“the long-distance run... makes me think
that every run... is a life- a little life, I know- but a life as full of
misery and happiness and things happening as you can ever get really around
yourself” (alan sillitoe)
hello. i'm jenny page. once upon a time, i had a band in bakersfield cali called the dusk devils. you still can find dd music online. now i live in the mtns & am married to my wonderful husband, whiteboy james. i know him as james or other endearing nicknames i won't list here. we are as happy as two nuts can be. life is an adventure, a chore, a beauty, a choice, a turn. life is short, but it is good as you make it (in this culture, anyways), so let's not forget that!
Monday, August 12, 2013
the loneliness of the short-to-mid-distance runner
tonight i ran 2.5 miles through the dark wide hilly northeast bakersfield neighborhood of my youth. bakersfield is punishingly hot from may til october; nighttime, tho, can bring lovely relief, & the streets so quiet & still compared to southern california, the warm breeze & languid cricketsong of evening put me in a mood, remembering the many, many nights i've jogged in bakersfield, & elsewhere: in california, in other states, in other countries, as well as all the nights i didn't jog, all the nighttime memories & all the people & places that accompany these memories, & the mind just takes its own nighttime trip, doesn't it? is this what getting older brings, this ever-pronouncing lean into remembrance? i hope that i don't become a maudlin oldling fixated upon her past. on the other hand, that would be improvement upon the smarmy turd of my youth... nostalgia, longing, wistfulness, reminiscence, homesickness, from whatever it originates: the happy lonesome feelings that stir, of the moment, transience, mortality of oneself, one's loved ones, humankind, the possibility of universal transcendence & bliss or maybe nothingness, it whirls thru my head & catches in my throat & my heart soars & maybe i blubber a little or just shake it off... i jog til it all makes sense somehow, or endorphins take over & then i flat just don't care. this happens to you, too, right?
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