those were people who died, died, they were all my friends... and they died

that's an awesome jim carroll band song i can't listen to because i get this lump in my throat when it's on & it becomes impossible to swallow... today in the obituaries, there he was, another friend, someone from meetings who used to ride his bike by our house on his way to work, used to read out of the big book with us all, a stout, friendly, early 40s fellow with curly dark hair & olive complexion, an addict who didn't stay clean & sober, and now he's gone, gone, gone. my experience in 10 years, 357 days has been that most people in our condition, allergic to the poisonous stuff that other people can put down when they "start to feel it," are unable to put it down, think they can control their usage, and then it's "jails, institutions, and death." rest in peace, V. :(