back on the rollercoaster again?

- "no, you're just having feelings, being human." that's what my wise sponsor said kindly when i called her, blubbering & choking & feeling traumatized. after the last many days of high times & extreme fun & affection & laughs w/musician friends, i went to the yard to calm down, pull budding tumbleweeds, smell the fresh air, unwind. i went to throw away a box on my side of the arroyo, a box i'd noticed last wk & kept meaning to throw in the trash, & found... my kitty. she has been dead for over a month, killed by a coyote. i saw it happen. she was a gorgeous cat... she now is far from that. i can only guess someone hiking found her & recognized her as my kitty & brought her back to me... dear sister angie, known by her daughter as the "cat jesus," comforted me via phone; then her kind friend doug said a prayer for me that i have peace. his prayer actually helped me wash the horrible image of what remains of poor skittles from my mind.
- i'm grateful to my friend jp, former boxer, who, when i was in my last depression, reminded me to always roll w/the punches, that the ups & downs are just life & i absolutely MUST not let it get to me cause it'll all pass. i don't have to feel lost, pathological, abandoned, on the road to ruin, or guilty, as if i'm being punished for having had good times of late, simply for feeling sad & even shocked, revolted, scared by the cat's dessicated corpse...
- i will get help burying her remains properly tomorrow, along w/her kitty toys. w/all the good lately, i have to expect some bad here & there. that's life, & into each life, some rain must fall, & ad nauseum; to quote thoreau: "the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it" - swift, "may you live all the days of your life" - and finally, "all men die. but not all men really live." (william wallace)
- may we all live fully today. may you be safe, comforted, & suffused with life.