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noggin's experiencing a wild audio-visual storm as it pulls out of being near-drowned in medication it no longer needs... i sit here & type to distract it, zapping & sparking, then running low & slow, confused & muddy. storms do upset terrain considerably, tho the after-effect should be clear & clean skies & land of greater beauty & fecundity. that's nice to anticipate, making this crappy i-guess-it-truly-is withdrawal worth it...
anyways, heck, i don't even know if what i'm writing makes sense... this blog's turned into a chronicle of Life with James, but this is my life now, & how can words convey how grateful i am for him? if i don't write it down, i'll forget, so onward! yes, we've had the most lovely marathon of road trips & music & family these past many days... enjoyed thrift-vintage-movie lot funky shopping in burbank, then the crisp, invigorating cold & 4-5 varieties of snow & movietime & cozy rest & james's perfectly-built fire at the mountain pad, then lovely slumber & food & visit w/the folks in this-time-of-yr gorgeous backwardsville, then back down for james's weekly gig (here's a pic of us singing "let's roll" at that, which turned into a big jam session for scott abeyta's bd, highlights for me being max bangwell's silly & inspired rendition of some willie dixon [i like to think sparked by james's & my stage silliness], & when a friend came up to confide in & get support from sober james, who's so quickly become such a positive role model to so many of his fans [wow! it's so, so cool to be there to witness this!], & then felix's harmonica & little kelly belting some out). we stayed up all night & grabbed the boy & returned to the these-days-unsmoggy-&-wide-open-&-verdant lovely central valley for bro-in-law dougy's bd w/sea of family & mexican grub & chatting & chortling & just the nicest kind of happy visit you could imagine... james, raised baptist, wanted to sing doug a church song for his bd, so we practiced a few outside. "i'm more nervous than if i were playing a festival!" he said, then went inside & sang & played his heart out, me on my childhood piano & him on guitar. he was so terrific, sharing all his wonderfulness & heart-as-big-as-the-universe w/the family like that, & doug was really happy, i could tell, making it definitely worth it for us two agnostics... after the herd cleared out, we settled in for the night & next morn mama made breakfast & dad took us all on a country drive & shared w/james his extensive local-history knowledge, & i was so gladdened & touched to see the love mom & dad have for the jameses getting bigger all the time, & the jameses for them... james & i have such hope for us as a couple & individually, just as humans, having role models like our folks; that former self-described "bad man" & this recovering weenie-martyr-sybil want to follow their path, they who seem more near-saintly each day. my experience is, as people get older they either get more broken, bitter & blaming or, like mom & dad, ever-blossoming, ever more beautiful & bountiful & inviting, making greater shade & plenty for all who are near. yes, what generous, kind, accepting, forgiving, upstanding humans we get to have for folks.
good god; just got choked up. must stop typing. when i think on how it could be, what a miracle Life is. what a miracle. isn't it? lastly, here's a thought to chew on, the most moving idea i've heard in a while: that we should consider & practice "the power of showing compassion toward a total stranger" -- &, of course, true friends, loved ones, & respectful acquaintances... ah, crap, i guess that means forgiving & having compassion for everyone, even those who don't seem to "deserve" it, on a small level like people (hope you're not one!) who've been sh*theels to james & i. we all get to live, at least for now, we're all humans w/the same brain pan & basic needs, fundamentally we're all kin... so guess the high road's the one to take. no sense mucking around in the gutter... gee! what a better way to be! it's certainly a goal! :D