... a bag i need for carry-on for tomorrow's plane is at the mountain house. ruh-roe. it'll be ok.. i just gotta improvise, gotta get back being to the organized flake i was before, 'stead of the just plain flake i've slid into being... i know how to be organized. SUPER-organized! i know i'm still organized to some degree, having two households & such with neither yet having fallen into the san andreas fault/ocean, but being in a new family (1 yr now!) requires compromise all around. i've compromised by letting things go here & there, which is hard for a borderline-ocd like me! -- it's more realistic, tho, to choose one's battles. towels on the ground, trash missing the trashcan, don't flip out, jenny. pick it up or let it be. arggghh!! ... aaaah...
as we drove back from the mister toad's wild ride saturday events, i was recalling how some years, my super-organized anal personality produced a class of organized, happy, whip-smart, super-quick, on-the-ball little rascals. some years, tho, my demands for perfection (at least in the eyes of the child, or in the eyes of some parents) just brought loggerheads & frustration...
oh well. i no longer teach. in fact, i do very little, it feels like, compared to my old life. a few years of it was ok, but i'm kinda getting sick of being semi-retired... am hopeful when we return from europe, i'll get on some of the back burner projects. who knows: after europe, things might blow up real big for james in a very positive way! he might get too slammed-busy to do anything except be whiteboy james & ride that wave as long as it's cresting! for me, i like being the support cast. yes, if our lives were a movie, james'd be the star & i'd be a character actor in the background... i've always preferred being the background, even being a sometimes band leader. i like twisting knobs & shoveling coal in the engine. that's probably a delusion of control, too, a great & powerful oz kinda i'm-in-control illusion, but it suits me better to be part of the engine, not the train itself.
being married to the train, well, at times it means step back & admire its force & beauty; at times it means stand back!!, & at times it means hit the switch so we don't have a derailment!!
back to me, at very least, when we get back, i'm gonna start making decent recordings of the many, many songs i've written. where to go next? if not a helping profession like teaching or library or some such, songwriting, maybe. maybe publishing, tho now that i wrote that, i realize i don't want to publish: i just want to write. except layout, i dislike every other element required to produce a publication!! ... maybe voice acting. boy, would that be swell! maybe visual art, cartooning, say... now how to combine all that? that would be the cake, all right!
saturday was a sometimes miserable, sometimes lovely, seemingly-unending series of drives, 1st to guadalupe, where i, then james took the stage for the salad bowl fest in that pretty little seaside town. then more driving on more windy pretty road to taft for a birthday party for a very appreciative lady who turned 60! then more driving, more driving to the mountain home & finally, ahhh: waking up to the sight of the mountain & blessed quiet. we finally got back here & had our 1st anniversary yesterday & james finally got the bop-it toy he's been wanting for years. it's an annoying but funny gadget, like simon for hyperactives. he said with a big grin he's bringing it on the plane. nooooo!!! -- however, it would be funny if he pulled that contraption out on the plane... i hope, meanwhile, to rest on the plane as well as finish the book mama lent me, "the singular pilgrim" by rosemary mahoney, which tells of the religiously-skeptical author's six pilgrimages to sites such as lourdes, varanasi, & the holy land... it's extremely thoughtful & well-written & i recommend it highly... in europe this next week, hope we get to take a day trip to some roman ruins near the swiss-german border & see as many other sites as possible in our short time & that we sell lots of halloween CDs (we ran out of t-shirts, dang it!!) & that james KICKS BUTT!!!! here's a promo i made for him. hope you enjoy it. now back to packing...
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