that big lonesome

here's lyrics from a song i wrote last year, before james and i were a couple, before we were married, when i was free & lonesome & wild & sad & all over the place. when i get there, i will maybe record it at the mountain pad if i can get my head off the pavement:
"that big lonesome has got me by the soul / that big lonesome's got me crawlin' down a hole / that big lonesome takes the breath out from your chest / that big lonesome makes you long for ever-rest / i try so hard to resist it / that big lonesome, it's so damn persistent / big lonesome, please let my spirit be / big lonesome, please set me free"
it's no "heartaches by the numbers" or "home of the blues" or "i'm so lonesome i could cry" or "knee deep in the blues," but i wrote it & it'll have to do.
i recorded 6 originals at the beach pad. they sound solid enough for the work of one woman who's perfunctory at best on her main instrument... the strength is in the melody & lyric. i write good songs. (my husband said beautiful. i believe him.) before i left for up here, i put the songs all on cd. not sure what i will do with them. spose listen to those, get out my old ones, listen to those, determine which are the keepers, write more, send them out to people, get back on that horse. maybe make a "video" of some of the better ones, like "franklin motel," which i made for james back in 2011 or -12. if i keep trying to get ppl to hear my songs, maybe someone might record a few. it's happened already, you know. i don't need big time or money. i'll never be a star nor do i want to be one: i want to play & write good stuff & get better all the time. it's realistic. i just have to keep my head from getting squished on the pavement. there's the real challenge.
it's gold sunshine & blue skies & white snow around here, beautiful, quiet, peaceful here, warm & wintry. here at the library, i came to renew my phone card so no one would worry, since i'm "out of town" all alone (at the mountain home).  soon enough it'll be time to resume stuff like garbage, internet at the mountain home; for now, when i'm here, i use the dear, wonderful library.
doubt i'll do anything much except pass out once at the house, but my brain will come back to me; this has happened before. save serious illness, i figure i got 3-4 more decades to go of this. someone in my head doesn't want me around, but i will not listen to her at the moment. she doesn't have my best interest in mind, & she needs me to carry her around to survive, so i'm telling her right now to shut up. right now. yes, please be quiet. please let me be. i'll pay for this later.