gud jul & L7 over x in the snow: true love is the devil's crowbar; he hung me with the endless rope; you will always subtract your arms from my arms

-> (sometimes on here stuff seems sort of in code, to protect people's privacies, not to deliberately obfuscate, but i recently heard the latter's how it can come off, so if you don't know it, the above translates as "happy new year from frazier park," followed by lyrics from the terrific LA '80s punk-roots-art band X, who wrote a lot about the world's social injustice, but also about love-torture. the heart IS a lonely hunter. and often wounded & hungry, too.)
-> my former future-ex-husband (i've given up) phil alvin will serve as master of ceremonies for the gene taylor blues band's new yr's eve show this friday nite at LA's redwood room. gene'll be backed by the original blasters, for pete's sake. here's an article about this going-to-be-incredibly-awesome show, at which i will not be. yeah, should just kill myself & get it over with, but've been doing this spiritual practice lately, yknow, so just won't... plus (it IS some consolation, tho gene'll be back in belgium by then) will get to see most of these fellas @ the elvis birthday bash, art fein's annual super shindig, art fein of hollywood, that is, our manager in name, man about tinseltown, gadfly, scribe, hopeful malcontent w/love of music so fervent, bet it overrides his hatred of sloppy language (don't read this, @), art whose green corduroy jacket i finally shall return in hope-not-too-dog-haired & wrinkled condition...
-> lately my thing is to miss it all, like a bizarro world art. for instance, a blasphemy: x played the other night @ the crystal palace, but in my bones i knew i just had to get home to the mtns, so no estaba.
-> my sister reported they played the entire los angeles album, then at least 3-4 songs from every other. after i finished throwing up, i got back on the phone. "billy zoom looked perfect," she cooed, "& afterward john doe & exene were out in the lobby signing autographs but i couldn't go up to him!! i was too scared!!" i recalled to her 1st time mtg phil alvin being that way, shaking like the leaves on the trees... brian p, good guy, grabbed me & pushed me up to phil, who kissed my hand & recited a poem. bp took pix; in them, i look like maybe i just had a fit, sort of spacy & goony. wish i'd been @ x cause would've done the same for my sis, shoved her up there so she'd have a photo memento.
-> what else? candye kane's & tom yearsley's party. that'll be a super gas. a SUPER GAS!! and I WAS INVITED!! (me & 1,000 others, that is.) then there's another party in simi valley where was told i even could sit in, but they'll be playing '80s & the friend who invited me & even is playing it is not excited about it... 3 musical event possiblities... i mean, jeez.
-> what's wrong w/me?!? such a stick in the mud. we only live once, right? but lately am in a space where 1) my spirit's doing well; 2) therefore don't have thoughts of head in oven; & 3) wanna keep it that way. really, something about the music just makes me come unhinged. can't do halfway: it's love or barf! that's fine when close to home so a person can slip out, or is surrounded by brothers & sisters so can come down safely. but all the aforementioned events'll be in the southland. that leaves me alone after the ball drops & therefore maybe headed for lonesome town & maybe even dangerland. so trying to be wise, this hermit's gonna miss it all this auld lang syne. but will hope to see the ball drop, anyhow, at some cozy place, & usher in 2011 soberly... be you sober or not, @ 12 am on jan 1, may you be safe & happy.
-> prudence, wisdom, chickenness? feh. no se importa. why'd i even write all this? maybe you face similar indecision, worry about being uncool, missing out, life leaving you behind. but how can we be cool if we're dead? the health of one's soul must come first. then fun, then coolness, then kicks. as a person i know says, "i have spoken."
-> drew a full house @ the goodwill recently, picking up john doe's roadside prophets, juke logan, & exene's old wives tales on cassette - 25 cents each! so happy for my antiquated av gear, which allows such deals. yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! feliz ano nuevo!! so for 2011, here's some x lyrics:
-> absence makes the heart grow fonder / so i never want to see you again / i'm wrecking the kitchen carefully / but i'm keeping your dinner warm...
... as well as their sort of new year's song:
-> year one little babies, year one on their tvs, no a.d. b.c. a.d. patriotic people sleep in washington d.c., waiting waiting waiting, they don't feel a thing, no dolls no debutantes, no desperate living class, no roman catholic mass, no magazines no tv, no r.c.a. no g.e., year one in our history, year one in society, they're waiting for the son, for any son to come, year one you're on, i'm one
(in fine: brilliant niece on the world ending in 2012; read this imagining a teenage voice dripping w/sarcasm: "the mayan calendar is a circle. assuming a circle has a beginning OR end, which it does NOT, people, what would you do when it ends? YOU START OVER. i imagine if the ancient mayans hadn't been wiped out, they'd've made a new calendar starting at 2012... but there ARE NO ANCIENT MAYANS ANYMORE. and IT'S A CIRCLE, PEOPLE!")