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am anxious right now, so have rambling mind, & can't recall the title, but there's a well-known little walter song about relaxing. not just in a sexual sense: breathing. becoming calm. aaaaah. i think sometimes of it as the 50s version of that frankie goes to hollywood song, thus revealing my vintage, tho i never listened to that FGTH song cause as a young person i despised all things popular (plus i've never been into pop music - neither james nor i like "all kinds of music," being somewhat purists). james prefers sonny boy to walter; he says all harmonica players in so cal want to be walter. we're learning a cool tune by SBW called "peachy tree." it's lilty, sweet, suggestive, cool... the james jr birthday/drive-to-the-ends-of-the-earth gig weekend went well, a happy blur of clubs, late-nite drive as james took me down his memory lanes in south LA, setting up james jr's bd, looking at apts, shopping, eating, music, friendship, then medieval times w/james's family, more... this place is starting to feel like a home, tho i/we still miss the mountain home, & just as this starts to feel comfy, it's time to go... i am nervous. i am frequently nervous. i have a nervous disposition: happily so, when well-adjusted, anxious & certain of cataclysm when off the beam... we went to a meeting last night & i recalled drinking being like dancing with a bear: you don't stop dancing til the bear's done dancing... james, like i, prefers literature meetings. hope we find more. don't need to hear drunkalogues & bragging & fear-driven ego-blather. meetings are good, bringing calm & intention to be purposeful, a rebooting of one's life... yes, i am all over the place... this morn we had peanut butter & chips & coffee (so much for juicing) & watched my name is earl & he crawled back to bed on a night of restless sleep & i cleaned & organized, as i'll do when nervous, but now i'm about to wake up the man so that we can go lay down some huge money for a new place around here, one w/trees & a green park & even some flowers out front, balcony off bedroom, quieter street, our own parking spots. the landlord is wonderful, w/kind eyes that beam goodness. tho deep down we knew we wanted to rent from him, other places we purported to want more fell out. we were upset, feeling like losers. it wasn't so: we were supposed to rent from this man. karma? providence? randomness? don't matter: the end result is increased goodness. our landlord loves to fish. james loves to fish. it might work out for james to fish w/this kind little mellow & warm-hearted man from a chinese village i'll never see. wouldn't that friendship be nice?.. ok, wish us luck. i wish you luck. be well & good & happier all the time...