sometimes peanuts, sometimes shells. -uncle henry

...i thought the neighbor was a nice male, but he neglects his dog, a sweet giant of a bear having the same name as my older stepson. the dog is almost as big as i am but affable, friendly, such a good boy. the male underfeeds the dog & leaves it alone constantly. he is blase & uncaring when others (i´ve done it now 3x) have to go retrieve the dog when he gets out repeatedly. ...resentment is when i drink poison and expect you to die.... (i posted this on facebook because my week has been nothing but shells.) 28 years ago today was the last time I drank alcohol, so tomorrow is the anniversary of my first day sober, July 4th, 1995. Life keeps happening, but thanks to sobriety and adopting a program for living, my reactions are generally improved. Thank you to everyone I've met in this life. Everyone is a teacher -- how to be as well as how not to be, with, of course, much to be learned in the middle. One thing for sure is now I feel like I have a life instead of an existence, which is how it felt before. In general, my sober life has been one of purpose, with some serenity, which I never felt before. Even with life's certain ups and downs, I can be useful and have peace. A good Independence Day to all, Jenny Page.... i went to a teacher conference last week w/the hurricane named corey (talented hyper hilarious brainy principal of our school) as well as other colleagues. we all were upgraded; ¨the room´s larger than my apartment!¨ exclaimed our young history teacher, one of those guys born an old man, adored w/o comparison by our student body, deservedly so. the room featured an entry lounge w/large sectional & tv; a full kitchen; a separate bedroom w/two plush beds, tv, feather pillows, all of it perfectly temperature-regulated. large bathroom, everything built-in, everything new, everything nice. i was swallowed up by the vastness, the silence, the city-fied aloneness of the place, tho some nights i slept like the rock you might´ve heard about. the hotel gym featured sturdy cardio with video screens: i skiied across the grand canyon, biked in reims, france as well as villages in the alps. four of us females sat in the jacuzzi one night while corey regaled all, including strangers, w/her wild & hyperbolic comedic stylings. fireworks boomed from disneyland, their reflections sizzling across the brightened nighttime hotel windows nearby. full breakfast each morning. delicious, of course. busy busy important mentally-taxing info all day at the convention center, brain crammed with school stuff, school stuff, school stuff, then finally home, back to the mountains, back to the birds, the breeze, the blue sky, the pet children.... circling back to resentment, at the conference a little birdy told me that you can mail someone ¨a box of sh*t.¨ ¨what?!?!?!¨ i sputtered. that can´t be real; that´s something you only see in early john waters. ¨here, check it out,¨ the person said, whipping out a phone & proving it. ¨you have to pay more to send human sh*t,¨ i learned. i couldn´t stop gaping. in this world of mind-boggling technology, people can pay to mail boxes of excrement to a**holes -- totally anonymously.... when james is not here, i work inside & outside til i can´t move anymore. i not only love it, it needs doing. i learn about stuff. i eat weird combinations of food & watch subversive, avante garde art, foreign, cult & grindhouse movies i´d otherwise never. last night, a particularly gruesome & brutal flick kept interspersing footage of glenn gould. what keyboard facility! what clarity of tone! startling! i read up on him this morn & so from that awful film learned a new piano technique, ¨finger tapping,¨ taught to glenn gould & others by the famous piano teacher known -- cher & prince-like -- by the single name guerrero. i hope it will help these slow phalanges move along a little quicker.... how does it all relate? it takes fertilizer for growth. from crappy experiences -- inadvertent, intentional, unavoidable, whatever-- can come a message, a wisdom, a betterment. humans are messaging-making machine, i know. from the luxurious aloneness of the hotel experience came a conference bringing fellowship w/other educators, pedagogical goodness. from the brutally ugly film came increased piano possibilities. from the frustrations of my life i (much of the time belatedly) discover character defects, practice patience & take positive action. sometimes i step in sh*t, but that is human, & i know now not to roll around in it, like i did in younger years. i learned that i can pay to have a box of caca shipped to some a**hole or another via u.s. mail, & how is that positive except as a means of revenge? well, by writing about it here, i not only squash any chance i might do it myself (& then feel guilty forever), but now you know. and you, my friend, well, do with it what you will. https://www.shitexpress.com/ https://poopsenders.com/