hate

hate is a strong emotion, "an evil and corrosive thread," it says in the big book. my mind at times reverts to hate-thoughts;  i used to wallow quite a lot in them, nearly all the time, in fact. james says, "hating someone requires too much energy." if anyone has reason to hate people, he would. he's been wronged, wronged, wronged (as well as done his wronging; hey! maybe that's all of us who have survived?)...

desert ruin

i should have no complaints because my life has been blessed, blessed, blessed (though w/the expected periods of "into each life some rain must fall")... however, the infernal coconut sometimes is unrealistic & uncooperative. so i write.
part of this current wade in the cesspool of negativity is this is the first time i've sat down w/nothing on my plate in a year!!!! "our very lives, as ex problem drinkers, depend on our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs." so i'm not helping students now for a full week, school is out, & i slide into dwelling on Them: the Unworthy. The Mean. The Petty. The Arrogant. The Imposters. The Fakes. The Liars. The Hypocrites. The Untalented. The Undeserving. The Phonies. The Deluded. etc etc; i judge them by 1000 names.
stupid brain!!!!

he says he wasn't asleep...

...however this same mind that burns w/thoughts of others being smote from the earth also delivers  joy, comfort, love, connection, warmth, etc etc. so the infernal coconut maybe is... just a coconut, even if one of addictive bent. thoughts need discipline, & therein they can be turned to helping others & connecting to the Bliss that can be existence.
i know this is a struggle, but i also know it's worthy.
and so it goes... and so it goes... and so it goes... etc.

james & the biggest cream puff we've ever seen

on the heels of the busiest last week of school in memory, i headed out to the desert w/james & penny dog for three days of lounging, soaking in mineral springs, eating, watching tv, reading... three days of vegging. it was really cool, & really weird. i rest well for a while, but only for a while! then i gotta do something. so in between, i walked penny, but it was too infernally hot to run (except one morning, a great 3-miler, w/desert breeze air conditioning my sail downhill for nearly a mile after a long, hot climb)... now we're in bako in the comfort of mom & dad's beautiful, comfortable oasis (they have headed for central coast); last night was movies w/wonderful bro-in-law & sis; last eve was dinner w/high school buddy & her friendly englishman husband; summer stretches ahead,d; i've got so many fun plans ahead; yes, a great life ahead...
time to get back to life.