the drunk club, the 13th step

in the drunk club, they say women stick with women, men with men. in my 30 plus yrs, only once did a man asked me to sponsor him -- a man who liked men, so i thought, well, we'll see what happens, maybe i can help him til we get to the 5th step. he disappeared before we did any work at all, so i hope he is ok today, wherever he is!

since i've been sober so long, of course i've had male friends, & certainly i've admired the program of many, looked up to many, but whatever love existed there was philic, not erotic. on the other hand, over those same many yrs, some males (never the ones who were my friends) expressed carnal interest in me, likely because i was young & good-looking... & new! but in the context of "the rooms," their lust seemed gross & scary -- the program saved my life & was/is sacred. not to mention that sex is especially troublesome for People Like Us -- helpless, hopeless, certainly sick in body & mind, to paraphrase the book... what about my very life? what about theirs? yecch, horndogs, go away!!!

never have i ever contacted a man to "talk about the program." because it's never that. that's a baldfaced lie. yes, i've sure made mistakes with the opposite sex, but never under the sleazy pretense of trying to help someone stay sober. alcoholics die all the time from this disease. to purport to help someone while trying to get in their drawers... evil. in my 1.5 decades with james, a few females have tried this. of course they have! he's james! apparently long ago when the announcement was made at a huge music show that we had eloped, there was screaming, wailing, clawing at the eyeballs & breasts, & likely plots to do me in! after that, a few really tried to get between us. nice try! didn't work!

but to try to get to him through the program? again, that is selfishness bordering on evil. do they even consider james's sobriety? of course not!! as angie happily said the other day, "those cows will get theirs. karma has a way of catching up with people like that." so next time a woman tries to sponsor james, or a man tries to sponsor me (i mean, it could happen still, right?), we'll raise the sign of the cross, i likely will quote the big book since it's part of my working mind now, but james, being new, might quote father karras, something from the exorcist, something like be gone, demon!!! be gone!!