...but it'll pass. pat, the wisest woman in the world, in my reckoning, says "life is short, honey. do you want to spend it in pain?" no, i don't. she said a bunch of other stuff, too, about being a grownup & learning to say no & boundaries & listening to & heeding my gut, not just listening, then dismissing it. she says "mean what you say, say what you mean, & don't say it mean." she'd tell you herself she didn't invent that one.
-> impossible to think that one month ago was new orleans, the most beautiful place in the world... guess at this pt i'm counting the days til bd parties (1st for mama, cousin mitch, & i; then w/band & friends at my place)... was gonna leave this town this a.m., jump ship, but pat said no, you stay put. true, staying put, i can't run from feelings, responsibility, etc., & the squirming subsides, & i know life'll improve, but for now, it still feels like drowning & suffocating whenever i let my brain relax & think about It All. doesn't help it's 111 degrees. doesn't help i'm my own misery-making machine. however, i know awareness of a problem is the beginning of freedom from it. drop the rock. surrender to win. (but i really don't believe that win-lose dichotomy. i mean, we all go the same place in the end, just stardust, just skeletons.)
a few songs:
life is short. filled with stuff. don't know what for. ain't had enough.
you know i believe i'm gonna leave this town cause it hasn't brought me nothing but heartache and sorrow now, so i believe, oh i believe i'm gonna leave this town tomorrow.
maybe i'll jump ship anyhow, go see manuel, donna & kids, ruben (tho he'll prob be working), the barndance. doesn't matter anymore, i don't think. i guess i can do whatever i want, long as i don't hurt anyone (intentionally)... just gotta make it thru this summer alive... i know i'll get my smile back, & i hope a mature & happy heart, too.
stay sick, turn blue. dusk devils por vida. if you read this, amico mio, again remember: LIFE IS SHORT!
3 comments:
You have so much good stuff going on, but then there's that painful thing too. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
Jenny I posted this on my blog Sunday. Just a Quote
One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
- Sigmund Freud
I hope you get to the other side of this "thing". I know that pain is not always a comfortable place for our types. You are a good and loving and caring person Jenny, dont let you tell yourself anything less than. Health,peace, and happiness is all we can hope for.
I wish those for you
lots of love,
Joni
Jenny,
Being divorced is like being shipped wrecked. Now you stand upon the beach and watch the wreckage your past life wash up on shore.
From that wreckage, you build a new ship, smaller, sleeker and at little more manueverable and you can continue exploring. It does take time, but time is necessary to rebuild your life.
Good luck and best wishes.
Post a Comment