my hero

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it really wasn't that slow -- we just were overly tired from having been in ventura for grandma's wake, then driving back for the gig, so that made the evening seem to really drag on... we talked more w/great soundman-our friend dougy, pictured, & friendly barkeep char, about the movie pending about james's life. looks like it's really gonna happen! i talked europe business w/scott abeyta, caught up w/tony, & we joked w/scott lambert, laughing out lines from our favorite wc fields movies... we took silly pix & then went home & finally got some sleep. yes, james not just went to the wake, he got up early, early that morning & went out on a boat w/dad & some of dad's relatives to scatter ashes, a four-hour ride. "i have to," he said to me w/big eyes, telling me what for him was the most plain-faced truth. "he's MY dad now, too." it's true. i welled up. when growing up, i so wanted to be dad's son & be just like him some day. sounds weird, especially the way i grew into a smaller-structured woman (tho no midget) w/high-pitched voice, but that's how it was. i wanted to protect my dad, tho he's never needed it, & mama, too... on the way back from ventura, we talked our heads off & james gave me his master plan for our music. i finally heard him out. i like it a lot. it will definitely work for his band's growth, dusk devils, & our duo! then we remembered how he used to be called upon by all kinds of "friends" to clean up their messes. everybody wanted a piece of james! "then they weren't there when i needed them," he said a bit sadly. well, tonight he helped the parents of a friend, & soon he will help the folks & the friend, too. this situation is different; this will be a noble deed. james bought seed bombs in ventura & told me, "it's time i started throwing life instead of death." james is changing & acting like the man he's always been deep-down. we both have in the past believed we were good ppl cause we thought good thoughts. but it's action that's key: james is in positive action. he is my hero. good night.