john doe, david nigel lloyd

- someone asked about john doe of x. what i know: he lived in frazier park. he moved to bakersfield. i lived in bakersfield. i moved to frazier park. john bazz quipped we "switched places." i suspect john doe lived in much larger digs than do i, tho i love my house to pieces & the only other one i want here, up on the wet (south) side of this little valley w/a perfect apple tree in the yd & view of this mountain, has been sold & is owned by someone who hasn't even fixed the place up one bit. that little house deserves some love!!
- i hear JD left bakersfield. if so, can't say i blame him. roots musicians are sometimes drawn from around the world to bksfld, romancing it, believing it still to have its scrappy down-home honky-tonking musical nightlife. shortly reality hits, that there's small support for musicians in general, never mind the ones that cleave to the area's rebelliously twangy tradition. bakersfield's like a bad relationship: love to hate it, hate to love it. i think you have to be native to be willing to stick around for the good times the relationship can bring cause in between them, there's big-time disappointment to be had, living in bakersfield.
- a storm's supposed to dump upon the mountain. david nigel- & gita lloyd are to visit soon. i hope i'll be home to host them, since my plans are to squirrel off. david's playing tomorrow, saturday, @ the work of heart gallery here, 7 pm, $15. he's worth forking out the dough. here's more info: DNL in FP david & gita are the real thing, the real tamale, warm, bright, & fascinating folks devoted to the true artists' ways. they are pure in a place that's often, sadly, just purely polluted. praise & support to the lloyds.

banes of humanity

tho am supposed to these days play more, fret less (not talking guitar, either), the following are two strategy- & pattern-freak crazy-makers. productivity & commitment, to the devil, for tonight has brought game-centered -- therefore creative, therefore the only type desirable -- obsession & madness! have fun with silversphere and bloxorz... mwahahahahahaha!

the muses ain't dead; long live the appendages.

after nearly two yrs, finally set up my little home "studio" here @ the mtn abode & recorded three new songs (well, two were "old," but unfinished til today). have written lots of songs, but haven't had the heart to record for quite some time... so today was a real milestone!
took quite a long time to find everything i needed, get it all hooked up, then recall how the 8-track works... forgot what a transcendent, immersing experience home recording is. joy!! where'd the day go?!? am suddenly hungry & cold, tho didn't noticed while working on songs.
too, so love playing bass & making it really boom, as well as fit crude semblances of percussion parts together. can't play guitar worth a lick, so on one ronnie dawson-kind of tune, i threw an A chord on top of where B went, eliciting a weirdish, chicken-scratch, hasil adkins-manquee kind of sound... yeah!
am so happy & grateful for today: wonderful little mtg in pinon pines w/my mtn fellowship friends, visit w/sister, then all day snowflakes & wind & sun & clouds & then more snow, a real winter wonderland, while inside all's cozy & music-filled.
can't wait to work on songs more tomorrow. for now, time to quit, find something to eat, maybe read or roku for a bit.
if i can download audacity, then remember my esnips password, will try to add new songs there in the next eon or so.
it's saturday night! tomorrow's jonny whiteside's messaround @ viva cantina burbank, then manuel @ liquid kitty, plus kaykay's cattle call jam @ julie's branding iron in bako... :)
the appendages live. long live the appendages!

it really looks like this! (pour me out & call me sugar. impossible to be bitter in these pts, after all.)

found this pic from life magazine - i believe it could be the road heading away from my very own house! it really looked that beautiful here today, in any case, after last night's storm... yes, anybody'd delight w/living in this lovely mountain town. today i made the rounds of locals shops w/small goal beyond being out & about... an old man named john, who volunteers @ the various thrift shops, smiled, clapped his hands, & exclaimed, "oh! you're back. you are so beautiful!" HE'S beautiful: straight-backed, coffee-colored, beaming broadly, today in neatly pressed turquoise shirt & shiny western belt buckle. i'm not special except in that john makes everyone feel special. he is one of the kindest & happiest fellows i've ever met! going place to place around the mtn, ppl were friendly, happy. the day was stunning! what was to keep ppl on the mtn from feeling joyful to some degree? this morning, a mist resembling snow danced around the sky, shiny particles swirling & tumbling in heavenly jitterbug, but the climate was too warm for snow; a deep sniff of air brought a clean fragrance of aliveness, refreshment, even the beach! it was magical, as is, i believe, this place, this golden mountain, these rocks, these trees, trees that sang & sighed & moaned during last night's storm. best of all was to share the evening w/my dear sister here, the palpable connection w/loved ones, & now to settle w/a book or maybe even a movie. gentle evening to all.
announcing: we have more gigs coming up
building: next wk, a labyrinth
cleaning: house, in several ways
deciding: whether to paint or not
emphasizing: to try to control others is to demean them
fine-tuning: new songs from the last few days
gravitating toward: a gentler & happier way (i hope)
hoping: for a full moon
ignoring: the mean ones
joking: with my sister tonight over dinner
kissing: roscoe & gusgus
listening to: the space heater, ocean sounds
meditating upon: acem
needing: rocks for my labyrinth
orienting: to new ways of thinking
postulating that: plants are sentient & therefore feel pain & therefore
questioning: what the heck do we eat?
reading: just kids by patti smith
stuck on: wonderment that i'm still here
thinking: dinner @ los pinos w/angie was sure good
unable to: fly
valuing: having been awakened again to life
wanting: a fire
x-amining: the evidence, instead of the voices in my head
yearning for: iceland, new orleans
zoning out: because of a full stomach

v day!

happy valentine's day to all! -especially to that secret, most important valentine residing w/in, the ever-loving, ever-constant partner who knows us best & always roots for us, even when we forget... thank you to patty b for pix from sat's show... i was so happy to have a sincere heart-to-heart w/becky "cattie ness," hear her rockin band, talk w/karling & hear her crystal-clear vocals & whip-sharp band, to perform for the 1st time minus monster makeup, wearing a dress of demure length bc it was red & fringy & why the heck not? all in all, saturday felt like a debut into a life of realness -- despite the highly artifical setting! i take this as a very good sign... to combine authenticity w/performance: what a heartening accomplishment -- seemingly, now, possible! thank you & much love to my ultra-rockin dusk devils men for setting the stage on fire w/heart, talent, & dedication to always putting in nothing less than 110% -- no slackers in this lineup, & it shows in the way the audience cheers, in the palpable excitement coming from the crowd!... gentleness, fun, gratitude, & love to you. :)

what a confusing life... but wheeee!!!!

this will be a great way to return to civilization... karling (and big manny?), becky, burlesque, and DUSK DEVILS!!! wow.

here i is, i is here

the hostel clerk is online listening to dervishy sitar music... feel a little swoony, but it might be the abq nm altitude... i opted here @ the rt 66 hostel for the $35 rm instead of $20 dorm bed & my place upstairs (am sitting in common rm/kitchen area to do the net thing) is HUGE!!! - sitting rm w/futon, arched entry leading to bedrm w/2 beds, bay windows, private bath (unusual in a hostel, you know)... it's old & funky. like me. oh; having just finished trauma camp, i know i shouldn't speak of myself in such ways. no more cheap jokes! not for tonight, anyhow. but that one was too good to avoid. :)
what to say about life healing center, santa fe, nm? if you know someone in serious distress, wanting to check out of this life, & can make it happen financially, send them! LHC treats mind-body-spirit, no pill-pushing -- just compassion, education, camaraderie, love, uncovering of core reasons for crippling life problems. from it, i feel new, w/internal partner i never realized was there, skills to be a grown-up w/integrity & dignity, the ability to be genuine & realistic... if i use what i learned & do not magnify, but instead recognize & integrate the dark side.
there's some chance now my insides can match my outsides. obviously, this is a very, very good deal, much more than reprieve from desire to check out, which is all i asked for. this morning i said goodbye to dear stacy (she is commemorated near the women's smoke pit, where she would've been the life of the party), walked the grounds labyrinth for the last time (walked it most days i was there). it's been snowing like crazy, arctic weather in nm unprecedented in 40 yrs. sun-lit ice crystals wafted all around like magic celestial jewels, reminders of the eternal spirit of sky & land... i looked up just as a flock of rose-bellied birds flew over, beautiful brothers & sisters. said bye thru tears to wonderful women. even the men said bye, tho we're not sposed to talk. the true love, not lust or fear-based desire for clinging, was palpable more & more each day. we rooted for each other. i grew to love & respect so many. mama said i was courageous to see i needed help, but i didn't see courage til i met the other ppl @ LHC, staff & clients. self-actualization, authenticity: what a task! achievable, but such hard work! besides gratitude, my middle name now must be vigilance, for to have these skills now is a miracle, & it could be an ephemeral one if i'm not careful...
i could blab on & on, obviously; if you read this & want to know more about LHC, please email me. would love to share more.
being off the grounds felt surreal: walking freely, getting my own meals, window shopping, exploring. the train ride to abq was pleasant, sleepy. checked in to hostel, explored on ft the old downtown abq, saw true grit, ate pizza & drank soda & read the free papers (ken's LHC cooking was good, but oh, to eat non-LHC food!!! wow!!!!) i'll miss my new sisters... but will see them soon. more true friends! more love! amazing.
"when you turn toward the light, the shadows fall away."
as pasha would say, "warmth & kindness to you."