aka the long beach pulverizer, aka mayor of misery, aka your daddy (ask your momma)... greetings, blogophiles! i would like to first of all thank my wife jenny for allowing me to plug my solo blog project: www.jamesapage.blogspot.com ... hopefully i can steal at least half of her readers over to my blog. i'll give them back when i'm done. is anybody still there? ok, good. my blog will most likely not be as legibly written as jenny's unless i have her type for me. she's a better speller than i am, & just a darned good american. i would like to apologize to all of you who i may offend with my blog, including but not limited to rockers, mods, skas, bluesmen that wear stupid little hats, hair bands, goths, hillbillies, rednecks, emos, hipsters, scenesters, rockabillies, all other billies, and especially you, yes, you reading this right now. you oughta be ashamed of yourself. put some clothes on. what are you doing in your underwear in the middle of the night looking at a computer?? why are you on my wife's blog with no clothes on?? what are you, a creep?? do you know that's illegal in five other countries? countries with real punishments, real prisons, real bad guys... and no cops to come and save you. they'd probably find the kiddy porn on your computer, & you'd be hauled away... well, good riddance, i say.
well, now that that fella's gone to put on his boxer shorts, do the rest of you think you're innocent? are you laughing at that guy? would you laugh if he was there in front of you? would you laugh if i was there? not just cause i'm funny... anyways, i digress. let's get back to the subject at hand. who do you think is the best-looking movie star that ever lived? here are your choices:
1. mel blanc
2. charlton heston
3. peter lorre
4. charles laughton
i guess it's safe to say that charlton heston's the best-looking man who ever lived -- not that the other choices weren't good-looking men. they were all quite attractive in an interesting sort of genetic-piece-of-garbage way. i think they all had hyperthyroid, or whatever you call it, where the eyes bug out. you know, like marty feldman. woody allen also had that condition, but he wore big glasses so you could never really see his eyes... ah ha! i heard that! you scoff: "woody allen married his stepdaughter!" oh, like you're perfect! stop judging people!
anyways, my blog. it'll probably be a bunch of disjointed ridiculous dribble, kind of like what you're reading now, if you're still there. hello? are you still there? the following people are forbidden from reading my blog:
1. adolph hitler
2. idi amin
3. the pope, whoever it may be right now
4. john madden
5. anyone related to john wayne
6. right-wing nuts
7. left-wing screwballs
8. middle of the road bozos who can't pick a side
9. that dude who went to put on his boxer shorts. he oughta be ashamed. don't laugh: you're not perfect, either.
i must go. what do you think i do, blog all night? i am going to google myself and see how many times my picture comes up, read about myself, watch videos of myself... with my clothes on, thank you. and i'll also make out with my wife, something you'll never get to do. anyways, i hope that didn't bum you out, have a good end of july, a fine august, see you in september... or sooner, if you go to my new blog. or catch me at www.whiteboyjames.com for a list of my upcoming shows. feel free to come see my band, the blues express, & my wife jenny, who also is backed by the blues express. all are welcome except the people on the prohibited list, & that bozo who was naked earlier. love your mother, if she's still alive, eat a lot of ice cream, smoke menthol cigarettes, & you'll grow up to be like me. i love all of you. but not as much as i love my wife. good day.
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