i had one drink, two drinks, maybe 3 or 4, when i was through, it wouldn't let me go

- that is a ronnie dawson song i just really relate to... was sitting @ the doll hut in anaheim yesterday post-afternoon set w/cattie ness & revenge w/an enormous, friendly boy-man named goat, best pal of johnny rage. sweetly inebriated, he touched my triangle ring & mouthed the name of my secret society of non-drinkers (i couldn't hear him cause of the slamming psychobilly trio onstage)... i nodded yes & he suddenly looked a little... i don't know... comforted? recalcitrant? respectful? sometimes when i've met fellows & then they find out i don't drink, & even more, my affiliation & its implications (rode hard, hung up wet, still living, maybe wiser), the dynamic changes & suddenly i'm the teacher or someone to be protected from king alcohol, which i wouldn't touch if it were handed to me, anyway... but i always feel relieved when that change occurs, which it often does in my experience of bars w/men, who tend to offer drinks as icebreakers to conversation, especially if a gal's in "the band." i'd rather be the teacher -- someone from a world of safety & sobriety, not necessarily someone who can impart knowledge, but just that reliable figure that casts a guy's memory back to childhood innocence -- than a piece of meat. plus i always hold the hope for someone, cause there sure are a lot of folks in the music world who are suffering due to the bottle, the smoke, & the line... not to mention the needle, but then, i have no experience w/that. not yet, anyhow. (i have so many "yets".)
- what a wonderful trip i had to visit donna & family... ruben, her ex, my long-time friend, too, showed up & we all went to guitar center & donna the amazing somehow got 3 guitar cases for $1 each & a danelectro for 50 bucks! she is, after all, queen of scores... we went to the fair, our yearly tradition, & had the most lovely time, agreeing that the evening, the weather, the lights, the dramatic skies, the laughing crowds, the exhibits, the aromas, were magical (also, we saw beautiful farm animals & whimsical artwork! i held a scorpion! donna enthused near- orgasmically about her 1st elote w/parmesan cheese & lemon!)... then donna had a family reunion &, so happy for her, i too was honored to be the only non-family member there as we sat in the backyard @ her sis's house someplace off the 10 & ate beef stew w/carrots & potatoes, beans & cornbread & smelled, alternately, the pungent aromas of guava tree or marijuana bush, depending on how the wind changed. :)
- next day was lunch w/stepson cody &, over eggs & toast, i was delighted to learn he is in love. :) then i headed to gig at doll hut, stuffed into rockabilly jeans i've not worn for 7-8 yrs. becky fixed my hair in a swinging ponytail (as in, "i got my hair fixed in a ponytail, so when we dance, it can really sail") & we got onstage & had a rollicking fun set! it was super-loud & fast, which i love! afterward, we all hung out w/the goat & fabi's friends & adam kept joking about the smoke i had saved in my cleavage (i actually had some -- cleavage, that is -- for this show, wearing the dia de los muertos shirt walter -- who didn't show up -- had given me). becky rode w/me & delighted me w/ribald & frank stories as we caravanned back to flying j & then she hopped back in to ride home w/hubby john & adam, but while still @ the hut, i waited a bit for my friend to show up... he did not bc he'd gotten lost after playing a central cali show: wanting to get away from fans & demands + too much hair of the dog caused him to miss his ride, so now looks like i'll chauffeur him & another musician, who also got lost, home. i should get gas money from it, maybe a meal, some smokes (i don't smoke really, but will if they're greens!), some laughs, some cool music... and dusk devils, i hope, will get a gig or two out of it all. not to mention that i always hold the hope for ppl i know, whether i dislike, like or love them, that they will, if needed, put down the bottle, smoke, or line & pick up the proffered keys to the kingdom. you never know who'll find this thing, tho it certainly is only for those who realize THEY need it. it's not for me to decide for them, most definitely... i hope the trip will be an adventure!
- another upshot is, since i'll be in the southland, i can go to the barndance tonight, mebbe! perhaps manuel will show up if i call him... hope you who read this have a good & safe week. it's beautiful up here on the mountain, & i hope it is there, too, wherever you may be... :)