ribbit... yawn... blablablablablablablablablablablabla

- (excessive 1st person pronoun alert... dang it, it's my blog! why do i apologize? good grief. oh well.)
- life's hopping, tho activity's been slow here on the blablablog... a frog in my throat since last saturday, i sang my pipes out completely at our DD/karling & atomics show in sta clarita, afterward collapsing into total sicky land. (word around bakersfield, which ALWAYS is the word around bakersfield, btw: "there's something nasty going around...") been pretty miserable, worsening things by continuing to try to gallivant as well as show up for family, telling friends since it's just physical sickness, i can handle it -- a wan joke... shoulda seen it coming, tho, & been smarter: been hitting it too hard. then there was the cold (tho fun) 6.5 mile hike led by andy noise/exploding water bag (read beblablablablalow)... dang, why is common sense so elusive? must get some payoff, as must all who may be intelligent, but aren't too dang smart, literally in my case not smart enough to come in out of the rain (well, water)... back to sta clarita, i've never done a show so laryngitically: ouch, it hurt intensely!! so like at our last show at trout's (bassless), i figured we better just attack that sucker & rock it extra super-hard!! i found out that robbie's stage presence is as cool-solid as stevo's is winning as well as that people still seem to love dusk devils & tell me kind, flattering things, even when i have no voice, & that a rockabilly-punk band called inazuma, who played clean-up that night, are my favorite japanese band since guitar wolf... wow! those guys were super-cool & rockin!!! they really capped the whole eve for me & made it one of the funnest gigs i've had in some time, ill health included. it was so swell to hear & watch them grind out "shakin all over" as kids & oldsters bounced off one another in a slampit... haven't seen anything like that in quite some time!
- being sick all wk i've had to realize how much i miss & get a kick out of my silly, neotenic voicet; it was reduced to a scratch, then a bark, then a nothing, then a whisper, then a drag queen, then waylon flower's madam, marge simpson, fran drescher w/o the honk, & finally, finally it's about 80% back, tho i still can't sing too well & still have a lot of throat/ear/eye pain...the impulse to just shout it out is near-overwhelming. i can't recall so, so wanting to sing! i guess the sentiment that "you always want what you can't have" extends beyond "love"... i've had two chances to play music this wk w/others & one i absolutely could not resist, so through the glass shards piercing my ears & throat, sang i did, realizing tho my range is significantly reduced, were i to have to continue like this, i could evolve into a shout singer cause there can be no fear: a person's got no choice but to belt it out good!!
- went to a few music shows to see my wild bluesman friend james blast the concrete off the barroom floor like he always does, feeling unusually shocked & amazed by his & his band's charisma, tightness, musical prowess/knowledge, & sorcerer-like power, whipping the crowd up in a wave of musical frenzy & catharsis ("a dionysian!" exclaimed my artist friend, her eyes lighting up w/joy, when i told her how he blows each solo & belts out each song as if it could be his last, w/such commitment to performance, any human unmoved, or rather, un-entranced, would have to be one incapable of emotion or in heavy denial)... so i showed up & was so surprised & flattered (& slightly embarrassed) to be greeted as if it were MY show, too!, w/people asking left & right when DDs were gonna play & how much they love ME (me??)... i tell you, who could've envisioned this kind of response from folks? i can only be dazed & grateful & try to appreciate it while i'm here, at this time in my life, doing it... i especially love that i get such kind attention from other women... anyways, back to the voice, a gal singer at one show told me she ruined hers for YEARS not resting it during laryngitis, even had to have surgery on her vocal cords. that should scare me, & it did momentarily, but my monkey don't listen & also has a short attn span.
- i hope i don't pay dearly for this some day... :(
- dang, how many times in life, in how many situations, have i (you, too, maybe?) "vaguely sensed," as it says in the big book, "i was not being any too smart," then ignored the little voice (not the monkey; monkey usually is the "big voice," unfortunately) & went full-steam ahead into whatever foolishness loomed? the big book also says, "common sense will... become uncommon sense." ha! when? well, only when i'm willing to take some right action! -- not when i'm running around w/pockets full of cash & no commitments except to play music & hang out w/loved ones. talk about a spoiled life i'm having right now!... merde... i shudder now, tho, realizing that the only way i've ever cleaned up my ways is thru some calamity/nightmare/travesty or other... unless i want the bad monkey to hog the cage, & indeed, crap all over & eventually ruin it, i need to be back in service.
- dang it!! i used to tell students one of the main benefits of writing is it helps them figure stuff out... this just was proved to me again.
- after all, as a friend so in-eloquently but truthfully stated, "i'm too old for this sh*t" -- that is, too old to be on tears that, tho clean & sober in my case, involve too-long hours, not enough sleep, performing w/hysterical, sometimes near-berserk exuberance, then shouting & having ears screamed into in order to "chat" in crowded bars & nightclubs... & then there are the cigarettes. i don't have the nicotine jones like my dear ex-hubby or wbj do, thank the great pumpkin, but i do have a thing for greens, finding them strangely sensual. i dunno. do "loves" ever make sense intellectually? at least immediately? not for me... those dang cool menthol death sticks: they're like that bad, bad good-looking man...
- so anyways, i sits here in the wee hours of morn & should be in the sack, but now that i'm finally starting to feel better, am hoping maybe to roll up on another creative wave, even if it's a just a mini-one, just ride it a little ways before being dumped back on the shores of mundanity (not sickness again, tho, please, no)...
- oh gosh, how boring has this post become? bleh. love to all. something deeper, more intellectual, more creative, more entertaining next time, maybe... for now, another dumb blablabla now draws to its close.