get back to life.

5th place

i just wrote a whole entry about this race, then accidentally deleted it.
oh well!
it was at griffith park, which is the gigantic beautiful park in los angeles, of course. the event was truly fun. very difficult  & steep for the 1st two miles, a blast & a thrill after that.
i am not fast at all, but i came in 5th in my age group out of hundreds. the runners were all kinds, from amazing physical specimens, seeming spartans & olympians, to largish,  soft-ish folks in lycra. i did note that i was noticeably older than the majority of people around me...
i am pleased, both with having participated & with my results!
hope to do something like it again soon.
that is all.
except this is the last wk of school.
wheeee!

here is james from the night before, & he said he felt rotten & depressed
that night, but just look at that movie star smile. his pose here is a little like the
frankenstein cartoon pic i drew of him years ago.he is the most complicated man
i've ever met as well as the most multi-talented.  (photo by krystal kozak) 

morons thank combat vets by playing weekend warrior rambo right behind veteran's homes

     it's been a good weekend, with one more day to go (memorial day tomorrow). the only blight has been the ***holes who shoot behind the house. james said not to call the cops. if *#&%^!!s continue, they may meet stealth tactics of ppl who know how to disarm them w/o hurting them. that person would not be me, btw, since i've only been known to disarm with my grin, and that's growing a bit long in the tooth, so who knows if it still bears that power...
    yesterday we played a weird but just-fine gig at the kern county fairgrounds for a very large veteran's bike club. i got to debut my new 25 lb yamaha baby (i mean tool). i think i did fine except that i got tired bc i've not been playing for more than 1 hour at a time, & then that's when i'm sitting at home relaxing, not standing atop 4-inch frankenstein shoes (new ones). blake said it was fun to play together, & he's usually the one telling me to watch it with the left hand (tho he says so very nicely) (you know those bass players...)

     we couldn't see well after sunset bc there were only james's brought-from-home spotlights shining from front bottom of the huge stage. in between, anthony djed the most bitchin playlist of awesome music. that made the night spin for me. i could just stand there during all breaks just listening to & moving to that awesome music, just twirling in my head w/happiness & thrill... then we'd get melodic ideas, usually from the coolest horn lines,  then hit the next set & actually knock a few out...
     we had a lovely weekend w/mom & dad & with each other. i went shopping w/dad in oildale & got a bunch of thrift & art treasures for our home, even some christmas gifts (starting early this year, i hope). i took penny for a longish run in the cool evening fields & she only was a bad dog when it was time to go & she bolted in the the opposite direction & i had to catch her. on our way home, james purchased her a dog bed & snugged it between our car seats & penny nestled right in & went to sleep.
     there goes rambo again. if i had the ability (which i don't, but james does) i'd like to ambush that turd & steal his weapons. then pants him & call the cops so he'd be arrested for indecent exposure. d***head.
     shooting near people's homes w/no thought of Those Who Really Have Served: what a way to thank combat vets!!!! not to mention the moron is shooting in dry national forest!!!! i wish i had a smote button...
    just made this flyer. now going to head out into the cool eve to see what is what. to every weekend-warrior rambo i say YOU SUCK!!!!! that wasn't eloquent, but who cares!!!!

grace

lately hasn't been good for me regarding running. two weeks ago, penny & i were attacked by a 100-lb dog when we nearly were home from a 4 miler. it was night time. it was terrifying!! the big dog just gummed & frightened penny, but i kept getting thrown in the air as the dogs swarmed around my feet, tangling the leash. no, i would not let the leash go, as friends suggested: no way was i gonna lose penny, or let her get chased to her death!! i'd rather be the one that was hurt!!
the attack seemed to go on forever, with the big dumb menace running away for a moment, then running back, snarling, spitting, growling, chewing, paying me absolutely no heed no matter what i did. the woman who owned the dog finally came running out, probably hearing my yells for help (i thought she was going to have a heart attack, huffing up the hill & gulping that she has asthma!) & then a man came out, herding the beast away. i scooped 45 lb penny up & carried her up the hill as far as i could, finally getting her home & washing her all off. when i saw she had no broken skin, i started blubbering. the whole thing had made me feel so helpless, flashing back to the Cat That Was Devoured By a Coyote As I Watched. but penny was ok.
then i saw that i wasn't. crap!!!! but the bites weren't deep. i've had much worse.
no, i didn't go to the doc, & no, i don't seem to have infection or rabies.
turns out the dog was one that had been taken in by one of my student's grandmas. the dog went to the pound the very next day & i received flowers at school with a card reading "we're very sorry for what happened to you."  james was irate, but i was just relieved we hadn't been hurt worse!
i was just getting over my soreness from bruises & bites, so decided to take a little jaunt with penny near our home. all was going well when, nearly home, dammit, i hit a rock & didn't fly, but jack-knifed  straight into the dirt, badly hitting my palm, my knee smacking right against a rock. crap again!!!! this fall hurt a lot worse than the one i took at the tejon ranch 5k. more bruises, more broken skin. right now, my legs are more beat-up looking than since i moved to frazier park.
today penny & i went the steep route cause i figured then i wouldn't be tempted to run & fall again. the steep route goes up west end drive a block from our house, topping at above 5800 ft, so it's an 800+ ascent in a little over a mile. near the top, my huffing & puffing were broken by the lovely sight of purple lupines & delicate yellow purse-like flowers, small & delicate, & blooming pink thistle & a flowering yucca, i think it was. (this site is cool, but gave me very little help in finding the yellow flowers: u.s. wildflower database )
we got to the tree which tops the path, my heart hammering, then turned for the quick descent. it was pretty steep, so i dropped the leash & penny went sailing off, but unlike when we take our traditional route, she was a good girl & kept stopping to look back at me, waiting for me, & she didn't go running off so that i would have to chase her down.
we made it all the way home without me getting injured.
life is good. :)

poor marlo!!

yes, my heart was broken, but that's how it goes in this marriage at times, with the storms of emotion & mood so volatile on one end, & me being something of a fatalist when times are tough. but things is better now. i shoulda known.
great news is i'm getting a new keyboard!! as we speak it's in kingman being shipped this way. i think i agree now with chuck berry, who considered instruments mere "tools." i was hung up on keeping my korg/s, since they were each family gifts, sentimental, then i talked to mama & she said, "oh, jenny, just get a new one!!" my new one will weigh HALF what the korgs weighed. i can't wait!!
i've sprung to life wanting to play piano again, knowing the new baby (oops, i mean tool) is coming. i recorded this before i started practicing a lot again, so it's a little rough, but i felt like making a video. when i used to pine away for james, i would make videos & he would watch them, back when we were living in different worlds of different weirdnesses & unhappinesses & joys.
i just noticed it's sideways, but that's appropriate, so who cares. :)
ok, he just got up, so i'm gonna go.
yaaaaaaayyyy!! music!!

my heart is broken.

i came in & listened to nina simone for a while & cried into the cat. (he purred, being oblivious.)
i think now i'll go outside for a while & work on my "watts tower" house, as angie has called it.
life goes on.
at least for now.

so very excited, so very sleepy...

it's troubling, but a truly golden problem-state!
for the past over-yr i've been searching & holding out for beautiful security screen doors, decorative ones resembling wrought iron work like that surrounding the porch, one big reason i bought this house (it reminded me of new orleans) but no dice. the ones i like are, of course, quite expensive. however, i found two that look decent i might buy in bakersfield tomorrow, then i can add to it by welding wrought iron to the existing screens, as my friend karen recommended (she is craft & project queen, wonderfully inventive, & works at the hardware store here, so she knows how every tool, nut & bolt can be best-used...). i'm also going to pick up a used wrought-iron gate i found on craigslist, quite pretty, during the visit to mom & dad...
james went to his gig & since is still have no working keyboard, i stayed back (have my eye on a yamaha p-45, weight only 25 lbs!!!)... have been piddling around the house, cleaning, playing piano, reading, wasting time bc i'm supposed to be grading papers (that's always when i get most creative finding other tasks to do)... doggy & i also took a long afternoon nap & woke to sun setting on mountains outside; so glorious, so peaceful... am still obsessed w/new orleans, new orleans gnawing at my brain, insistent, haunting, also thinking of lafayette & baton rouge, but mostly i've re-adjusted to the quiet mountain life, its beauty, its lovely clean air, so now i just wish we could just live in both somehow. maybe it can happen.
surfing the net for how to dress up an ugly chain link fence (we have one 3 lots long), i came across this: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/52354414389263420/?lp=true ... then this: https://www.improvisedlife.com/2009/10/20/d-i-y-lace-chain-link-fence/ .... then this, https://www.curbly.com/10347-6-decorated-chain-link-fences?search_id=13501094, which, like all of these, is pretty chichi & white-privileged (the "shabby chic" & -- gag  -- "junkue" movements), but they also promote resourcefulness, so i'll bite.
the ideas! OMG!!!!! i stay away from pinterest & the like, too, usually bc they cause me to go on overload & hyperventilate & get overly-excited, so have to be careful. my solution is to post the sites here & purge my brain of fomenting obsession so i can go to sleep.
the second james walked out the door, i started clearing the house of extra stuff we don't use; we're hoping to go sell at a swap meet on an upcoming weekend, & doesn't that sound swell?!?! which led again to thinking about the ugly fence quandry, & i realized... all the pieces of metal, aluminum, wood frames i piled on our eastern slope to take to the dump... i can make fence art from those.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
nothing's much more fun than the immersive experience of turning junk into art.
now it's time to ramp it down & rest. to quote james by way of kinky friedman, may the god of your choice bless you.

extra large versus medium-sized

james looking extra-cinematic at his bd show in seal beach

our dear bro-in-law has been in hospital, so please send kindnesses to doug, who is a ball-of-fiery life like my hubby, & who also does not always care most dutifully for his body-temple... (i guess who does?)
when you're extra-large sick, nothing can register due to the sick-suffering. i was that the other day, in the bed just a sore, writhing lump. now i'm merely medium-sized sick, which means i want to read my book & do productive stuff, but my mind won't allow it bc it's still tossing & turning some, dog-paddling instead of drowning in sick.
yesterday james took me on a country drive in air force one & what a nice time that was. i love soaring out 138 east toward the high desert there, a wide & clean valley beneath huge blue skies, popping with color right now. he of unquenchable stomach was hungry, so we stopped in at the neenach cafe, which has turned half-hipster, meaning the decor & staff look big-city hipsters move to the sticks, but the food is laughably gross. at the poppy preserve, there were no poppies, so we parked across the road & hiked to the top (me extremely slowly), joining scores of others on a wide hillside to view the popping poppies, which didn't know they were supposed to blossom at the state park.
last wkend we went to happy wedding of girl (young woman) i've known since she was 3 months old, child of one of my dearest friends. james was moved by & loved the family closeness, the cheerful cumbia & norteno tunes of the band, & stepped in to play & shout a louis jordan song, to delight of large crowd. the song sounded extra-great w/accordion, esp after our recent return from the gumbo music scene of new orleans, & my friend's ex-husband, band leader ruben, warmed up to james. i realized he's been afraid of james all this time since he's only known OF james from his past reputation as a head-buster so was grateful to see ruben glimpse the real james, the guy his best friend, dear departed manuel, appreciated & loved. sweet for me, too, was getting to sit w/the beautiful, friendly wife of someone i used to treat like sh*t, then make amends of sort to the fellow... that &, of course, getting to take a trip w/dear hubby & girl dog to someplace nice, & then next day hang out w/dear donna & her children & grub mexican food at a place we've been visiting for near-30 yrs, waited on by same tall, black-haired, mustachioed man who still calls us "mija"... life's never exactly what i would want were i in Complete Control, but it's pretty danged good, despite. yes, it's quite a bless-ed life i get to have.

mid-city lanes rock'n'bowl watching nathan & zydeco cha-chas

mighty-lunged young brass band on frenchman, new orleans

this morn i got up so, so late, still sick, you know, & toasted a left-over sour-milk pancake & had it with bananas, powdered sugar, some molasses, & community coffee straight from mardi gras world in new orleans, la, eating & reading the most urgently fine book i've read since "moaning at midnight," but this itchy thing from being ill makes me restless & unable to get back regularly to reading, so now i blablablog. the book, "nine lives," was at the louis armstrong airport on our way back to california, so i requested it from the library, & whatta whatta read!! it's so good, it's nearly too much. here's the link, & i urge & plead with you to read it. Nine Lives by Dan Baum

effigy on bourbon st of hero of the lower 9th ward & the world

haunted... and full

-i woke up this morn haunted after getting home from new orleans last night.  i've gotten to go on many, many trips --- so lucky in that & many other ways -- but've never experienced THIS, the feeling i should still be there or left part of me there. went to new orleans once before & didn't leave with that sense... james, sometimes such the pragmatist, said simply, "oh, you got jetlag."
-so for now i'll just write about what i ate bc too much more would overwhelm me again, & i'm sitting here in bakersfield (angie & mama picked me up so i could be here w the family while james is down south tomorrow, i hope w/his!), sitting here at mama's computer NOT feeling haunted, so wanna not go there...
1. at LAX, shake shack burger & black & white shake (gave james half the burger, which was delicious)
2. on plane, the "tapas" box, which was filled w/stuff like almonds & hummus & a fig bar...
3. once in new orleans, we ate at praline connection on frenchman st (more live music -- most of it pretty good! -- in one place than we've ever seen, including at sxsw!) & i had file gumbo, little slices of gator sausage on bed of lettuce (which we shared), buttered bread, & a real rootbeer (not diet!)
4. next morn i ate plane leftovers (little crispy cookies) while waiting for james to wake up
5. at nearby who dat coffee house, a cup of grits w/cheese & a buttered biscuit w/jam... & coffee
6.  beignet with powdered sugar at cafe beignet in french quarter
7. apple, some jambalaya, some fancy salad from matassa's market (owned by cosimo matassa's sons!)
8. a snickers ice cream bar (i went to get james some medicine & stopped off at dollar tree)
9. late-night grub ordered in from verti marte on suggestion of house mom marlene: broccoli w/fettucini alfredo
10. then next day 2 buttermilk donut drops from mardi gras zone, now my favorite place in the world... and community coffee, the  best on earth
11.  then i don't remember... it rained like hell that day... braved the buckets to get pix of rampart & dumaine (from prof longhair's song "go to the mardi gras," of course) as well as cosimo matassa plaque
11. oh yeah; another beignet & coffee from cafe du monde, then two bites of gator on a stick before i gave it to james
12. we tried to go to elizabeth's in the bywater, but it was closing, so we went to liuzza's on the track & i had a cup of gumbo & garlic bread w/butter
13. that night after seeing nathan & the zydeco cha-chas at rock 'n' bowl, we went to camellia grill (disappointing this time w/o the burly cadre of loud-talking, loud-joking handsome waitstaff) & i had red beans & rice & white toast w/butter (shared w/james) (haunted to see a waiter from last time on a large poster w/many other waiters reading "rest in peace"... what happened to them all??? i was last there in 2009, which was after katrina... what happened?!?! how could so many of them have passed away in the last 8.5 years???)
14. next morn, two more buttermilk donut drops & coffee from mardi gras zone
15. we visited fats domino's house in the lower ninth ward, set to be a museum, & cried & rampaged  together due to the reality of this place called new orleans (in addition to all the wonderful, it's segregated, gentrified, & home to the horrific & horrifically-handled tragedy, hurricane katrina). then we had lunch at joey k's on magazine street, which reminded me unpleasantly of west LA (specially after where we'd just been, felt like spitting on the affluent-looking white tourists & garden district rich people), but we enjoyed our last hurrah meal: shared appetizer of breaded fried eggplant smothered w/creole white sauce & topped w/shrimp & my dish, appetizer portion of shrimp remoulade salad
17. on plane home, hummus w/crackers
this morn... prunes.
i could write a whole lot more, but don't think i will. yet rereading this, i see i was unable to keep the haunted feelings from creeping into this post. that is as it should be.
next time we go, which i hope will be soon, there will be so much more to see... hope i will reconcile my feelings about stirring, romantic, devastated, & indelible ville de nouvelle-orleans before then. i've only been there one other time, but palpably so much had changed since before: geographically, it was less ruined, the piles of hurricane debris & destroyed houses long-gone, but where were all the locals this time, the ones male or female who called you "baby" in that heart-breaking drawl? where were the people mingling freely, irrespective of age or race?
"a person would have to have no heart to see this & not feel something." - james

gettin close

we are going to NOLA in just a few days... wow!!!!

it's sat morn & the torrential rains have stopped, sun shining brightly, happily, cat rolling fatly in his window seat, james excitedly yapping as he watches cab calloway video & spouts stories about hanging out/being cab's assistant many years ago... heading to yoga, gonna walk, hoping hip/leg pain will abate... vacation has started & yesterday was wild & happy as the kids made hot cross buns, each going home w/little buns to bake.. james yelling with laughter, "look at his face, honey!" he's just tickled watching his idol on video, "that's how he looked
when i met him, honey!" (looks like a  handsome version of grandpa ralph, brown face, silver slicked back hair, bagged eyes, wide mouth, thin moustache)..."sh*t!" james mutters (he really despises critics, he says, which is funny to me bc he knows i've written critically, but he likes what i've written...)
james was in bakoland yesterday w/mom & dad & brought home from gail & bruce a 4 1/2 octave keyboard/synthesizer & some amps & it was so nice of them to give him those, but i still gotta figure out how to repair BOTH my full keyboards... last wk was james's happy 52nd bd wkend, w/beautiful lunch w/sister sherri & james jr & sunday bd in bakersfield, then at last wk's birthday gig down south  for james, the place was PACKED, just packed, people spilling out the doors, happy, drinking, dancing, crazy, & we thought my keyboard & amp had survived the roll-over crash in which the green hornet went to the great autoyard in the sky, but no, they did not. after just two songs, they died, & no combination of changing plugs, cords, inputs would revive them. so i watched the rest of the show from the back corner behind lambert & we went home & there were no fights, no arrests, no one got hurt, it was a good time even w/my disappointment of broken gear...
i'll worry about these repairs upon our return from NOLA.
NOLA!
i've only gone once, & this time will be so much better, happier, funner, wholesomer [sic]...
i'm going to NOLA with james!
here are some pix from krystal, who is quite a photographer...