imprinted

sebastian cabot as mister french. i loved mr french. our family
doctor was similarly large, rotund, with gigantic blue eyes
& friendly, comforting manner. despite that, he also scared me!

i was 20 yrs old on a train in europe when this good-looking white guy, older & square-looking,  started making eyes at me, so i walked with him to the back car (i had no boundaries) (i remember being at the very end of the train, outside the back door with the track rattling beneath & the cool air blowing, with this stranger!). turns out it wasn't hanky-panky he wanted, but for me to become a scientologist...

mister green jeans & captain kangaroo: round, silly comfort.
you could know you were safe with these people.

it made me think about the idea of engrams -- not jungian, but scientologian -- which unlike jung's are  negative & only removable via auditing or whatever those wingnuts call it. i might not have this right; i was talking with angie sister yesterday about her MA program in which she's currently reading jung.
i just was mooning & dreaming over pix of capybaras & wondering why animals like them or wombats or bears (the fatter the better) are so appealing to me & always have been, like, inherently.
why do we like what we like?
sick two weeks now; overdid it yesterday in the yard. building a dog run. so i'm stalling, on the blog...  these are images that i saw between infancy & age six that stuck inside me, that may have been uncanny due to their power upon me, or that maybe imprinted upon me... (for james, it was raquel welch in fantastic voyage as well as some other, more eccentric celebrity crushes...)

when depressed, i go dumb watching videos of innocent, round,
adorable caveys, which we  had as pets when i was a kid. capy-
baras, wombats, round-nosed, soft-gazed: who can't love them?

the gia family saw oliver! when angie & i were tiny,
say 3-5 years old. i wanted to be jack wild, who played
the wily, confident artful dodger, but oliver
reed as bill sykes has remained in my psyche
always: his handsome bulk & sinister glower
were so scary, but also troublingly exciting...

after this i gotta go to ace & get fencing. tomorrow's a class i anticipate, in bakersland: socratic circles. i'm just all over the place in this post.

we walked into bakersfield's tejon theatre & there was
john amos without a shirt1  i was six, but the broad 
muscularity of his chest stretched across the big screen has
been cemented in my mind ever since!

... so to blablabla a bit more, have you heard of a book called the old ways? it's a lunatic-fringe publication i read about in mother earth news, but w/some most-excellent & useful info, like how to make pain meds from backyard weeds... and last night i saw an odd, stunning movie called buster's mal heart featuring a pint-sized heartthrob version of michael shannon, a charming-creepy egyptian cutey named rami malek... i really liked the film, tho it disturbed me... so that's enough stalling... happy sunday.