"tell me how you keep the love w/in your heart from me..."
hello. i'm jenny page. once upon a time, i had a band in bakersfield cali called the dusk devils. you still can find dd music online. now i live in the mtns & am married to the most awesome frontman alive, whiteboy james. i know him as james or husband. we are as happy as two nuts can be. life is an adventure, a chore, a beauty, a choice, a turn. life is goooood. :)
it's quiet up here right now. i love the morning sounds. and the evening sounds, for that matter... windchimes tinkling, cars swishing by on the road below, wind in trees, bird song, the humorous echoing waves of rooster crowing & goat bleating... the air is fresh & cool, so different from hot, smoggy bakersfield, where i lived til 2.25 yrs ago... am reflecting on change, for life right now's in tremendous flux. unlike this one, which is a bit scary, but mostly exciting & vivifying, the last major upheaval, when i left my husband of 12 yrs, was quite sad & stressful, tho necessary. i've lately been trying to recall the stages of grief, for every one of us goes thru them, whether the loss be of job, loved one, or something else. if i know what to expect, i can foresee an end, & after it, a new life. - happily, i just found a model that adds the recovery stages of grief. i like that, for it reminds me that hard times undergone & walked thru can result in the next stage of improvement, clarity, more personal development... The 7 Stages of Grief - hope if you're undergoing the stress of grief that this link offers you some comfort. we all have to endure grief in life. as i've seen written, "fall down 7 times, stand up 8." things will be better for us all; i just know it. (ps - this is fun: Animal Sound Verbs)
sometimes facebook can bear real gems. to wit: the term seems to give name to what i experience a lot in my life, as well as a paragraph in the big book from the chapter "we agnostics" that argues to convince the agnostic he/she all along has been a worshiper... the word led me to a fun new website: www.wordnik.com ... that led to THIS fascinating piece! so packed with ideas! i do not like his casual use of a certain ugly racial epithet, which throws a violent tone into the discussion, but i love the conversational, otherwise friendly tone & all that can be learned & contemplated from this... wow... WOW! Alan Watts: The World as Emptiness... this then got me thinking about one of my profs when i was going to school up in san francisco; a poe scholar, he got on a kick talking about "the uncanny," which thru my memory of his explanation sounded almost the opposite of what's described above. that led me to this link. could further exploration of freud's understanding of "the uncanny" be a good report, project, thesis topic? Freud's Concept of "The Uncanny" maybe for you -- not for me. except for his ideas about how bad civilization effs a soul up, most of freud's ideas that i've read i've thought to be absolutely hideous!!
i know the man of 1000 faces. i have about 100, maybe, as you can see here ... yes, mood & makeup certainly can alter one's appearance dramatically... i heard the other day someone who doesn't much like me (can't much blame her) said i'm fat. my texas cousin, who's been big since age 5, was told to tell kids who made fun of her, "i might be fat, but you're ugly, & i can lose weight, but you'll always be ugly." i grew up being called "fatso" & "ugly" & "you're not chicana/you're not white" at school; kids can be so cruel, a sad fact corroborated by the many interventions i had to make to stop verbal bullying when i was teaching... but by my definition, ugly insides are far worse than ugly outsides... yes, i've always thought those who judge big people, overweight people, backward people, the "unbeautiful," the disenfranchised, etc., to be mean, stupid, shallow, even in some cases evil (not that my critic is in that camp). one side of my family is in general obese, but i've had other family members/people i've known who've seemed to think it an affront to be fat, but ok to be greedy & gossipy & materialistic... i don't hang w/these humans... to heck w/that crap. yes, what truly counts is a person's character. - you think i'm fat? well, yes, i've struggled w/weight since i was a little kid. it was the beginning of addictions: stuffing my face to stuff feelings. only time i was thin was when i had bad chemical & ED habits. dad warned me, "men don't like skinny girls, jenny!" despite his warning, i'm certain i'll always struggle w/body image/weight -- but not like i used to, for these days i know i'm decent, loyal, kind, funny, sweet, dependable, even thought to be talented, attractive, & beautiful inside & out by many, etc etc. i was fortunate to be raised by a wonderful family & to be loved by scores & scores & scores, & more importantly, to love them back... on top of that, an incredibly talented, brave, iconoclastic, handsome, one-of-a-kind fellow i know says i'm the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen, built "like a woman should be." more importantly than all of this, tho, i know who i am, & i like me. what others say is a reflection on them & their life-state, not on me. be well, be happy, be helpful, be productive, be grateful, & remember: sticks & stones.
whee! life continues, in spite of us. at bottom're pix from the show the other night; they ran in the SCV paper. tho i look homely in a few, people seemed to like them, so here they are! tonight's show at sue's here on the mtn should be lots of fun. i'm gonna start the show w/a mini-set of originals, then we'll play all night. then bright & early, i'm lone star-bound! whoopee! -- or rather, yeehaw! can't wait to road trip. i've been doing a buttload of commuting, living up here on the mtn w/all friends & loved ones being elsewhere (save my little tues night women's group),
we had the best show ever last night! i love this pic from brian p, which well-conveys the friendliness & magical energy of the eve. yes, geez, what happy happy energy abounded... thank you, dusk devils, & karling for the opportunity. :) to watch the babies, kids, teens, & people in general pack the outside dance floor, moved uncontrollably & joyfully by our rhythms, while looking upon beautiful lights & a crowd of 100s... wow! the sound was good, too. i realized, whatever happens w/my band, we need merch! people wanted recordings... & what we do is good, happy, positive, super-rockin... even in this ultra-saturated-w/crap society, another DD recording SHOULD be made. we are good enough to add positively to the effluvia of american culture... DDs should be remembered, at least a bit, by those who appreciate us. and appreciate us fervently, they seem to, the ones who do, so served they should be w/an audio chronicle of what we do. what a lovely deal... thanks to all.
& leave the table.
- i forgot what i was gonna write about... oh well. here's a pic from the other night.
God has given us a dark wine so potent that,
mom and dad...