i got to ride on our teachers' union's float in the vet day's parade this wkend w/ two dear students, wonderful girls, then we went to the library (they'd never been to it) & sonic (same). we teachers'd put our float together over 2 weekends & it was downright right, in my mind, w/handpainted murals of kids & signs created by students & banners reading "bakersfield educators love & respect our veterans" & "be patriotic: vote" (i got to paint that last one). (we grew up w/dad playing "union maid" & "this land is your land" on his guitar while we all sang. BETA is a darn good union, tho my bro-in-law's in denver isn't, & i know people have their complaints. i can only speak for mine: it's necessary & important, as is the concept of unionism, which, like religion & political philosophies, can get twisted in the hands of humans.)
at the 1st parade turn, the ray charles version of "america the beautiful" swelled & all these smiling little old people in military uniforms came into view in their lawn chairs & we all waved & cheered one another &, oh boy, it was crying time. the girls were happy; later, my hubby & i watched "ratatouille," which is so great, it'll kill you, even if you be a cynic; it was a wonderful day; i took a long run the next & celebrated my dear friend's bd at the oildale mtg; we had a long long band practice w/a drummer i've known who impressed me a bunch this time (haven't heard him play in 3 yrs); we went to greg goodsell's "zombie farm" (in his few secs, he was better than the film, w/a gory death scene, even) at the spotlight; all was just going wonderfully well... then last night i had the worst asthma attack i've had in 5 yrs. i scared the tar outta my hubby & myself. i thought it was curtains. good lord, what a shock.
stone-cold honky-tonker johnny paycheck died of it, poor soul. what a way to go. i thought i was doing better, but the doc today says, "in most cases, allergies & asthma just get worse."
great. i used to think drowning would be the worst way to check out, but maybe it'd be asthma or COPD or emphysema... i guess i shouldn't let my magic morbid mind ponder such things since for now i'm ok, tho i gotta go get a whole bunch of inhalers & pills. just be grateful. long as i can continue to be mostly in my right mind in this world of students, family, friends, music, exercise, movies, & more, my complaints only could be those of spoiled brat, or a fearful egoist. so if i have to feel like a fish out of water here & there, well, i can just hope that won't be how i have to check out, & deal w/it: take my meds, try to remember that i don't have this condition licked. (merde.)
i thank goodness right now i don't have the nicotine jones. a lifetime ago i had a beau whose mom was at the hospital in oildale, in a tent w/emphysema, & we snuck her cigarettes. i remember her giggling like a naughty little girl. my boyfriend just looked sad: he did it cause he loved his mama, but we knew it was dirty & wrong. fear, denial, wonder, happiness, ups & downs: c'est la vie.
Labels: asthma, bakersfield, denial, dyspnea, johnny paycheck, no air, poor memory, veterans day parade