let it snow, let it snow, let it stop!

weather said it would be snowing, but i didn´t believe it. then overnight it dumped!

it´s so beautiful at first... then... CABIN FEVER!!! i went to town to mail gifts i forgot to get in people´s hands. the post office was overrun with happy snow bunnies, cheering, whooping, laughing, slipping, throwing snowballs, sledding. it´s a nice phenomenon tho makes it hell using our local highway as the population of southern california converges here for a bit of snow play!

as you can see, i took penny out for a snow hike. i love the hush of snow, the crisp of boots crunching through it, the freezing nose. i took off my fogged-up glasses & my eyes burned with bright! then the lyrics of hoyt axton´s snowblind friend. then a gasp of tears. ¨he said he wanted heaven, but praying was too slow.¨ damn! hoy axton was a genius! he encapsulated the tragedy in 13 syllables! thoughts of those people who´ve died due to drugs flooded me; it was time to change thought stream or go down, down, down in misery.

that quickly, it was back to the moment, the beautiful moment! then home, now here, the next morn, dad at the surgeon, mom at home, james in the bed, pets sleeping, my old friend dan on the phone, talking sobriety, buddhism, life life life...

this is it.

christmas 2020 with whiteboy & jenny

click the link to listen: 

christmas 2020 with whiteboy & jenny

whoosh! swoosh! smooch!

 the wind is gusting and whooshing outside & james & his friend jeff are bellowing & laughing away in the basement below my feet! itś a happy day so far. we just returned from trip to central coast w/mom, dad, angie, doug, & maddy niece. i just ate the remains of sourdough with clam chowder scraped out from days ago restaurant, which i don´t know was the best idea bc food poisoning would sure end the happy day!

he just came in announcing he & jeff will go to the post office. we should have a buttload of gifts coming that i need to wrap. i hope everything´s there!

today we´re supposed to play & record some holiday music to put online, but the way the day´s looking, i don´t know if it will happen, but that´s ok...

so the wind is whooshing & gusting & itś a good day & on vacation preacher doug, my dear bro-in-law who could be called ahmed the arab trader, got us a house with panoramic ocean view in trade for work he´d done. iḿ constantly impressed by his ability to swing a deal. and he does it in pursuit of good deeds, which is what makes it awesome. we mostly sat around & talked & cooked & ate, colored on a xmas table cloth angie bought, they did a puzzle, we watched movies, read some, i went for jogs up & down the steep, steep hill, swoosh!, including straight up this hill i´d spied earlier & said i wouldn´t jog on, but there i went! sister & i took one little jaunt to the top of the hill together, which was very nice. & we all went to thrift shops where i got quirky gifts, & mama told stories remembering visiting pismo with family in little bungalows that used to line the beach, $59 for the week, grandpa & mr goodman surfing, aunt rita & mrs goodman digging clams & eating them raw, mama & uncle ralphy exploring the caves, so it was a nice time. here's a pic i love. james said, ¨i look so happy!¨ i love that man so much. dad told james, ¨i´ve never seen my daughter so happy.¨ life is good, in spite of its troubles.

blablablablablablablablabla

was sposed to go to bakersfield for momś sister´s 80th bd, but we are having 50mph gusts & i know that means itś likely the grapevine will go down due to chp closure or accident. the grapevine cyn, part of the I-5 artery, creates a massive wind tunnel vulnerable to fire & hazardous driving conditions. if i can´t get back, the animals will be alone since james is heading w/bro doug down to the border for mission tijuana toys. (i was gonna call doug about the wind, but nothing´ll stop him so there´s no point.) every yr doug brings a panel truck of toys to a tijuana church for distribution to local kids. james as co-pilot means they will have a great fun day of eating, bellowing, laughing, crying, caffeine consumption, smoking, & speeding that will lead straight into the late night. they will have a grand time but meantime someone´s gotta make sure penny & peewee pets aren´t left home all alone after hours. so iḿ staying here.

which is fine bc i´ve got plenty to do as well as extra allure of the storm sky show at the picture window here. it really captivates. 

called my aunt to tell her i wouldn´t be there & heard a crazy story. their dad, our grandpa, was a smart, depressed, grouchy, carob-skinned man of south american descent. i mostly remember him sitting glumly in his chair in the living room watching ball games & yelling at us kids as we stole sips from his ice tea glass. i always figured he was how he was bc he longed to be white, but my aunt said this: grandpa had been in the civilian conservation corp in early fdr days & was trapped in a forest fire in the sequoias. she said ¨they had an indian man who was helping them¨ and he told them all the only way they´d survive would be to strip off all clothes, including underwear & shoes, & run like hell through the flames to escape. only the guide, grandpa, & one other guy did it; the others stayed back & perished. all the hair on grandpa´s body was burned off & he spent weeks in a hospital near san francisco. so there might´ve been another reason our grandpa was so somber: trauma.

addendum: woke with a start in the middle of the night: our dear grandma, who put up with grandpa´s bad behavior for over 60 years, also was blunted by a horrifying tragedy. i think iḿ relating all of this because it helps support the idea that ¨if i knew all, i would forgive all.¨ ... or understand all. life is, after all, a path of uncovering, discovering, discarding, trudging, repeat...

there is little to forgive grandma for; we in the family joke that she was a saint to live with grandpa all those years. her family is native american, californianos due to their juaneno blood. as a young, beautiful girl, she & her sisters were outfitted in roaring 20s finery by a loving father. one day (was this in redondo beach? certainly not delano) she & her best sister margaret were out riding around in a truck with a boy when a jealous, spurned suitor of margaret´s, or maybe just a maniac someone who liked her but she didn´t like,  pulled up to the truck & fired into the window, killing margaret with one blast. our grandma was sitting in the truck right beside her sister when she was murdered.

so both of mama´s parents, i now know, were altered by trauma. that side of the family´s tradition of deep depression, anxiety, addictions, suicides now sadly makes a lot of sense. 

i made nyc take-out breakfast for james & i as the wind roared outside: everything bagel topped with cheddar & eggs. it was ultra-savory, a gut bomb, but that´s good bc won´t have to worry for some time about eating again.

well, i wanted to write to share the following recipe, but as usual a bunch of other stuff came out, so here finally is the recipe:

allergy & arthritis relief cocktail (i don´t really know if it works, but the individual ingredients are reported to, so all together should be even better, right?)

cup of cold tea for base (i used our homemade kombucha)

1/3 T turmeric + dash of pepper, which makes the turmeric bio-available

1/3 T ginger

dash of cayenne

dash of lemon

apple cider vinegar

one shot immediately clears my sinuses. i like to think it helps with reducing inflammation tho my neck still hurts like a mudderhumper.

ok, thatś all for now, be grateful, be well, remember to stretch & smile.

blablablablablablabla

 everything hurts! arthritis is caca. this morning my thumb kept popping painfully, but after i did a few sun salutations, it stopped. then i took my anti-inflammation cocktail & wrapped my foot with kt tape and felt a bit better overall, in the neck, shoulder, hands, ankles...

as mama says, everyone has their turn. itś my turn now. sister bee used to say we all have to take our lumps. 

james and i likely will both end up with arthritis due to the different ways we´ve roughed up our bodies over the yrs, so at least weĺl take our lumps together. it likely will force us to have to make better life choices, especially with moderating food & exercise...

oh! i feel so much better. my sponsor just called. i was wondering what happened to her bc we had a meeting & she didn´t make it. she is very honest & told me she simply had forgotten. i like that candor. it keeps things so much simpler, being honest.

well, thatś it for now... below are indigenous ppls turkey day pix

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

we had our first snow, the kids came back to school in-person, i have arthritis. and now in month 8+ of covid19 in the u.s., we have a real president. the ängry creamsicle"soon will be gone. 

big strong hunk w/our dear little pets

and if reputable articles are to be believed (as opposed to tweets, memes, posts, & videos), he might be wearing much orange in upcoming yrs... unless he leaves the country like some ousted, guilty despot. ¨make america great again," my butt: he´s ready to jump this ship in a hot second if the tide´s not just going his way, but parting for him. good riddance.

precious little mammals

but in better news, thanksgiving is upon us. our t-days will be different this yr, many less bodies in the family house, but i look fwd, anyways. looks like we might have to travel this yr for t-day, too, but thatś good bc that means all is going ever-better in the life of james, & therefore in mine, too.

me on halloween wearing
one of my coolest t-shirts

i am on vacation this wk which means i work myself into near-paralysis outside. i am digging a path for our front property so ppl can safely walk on our side of the rd. our property is 1/3 of an acre, so thatś a long strip of road. want to make signs, too: watch for pedestrians. and i glued old plates together, nice ones i´ve never been able to sell & don´t really want to anyways bc they are so pretty: california pottery, poppy trail, franciscan, bauer. iḿ going to make flowers out of them & stick them on the slope.

i have so, so many beautiful dishes. for an old fart so new to cooking, i´ve amassed so many lovely old plates & cups. crockery always has appealed to me. i guess itś the nascent Mama (meaning ours) in me; sheś always been quite a cook, so that little voice long has whispered thru plates to me: come.... learn the ways of the kitchen.... thank goodness for the tv show chopped bc now i see that cooking is inventive & fun & creative. on chopped, i´ve learned you can take odds & ends, scraps, leftovers & create yummy stuff. it took over 50 yrs... wonder what realizations of the obvious will occur over the next decades...

time to go rest, tho that is so difficult to do. there´s too much in this life interesting, so many situations to puzzle apart. well, iĺl go try. heard showtime´s adaptation of ¨good lord bird¨ is worth a view, maybe go watch that.... james just called, on his way home. yay! don´t have to rest. :)

happy anniversary happy anniversary happy anniversary haaaaaaappy anniversary!

 

blablablablablablablablablabla

we found out the other day the kids finally are coming back to school! yay!

i am tired of making videos. since august, i have made maybe 200+ videos, no, maybe more like 300, for zoom classes, comment videos, lessons, etc. i know my face from every conceivable angle now!! argh!!!

sometimes i watch the videos to critique my teaching. i realize lately that this whole experience is making me a much better teacher. i've always had a knack for getting along with students, which i think is genetic since the whole gia family teaches or is retired from teaching. but now i care so much about the kids, like one of those middle-aged teachers i used to work with decades ago and just didn't get -- how could they worry about & think so much about & never mind LOVE "those kids"? how did they know all their families, their worries, their stories, their everything?

now i know. i adore these kids!!!! their lives are wrapped up with mine. i am deeply invested in these little people, & i love them so very much.

i wonder if covid teaching is doing this for most teachers -- making us more deeply-caring, careful, organized educators? that would be a great side-effect.

heading for mimis

 the other eve

we drove to big trees of pine mountain club nearby for mild adventure, twilight dinner with outside dining and he had fajitas and we took happy pic and this eve sitting with cat and dog laughing with him, we did all the responsible stuff earlier and since easy fun all eve playing little video games on phones watching office reruns for umpteenth time earlier ate tuna steaks and rice for dinner now he is having 2nd dinner tuna with noodles smells delicious like popcorn off to bed (- speech to text)

lately

 as the world seems more and more unhinged and the weather climate-change-crazy & crazier, we are better & better. i know there's no relationship, not indirect, not inverse, none at all. i limn the basics of the messed-up events of politics, environment, world health, & more, but mostly i just see  my little life, my james & our pet children,my family & friends, students, female drunk people, other humans in our tiny mountain town... 

 today i talked at length w/my zoom students about them being the future of the world. fifth graders are so different than even kids one year older, still concrete thinkers. one asked, "what do you MEAN we are the future of the world?" so i blabbed about that for a bit. he replied, "oh, that makes sense." :) lovely, their innocence. it reminds me i need to be ultra-responsible, care for their developing intelligence & social awareness like the soft, fresh little eggs they are.

on zoom, i can wear all the makeup i want & over-gesticulate, which is a SEMBLANCE of the stage performing i no longer do. in fact, being a painted up ham actually heeds a teacher's conveyance of message. we are trying to get kids stuck at home to enjoy school, already a tough sell, so playing to the back row is a good thing!

i like that i get to know more kids more closely, but that one-on-one time spent also makes socially distanced teaching so difficult. so many children need direct tutoring over & over just so they can understand how to access their lessons! the "high" students thrive, as they would in any environment, but the rest... more problems: we can't have discussions, really, or do group projects; we can't take breaks all together or do the impromptu things i enjoy. i can't even turn on chat due to some kids' immaturity. it doesn't feel much like school, with the lack of exchange of ideas, but i guess it's the only semblance possible right now.

plus it's better than not teaching at all... and it won't last forever.

the california fires have been bad, so bad. everywhere we go, the air is like "LA in the 70s," james said. or bakersfield in the 80s. ironic we go to bakersfield some weekends to escape the smoky wildfire smog of frazier mountain! how horribly unhealthy it must be closer to these gigantic fires! mom & dad have forced air, so they seal up their big house, crank down the thermostat, & we all breathe freely.

during our most recent visit, mama handed me down some dresses, so once home i asked james to take pix of me wearing them to send to her. he snapped these of us both, too, so here you go if you've missed seeing james's face. such a mug, such a handsome, talented, big-hearted mug. <3

we're not doing so bad for two oddball humans seasoned by life. the older i get, the more good i try to do, & he's doing that, too, so i'm certain that's why Life is better, even with external conditions what they are...

i hope the music comes back sooner than later & that the skies clear so i can run again without having an asthma or hay fever attack (which happened two times lately), but if not, this life is good as it gets. we are really dang lucky & that's all it is. not fortune, not the hand of god, just goddang lucky.

our very lives

 i get so mad sometimes at meetings when ppl spout opinions about sobriety. i'm kind of a big book thumper, maybe, tho not a zealot like some i've known, who get into rewriting the big book while entering ridiculous pronoun wars, not to help others, but to be high & mighty. poisonous. sometimes the human element of this wonderful, life-saving program is poisonous! most go into the drunk club pretty sick puppies... too many stay that way, & really, they need to shut their damned mouths! they will kill newcomers with their bullsh**, i think. :(

our very lives as ex problem drinkers depend on our constant thought of others. that's from the big book. yes people can get sober other ways like church, counselors, self-help, etc, but none of that worked for me. and psycho-babble, recovery talk, the bible, really none of it has valid place in the drunk meetings i attend, and new people don't know that unless i can model what is appropriate. even then, some never know what's appropriate due to outside issues, like someone i sponsored last year, but there was no sponsoring her bc her problem wasn't alcohol dependency. many people who come to meetings aren't alcoholic, especially if they've been court-ordered. and there's another issue.

today clancy, the guru of the pacific group (a hugely popular west LA drunk group that decrees women must wear dresses, men ties... whatever) passed away. he lived into his 90s, died sober, helped thousands, established the midnight mission, did so much good, tho surrounded by much controversy since "his" pacific group is considered a cult by many. (we aren't supposed to have leaders.) i watched a video today of clancy playing piano beautifully, an old show tune. he was a wonderful speaker. rest in peace.

i'm sponsoring someone now whom i'm worried about since this is a live or die thing not to be taken lightly, g**damn these people in groups & meetings spouting their stupid opinions!!!! we are the only big book a newcomer might ever see. stick to the book, people, or go someplace else! you will kill people who don't know better & think the drunk club is about "relapse prevention" and codependency & all those other concepts that certainly are valid,... tho not in the drunk club!!!

lastly, some of these sober geniuses were talking about how meetings AREN'T part of our program, but there's this, straight from the book: pp 159-160: "...a meeting [was] to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime objective was to provide a time and place where new people could bring their problems."

the problem is, of course, too many people don't put heart & soul into working the steps, so they stay in that newcomer place, lives filled with problems.
problems are part of every life (into each, some rain must fall), but the 12 steps outlined in the big book offer a way to live "life on life's terms" without having to fall back into the certain death -- spiritual or physical --- of active alcoholism.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

i finished my modules for canvas! next week we'll do a sentence building unit in ELA as we await start of textbook (the khan academy video compares using verb tenses to being a "word wizard" 😅), build a dream home (perimeter and area) in math-uh-matics, and study gravitational force in science, with history on hold for now. which i'm grateful for. whew. i mean, with the world as it is now, all the wokeness, all the strife, all the venal evil crap going on, i DON'T want to teach traditional american history!!!! my friend tjarko said all countries are formed in conquest, james says all countries have history of genocide & injustice... (what about iceland, though?)... just don't wanna deal with it right now.

and we had so much pizza this weekend due to many visitors this weekend: stepson cody! ben and nick! i got to record a little boy voice part for nick's animation sci-fi short today. that was fun. then the rest of the day has been canvas oblivion, learning to build these lessons for virtual learning, socially-distanced school. didn't even take a walk today... no exercise at all, except mentally, learning canvas, moving pages, adding pages, retitling, adding graphics, writing, adding videos, taking stuff out, over and over and over and over! but now i'm done! and it's

time for bed & to read a bit before sleep. and my arm is healing! i can lift it more & more, bend it more & more! thank you, physical therapy! thank you, time, & old body still able to regenerate!

lastly, here is a picture of my james, who seems to be great at catching & killing deadly snakes! and another pic of me on my birthday bc i got so many compliments from it on fb. my dad til he was close to 60 looked  young... that may be my sittyation at least for right now. & now dad's near-80, but tho too-thin, in my opinion, he gets around quite well. i need to be grateful for this old flesh machine still able to move & breathe & not hurt too much.

yaaaaaaaaaaay!!

1. found out yesterday i don't need shoulder surgery

2.  got cortisone shot

3. shoulder now not hurting as badly

4. went last wk to az w/james & now visiting bakersfield seems not so hot

5. we had a great time & ate good food & saw much beautiful landscape while social distancing

6. i hiked & jogged w/penny in flagstaff & sedona. awesome sights.

7. just now finally got into canvas & so now i can start prepping to distance-teach!

8. wrote my canvas profile, read it to james, & he said it sounded cheerful.

9. uploaded to canvas profile accompanying pic he took of me on my 53rd bd in flagstaff hotel rm. he'd just given me a bd gift of little art print (quail under moonlight), cake, roses, sushi, sweet card, & more.

10. we are grateful, lucky, happy, w/good lives In Spite of It All. must never forget to be grateful.

little house, little a*s, blablabla

this mini triceratops, near the house, was 3 in. long
(of course, itś an endangered horny toad, in reality)

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/221-Hickerson-Dr_Bakersfield_CA_93308_M98305-41943?view=qvhttps://www.google.com/maps/place/221+Hickerson+Dr,+Bakersfield,+CA+93308/@35.402876,-119.0343057,3a,75y,269.44h,90t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1slDjtw-hsdKd9JoeeyHYdkA!2e0!6s%2F%2Fgeo2.ggpht.com%2Fcbk%3Fpanoid%3DlDjtw-hsdKd9JoeeyHYdkA%26output%3Dthumbnail%26cb_client%3Dmaps_sv.tactile.gps%26thumb%3D2%26w%3D203%26h%3D100%26yaw%3D269.43533%26pitch%3D0%26thumbfov%3D100!7i16384!8i8192!4m5!3m4!1s0x80ea69d201c2044b:0xafeec31f54517695!8m2!3d35.4028703!4d-119.0346048https://www.google.com/maps/place/221+Hickerson+Dr,+Bakersfield,+CA+93308/@35.402876,-119.0343057,3a,75y,269.44h,90t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1slDjtw-hsdKd9JoeeyHYdkA!2e0!6s%2F%2Fgeo2.ggpht.com%2Fcbk%3Fpanoid%3DlDjtw-hsdKd9JoeeyHYdkA%26output%3Dthumbnail%26cb_client%3Dmaps_sv.tactile.gps%26thumb%3D2%26w%3D203%26h%3D100%26yaw%3D269.43533%26pitch%3D0%26thumbfov%3D100!7i16384!8i8192!4m5!3m4!1s0x80ea69d201c2044b:0xafeec31f54517695!8m2!3d35.4028703!4d-119.0346048

fat dog child, well loved

why can't i get anyone in the family to help buy this with me?? it would be a very cool project. younger family members might be able to live here in the future when they have the dough! this is a low-crime area near the freeway/kern river in bakersfield. not a fancy neighborhood, by any means, but not dangerous. that is of primo importance.
i could buy it by myself, but why? it should be a family thing. plus james & i are obsessing right now over buying a train caboose. and i am obsessing about fixing up our lil loafer trailer for mom & dad to glamp in. :) so the next preoccupation should sweep this one away quite soon.
oh well; maybe you'll read this & go buy it. what an investment opportunity! and think of all the neat "restoration hardware"  building material garbage that would be available for salvage & to make cool junk art & other creative things!

penny wore her rexspecs & after we had coffee chocolate slushies

this was the nicest, most fun hike i've ever had up mt pinos!
what a happy time for us both in our beautiful mountains.

nothing new here except my injured arm is a fractured humerus/ripped rc & bicep. after i hung up with the doc & told james, he was hooting, "my tough little cookie! my little stud!" proud of me for putting up w/pain since mid or late may when in fact i was just being a stubbornheaded ass about getting an mri sooner... my name is jenny, after all.  https://www.facebook.com/mammothdonkeys/photos/lucille-is-a-mammoth-donkey-jenny-stands-15-hands-3-lucille-is-not-for-sale-her-/283450832448688

"g*d helps three kinds of people: fools, lovers, & drunkards."

ohhhh my feet...

james looks so handsome here. my eyes are slits.

a quick search revealed there are variations on the above, so i just chose this one. no, it's not in the bible; that part's clear.
in 1995 i'd just gotten sober & missed the international drunk convention by 2 weeks. in 2000 & 2005, i got to attend wonderful events in minneapolis & toronto w/my 1st husband. in 2010, i went to san antonio w/a person whose function in my life was as placeholder for james. in 2015, i was too broke to go. in 2020, we were all signed up for detroit, but it was cancelled by covid.
i wanted to do something special to mark my july 4th 25th sobriety "birthday," so i went on a 25 kilometer trudge from our house out lockwood valley road & back. our road out to lake of the woods, where you turn onto LV, has a beautiful foot path w/forested village all around! i felt like i was walking in germany, like that one time w/james!  LV road isn't nearly as desolate as i thought & has a friendly lively serenity that made the trip so memorable. on LV road, i kept thinking i was in texas or in south dakota, not mere miles from our house.

ventura county line

did the last 3.1 miles (5k) w/penny dog, who wore her rexspecs obediently. the last miles were a slog; my body was doing fine til i got to my feet: those dogs were dead!! after slathering them w/tiger balm & napping, i went w/james to "the wolf meeting" near lake hughes where they have a wolf rescue place. they didn't have a 25 year chip, which i didn't think they would, so james presented me w/a paper bowl, flipped & topped w/candles, as everyone sang. i thought i'd found a sponsor, but the woman i asked is moving to colorado! damn. still, it was quite a lovely sobriety birthday, much better than most any in memory. :)
anyways, i'll keep looking for a sponsor, & here are some pix.

at this pt the road dropped off steadily, heading for ojai

ahh, heading back toward home now

not much further!

finished!

indy pendants daze

tomorrow is 25 yrs' sobriety for me.
i am going to do a trek.
thatś all iḿ saying for now soś i don´t blow it.
ps, hereś another pic of james & me for his fans (obviously bc look @ my hair don´t - yet another fascin pho paw. *sigh*)

libraries closing

i feel sick...

monday june 29, 2020: Kern County residents, we have until 5 pm  today, Monday, to protest possible closing of all KC Libraries by board of supervisors vote. Please contact everyone you know who supports local libraries -- the number is 661-868-3640. You must mention agenda item #28. Thank you for spreading the word in these last final minutes. jennypage

blablablablablablablablabla

the latest obsession - this is ville virtanen, & he reminds me of boris karloff... when i was younger/before i was mrs page, this would've gone in my "future ex-husbands" folder. i just love the  sad, saturnine face & everything about this actor in this series!
this (bordertown, original title sorjonen) was a swell show, not bc of plots, which oftenttimes tho luridly gripping seemed far-fetched, but mostly bc of the main character, pictured here, w/his brainy oddness & awkwardness, & i did love the cinematography w vastly lucious overhead shots of scandinavia, & the tough female cop of world-weary beauty. the show makes me want to study finnish...
sigh. the gnat-mind flits again.
in other news, i did NOT do something sh*tty last wk, & the world's a mess, it's in james's kiss, & i'm reading a book about punk rock & most of those ppl were pretty crappy humans. what a shock.
americans should speak out about injustice! i remember as a kid learning about "manifest destiny" &  wondering, "why did they think that land should be theirs when the 'indians' already lived there?" a country founded in genocide & slavery cannot have lasting peace. :(
in much smaller news, yet enormous in my life right now,
james + jenny = true love
nothing is harder or more worthwhile.

taking it eeeeeeeazzzzzzeeeeeeeeee

hi. i wrote a long screed about the the u.s. right now but ain´t gonna post it. too many others so much better-informed, even tempered, & brighter than i am are writing about & commenting upon it all... so instead, i got to attend a 12 step mtg from atlanta on zoom & now will post a picture of howlin' wolf bc today is his bd. he would be 110 yrs old. what a powerful & handsome man he was... wow...
billy watson called james ¨the modern-day howlin wolf," & more & more i understand it bc chester burnett was a real man´s man but not a pig, good to women. he performed w/ferocity, vulnerability, & complete commitment, was an original, searing performer, & also drove women nuts w/his silly, wild, lascivious antics. james doesn´t do the latter much nowadays, for which i, his wife, am very grateful.
so on to more topics that have nothing to do w/the foul, continually putrid actions of the imposter in chief & his minions... iḿ using this time of no teaching to work on yard art w/junk from the yard sale & came across this beautiful work: https://www.soosunnypark.com/unwoven-light
i don´t know whatś going on w/james & i making an album, or CD, or downloadable, or whatever it would be... but iḿ grateful to have given my old clavinova to a deserving student so i could set up the old korg sp-250. mama bought it for me yrs ago in the pomona arts district, so itś special for that reason & i haven´t been able to use it bc the external speaker broke & couldn´t find anyone to fix it, so i combined it w/my awesome roland amp which i ALSO can´t use at gigs bc it was in james´s rollover crash several yrs ago. the green hornet was totalled, but james came out somehow, amazingly, w/a sore shoulder, tho he was ejected from the vehicle during the crash. the amp, along w/lots of other gear, also went flying across several lanes of the I-5. and except for a volume level short circuit (its volume drops by half sometimes when it powers up), it works still! that is one tough husband... and one tough amp!!
anyways, this new set-up sounds so swell, i want to play the piano all day. so whenever we get going on recording, iĺl be ready. :)
the other day we got to go out to eat in a restaurant after having had a bad experience w/rude ppl. so the timing was especially nice. i had baked potato w/fixins, green beans, & catfish. james had a chicken salad & fake beer. and we were happy to be out & about, tho cautiously.
hereś our pic from that day. james gets more & more handsome all the time. <3 p="">

finally got a new phone after nearly 5 yrs, so i snapped a pic of some of the last of this yrś wildflowers.

below is what my high school friend jenine posted on fb. she moved to new zealand after shrub (as molly ivins called him) was elected. she is brilliant, & in this case, she is correct.
"I have privilege as a White person because I can do all of these things without thinking twice about it...
I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery).
I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).
I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).
I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark).
I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).
I can play loud music (#JordanDavis).
I can sell CD's (#AltonSterling).
I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)
I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).
I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).
I can go to church (#Charleston9).
I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).
I can hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).
I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant).
I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).
I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).
I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).
I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .
I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).
I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).
I can be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).
I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).
I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).
I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).
I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).
I can run (#WalterScott).
I can breathe (#EricGarner).
I can live (#FreddieGray).
I can ask someone to put a leash on their dog when it is required in the public park we are in (#ChristianCooper).
I CAN BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED. #GeorgeFloyd
White privilege is real. Take a minute to consider a Black person’s experience today.
#BlackLivesMatter”
*I copied and pasted this...please do the same.

gunsmoke blues (1971) & not cool, not cula

this is the coolest thing i've seen in a while. can't believe i never knew about it til now!! wow...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ATwmyuhmeY
earlier we drove down to denny's at the grapevine & ate. it was not as exciting as i'd thought it would be after months out of restaurants: clean & quiet. somber, even, the few diners spaced generously. the waitstaff wasn't quite as good as i'd thought they'd be with so few ppl to serve. but heck, most ppl still are weirded out, including servers, likely, so i left a good tip, regardless. i just learned a work colleague friend's family member died last week of covid19. :( it's sure not hit our county like the eastern cities or (to much lesser extent) LA, but ppl are dying. it's not over. i will cautiously respect "reopening efforts," but also will continue to be careful & respectful of others' space, & if they don't respect mine, i can't give them a piledriver like james maybe would, but i can wear my mask & turn away.
so we came home & ended up watching a short interview w/"the last beegee," barry gibb, which isn't something i'd think i'd watch, but i was caught off-guard. james & i are of the age when the beegees were the biggest thing, & that's embarrassed me in past, but we watched it, moved to see that barry gibb is gentle, sincere, & kind. all of his brothers have died. my god. his grief is real, touchingly expressed. it made me remember a few summers back on vacation w/family, driving w/sis & bro-in-law in a gigantic rentavan & james & i singing aloud to beegee songs with soaring hearts (& falsettos).
we didn't have elvis & little richard, like mom & dad had (my god! what THEY had!!! unprecedented, never to be equaled!), but this was our youth. childhood pleasures are innocent, & i was happy with family in van to share sappy music from a time before i knew what i was supposed to like & dislike... i don't have to be "so cool, i'm cula," to paraphrase the movie american me.
a lamb across the road yells often, such a sad, insistent bleat. he is going off right now, poor little guy or gal. and being home, i have seen more beautiful birds these past months than ever. they likely are migrating during day when in normal routine i would be in the classroom. these birds, so vibrantly white, blue, red, yellow, & more, always cheer us. the lizards, too: seen more of those than ever before, some looking over 6 inches long (james has named two of them leroy & larry), & lots of grasshoppers/maybe locusts... sitting on the couch after the barry gibb show, listening to the birds, we took some photos w/our newish tablet, james recovering from an eye injury, me from badly cut bangs.
 boy, we sure are lucky. still not pushing up daisies, enjoying this nice weather, nature, some time for music & contemplation. no complaints here, not ever, i hope.

the pain! the pain!

on a familiar trail nearby, we found an unfamiliar stream :D

have you ever cooked something so tasty, you couldn´t stop eating, even though it burned the roof of your mouth with each painful bite?
i am doing that now. and really enjoying it!!
picked up a neat cookbook from the dollar store -- all recipes use tinned fish. so the other night i cooked a tuna pasta recipe & it was a hit, in jamesś opinion. today i took the leftover sauce, rubbed it on halved french bread, added cheese, garlic, parsley, popped it in the oven on our new cast iron skillet on a film of olive oil. i thought it came out delicious!! james, not so much. i had described it as pizza, and his taste buds expected that.
more for me!
anyways, heś not suffering any. that guy could live on iced tea, chicken and ice cream.
i keep telling him that be a great song title, something in the louis jordan vein. i think iĺl write it right now!!

what are you reading? i am so excited: got in the mail running with sherman (chris mcdougall) & why we run (bernd heinrich). run run run! teach online school, run run run, online math class, play music, hang out with james, visit family, enjoy nature, enjoy pets, play my dumb little tablet game, clean, scavenge for & build stuff out of junk, too many zooms, but whoś complaining... that´d be insane!
this is life for now... may you be healthy!