seven years ago

at left is 1st pic of us, 2010
at right is most recent pic of us, 2017
i have lost my girlish looks, but at my age, i think that's ok.
i remember that day: it was hotter than hell in bakersfield at vinny's; james's then-guitarist rushed in while we played & gestured for us to keep going. james was late. later i learned he'd almost died that day in a near-wreck en route to the show. spying the ppl he was with that day, i ignored my suspicion that james was underworld-connected, mebbe... he walked me to my car, talking my head off about being a voice actor, korean fans lined up 100s deep to get his autograph at blizzcon, comic books, gigs, a history book he was reading, & so many topics, i thought, wow! this guy is so nice! so friendly! i must've been wrong in my earlier assessment! i like him! what a cool guy!
seven years ago.
later that eve, james showed up at my 2nd band show of the day at narducci's. i remember kaykay telling me, "i think he really liiiikes you," but it didn't really register because how could it be true that a steamrolling chick-magnet tough guy like whiteboy james would like me?... james & my then-bass player did tricks w/cigarettes & then i had to go home because in those days i was really stupid. my then-guitarist walked me out bc he had to go home, too. (he was married. that was not stupid.)
i wish i'd stayed & hung out with james that night, but i was too stupid, as i said, divorce-grief-stricken & -guilt-ridden & self-punishing. didn't know things would get much better in my life, tho it would take years & lots of james & i getting to know each other.
four days and counting to our vacation!!!!!!