happy birthday to EAP tomorrow, on being vain, & WBJ late at night

- i wonder if elvis was vain.
- i mean, how could he have looked like he did & NOT have been?!? how could he not have gazed in the mirror & thought, "i am the most angelically handsome man ever born" or "i have the face of a greek god, the voice of a rockin' caruso & the charisma of 1000 men; i am the most blessed-by-god human creature ever created"???
- i mean, he HAD to know what he possessed, even if he was known to be basically shy, a humble country boy...
- i'm basically shy, too -- and having said that, will now exhaust my commonalities with that god placed on earth, elvis aron presley. let's see: dark hair; love of blues, gospel, western music, play a little piano, 7 syllables in our full names... &... uh... both homo sapiens... &... &... well, that's really all.
- last night i drove in torrential rain to the elvis birthday bash at joe's, sang a few songs, hung out a little, saw in a short hour at least 15 people "from the old days" (art fein! long time, no see! thank you for letting me be there!), met many  swell others, then headed home, again in torrential rain, hydroplaning, grateful for my little car's "intelligent all-wheel drive." the show was packed & big fun, but i couldn't stay bc the dog-girl was at home alone.
-ok, this next part is going to sound really nutty, but here goes:
i took a lot of photos in that short time, & these ones came back with me not looking so bad, so i got in this weird mind-state, obsessed with how i didn't look ugly, even checking back at the photos many times to see if they were real, thinking, "is that ME? that can't be me." (see? i'm a pioneer, having been a narcissist long before selfies.)
- then today mister paul body, who's always so gentlemanly, dressed to the nines, posted a video of my song & eeeeeep.... i looked & sounded really super ugly... horrifyingly so... :( so then i started to plunge into that other weird mind-state -- not the dreamy rapture that whispers, "hey, you look like an attractive female... you look like other human women... hey, maybe you're OK!" -- but the plummeting shame-fueled one: "you're  a monster!! an impostor!!! you're a beast!!! there's no hope!!"
- jeez!!!!
- these flareups of dysmorphia & my continuing, lurking addict thinking are so sick. i know the dysmorphia comes from malfunctioning neurochemicals that receive incorrect visual info. then my stupid addict mind, in continual search of a higher power, will replace it w/just about anything if i'm not careful -- in this case, physical appearance ("human suit," calls it james). i hate these stupid episodes of vanity!!!!!!
- thank goodness jani & i are working the steps again... THANK G.O.D.!!!
- luck or divine intervention caused us to have a fog delay at school, so we all got to go in 2 hours late, which was good bc last night was a late one!! the kids were happy & i was so glad to see them as well as corey & lucy & a few others!! a package came at the post office, then, the sun lingering longer in the sky,  dog-girl & i had a nice jog/hike in the nearby hills, the light & air pure loveliness. my dinner quesadilla with chipotle sauce was tasty.
- finally, here is the front & back cover of james's upcoming CD-EP. it should be completed by week's end, & then we will get it printed. it's a very well-performed piece, evidencing what a critic wrote of james, that tho bawdy & tough, he "wears his heart on his sleeve" and is "a throwback to early blue performers." his vocals & playing came out so pure & solid. the other day when he recorded the last cut, him at his computer & me, adjacent, at mine, his voice was so plaintive & powerful, i burst into tears.
- dang talented james!!!! he can really move a soul!! he, too, is truly blessed by god, the universe, the great cosmic stew. some folks just got it! the rest of us can watch in wonder. :) that's ok with me! :D