oh, i wish i was an oscar meyer weiner, that is what i'd truly like to be, for if i were an oscar meyer weiner, everyone would be in love with me...

that was a test. if you knew that song, you are of A Certain Age. it taught all us kids at that time use of the subjunctive, even if we didn't know that's what it was called (& who needs to know nowadays, anyways? except that the subjunctive is the coolest of all tenses, i think!: the "what if?")... i was dreaming about being in a car with my family & james & a big, big wave was crashing over the car as we kept driving, probably related to beautiful surfing videos we watched in eatery yesterday when our conversation went frm hawaii to hell. then he & i were driving right to the edge of a deep, deep canyon & i was saying, "look, honey, look!" & we both were scared & vertiginous (i just wanna use that word!!), but we were gonna go down in that deep, deep canyon to see what we could see! then i was following exene into a bookstore... i didn't talk to her, but she was talking about honky-tonk music & then there i sat at a piano, playing some moon mullican... obviously i'm no lucid dreamer cause i only ever get snippets like i just wrote down, but the next thought is this: how DID a weenie like me marry such a tough man? that man is tough as nails, w/a mouth that'd make a sailor cry & the sometimes ferocious pugnacity of a fighter (which he was). but he's also sweet as a puppy. sincerely! i relate cause i'm either gidget/mary poppins or a blubbering lump of want-to-die. the moods shift like earthquakes, like tsunamis! yesterday, i just LOST IT! i was all alone, so i could really let it rip, let those demons fly! but from that particularly violent mental crash came sweet release & calm & then we had an afternoon & eve of total love & adventure... we headed out for a benefit/tribute up north, but had mechanical failure & our plans were dashed. we were disappointed, but mama said, you can only do what you can do, & you can't do everything... yes, i feel different today. do you ever need to really lose it to gain it back even stronger? a weenie's gotta get cooked & burst some before it's really good eating. i know that metaphor makes little sense, but james is real good at them, & i'm working on it by osmosis. ok, now that i'm ready to serve, time to go for a run. yes, this weenie likes to run. good day or eve, sir or ma'am.