first of all, we all lost another friend the other day. he was lucky, maybe, to go very suddenly, but still, how sad (especially for my hubby, w/whom he was friends; i know b admired j very much, like everyone did). j was taken too early... he was one of two people i recall from '91, when i lived every day in a sick & altered state & yet couldn't see why i had such blasted bad luck. thru then-called-kernview hospital, i wound up at the drunk club (didn't come back til '95) & the smiling, rangy-athletic fellow w/the buzzed, prematurely-grayed hair helped make me feel at home. may he rest in peace, sweet soul that he was. i know he will be well-remembered; we wish his family solace.
i know it's saddest for us still living when we lose someone... being a friend of bill w's means i have more camaraderie & fellowship than i ever could've possibly dreamed, but then loved ones go, suddenly or slowly, here & there, & it stinks each time, but it's life. i know soon enough i'll be shuffling off myself, so i guess the best thing is just to stay with the herd, appreciate & love people while we're here, & try to remember them gratefully & reverently, not sadly & self-centeredly, when they leave.
maybe i'll be so lucky, but i guess that part doesn't matter... remember marcus aurelius, so noble, writing repeatedly that one must act & live from a place of one's own truth, w/o worrying about the condemnations of others, & how the 1st book in his "meditations" pays loving homage to his many role models... he obviously was a man who loved & appreciated many, but knew not to pay unnecessary heed to critics & those lacking vision.
on to the mundanities of life: today, dedicated to polishing off part 3 of my thesis (been at it all wk & sick of it), i sat at the computer for 9 hrs & embarked on a strict regimen of chicken & waffles (a whole essay could be written on this alone, but i'll spare everyone), swashing it down w/a particularly creepy yet delicious sodapop, maybe even deadlier-better than diet big red, called diet pepsi jazz caramel creme... do you think the ingredients of such a potion could fit on the side of a train car? but hi-dee-ho: let's have another can.
that the paper's done & i still live is a really nice deal. :) there's all kindsa music stuff to attend to, especially w/my new band "old 99" (those fellows really want to get stuff started asap... i do wish it were that way w/dusk devils, but not for now, i guess). i have been a little negligent in my saintly duties, as well, but it all has had to wait cause i have had research monkey brain (haven't even been sleeping lately; too many ideas sloshing around in the noggin). by 3 pm, i had birthed another 18-pg paper & it was jig time. we're supposed to turn in 8 pages by april 14, and i've written 42. my thesis is up to over 60. i am very pleased!!! overachieving is necessary in this context; i won't get done by august, otherwise. (btw, i found out guitarist keith wyatt went to new college!!) the toxic chemicals, i guess, help, in the short run (tho kill in the long, but what the hey, let's play play play). not to mention obsession... productively funneled, the latter can be quite a boon. :) (P.S. - tho roscoe's down south has the world's best, dope-wonderful chicken & waffles, J's Southern here in town serves them, too... j's is finger-licking good stuff, dang worth it, on ming avenue, but tho lisa paxton - I MISS LISA!!! - knows the name of the cross-street, i don't.)
last wk i once & for all finished the thesis (now 240 pgs) while our friend dan's crew redid the backyard... fri practiced w/old 99, learning new buck owens & other honky-tonk songs w/friends who remind me of a quote i just read about the simpsons: whimsical yet irreverently moral. then drove even further out west of town for late-night dinner w/oldest family friends... sat left 4 am for sf for school at new college (drawing to an end so now, of course, tho it's driven me crazy up til now, i'm missing it something awful! boohoo!!!), picked up marathon gear, did school all day, dinner at tommasso's... sun got up at 5 am & did the san francisco (1/2) marathon to celebrate several life-markers: completion of masters-school-thesis, return to work, & birthday! never done a long-distance run - what a kick! if you haven't, you oughta try one! (bakersfield's is in november.) beautiful highlights: the starting line city of runners cheered on by bell-ringing spectators in the pre-dawn dark of the embarcadero; running thru pier 39 area, 1st water stop, 1st murmurs of dawn; the uphill route behind ft mason hostel, w/fragrant trees on left & ocean on the right; getting into a nice tempo along the fog-enshrouded golden gate bridge & looking into faces of other runners as they pounded from the opposite direction; saying hi to clean-&-sober pathfinders who helped the cops & remembered san jose jack (r.i.p.); staying hydrated w/cytomax & gel & never getting cramps or sick, as a result; hitting mile 10 after long uphill & realizing I'M GONNA FINISH!! then the gorgeous gray-misty crest & wide downhiill view, opening out over the amazing city: exhilarating!; hitting golden gate pk to roaring crowds (not for me, but still! i was part of it! what a rush!), then seeing the finish line & finally full-out running for it, finishing the thing in a tremendous swell of endorphin-happiness & gratitude, grateful that my lungs, muscles, shoes & feet held out & already looking forward to doing another one! what a wonderful, wonderful experience... happy bd to me (& laurel, too)!... after that, my folks & i (it was mom's bd, too!) lunched w/my stepson & then the day receded into fatigue-blur... mon, really stiff & sore, got home @ 4 pm to call from hubby: he & his motorcycle had broke down -- in st george, utah! so grabbed a shower, hobbled to truck & went & got him thru wind & desert cloud-bursts & storm patches & glimmery black night, got into st geo about 1 am (2 am ut-time), came home to pick up "the boys" (doggies), who turns out trashed our friend's yard, so that was a whole other jobber getting that all cleaned up, & BOY IS IT GOOD TO BE HOME NOW! - tho i'm sad we won't see friends & family & all the gorgeous mysterious southwest beauty of the summer motorcycle trip, i know also it obviously wasn't meant to be this time around... and at this point, i'm DONE WITH EVERYTHING except going back to work!! whoopee!!! :) like the old cajun-hot sauce commercial used to sing, "a hot chili mama... hot chili mama, ma-ma-ma, hot chili maa-maaa... life is goooood." :)
