rest in peace, jay; halloween at cal; "fair is foul, & foul is fair: hover through the fog & filthy air"

->this past wkend i saw again that contradiction, confusion, even calamity can make the life-path more clear. usually i heed & cultivate & covet my joys; however, then, having nearly fetishized the "happy" & transcendent experience, when misery hits, i magnify & pathologize it: I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!! WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY??? (continue w/self-pity script). but really, of course of course, as all a-dults know, misery's a part of life, a prompt to action, a message, a whisper or kick from the universe to get cracking. to quote zombieland, "time to nut up or shut up!" which i take to mean, get moving, stop whining, no half measures. for out of action, spurred by misery, revelation, growth, improved closeness to other humans can bloom... what a change of mind & life i got to have by leaving this "filthy air" for a wkend!
-> 1st, this: jay & cece were friends from the motorcycle trips i used to go on. they were the most perfectly matched duo: hard-core sf-born stone-cold bikers, recovered & into service, short, stocky, long-haired, cheerful in the grateful way of sober people who've been rescued from a common peril & realize it. they were such great examples of happy sobriety, sponsoring tons of people. on summer trips, jay & johnny (& woody if he was in the rm, too) would make the hotel walls & ground shake w/their snoring in a cacaphonous thunder that was sort of funny cause it made all us non-snorers in the rm feel like we were snow white w/the 7 dwarves, mebbe.
-> brian & i went to visit jay & cece one time at their place up in gold country & cece & i did wii sports, which was huge fun i'd never done, then we all went to this italian trattoria housed in a big wooden building & to a speaker mtg. when they'd stop thru bako en route home from parker, az, where they'd set up their enormous rolling 2nd home for the spring & summer, cece & i would sing everly bros @ the piano. cece is a great harmonizer, her dad having traveled the country in a barbershop quartet back in the '50s. she also told incredible stories about being the little queen of the portuguese church she attended, of her aunts crawling on their knees to approach her, all gussied up like a tiny bride, at the altar.
-> i write this bc sunday while i was in berkeley, all those friends whom i don't & maybe won't seen anymore held a wake for jay, who passed on last month. b wrote me that jay woke up w/a sore back, went to the rx, & was told he had systemic cancer. it took him faster than it did uncle henry (june 18). wise, friendly jay is much missed by all, & i hope the many sponsees whom he helped show the way will continue to carry the msg of recovery. if you know cece, or just want to post something for her, i'll pass along condolences. she is a great little lady, such a champ.
-> berkeley was swell. left the valley smog for the east bay, staying again at the piedmont house hostel, & walked telegraph, shattuck, university, ate crepes, loved zombieland & the most delicious caramel popcorn @ the shattuck moviehouse more than i thought i ever would (never seen such a combination of X-rated gore [closed my eyes a lot] & warm-heartedness), went to bookstores, novelty stores, enjoyed the breezes, dined at angeline's cajun cafe to the wonderful sounds of nola tunes, felt aged & tired but then ultimately not unhappy amongst the droves of laughing, squealing, bellowing berkeley kids in their halloween fineries, got in my costume (pic from last yr & this below)) & drove to alameda to tammy & byron's & visited while they passed out candy (old-school punk & rockabilly slapped away in the background & tammy & sarah & byron cracked foul-mouthed jokes - declaring us all "wenches" & "scurvy mates" - in that cool mix of irreverence & love for life that the livelys have). cruised alameda's main drag, then navigated thru oakland & back up to berkeley in the inky night. sunday brought a late, good breakfast & a cheaper & better possible crash pad for next time, followed by an hr at the hot tubs on university. for $17/person ($7 w/coupon), you can steam & soak for a whole hour!!! an affordable spot to soak away worries, relax, take a break: terrific! it was like a one-hr vacation!
-> however, this kind of experience isn't too wise when one next has a 5-hr drive home... eep.... but made it back. belated halloween, all saints, dia de los muertos to all. may your spirit be stirred, soon & often, by the joys & miseries of being, & from them may you have revelation! :)