geez

- i forgot what i was gonna write about... oh well. here's a pic from the other night.

this is a really lovely young gal w/whom i got to hang out... late that night, all kinds of ugliness ensued, all i observed seeming to be due to drunkenness/being high/being young/being old/being stupid. felt really grateful to be sober (& old? spose so)... not better than anyone, just grateful. my life could be that ugly, but instead i get a chance to be better & get better & have love & life & even a modicum of dignity toward self & others... that ain't inherently me; that's grace or whatever: something good & larger than me, i think. for left to my baser ways, i'm a hapless, helpless, impulsive, compulsive, repulsive fool... each moment i'm not, that's cause to give thanks to a not-personified, in my opinion, yet intelligent universe of which you & i are but quarks... - well, i guess that's it for now. been cleaning & clearing stuff out of my overstuffed "watts tower" house, making room... it's been a productive day, & this week'll bring two shows (see flyers below), & even bigger than that, the beginning of changes!... i gotta lotta work to do. am quite excited about being ushered kindly back into the stream of life. even w/music, i've been rather a bum, a wayward balloon, lost w/o rudder these past 2-3 years... talk of many upcoming artistic projects & partnerships is making me realize i'm being revived & am becoming enabled to resume using my creative brain. wow! anyways, i better stop before i start blabbing even more, like i do. this change is inspiring, scary, beautiful, challenging, thrilling, but even if it feels like crap in the moment, change must ultimately be good, being life's only inevitable. i'm grateful... hope you are, too. mucho amor y amistad...