(lazy writing alert: emphatic "!!!" & CAPITAL LETTERS ahead)
dang it, this blog has stats. if you come to this site, the site you JUST LOOKED AT is tracked by blogger!! i just went into the stats page of my little blog & saw listings for some gross & disgusting sites... if you're looking at nasty & foul stuff, stop visiting my blog!!!!!!!! go away!!!!!!!
i know i can't control that one bit, so the only thing i can do is express how revolting it is to me when happy fool here goes to the "stats" page to twinkle & glee over how many humans have been cyber-visiting her & sees these perverted, putrid websites documented... bleghghghghg!!!
i'm kinda stuck lately, sick where i have trouble talking & walking, but i sure can type! i'm good for little except surfing the web. it's actually led to some teaching, voice talent, proofreading job leads & more gigs for me & james! course, i'm too ill to get to the job interviews, keep having to reschedule, so it's kinda... frustrating yet exciting... work! work is good! laborare est orare!
i've been withdrawing from paroxetine. that's right, me, sober over 20 years, WITHDRAWING. the new doc told me to be nice to myself; it's not like i've relapsed. the ironic part is, i'm probably suffering a great deal more BECAUSE i've been sober so long. i'm probably as much a lightweight as a baby, in fact. so if i'd kept partying down & took paxil, i'd not maybe be this sick.... crap!!
i went in two yrs ago a hopeless anxious depressed wreck & my nice doctor, a pretty, intelligent woman who probably got straight As all thru school & who obviously has NO experience with addiction, told me to take paxil, so i did.
my fault!! should've researched it!! didn't!! gullible, believing authority, wanting to trust: sucker!! it never stops!!
so i took the med i was prescribed, for the first time in my life exactly AS prescribed, & here i find myself two years later (transitioning to another, much safer med) sick sick sick, oh my, so physically sick... friends tell me, "oh, they're being sued. you should sue them!!" but those lawsuits are for paxil-induced outcomes far worse, certainly evil, even: babies born of mothers who'd been on paxil, baby comes out with something very wrong; families of people who stopped taking paxil, got depressed, took their own lives. horrible! this is not that -- this, tho it's a highly unfortunate situation, is not sue-worthy!
james & i were joking -- as we do; hahaha! --- about kicking peoples' asses. james is the dalai lama compared to his Old Life, when he was a tough sucker -- the toughest man I'VE ever met or known about, that's for sure! so it comes up bc he actually can do it whereas physically i probably could, if my opponent were weak & tiny, but then how could i? see? temperamentally, no, i don't think i ever could! but i told him if we ever meet a person from glaxosmithwhateveritscalled evil big pharma that developed paxil, we will beat those thugs to a pulp.
cretins!!!! pushers!!!! as*holes!!!!!! the whole idea made us laugh, & then, of course, i felt much better. :) mama said recently -- with great affection, i add -- as james was being silly, "how can you feel bad being married to a man like that?" he's so quick & funny, quite a marvelous human being that way, verbally gifted, lightning-smart, & hilarious. he reminds me to stop taking life so seriously... thank goodness!
my brain zaps. and in fact, that's what the phenom is called: brain zaps. at 1st it was a tiny bit cool, kinda like being bride of frankenstein or the monster. but then it intensified: no longer cool at all. add nausea, headache, fatigue, mood swings & you have a condition FAR worse than i could've envisioned. james has been a big help, having suffered many bouts with withdrawal. me? i had three days of DTs over 20 yrs ago. never anything like this. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
however, sick & puky, wobbly & mood-swingy, i'm still in general quite happy. :) i love my life, & i love, i mean, i LOVE my husband! -- more all the time, the more i know him. we have gone thru storms & battles & wars & strife together... and didn't give up! this is how stuff gets solidified, fortified, ingrained. our lives nowadays are the best they've been! and w/ possibility of getting work in areas i love (teaching, library, art, music)? so happy. and not only is james getting more & bigger gigs, with a lineup of good honest men whom i really like & who are loyal & good to james, but WE, me and james!, are getting more gigs. click on this to see where & when: whiteboy and jenny combo
gonna quit writing now, stand up & try not to barf, maybe play some piano... yes! in spite of the lumps & bumps & having to be reminded of the presence of internet weirdos & having to shake out this evil, sickening anti-depressant, LIFE IS GOOD! may yours be, as well. even you weirdos! even you as*holes! even you petty, scum-sucking sleaze bags! :D
may we all live & be merry!
Labels: being sick, don't ever take paxil, evil big pharma, go away foul paraphiliacs, kinda manic right now, love, marriage, my husband james, whiteboy and jenny combo