post 700: a message from james

stalking (present participle, verb): Pursue or approach stealthily: "a cat stalking a bird"; "a delusional fan stalking a performer, believing there to be more to the relationship than there is". Harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted & obsessive attention: "the man stalked the woman"; "a controlling ex-girlfriend, unwilling to see her part in a long-over bad relationship, tries to stalk her ex, making herself look like a creepy loser in the process". stalking is not just sick, but illegal. there will be negative legal consequences.
(now from me, jenny): we had quite a fun time last night at harvelle's. we got to long beach early & i read in a book-lined coffee house, then overdid it at the gym while james happily ran errands & went visiting... we shared a delicious portabella flatbread thingy recommended by the friendly barkeep at harvelle's, joked w/soundman doug, then i got to pound out a set w/the scotts (lambert & abeyta) as well as tony lopez. james smiled broadly from the sidelines as i stomped on the piano & did my silly deal. the audience sounded enthusiastic, cheering happily, as they did (of course) when james got up when i was done... now he is putting up shelves for the son as i type & soon we'll play music together before having a mid-morning nap. we have been singing & listening to tunes & watched bits of blues videos & ate pop-tarts & leftover pizza. i am in the best position ever in life, retired from meaningful career (which, who knows, might return to), now 45 yrs old, w/the most wonderful fit of a husband i could never have dreamed up. mama says she believes i've found my purpose in life, & having yesterday read an article about life meaning vs happiness, that helps me understand why at times he & i are down... to have purpose is to think of others & their needs, of long-term goals that will benefit more than oneself in the moment -- this can negate personal temporary pleasure at times, but in the long run, satisfies more deeply. i'd much rather have down times that ultimately deepen the important relationships i have than have my selfish plans & schemes met in the moment (be happy), but be alone & lonely in the long-run... "he who has a why to live can endure any what" (i paraphrase victor frankl)... did my masters' thesis on this topic; you can look it up, if you're interested, or not.
in the end, it's all water under the bridge for all of us. "given that i must die someday, how will i live today?" ... indeed. what shall we do, honorable fellows? when we meet, do we look in one another's eyes w/dignity & knowledge of our own honesty & integrity? can i look into your eyes & know you've been honest w/us? goodbye for now...

blablablalablablabla... oh! & music this weekend...

kaykay wrote this: "Jenny Page (formerly Angel) and her all new Dusk Devils are coming to Bakersfield!! Their unique RockaBilly sound is fun and fast!! Jenny, who moved to Huntington Beach after sneaking off to marry none other than Whiteboy James, rebuilt her band with some of the southland's finest players..Tony Lopez on drums, Scott Lambert on bass, and Rip Cat Scott Abeyta on guitar!! You heard it right..WOW!! What a line-up!! So come on out and help us welcome the all new DUSK DEVIL'S!! Psstt..I hear there will be a special guest in the house, and with enough encouragement, I'm sure he'll get up and entertain us!! ;) Hope to see you all there!! :) Brought to you by Jagger Promotions"
and she made this poster! last night we practiced over at tony lopez's house, which was pretty fun!, even tho i am pretty rusty!, then got king taco (carnitas... yum). james, of course, got recognized & fan wanted photos w/him! i recall in bakersfield several yrs back when i'd go places & people'd recognize me -- amazing since i played so comparatively little, but then, bakersfield's much, much smaller than greater LA/OC... i'm proud when ppl recognize james. he deserves it, & so much more! :D
anyways, details for the above show are these: we get to play a show saturday afternoon of march meets, when backwardsville will be crawling w/rodsters. i know of two other terrific american music shows that weekend, at different times than ours: the blasters, w/olen's fruit tramps being one of their THREE opening bands, & deke dickerson w/somebody i probably should remember... look em up if you're interested! it'll be a triple-header real roots-rockin weekend, sounding to me like the most fun music weekend i've known of in backwardsville since 1991!
anyways, ours is this: dusk devils with "special guest" whiteboy james (that means it's really his show, & i think they're all just being nice letting me "headline" - heheh!), sat. march 9, 2 pm at pyrenee's, 601 sumner st., bakersfield/old town kern, 93305, 661-323-0053. no cover! 21 & over!
well, am thrilled i seem to have some of my old energy back, or the crazies/manics/whatever it is that makes me more creative & athletic at times... this morning, i did this -- drew the cartoon, snapped a pic w/cheap little phone, uploaded it, then edited it w/,variously, free websites pixlr & postermywalls... glad to say today i've done my "something creative." what have you done, or what will you do? a good creative & happy day to you! :D

teetotaling in the city of angels, true love saves the world

husband has never been on passenger train, tho he rode the boxcars in his 20s (he's done such things, really done them, things dangerous, tough, hemingway-runyon-herzogesque, pugilistic, startling, foolhardy, underground, manly). we've now been hitched 4 months; 90+ days ago he reconfigured himself as teetotaler. today in celebration he took his 1st passenger train ride on amtrak w/me to downtown LA. we had philippe's french dips, walked thru vibrantly-colored olvera street, sat in its plaza, walked to a corner of chinatown, thru the toy district, thru japantown, the while reveling in the wpa-era architecture, the huge expansive muscle-y trees, the popping flowers, the bright sky & vistas, our beautiful myriad human fellows, then headed back to romantic bustling wonderful union station for ride home. had to stand cause train home was full, but he held me to him in corridor & convinced me all was ok & we had very nice time overall. he struck up conversations w/people everywhere & my heart burst w/happiness each time. "i like people," he explained, smiling, reminding me of just one more reason i love him...
i'd give him the world, if i could, & he'd give it to me, i know. it was a nice trip, & we'll go back to see more. at this pt, my fearless husband, who will do anything to make a person smile, would make an ultra-comical dorky face & start gesticulating from head-to-toe & say something silly like, "LA f***in' rocks, bro," then go into some lunatic rapid-fire jive-turkey monologue that would have you laughing w/astonishment, embarrassment, & joy at being alive at the same time as this marvelous human creature named james page... that's it for now.
Crow - Known for sociability, vocalization, intelligence, strength, augury, forcefulness, trickstery, dramatic appearance and size. Collectively known as a murder.
Dove - Devoted, charismatic, progressive, pacifistic, strong, short-bodied, fruitful, comely, longing for peace and rest. Collectively known as a dole.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaa famillllllliaaaaaaa

here's the latest page family portrait: sister angie then said, "jenny's the only one who wasn't making a face. everyone smile right." that resulted in this: (she didn't know they don't give a sh*t about smiling right in pix.) :D here's another of us w/dear little angel & cuñada & cuñado: ... still hoping for pic from sister-in-law sherri, w/whom i had the nicest visit today: so delightful hearing her tell of her 1st "magical" running experience & seeing the happiness on her face!... this eve i didn't go to james's gig. actually was sposed to start opening for him this wk, but the barometric head near-exploded w/yesterday's rainy/windy weather & i was down, down for the count, unable to practice, so instead have spent the eve w/jamesjr. it turned into, for me, the best eve that could've happened! we got to have quite a chat! i do hope he'll find his passion & love for life quicker than his dad & i did... this brings us to the last page family photo, so sweet. :) now a few from my side of la famiglia. i love these cause my folks, everyone, really, look so happy: ... well, i hear jjr clacking away on HW still (waited til 11 pm to do 7 chs of twain & analysis of state of union address! kids!), so time to get in bed & wait for the hunter home from the hills, the sailor home from the sea, the bluesman home from the stage. so happy to have two good books right now: "a natural history of the senses" as well as "the moral animal"... good day to you, sir! ma'am! good day!

"they sent me out to lindseyville, ky, i had a little bitty harmonica in my hand..."

View Larger Map that's a line from one of james's autobiographical songs. he told me they kids would be sent out to kentucky each summer to get them out of the city; when the others would go back home to LA, james would stay behind as long as possible. he loved the farm life, the hard physical work, the hillbilly kinship, joking affection, & no-nonsense manner of his large family there... some folks upon hearing my new married name have joked, "oh! that'd be funny if you were like bettie page," but tho i am not except for the bangs i've now worn for 25 yrs, which are rampantly popular in certain scenes, she in fact was one of his dad's cousins... i know when i was in my 20s she was my role model because i learned she never drank or smoked, & back then people would remark i had a physical resemblance to her (only ever in the most generic sense, i think); she also was a teacher for a while... then come to find out yrs later she also struggled w/"the black dog," as churchill called it... i hope that she died happy. she had some rough incidents in her life, some her fault, but seems to've been someone who tried to live right, really rather innocent, in her way... well, blablabla... today we valentines drove to long beach & had sodas & cheez-its & peanuts while enjoying uncle dave's patter & fine jukebox at his artsy ultra-clean watering hole, then had texas bbq & georgia pulled pork & cornbread & greens & ribs while enjoying more great music, getting us in the mood to take our trip finally, back to the bluegrass state & the beloved family james hasn't seen for 30 yrs, me, never... depending on time, maybe we can take a day or two in memphis... memphis! i love memphis!... either way, we are so excited to anticipate adventuring together! this finally will be our honeymoon. we cannot wait!!!!!!! :D :D

eloquence abounds: this v-day just already beats the dogsh*t out of the last one...

- last yr at this time, i had been dumped again by someone who would end it, then reel me back. i DID, however, get a valentine's day text from my now-husband on that day, as well as from kind friends, then got to host woman friends at my mountain home... such kindnesses shared made that v-day better than life in general was back then... we are both so grateful such sad straits are water under the bridge & we no longer so gravely are wrong/ed in the love dept. yes, we, experts at failed relationships, are now getting to grow together into commitment, friendship, trust, love. in middle age! please be heartened by our example: it's never too late to find your other half.
- well, rats, am still kicking the meds (read online this process is as bad as heroin withdrawal... lovely, as our niece would say). was encouraged to learn a friend i admire kicked this crap many yrs ago on her own, alone. i have james helping me. i have no excuse. i WILL get thru this & be better afterward! :D
- vitamins help. and water. riding my bicycle 16 1/2 miles today, tho, was probably not the best idea. didn't intend to ride that far: got lost. fortunately this area boasts cool air of sea-spray & beautiful views -- good gravy: 7+ miles of the ride skimmed blue expanse of pacific ocean! by the last hill, my legs had turned to rubber & lungs to flattened paper bag; once back here, i crashed & burned... when i'm sick, james doesn't tend to feel so hot, either, so he & i rested thru the afternoon; trying to make myself feel better, & to boost or shield low spirits, i put on "war paint," as he will call the makeup when i really pack it on, & skirt & boots. "you got your uniform on," he grinned. "your superhero outfit. let's go; you're coming w/me." i'm so glad i did, tho most of the eve wasn't able to watch him & the band, instead wrapped in a little blanket on the soft, comfy couch backstage, reading as best i could the book i bought mama for christmas that she passed on to james & i, ethel waters' "his eyes are on the sparrow." immediately, the scrappy survivor on the page, full of wily humor, toughness, big spirit, reminded me of my husband. can't wait til i have good energy again tomorrow & can read it more.
- mornings are best these days. for instance, this one was fantastic: went out in the sunshine to say hello to the sky & noticed the sunday paper was still under the neighbor's SUV tire (they must've run it over a few times!). so i rescued/stole it, inside finding a gem: the NY times crossword puzzle! w/the help of a crossword website (learned at least 6 new words!), finished it. victory! that is one dang challenging, fun crossword, & knowing it's in the local gives me reason now to buy it on sundays. tonight also, tho i was feeling pretty crappy from withdrawal & overexercise, had lovely moments, such as smoking down to its filter a kool james brought me; he came on break to check on me & w/that cigarette, supine on soft backstage couch under warm blanket, smoke swirling lazily, menthol tasting especially, even deliciously, well, koooool, i thought, man, i know i'm not loaded, but is this what a junkie feels some like? enjoying fat nothingness this much? then after the show, shared a warm & intimate meal w/romantic-eyed wonderful james at a 24-hr diner on PCH; we sat at the window like characters out of an edward hopper, tho minus melancholy, looking out at the night & having one of those especially nice conversations while he ate waffles, bacon, eggs, me, eggs, rice, & tortilla ... i write all of this, of course, so that i may later remember... and maybe you in reading will make some connection, be it enjoyment remembrance hope, etc...
- i kyped for jamesjr a valentine's day head ornament that must've been left behind by one of the burlesquers at a prior show at the club. it musta been one wild night cause the dancers left behind a broken necklace, the head ornament, a towel, a pair of gloves, & a nice little leather jacket (tho i admitted to newspaper theft above, & didn't think a girl would miss her $1 store head ornament, especially once v-day was over, the other stuff's still there)... i hope he'll wear it to school tomorrow & proudly display giant nerd power, or give it to his sweet gothy friend. today james likely will stay up all night working on some project or other, then we'll sleep & sleep & sleep, maybe exercise, then top off the eve w/a valentine's dinner he has planned. or we'll do something else. either way, this v-day beats the crap out of the last one...
- may you have a happy day, whether you have a valentine, or are your own valentine. meanwhile, please enjoy this sweet, romantic video. :) the cramps cover the phantom's classic, "love me"

zap bzzzzrrrtt ssssshhzhzzzhzzhzhhzzzz pop ping! zzzzt!

noggin's experiencing a wild audio-visual storm as it pulls out of being near-drowned in medication it no longer needs... i sit here & type to distract it, zapping & sparking, then running low & slow, confused & muddy. storms do upset terrain considerably, tho the after-effect should be clear & clean skies & land of greater beauty & fecundity. that's nice to anticipate, making this crappy i-guess-it-truly-is withdrawal worth it...
anyways, heck, i don't even know if what i'm writing makes sense... this blog's turned into a chronicle of Life with James, but this is my life now, & how can words convey how grateful i am for him? if i don't write it down, i'll forget, so onward! yes, we've had the most lovely marathon of road trips & music & family these past many days... enjoyed thrift-vintage-movie lot funky shopping in burbank, then the crisp, invigorating cold & 4-5 varieties of snow & movietime & cozy rest & james's perfectly-built fire at the mountain pad, then lovely slumber & food & visit w/the folks in this-time-of-yr gorgeous backwardsville, then back down for james's weekly gig (here's a pic of us singing "let's roll" at that, which turned into a big jam session for scott abeyta's bd, highlights for me being max bangwell's silly & inspired rendition of some willie dixon [i like to think sparked by james's & my stage silliness], & when a friend came up to confide in & get support from sober james, who's so quickly become such a positive role model to so many of his fans [wow! it's so, so cool to be there to witness this!], & then felix's harmonica & little kelly belting some out). we stayed up all night & grabbed the boy & returned to the these-days-unsmoggy-&-wide-open-&-verdant lovely central valley for bro-in-law dougy's bd w/sea of family & mexican grub & chatting & chortling & just the nicest kind of happy visit you could imagine... james, raised baptist, wanted to sing doug a church song for his bd, so we practiced a few outside. "i'm more nervous than if i were playing a festival!" he said, then went inside & sang & played his heart out, me on my childhood piano & him on guitar. he was so terrific, sharing all his wonderfulness & heart-as-big-as-the-universe w/the family like that, & doug was really happy, i could tell, making it definitely worth it for us two agnostics... after the herd cleared out, we settled in for the night & next morn mama made breakfast & dad took us all on a country drive & shared w/james his extensive local-history knowledge, & i was so gladdened & touched to see the love mom & dad have for the jameses getting bigger all the time, & the jameses for them... james & i have such hope for us as a couple & individually, just as humans, having role models like our folks; that former self-described "bad man" & this recovering weenie-martyr-sybil want to follow their path, they who seem more near-saintly each day. my experience is, as people get older they either get more broken, bitter & blaming or, like mom & dad, ever-blossoming, ever more beautiful & bountiful & inviting, making greater shade & plenty for all who are near. yes, what generous, kind, accepting, forgiving, upstanding humans we get to have for folks.
good god; just got choked up. must stop typing. when i think on how it could be, what a miracle Life is. what a miracle. isn't it? lastly, here's a thought to chew on, the most moving idea i've heard in a while: that we should consider & practice "the power of showing compassion toward a total stranger" -- &, of course, true friends, loved ones, & respectful acquaintances... ah, crap, i guess that means forgiving & having compassion for everyone, even those who don't seem to "deserve" it, on a small level like people (hope you're not one!) who've been sh*theels to james & i. we all get to live, at least for now, we're all humans w/the same brain pan & basic needs, fundamentally we're all kin... so guess the high road's the one to take. no sense mucking around in the gutter... gee! what a better way to be! it's certainly a goal! :D

and now, a word from my husband...

greetings, blablablog followers. i am and have been one of you for quite some time. before, during, and after falling for jenny, who is now my wife, i followed this blog up and down and back and forth and in and out for hours and days and weeks and months, trying to get a grasp on this not-so-simple, more-than-complicated being known as jenny..... i'm still trying to figure it out. but i do know this: this blog should be made into a miniseries or perhaps become an epic poem. maybe a sitcom, if sitcoms didn't suck. anyways, on to life. jenny and i were married on october 21, 2012. that day and the days leading up to it were the most frightening, wonderful, beautiful, life-changing moments of my brief life. we have fallen into a kind of rhythm of living, knowing, feeling what each other wants, needs, looking out for each other without being too intrusive (at least in her case), being there when support is needed. remember, if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
her family are some of the most wonderful people i've ever met. it seems they have done a lot of charity work, which has probably helped them bring me into the fold a little more smoothly. as for my family, that is, the ones that are still alive and still talk to me, everybody loves jenny. my son likes her more than he likes me, which is understandable. i've been nominated, but never quite got father of the year. anyways, enough about me.... let's talk about how you met me. think back, blablablabloggers, look back, if you have to. just a few years back, read, as i have, jenny's thoughts and words upon first encountering the white boy, a strange animal in a foreign land, a lone wolf running through the night, seeing strange things, strange places, strange people, pretty much a lonely guy... anyways, i digress. more about me. read back, blablabloggers, back back back: 2010, 2009: the early accounts of white boy on the blog. you'll agree it's as if she saw a bigfoot walking through the woods, or a chupacabra flying through the night. she seemed interested, intrigued, but not quite sure what to make of this.... JAMES!!! i still enjoy laying back and reading her account of our first encounters. i read her blog now for pleasure, not to try to find out who her attempted suitors are so i can merrily beat them to a pulp. that jealous maniac has passed away. he died during the wedding ceremony. resurrection is improbable. for all you christians, jesus did it, but i'm not god's son, although i have been officially dead three times, defibrillated back to life. jesus only died once. i'm not saying i'm better than him, but i did die three times, and it didn't take me three day to come back. anyway, i'm getting off track again. i don't know how long this will be up here. jenny doesn't know i'm doing this.... you're welcome to leave comments, hopefully nice ones. if you choose to sling mud upon my words, leave your comment as anonymous. it'll be safer for you.
i'm going to go make out with my wife after having a cigarette. i'm going to have a cigarette, that is. not my wife. she doesn't smoke. don't think bad thoughts about my wife. if you choose to leave rude, mean, off-color, jealous, sexually obscure comments on her blog, please be anonymous. it'll be safer for you.... hey! am i repeating myself? ... no answer, eh? it doesn't really matter, does it?
this blog is kind of fun. i'm thinking about getting my own blog. i'm wondering what kind of blog i would like, sort of like choosing a dog -- you want to raise it the right way, teach it the right things, try not to have it bite people who don't deserve it. what about you? do you have a blog, or do you just read this one? would you read mine, if i chose to start one? you're welcome to.
i guess that's it for now. so i, james a page, aka whiteboy james, aka the bulldog, aka mayor of misery, aka worm, aka put your hands up!!!!, also known in some circles as "you there," am signing off for now. i'm glad you're reading this instead of surfing porn. good night, all. i have one piece of fried chicken left. i'm going to eat it, have a cigarette, and make out with my wife. by the way, her name's jenny. this is her blog. nighty-night. :D