happy birthday to me

i am 50 years old today.
good grief.
going to try not to contemplate Existence too much today.
run five miles slowly (didn't finish yesterday due to injury). try to remember each life-decade with each mile.
then watch movie. eat ice cream. go to bed. wake up tomorrow & have another day.
love, jenny

choke sputter bleghghh!!

taking a break from putting a faux-stained glass sheet on the bathroom winder... don't guess it was the smartest to heat the toxic sheet w/blow dryer in closed quarters (was trying to get it to adhere better to the glass)... good thing the body is homeostatic, least til it's overtoxified & takes one final crap... the cat, curled up in the sink (it's cooler there, i think), didn't die of poisoning, so i think my lungs will survive.

last night was shenanigan's, a thin but enthusiastic crowd... my new amp took a dump AGAIN, so james will go w/me to guitar center this time so i can get another rig all together. i met an intelligent young woman w/a beautiful smile whom i'd taken last wk to be a glamour girl but turns out she also is a professional in helping profession, so that was neat! every time i meet a woman who is literate & w/something to say, i'm so, so gratified!! in a few cases, these women are too lovely inside & out. wow! that impresses me since i was cute when young, but a total a**hole... crooksie & richard were at shenanigan's, looking last night like double cheshire cats, as well as a very friendly couple (and others).... here are some nice pix i saw on fb that were taken by krystal k at don the beachcomber last week. anthony contreras is not just a fiery melodious master of jumping, swinging vernacular guitar, he is adorable, as you can see, just as sweet & boyish a person as he looks in this pic. thank you for the pix, krystal!... right now we're prepping the house for the gias' visit tomorrow. they will penny-the-dog & peewee-the-cat sit while we head south so i can do the 1/2 marathon. am excited, not just about the run, but for me & james to take a tiny trip together not requiring loading/unloading hundreds of pounds of music gear, & excited that mom & dad will likely enjoy staying here where the air is fresh & cooler & the views are lulling & lovely... ok, back to work for me...
peeps the outside kitty is calling for food, so better get going...

is this thing on?

i've seen a few videos from allie bluz (thank you!) from last night at don the beachcomber. here are a few screen shots of me bc i am so proud that i have lost nine pounds due to running & needing to walk penny each day. i've needed to drop some avordupois. i'm not a big person & diabetes was lurking... i'm happy, too, bc this means, eating the way i do, i'm supposed to be more this size, even w/slowed metabolism due to age & worse food choices from bad influence of my siphon-spouse! (he can eat anything, w/little negative effect on his weight)... the show was fun & packed, tho blake's & my side of the stage boomed & thundered w/wall-of-bass sound. (i tried to lay off the left side, but every time i succumbed, a fat, intoxicating rumble ensued, which i love, but which i know drives blake nuts bc it's in his range!!! there's a button i can push, i read this morn in the manual of my new amp, that might help decrease my bass output...) james said the room's problematic, & it was so true i couldn't hear much of what anthony played, & in parts, steve's drums sounded like an earthquake! even still, what fun to play to a packed house of roaring happy folks. the total bummer is on both videos you can't hear any piano, so i don't even know if what i was doing was audible in the house. :( not  that i'm a virtuoso or wanting to show off, but if i'm gonna be there, seems the instrument should be perceptible. especially on the joe turner song that was videoed: once i glommed that james & his acolyte, big son of mighty mojo prophets, were singing "roll 'em pete," i happily dove in, but you can't hear a lick on the video. the unbummer is i know the band's not intentionally trying to bury me, as used to happen all the time when i had the dusk devils in those years when i worked with one of the two guitarists i had. i didn't take charge, let him run sound (he had the PA; i was lazy): he would invariably turn me down & himself waaaaaaay up. in those years i worked with that guitarist, my band always sounded like a guitar shred ((shudder)).
oh well; i will work on this. i will talk to my honey the boss (he destroyed the place, btw, of course!).
and i know wed at shenanigan's, w/the combo, w/just me, james & steve, i will be audible.

tiny sounds...

- to my right out the open window, i heard tiny nipping mooshing sounds, like very light sprinkler on grass... but there is no grass around here... so i peeked out & there were the quail. i counted 17 this time, all fat & adorable & beautiful, blending with the earth, pecking at the earth, eating all the evil horrible fire ants, i hope... how could anyone eat quail?? -- i mean, except in situations of necessity... but come on: how otherwise could anyone hurt them/shoot them/eat them? the older i get, the more i think of meat-eating as really rather wrong although i also believe humans evolved to eat other creatures... damned ambivalence... damned conscience... damned compunctive  coconut...
- well, as soon as james took off i tackled The Room. he's been bummed bc penny became un-housebroken when we went on vacation: she's been pooping in his room, very politely, i might add; she has no idea she's doing wrong. i've been itching to get in there, anyways, cause i'm much better at organizing than is james, so when he gave me the green flag to clean/organize his space, & jumped! - and four hours later, i finished... i think he will be so happy when he gets home tomorrow night. :)
- i'm staying home tonight to sit with the animal children; plus i have important appointments tomorrow morn & will from now on, so friday shows leading to so-cal stayover will be mostly out for me. i'm excited to play don the beachcomber tomorrow as well as use my new amp with the whole band. i used it with the combo last time, & was delighted & excited by the huge piano sound!! then the damned thing cut out twice. argghhhh!!!!
i finally got to bakersfield the other day to swap it. i originally bought a refurbished unit, but.... they exchanged it for a brand new one in the box!!! yaaaay!! then i headed to get my car stereo fixed at advance on buck owens blvd (i still need to yelp them up), really nice & helpful fellows, i didn't even have an appt, & the guy took one look & said, "do you have a cat?" the stereo was gummed up w/peewee fur. haaaahhhhh! so now i can listen to npr & piano red again!! i think tomorrow if i'm lucky at least some of what i play will sound like him bc i tend to play like whatever i've been listening to... i love piano red!!!! yes, i'm looking fwd to tomorrow, & glad i stayed home to take care of my important bidness. before tackling the tornado room project, early this a.m. i promoed james's shows this weekend. i thought all was well til 8 hrs later i look at the social media feed. 10 yrs ago, i never made a mistake (well, hardly) in writing/typing, in fact, i was kind of a snob about it, & now (karma? i think age) i'm fraught (using it as a noun, thank you very much): i made a flyer, posted it, 1200 ppl saw it and... i put the wrong date on it. arrrgghghghghghhgh!!!
- time to get ready to run. next wkend is the 1/2 marathon. 2:30:00 ostensibly is my goal, but actually, FINISHING WITHOUT INJURY is the true goal... yaaaaaay!!
- OMG!! I'VE HAD THIS BLOG FOR 13 YEARS & JUST DISCOVERED IT HAS A BUILT-IN DICTIONARY & THESAURUS!! oh, thank you, great pumpkin! the universe is good. :)
- ps, watch in the heat of the night (1967), if you haven't or haven't recently... what a terrific film! james exhorted many times afterward, "they call me MISTER tibbs!" i was wowed by sidney poitier's subtlety of expression & loved  the part where fat old rod steiger jacked up the racist scum...

Piano Red - Right and Ready - 1953

piano red had the most natural & beautiful force this side of big manny, my friend manuel, rip.

i am in love with piano red!! not romantically, but in that agapic, storgic, ludic manner, i think, as well as the seeing-through-this-mortal-plain-into-the-vastness way.  especially this song. play it full blast.

providence

the dog & i took a jog tonight. this is the day in the one-month training plan for a slow 35 minutes, so we cruised comfortably. dad ordered me some neonish velcro safety bands, so with these on my ankles or wrists, we're highly visible. to be extra safe, if i see headlights, we step all the way off the road. i've been running a lot lately, & i feel that comfy achy tiredness that tells me my body has been in action. it feels right. my brain sits better when i wear out my body exercising.
earlier in the eve, after i'd shared a sobriety bd cake w/my dear home meeting friends, the phone rang in a seeming "god shot." was it providence? coincidence? randomness? in any event, it was good news.
after the phone call, i had to put out fires & everyone i called/texted was hugely relieved by the great news that james is ok. (we have not known if he were for many days.)  james is so, so loved; i hope he knows that.
my burden of the last many days thus much lifted, penny & i hit the road. only last night, when i ran ran ran to quell sadness & frustration, the full moon rose & the night gleamed silver, even shimmering a bit... tonight was inky black, & i was grateful for my pink neon bands.
home again, i poured a tall glass of milk, which of late is said to be even better for muscle recovery than performance drinks. glancing at the fridge shelf, i saw for the first time ever -- though i know it's been there for maybe even years --- hershey's syrup.
certainly that was providence... poor memory enabling fortuitous moment?
it's near time for bed bc i gotta rise early. angie & i have been teaching art camp summer school in arvin ca, a hard-working farm-laboring community 35 minutes away, a little place unfairly hit with the worst air in all of kern county. today was hard to concentrate with my mind on ill husband, but you can't help noticing that angie sure is a bright & talented teacher. her ideas, enthusiasm, & dedication amaze me each day. what a gift to get to teach with my little sister!
the kids are wonderful: smart, sweet, funny, adorably cute, every single one hispanic, two speaking just spanish. what a lovely, lovely bunch of children. they warm my heart & remind me what i love most about teaching...
no god personified, certainly there is a force, energy, grand structure, evolution toward life & growth & "good." why i'm here i'll never get to know with any certainty, but i sure need to remember to be thankful all the time for the happenstance, fortuity, coincidence, or whatever that has placed me on this road. even with the speed bumps & crashes, right now, at this momento, this road again seems like the right one for me, unlike the other day.
to record such ups & downs is part of why i blablablog, & if you do, too, well, please let me know.
excelsior!

the distance between heart and head...

is a universe. i know a thing intellectually, but not emotionally, & vice versa.
for instance, i believe there's no such things as curses, but i do believe this blog is cursed.
been down this road before, i think, tho the details were different! i do not like this road!!! i want off this road!! i never intended to walk it!!! what happened?!?!? how did i get here?!?!?!

sonny terry & brownie mcghee
f word. f word. f word.

penny is healed!! and other news...

on the up side, our doggy has been pronounced cured of her canine hemophilia. yaaaay! on the down side, while we were in ventura, doggy forgot that she was housebroken. boooooo!

after attending many meetings since my sobriety bd on july 4, & i finally got a chip last night!! yaaaay! 

yesterday i hooked up the 45 year old evaporative cooler my folks gave me years ago, so the house has been cooler. yes, tho old, the cooler seems to work. today & yesterday i sold items that didn't sell at our complete boooo/dud of a yard sale last week. $25 made so far! i've been in closer contact with friends lately. one of my dearest friends donna even came to visit today, marking her 2nd visit to this home in seven years. before my ultra-tidy friend arrived, i got the house clean. she loved the house, the breezes, our little town! donna & i went shopping & garnered clothing & books, had dewar's ice cream & bought new items at the outlet mall, got to catch up. i got nice gifts for others at value prices. all yays!

james made 10 bucks at a gig for jumping on a pool bull & staying on it. yay, james! soon he will be starting the new album. -- like maybe this year! he will feature songs he wrote & songs i wrote. this project will be completely under his creative control. it will be his vision. he won't be misrepresented as a sexist (yes, i know some of his catalog is sexist, but james the man is NOT & has absolutely hated the way he has been packaged), nor have his sound tinkered with by people with tin ears.... all big, huge yays!!

on the boo side, i have a headache due to the heat & haven't gotten in my long run today, so will have to do it tomorrow when i get home from day one (of only five) of summer school art camp. i get to teach with my sister! yaaay! ok, better go find some medicine for this headache...