eloquence abounds: this v-day just already beats the dogsh*t out of the last one...

- last yr at this time, i had been dumped again by someone who would end it, then reel me back. i DID, however, get a valentine's day text from my now-husband on that day, as well as from kind friends, then got to host woman friends at my mountain home... such kindnesses shared made that v-day better than life in general was back then... we are both so grateful such sad straits are water under the bridge & we no longer so gravely are wrong/ed in the love dept. yes, we, experts at failed relationships, are now getting to grow together into commitment, friendship, trust, love. in middle age! please be heartened by our example: it's never too late to find your other half.
- well, rats, am still kicking the meds (read online this process is as bad as heroin withdrawal... lovely, as our niece would say). was encouraged to learn a friend i admire kicked this crap many yrs ago on her own, alone. i have james helping me. i have no excuse. i WILL get thru this & be better afterward! :D
- vitamins help. and water. riding my bicycle 16 1/2 miles today, tho, was probably not the best idea. didn't intend to ride that far: got lost. fortunately this area boasts cool air of sea-spray & beautiful views -- good gravy: 7+ miles of the ride skimmed blue expanse of pacific ocean! by the last hill, my legs had turned to rubber & lungs to flattened paper bag; once back here, i crashed & burned... when i'm sick, james doesn't tend to feel so hot, either, so he & i rested thru the afternoon; trying to make myself feel better, & to boost or shield low spirits, i put on "war paint," as he will call the makeup when i really pack it on, & skirt & boots. "you got your uniform on," he grinned. "your superhero outfit. let's go; you're coming w/me." i'm so glad i did, tho most of the eve wasn't able to watch him & the band, instead wrapped in a little blanket on the soft, comfy couch backstage, reading as best i could the book i bought mama for christmas that she passed on to james & i, ethel waters' "his eyes are on the sparrow." immediately, the scrappy survivor on the page, full of wily humor, toughness, big spirit, reminded me of my husband. can't wait til i have good energy again tomorrow & can read it more.
- mornings are best these days. for instance, this one was fantastic: went out in the sunshine to say hello to the sky & noticed the sunday paper was still under the neighbor's SUV tire (they must've run it over a few times!). so i rescued/stole it, inside finding a gem: the NY times crossword puzzle! w/the help of a crossword website (learned at least 6 new words!), finished it. victory! that is one dang challenging, fun crossword, & knowing it's in the local gives me reason now to buy it on sundays. tonight also, tho i was feeling pretty crappy from withdrawal & overexercise, had lovely moments, such as smoking down to its filter a kool james brought me; he came on break to check on me & w/that cigarette, supine on soft backstage couch under warm blanket, smoke swirling lazily, menthol tasting especially, even deliciously, well, koooool, i thought, man, i know i'm not loaded, but is this what a junkie feels some like? enjoying fat nothingness this much? then after the show, shared a warm & intimate meal w/romantic-eyed wonderful james at a 24-hr diner on PCH; we sat at the window like characters out of an edward hopper, tho minus melancholy, looking out at the night & having one of those especially nice conversations while he ate waffles, bacon, eggs, me, eggs, rice, & tortilla ... i write all of this, of course, so that i may later remember... and maybe you in reading will make some connection, be it enjoyment remembrance hope, etc...
- i kyped for jamesjr a valentine's day head ornament that must've been left behind by one of the burlesquers at a prior show at the club. it musta been one wild night cause the dancers left behind a broken necklace, the head ornament, a towel, a pair of gloves, & a nice little leather jacket (tho i admitted to newspaper theft above, & didn't think a girl would miss her $1 store head ornament, especially once v-day was over, the other stuff's still there)... i hope he'll wear it to school tomorrow & proudly display giant nerd power, or give it to his sweet gothy friend. today james likely will stay up all night working on some project or other, then we'll sleep & sleep & sleep, maybe exercise, then top off the eve w/a valentine's dinner he has planned. or we'll do something else. either way, this v-day beats the crap out of the last one...
- may you have a happy day, whether you have a valentine, or are your own valentine. meanwhile, please enjoy this sweet, romantic video. :) the cramps cover the phantom's classic, "love me"